"Are you writing, my dear, what I must not see?"
"I am writing to Miss Darnford, Sir: and she begged you might not at
present."
"This augments my curiosity, Pamela. What can two such ladies write,
that I may not see?"
"If you won't be displeased, Sir, I had rather you would not, because
she desires you may not see her letter, nor this my answer, till the
letter is in her hands."
"Then I will not," returned Mr. B.
Will this instance, my dear, come up to your demand for one, where he
recedes from his own will, in complaisance to mine?
But now, as to what both our notions and our practice are on the
article of my retirements, and whether he breaks in upon them
unceremoniously, and without apology, let the conversation I promised
inform you, which began on the following occasion.
Mr. B. rode out early one morning, within a few days past, and did not
return till the afternoon; an absence I had not been used to of late;
and breakfasting and dining without him being also a new thing with
me, I had such an impatience to see him, having expected him at
dinner, that I was forced to retire to my closet, to try to divert it,
by writing; and the gloomy conclusion of my last was then the subject.
He returned about four o'clock, and indeed did _not_ tarry to change
his riding-dress, as your politeness, my dear friend, would perhaps
have expected; but came directly up to me, with an impatience to see
me, equal to my own, when he was told, upon enquiry, that I was in my
closet.
I heard his welcome step, as he came up stairs; which generally, after
a longer absence than I expect, has such an effect upon my fond heart,
that it gives a responsive throb for every step he takes towards me,
and beats quicker and faster, as he comes nearer.
I met him at my closet door. "So, my dear love," says he, "how do
you?" folding his kind arms about me, and saluting me with ardour.
"Whenever I have been but a few hours from you, my impatience to
see my beloved, will not permit me to stand upon the formality of a
message to know how you are engaged; but I break in upon you, even in
my riding-dress, as you see."
"Dear Sir, you are very obliging. But I have no notion of _mere_
formalities of this kind"--(How unpolite this, my dear, in your
friend?)--"in a married state, since 'tis impossible a virtuous wife
can be employed about any thing that her husband may not know, and so
need not fear surprises."
"I am glad to hear you say this, my Pamela; for I have always thought
the extraordinary civilities and distances of this kind which I have
observed among several persons of rank, altogether unaccountable. For
if they are exacted by the lady, I should suspect she had reserves,
which she herself believed I could not approve. If not exacted,
but practised of choice by the gentleman, it carries with it, in my
opinion, a false air of politeness, little less than affrontive to
the lady, and dishonourable to himself; for does it not look as if
he supposed, and allowed, that she might be so employed that it was
necessary to apprise her of his visit, lest he should make discoveries
not to her credit or his own?"
"One would not, Sir" (for I thought his conclusion too severe),
"make such a harsh supposition as this neither: for there are little
delicacies and moments of retirement, no doubt, in which a modest lady
would wish to be indulged by the tenderest husband."
"It may be so in an _early_ matrimony, before the lady's confidence in
the honour and discretion of the man she has chosen has disengaged her
from her bridal reserves."
"Bridal reserves, dear Sir! permit me to give it as my humble opinion,
that a wife's behaviour ought to be as pure and circumspect,
in degree, as that of a bride, or even of a maiden lady, be her
confidence in her husband's honour and discretion ever so great. For,
indeed, I think a gross or a careless demeanour little becomes that
modesty which is the peculiar excellency and distinction of our sex."
"You account very well, my dear, by what you now say for your own
over-nice behaviour, as I have sometimes thought it. But are we not
all apt to argue for a practice we make our own, because we _do_ make
it our own, rather than from the reason of the thing?"
"I hope, Sir, that is not the present case with me; for, permit me to
say, that an over-free or negligent behaviour of a lady in the married
state, must be a mark of disrespect to her consort, and would shew as
if she was very little solicitous about what appearance she made in
his eye. And must not this beget in him a slight opinion of her sex
too, as if, supposing the gentleman had been a free liver, she would
convince him there was no other difference in the sex, but as they
were within or without the pale, licensed by the law, or acting in
defiance of it?"
"I understand the force of your argument, Pamela. But you were going
to say something more."
"Only, Sir, permit me to add, that when, in my particular case, you
enjoin me to appear before you always dressed, even in the early part
of the day, it would be wrong, if I was less regardful of my behaviour
and actions, than of my appearance."
"I believe you are right, my dear, if a precise or unnecessary
scrupulousness be avoided, and where all is unaffected, easy, and
natural, as in my Pamela. For I have seen married ladies, both in
England and France, who have kept a husband at a greater distance than
they have exacted from some of his sex, who have been more entitled to
his resentment, than to his wife's intimacies.
"But to wave a subject, in which, as I can with pleasure say, neither
of us have much concern, tell me, my dearest, how you were employed
before I came up? Here are pen and ink: here, too, is paper, but it is
as spotless as your mind. To whom were you directing your favours now?
May I not know your subject?"
Mr. H.'s letter was a part of it; and so I had put it by, at his
approach, and not choosing he should see that--"I am writing," replied
I, "to Miss Darnford: but I think you must not ask me to see what I
have written _this_ time. I put it aside that you should not, when
I heard your welcome step. The subject is our parting with our noble
guests; and a little of my apprehensiveness, on an occasion upon which
our sex may write to one another; but, for some of the reasons we have
been mentioning, gentlemen should not desire to see."
"Then I will not, my dearest love." (So here, my dear, is another
instance--I could give you an hundred such--of his receding from his
own will, in complaisance to mine.) "Only," continued he, "let me warn
you against too much apprehensiveness, for your own sake, as well as
mine; for such a mind as my Pamela's I cannot permit to be
habitually over-clouded. And yet there now hangs upon your brow an
over-thoughtfulness, which you must not indulge."
"Indeed, Sir, I was a little too thoughtful, from my subject, before
you came; but your presence, like the sun, has dissipated the mists
that hung upon my mind. See you not," and I pressed his hand with my
lips, "they are all gone already?" smiling upon him with a delight
unfeigned.
"Not quite, my dearest Pamela; and therefore, if you have no
objection, I will change my dress, and attend you in the chariot for
an hour or two, whither you please, that not one shadow may remain
visible in this dear face;" tenderly saluting me.
"Whithersoever you please, Sir. A little airing with you will be
highly agreeable to me."
The dear obliger went and changed his dress in an instant; and he
led me to the chariot, with his usual tender politeness, and we had a
charming airing of several miles; returning quite happy, cheerful, and
delighted with each other's conversation, without calling in upon any
of our good neighbours: for what need of that, my dear, when we could
be the best company in the world to each other?
Do these instances come up to your questions, my dear? or, do they
not?--If you think not, I could give you our conversation in the
chariot: for I wrote it down at my first leisure, so highly was I
delighted with it; for the subject was my dearest parents; a subject
started by himself, because he knew it would oblige me. But being
tired with writing, I may reserve it, till I have the pleasure of
seeing you, if you think it worth asking for. And so I will hasten to
a conclusion of this long letter.
I have only farther to add, for my comfort, that next Thursday
se'n-night, if nothing hinders, we are to set out for London. And why
do you think I say _for my comfort?_ Only that I shall then soon have
the opportunity, to assure you personally, as you give me hope, how
much I am, my dear Miss Darnford, _your truly affectionate_. P.B.