His desire to excite envy lays the foundation of his disgrace--He
quarrels with his wife.
The entertainment went off with the greatest success, and there was
every reason to suppose that I fully succeeded in making my guests
believe I was really the personage whom I pretended to be. I therefore
began to feel secure in my new possessions, and gave myself up to
enjoyment, associating with men of pleasure, dressing in the gayest
attire, and, in short, keeping a house that was the talk and envy of
the city. Tis true that I almost daily felt the inconvenience of being
indebted to my wife for such good fortune; for, notwithstanding the
previous assurances of the old Ayesha, I soon found that differences
of opinion would arise on many other subjects besides the comparative
delicacy of cream and cheese tarts. Excellent man must that old emir
have been, frequently did I exclaim, who could go through life with
only one subject of dispute with his wife! For my part, if there happens
to be two sides to a question, we are sure to appropriate them one in
opposition to the other.
I had long promised to myself the enjoyment of one of the principal
pleasures arising from my good fortune; I mean, the exhibition of
myself in all my splendour before my countrymen in the caravanserai,
and enjoying the astonishment which I should excite in the old Osman, my
former master.
Now, that all was safe, as I fully hoped, I could no longer resist the
temptation, and accordingly dressed myself in my best attire, mounted
the finest horse in my stable, gathered my whole suite of servants
about me, and in the very busiest hour of the day proceeded to the
caravanserai, in which, on my first arrival at Constantinople, I had
appeared as a vender of pipe-sticks. Upon entering the gate, no one
seemed to know me, but all were anxious to do me honour, hoping that
in me they might find a purchaser of their merchandise. I inquired for
Osman Aga, whilst my servants spread a beautiful Persian carpet for my
seat, and at the same time offered me one of my most costly amber-headed
chibouks to smoke. He came and seated himself, with all due respect, on
the edge of my carpet, without recognizing me. I talked to him without
reserve for some time, and remarked that he eyed me with looks of
peculiar interest, when at length, unable to restrain himself any
longer, he exclaimed, By the beard of the blessed Mohammed, you are
either Hajji Baba, or you are nobody!
I laughed with all my heart at his exclamation, and when we had mutually
explained, very soon related how I was situated, and to what profit
I had turned the fifty pieces of gold which he had lent me. His
philosophic mind did not appear so much elated with my change of fortune
as I had anticipated; but my countrymen, the Persians, as soon as they
heard that under that large turban and that heavy pelisse was seated
Hajji Baba, the once vender of little wares like themselves, and that
all that splendour and circumstance of horse, servants, and rich pipes
was attendant upon his person, their national feelings were awakened,
and they could neither contain their envy nor their malevolence.
I now, too late, discovered the mistake I had committed in showing
myself off in this manner, and would willingly have sneaked away without
further triumph.
What! is this Hajji Baba? said one, the son of the Ispahan barber?
May his fathers grave be polluted, and his mother abused!
Well acted, true child of Irân! said another; you have done your
utmost with the Turks beard, and may others do the same with yours!
Look at his great turban, and his large trousers, and his long pipe,
said a third: his father never saw such things, not even in a dream!
In this manner did my envious countrymen taunt me, until, asserting all
my dignity, I rose from my seat, mounted my horse, and left the place
amidst their scoffs and expressions of contempt. My first sensation was
that of indignation at them, my second of anger at myself.
You have been rightly served, said I to myself, by the soul of
Kerbelai Hassan, the barber! What well-fed hound ever went among wolves
without being torn to pieces? What fool of a townsman ever risked
himself amongst the wild Arabs of the desert without being robbed and
beaten? Perhaps Hajji may one day become a wise man, but plentiful is
the vexation he must eat first! Of what use is a beard, said I, taking
mine into my hand, when an empty sconce is tied to the end of it? about
as much as a handle is to a basket without dates. Great wisdom had the
sage who declared that no man was ever pleased with the elevation of his
fellow, except perhaps when he saw him dangling on a gibbet!
In this manner did I soliloquize until I reached my house, where, having
retired to the harem, I endeavoured to seek repose for the remainder of
the day, in order to chew the cud of my bitter reflections. But I was
mistaken; for, to add to my misery, Shekerleb, my wife, as if impelled
by some wicked demon, demanded that I should immediately advance her
the money inserted in the marriage settlement for clothes, and so worked
upon me by her very unreasonable entreaties, that, involving her in the
ill-humour in which I had continued against my own countrymen, I poured
forth the current of my feelings in language and gestures the most
violent. Curses upon them and maledictions upon her came from my lips in
horrid succession, until I, the once mild and patient Hajji, had become
more furious than a Mazanderan lion.
My wife at first was all astonishment, and, as she drew herself up at
the head of her slaves and handmaids, seconded by the old Ayesha, waited
with impatient silence for an opportunity to speak. At length, when
she had found utterance, her mouth appeared too small for the volume
of words which flowed from it. Her volubility unloosed the tongue of
Ayesha, and the old womans those of all the other women, until there
arose such a tempest of words and screams, all of which were directed
against me, that I was nearly overwhelmed.
I would have resisted, but I found it impossible. It raged with such
fury, that the room in which we all stood was not large enough to
contain us. I was the first to seek shelter, and made a retreat from my
harem amid the groans, the revilings, and the clapping of hands of the
beings within it, who, with my wife at their head, looked more like
maniacs than those fair creatures, in paradise, promised by our Prophet
to all true believers.
Tired, jaded, and distressed by my days adventures, I retired into
my own apartment, locked the door, and there, though surrounded by
and master of every luxury that man can enjoy, I felt myself the most
miserable of beings, detesting myself for my idiotical conduct in the
present posture of my affairs, and full of evil forebodings for the
future. The inconveniences of lying now stared me full in the face.
I felt that I was caught in my own snare; for if I endeavoured to
extricate myself from my present dilemma by telling more lies, it was
evident that at the end I should not fail to be entirely entangled.
Would to Heaven, did I exclaim, that I had been fair and candid at
first; for now I should be free as air, and my wife might have stormed
until the day of judgement, without being a single shift the better for
it; but I am bound by writings, sealed and doubly sealed, and I must
ever and shall stand before the world a liar both by word and deed.
[Illustration: Hajji disrobes. 38.jpg]