Confidences and an Attempt
Only Agatha was at home this evening, and her joy may be imagined.
'Oh, _Catherine_; you will come to live here, with those two dear
children? We shall have you, just as we planned to do! and you are
_glad_ to come!'
A short while ago the little girl would have said, '_I_ shall have you,'
and would not have troubled to question whether or not the arrangement
would bring joy to others; but the influence of Catherine's teaching was
working within this heart.
'Glad?--yes indeed, dearie!'
'And you will talk to me every day about God, until He seems real and
near? Then I shall not be so dreadfully afraid of dying.'
The colonel returned to the house early in the evening, to be greeted by
the radiant smiles of his niece and ward. The former rose from her low
seat by Agatha's couch, and advanced to meet him with her hands
outstretched, and cried,--
'I want to come "home" to stay, dear uncle. Will you have me?'
It was sweet for her to see the joyous light that broke over his face as
he listened to her explanations, for she learned to understand more and
more how much he had wanted her. His earnest words of welcome were not
necessary, though they also were sweet to Catherine. Later, when he was
walking back to Woodley Villa with her, she learned a fact which robbed
her prospects of some of their joyousness, but which made her trebly
thankful that she was to live 'at home' for the future.
They had reached the gate of Mrs. Arderne's house, when Uncle Jack laid
his hand detainingly on his niece's arm, and said,--
'Lassie, you know that my pension is a very small one, and that it will
die with me?'
'Yes?'
'When Agatha comes of age, if she lives, she will come into a tiny
fortune; but meanwhile, the sum that was allowed me for her maintenance
is barely sufficient.'
'Are you afraid that I shall prove an extravagant housekeeper?'
'No, dear,--no. But if I were to die,--what would become of Agatha?'
'Could I take care of her,--I mean, would she suffer if I had to provide
for her altogether out of that sum which you say is barely sufficient?'
'You could do it, lassie, but she would be a great tie.'
'I will never desert her while she needs me. Even if Brian would not let
me have her with me, and you know that is an unnecessary supposition, I
could make arrangements for her to board and lodge somewhere quite near,
so that I could be often with her. You meant, did you not, that you
could not bear to think of her being left lonely, and obliged to think
and manage for herself? I would prevent that.'
Uncle Jack smiled, and squeezed the arm he was holding.
'God bless you, dearest,--you have taken a load of anxiety off my mind!
Yes, that _was_ all I meant. I couldn't endure the thought that my poor
Agatha might be utterly alone. Probably my brother would offer her a
home,--but I could not count upon that.'
'But you--you are not going to die soon. I mean you--you are not ill?'
'For a year past I have had need to be careful of myself. My heart is in
a wrong condition, so the doctor tells me. In fact, lassie, his warnings
simply amount to this, which we all believe of ourselves,--that I might
die any moment, if God so pleased.'
For a while Catherine was speechless. Then she realised the truth which
the colonel's words had suggested--threatened his life might be, but it
could not end until the Creator had ordained that he should die.
'No wonder you have been anxious about Agatha. Dearest uncle, do not
worry about her any more. Please God, we will keep you for many, many
years to come, but if He were to call you away from us, we would cling
to one another for all our lives.'
'Lassie, lassie,--I didn't mean to bring tears into your eyes! You
mustn't be less brave than your words. We are all under orders,--and a
good soldier never lets himself fear the next command.'
'No, I will remember your advice,--colonel.'
There was a smile on her lips now, as she gazed lovingly into the old
man's face.
'This is a secret from Agatha, of course--she is not strong enough yet
to bear burdens that can be spared her. You and I are more like
comrades, lassie, who can hearten and strengthen one another by
exchanging ideas and knowledge.'
'I shall always ask God to help me to help you, then, Uncle Jack, for
you are naturally a brave fighter, while I am but a girl.'
'Many a woman's courage has shamed a man! I remember hearing how, just
before the battle of Inkerman----'
And then followed an anecdote, the telling of which brought fire into
the eyes of the old soldier, and a thrill into his voice. Catherine,
watching him, guessed that it was in this unconscious manner that he had
inspired poor Loring Carmichael with that love for the military
profession which had caused him to anger his Uncle Ross.
An unconscious influence!--this it was for which Uncle Ross would not
forgive his brother, who daily grieved for the estrangement between
them!
And though Loring had died young, had he not died honourably? Since
there must be soldiers, why, some must die young,--and all honour be to
them! Surely Uncle Jack had done Loring no great injury after all. The
young man had been spared the temptations of long life, and had gone to
find the reward which the King of Battles gives to all loyal-hearted
fighters.
While hearing the anecdote of the battle of Inkerman, Catherine
Carmichael once more resolved to make every effort to bring about a
reconciliation between her uncles.
'That was a fine story!' she cried, when the tale was ended.
'Yes, lassie; women are very brave,--often. You have made me happy
to-night. I could say you have taken away my last trouble, if it were
not for Ross' anger against me. God knows I would give the rest of my
life, if possible, in exchange for the reinstating of the old regard we
had for one another! We were devoted to one another as lads and young
men, Catherine. There was never a quarrel between us,--and we were
friends, true, absolute friends, until Ross caught the gold fever, that
passion for money-earning and hoarding which ruins many men.'
'That was the beginning of your estrangement?'
'That began to put us out of sympathy; but I want him just as badly as
ever, lassie. After almost a lifetime of brotherly affection, this
separation is terrible. I think the tie that binds one man's heart to
another is tremendously powerful. I shouldn't wonder if Ross were
wishing for my friendship all the while almost as strongly as I long for
his; but his pride has grown very stubborn, and I did him an undoubted
injury, though I meant no harm.'
'God will answer our prayers, Uncle Jack, dear. The reconciliation will
come some day.'
'His will be done!' was the reverent answer. Then the colonel suddenly
remembered how long he had kept his niece standing talking by the
gate,--and they parted with a great hand-clasp,--'just like
comrade-soldiers,' as Catherine thought to herself.
She ran indoors, and sought out Mrs. Arderne, who was in the nursery
putting away the toys which Ted and Toddie had been playing with before
they had been carried away to bed.
'Cath! your face has a cloud over it!'
'Oh, you quick-sighted friend!--Yes, I want to tell you about
something--about Uncle Jack.'
The little woman drew a chair forward, and made the tall girl sit down;
then standing beside her, pillowed her brown head on her arm.
'Let me hear all,--it is my turn to try to comfort you now!'
Gradually the tale was told, and Catherine did not pretend not to be
deeply grieved about her uncle's illness. Warm-hearted, tender-natured
as she was, she could not fail to sorrow over the news he had told her
of his state of health, although she never lost consciousness of that
beautiful truth that God was taking care of him.
'You see, God may mean to take him from me soon,' she explained,
clinging to the encircling arm. 'I cannot tell _how_ soon. God has a
right to do so. His decrees are always for our good, but--but--I love
Uncle Jack so truly, and I have only just found him! It seems so hard to
contemplate the possibility of having to give him up to God just yet.
You won't think me wicked, or a hypocrite, to be feeling like this, will
you?'
'No, no, childie! Your religion would not be beautiful at all, if it did
not make allowance for natural human feelings. Resignation must be the
result of sorrow, mustn't it? Poor, dear old gentleman! I hope and trust
that he may be spared to you for a long, long time. And you know, dear,
threatened lives are often lengthy. You must take great care of him.'
'Indeed I will! Do you not think that his trouble must be very bad for
him?--his regret about the quarrel? He told me to-night that he would
gladly give the rest of his life, if by so doing he could become friends
again with his brother.'
'Can't you soften Mr. Carmichael's heart by telling him of his brother's
illness?'
Catherine raised her face, and eagerly considered this suggestion.
'Oh, if I only could coax him to make the least advance, or even to meet
Uncle Jack somewhere for a talk, the battle would be won! It is
dreadfully selfish of me to be sitting here crying, when I ought to be
forming plans of action and praying for success with them!'
'Oh, you energetic young woman, you need not grudge yourself five
minutes' rest and indulgence in tears! Why, a good cry sometimes does a
girl a world of good, and acts as a tonic, so that she can work fifty
times better after it.'
'I know, and you are such a dear to cry upon!'
'We are to be parted so soon, Cath, that it is best for us to help one
another all we can now.'
'Will it be very soon? Agatha asked me, but I told her that I did not
know.'
'I have been making my plans while you were away, and I have decided to
leave England the week after next. Nurse can have board wages instead of
her notice, unless, indeed, you would like to keep her on. You are quite
welcome to do so, if you prefer it.'
'There would be no room for her in Redan Cottage, and I would much
rather have Ted and Toddie all to myself. You do not imagine that I
regard a nurse's daily work as hard or derogatory, do you? Why, it is
some of the best and greatest labour a woman can possibly find to do!'
'My children are extraordinarily lucky little people to be left in your
care, Catherine!' said the mother gratefully.
'So you will be with your husband for Christmas?'
'Yes,--poor Henry! I had contemplated inviting lots of friends down to
stay with me, and indulging in all the Yule-tide frivolities and
entertainments of the neighbourhood--dances, etc.; but my heart has
reproached me too strongly. Thanks to you, I'm not half as
pleasure-craving a butterfly as I used to be. Duty seems not only best,
but happiest. Once I have got over the parting with you and the chicks,
I know I shall be glad to be with Henry, in spite of the climate.'
The two women kissed one another, and clung together, feeling that their
troubles had wrought a strong tie of sympathy between them. Then ensued
a long, thoughtful silence, which was broken at last by Catherine's
earnest, low-toned voice, saying,--
'Do you remember the words of Jesus Christ to Simon Peter: "I have
prayed for thee that thy faith fail not; and when thou are converted,
strengthen thy brethren"? I have always thought that so touching an
instance of our Lord's mercy! For He knew that Peter was about to deny
Him, yet He prayed that in sin he might not lose his faith, but, in
spite of his errors, come to be a teacher of others. Dearest of
friends, I am only an ignorant, sinful creature, but if we ask God to
help me, He will teach me how to watch over and train Ted and Toddie, so
that they may not suffer for want of their mother's presence.'
'Cath,--teach them to be like yourself, and I shall be more than
satisfied!'