A Ray of Light
'I don't suppose she'll come at all, guardian. Everything turns out
disappointing. That Mrs. Arderne will keep her indoors, or she'll be
afraid to walk in the rain, or she'll forget all about me, or
those--those extraordinary children will coax her to stay with them.'
Agatha had been fretting all the afternoon in this fashion, until she
had forced herself to believe her own dismal prophecies, and no words of
her guardian availed to comfort her.
He was standing beside her couch now, holding her thin right hand in his
firm grasp, smilingly trying to persuade her to be more reasonable, and
to take the tea and hot buttered toast which Harriet had prepared with
so much care.
The colonel was enveloped in a huge cloak, for he was going out to read
aloud at a Young Men's Club,--a habit of his on many Sunday evenings.
'Catherine is true to her promises, I am certain of that, dear. She will
come to you if she possibly can.'
'Very likely; but she is sure to be afraid of the weather. Just listen
to the wind and rain! It is a shame, when the morning was so lovely.'
'God's weather, my little woman: that must be for the best.'
'Oh, _bother_!' was the rude answer, and Agatha turned her head away
from her best friend.
The colonel did not take offence. He was grieved by her rebellion
against God far more than by her impertinence to himself; and he was
sufficiently humble to recollect how short a time it was since he had
learned to trust the All-Father, saying in his thoughts, 'If I, a grown
man, could be both ignorant and stubborn-willed, how dare I be shocked
by this invalid child's foolishness?'
So, instead of scolding, he slipped an arm under Agatha's shoulders to
raise her up, that she might take her tea before he was obliged to leave
her.
'If Catherine comes, you will need strength to entertain her cheerfully.
Be brave and good, dear.'
Agatha longed to push the cup away from her, but his patient kindness
prevailed over her cross mood.
'I'm a savage little beast. Guardian, I'm--I'm sorry!'
'There's a dear girl! No doubt pain is very bad to bear.'
'I haven't any pain now--only in my temper. But I don't pretend to be
_religiously_ sorry, you know; I don't want to be bad to you--that's
all.'
'Your Father in heaven loves you better than I, your adopted father on
earth, can do.'
'You only love me out of duty. It must be that, because I'm not a bit
nice; so probably my Father in heaven gave me up long ago!'
'Agatha, my darling, do you not know better than that?'
'Better than _which_, guardian? better than to doubt God's love or
yours?' she asked, smiling through tears that seemed to burn her weary
eyes.
'I might answer truthfully, "Both"; but if you cannot trust in my love,
you should be able to lean confidently upon the love of your Maker.'
'Are you _really_ fond of me? Would you be sorry if I were to die?'
Colonel Jack looked his ward gravely in the face, his eyes filled with
sincerity. He was a man of action, not of words, so he made no lengthy
protestations, only saying with heartfelt fervour:
'I love you, for your own sake and that of my old friend, your father;
and I should be lonely without you.'
Agatha gazed at him in silence for a minute or two, studying the
sincerity of his eyes, which had so often looked at death calmly. Then
she pressed her lips to his hand, and cried:
'I'm happier now, then! It's dreadful to think that no one does.
Perhaps--I mean, I'll believe God does.'
'"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his
friends,"' quoted the colonel reverently.
'Guardian, you are always repeating that. I believe it's the only text
you know by heart!'
Seeing Agatha's natural expression come again to her face--the teasing,
audacious, little smile he knew so well--he was contented.
'It is the best I _could_ remember, little woman. Now, promise me you
will not fret any more to-night, while I am away. Catherine will come to
you, unless she is unavoidably prevented.'
'I'll try to be reasonable. It would be much nicer if you could stay
with me till she comes, though. There's something very odd about
persuading young men and boys to go to a club on Sunday evenings, just
to hear reading, when they could quite well go to church.'
'None are allowed in but those who have been to church in the morning,
and Mr. Burnley tells me that many go to service (who used never to be
seen in church before), just that they may be entitled to join our
Sunday evening circle. We read interesting books to them, and sometimes
there are recitations of poems,--it is not surprising how many great
literary works there are which raise the heart and mind to God. Then we
always begin and end with prayer. It is not a bad service itself,
Agatha; and the young fellows would not go to church twice a day--they
would probably spend their evenings in gambling and drinking, or in the
company of street loafers. Beverbridge has its bad characters.'
'Now, why is it that you never address meetings of the club?' asked his
ward mischievously. 'That was quite a speech!'
He laughed.
'_I_ speak? My courage fails me even when I begin to read aloud! No, no,
that is not the kind of action for which my poor powers are suitable....
Now, good-bye, my dear. Keep a brave heart until Catherine comes. Be
God's plucky little soldier!'
Only half an hour later Agatha was nestling her face against Catherine
Carmichael's shoulder, smiling up at her radiantly. They were talking of
Agatha's own life,--its trials, pleasures, wants, and blessings.
'Oh, you can't guess how badly I've wanted a girl-friend, some one to
tell everything to! I used to dream about you, when you were out in
Australia, and I nearly began to write long letters to you.'
'I wish you had written.'
'You couldn't have known what I was like. I should have hated you to
think me nice, and then to have come to England and been disappointed.
It's best as it is. Help me, Cath; _do_ help me! What am I to do to be
nicer?'
'Leave off thinking so much about yourself.'
'Why? I ought to meditate continually upon my faults, ought I not?
People have told me so.'
'That is a morbid idea of religion and duty, dear. Be as sorry as
possible for your sins, but spare time to meditate upon God's mercy and
goodness, otherwise how can you learn to love Him? Then again, by
thinking always of your faults, you grow into a spiritual hypochondriac.
How ill a person would feel who spent all his time in considering the
exact strength and nature of every small pain or weariness! No, no,
Agatha; to be healthily religious, you must trust in God a great deal
more, and, in remembering Him, forget yourself!'
'It must be much easier for you, Catherine,' said the little girl
wistfully, 'for _you_ never feel too ill to do anything but be cross, do
you?'
'No, dear. But there will be a wonderful reward due to you in heaven,
if, in spite of your bodily weakness, you serve the Father bravely. Tell
Him your difficulties; speak to Him quite simply, at all hours, out of
the fulness of your heart, and He will understand. You will learn to
feel sure of His presence near you; you will love to bear pain
patiently, to please Him, and in remembrance of the agony He chose for
His portion in order that we, His rebellious servants, might be
eternally happy. Once you have learned this lesson, you will never feel
lonely any more.'
Catherine's face was glorified by the light of the peace of which she
was speaking, that peace which truly passeth understanding! Perhaps
Agatha learned more by watching her friend's face than even by listening
to her words. Certainly she was both convinced and comforted.
'Catherine, I'll try.'
The promise (for as a promise the words were spoken) came slowly,
earnestly, eagerly from the child's lips. Then, laying her head on her
friend's shoulder, she went on to say:
'It won't be easy, I know that; and it means never trying to please
myself only, never speaking angrily just to make other people angry,
never calling Uncle Ross our enemy and trying to hate him, never.... Oh
yes, it _will_ be difficult! Only now I seem to understand, as I never
did before, that it isn't only people who want to be extra good, but
it's _every one_ who ought to serve God _thoroughly_. Do you know what I
mean?'
'Yes, dear. It is very common for persons to say or think, "_I_ needn't
devote my whole efforts to serving God. _I_ shall be all right, so long
as I do not sin in great matters." But that is a form of ignorance.
Directly such a person is asked, "Why were you created?" "Are you
fulfilling the Creator's purpose?" there is no answer forthcoming,
except an admission of failure. Now we all of us despise failures that
are the result of idleness; so how can we expect God, at the last
judgment, to reward us for failing through our ill-will and
slothfulness?'
'It all seems quite plain, when you talk of religion.'
Catherine's gentle hands were stroking Agatha's hot forehead, passing
and repassing over her eyes with a soft touch which was very soothing.
'My mother taught me all these truths, and I have never forgotten them,'
she answered. 'So you are going to give God your whole heart?'
'I'll begin this very evening, and I shall write down the promise, in
cypher, in my diary, that I mayn't ever be able to forget for long.
Cath, if I were to die now ... should I go to hell?'
'If _you_ had a servant who had neglected his duty, but who was honestly
sorry, and promised you that he would never wilfully sin against you
again, would you wish to condemn him to eternal misery? Oh, childie,
when you doubt God's mercy, you do Him a terrible injustice, for He is
many million times more generous than the greatest and best of His
creatures can ever become.'
'Oh, Catherine, you _are_ beautiful!'
'Why, what sudden nonsense is this, my pet?' was the amused question.
'I was watching you. Does Mr. North love you very, _very_ much? He ought
to.'
Blushes stole over the face that had been praised.
'He loves me a great deal more than I deserve.'
'I made guardian tell me all you told him. You don't mind my knowing, do
you?'
'Of course not. It will be nice to be able to talk and write of him to
you, little one, for there was no one to sympathise with my romance
until I found you and Uncle Jack.... Brian _may_ come down to see me
to-morrow, but I am trying not to hope too much, or else I shall feel
dismal if a disappointment follows. Still, he hasn't telegraphed yet,
nor written for two whole days, so I think he must be coming.'
'If he does, you will bring him here?' asked Agatha excitedly.
Catherine nodded.
'I am simply longing to show him to Uncle Jack; they are sure to love
one another. In the afternoon I have agreed to go to see Uncle Ross, and
to take Brian with me, if possible.... Now, Agatha! What a dreadful
frown!'
'It's gone, now, and I know you are quite right and wise, Cath. Please
go on with what you were going to say.'
'But I shall insist upon leaving Carm Hall in time to spend the evening
here. I shall say you have invited me to supper. That will be true,
won't it?'
'Yes, yes, and Harriet shall lay the cloth and make the table look very
nice, before she goes out for her "evening." Ah, Cath, you have made me
happy!'
'God bless you, darling! He will teach you to be a great deal happier
yet, I hope.'
When the colonel returned from his work at the club he heard Agatha's
laughter resounding through the cottage,--a sound that was strange
indeed. The girls were neither of them in the least tired of their
_tete-a-tete_, yet they gladly welcomed him and soon the three were
chatting as gaily as two had done.
Before Catherine went home she shared in the evening prayer at Redan
Cottage, and heard the colonel's voice falter as he offered up one
special petition for the 'welfare, spiritual and temporal, of all
relatives and friends.'
No wonder that the girl's heart was filled with rejoicing as she walked
back to Woodley Villa! She had been able to comfort poor little Agatha,
and had persuaded her to serve God. And there was still plenty of work
to be done, a beautiful reconciliation to effect, if God would give her
grace and aid sufficient.
Not for an instant did she count up the gains that might accrue to
herself from this peace-making. Her intentions were pure and unselfish.
Little world-loving Mrs. Arderne would have marvelled again, had she
been able to read her companion's heart to-night.