WITH TOASTING-FORKS
Zita rose from her knees.
'Tell them to wait, and I will be down directly,' she said. 'I made
them a promise, and I must keep it. I am glad they are here; they can
witness the will, now that Mark Runham and Leehanna Tunkiss are gone.'
Drownlands was surprised. The girl had regained her composure; and from
the look of her face he was assured that she had formed her resolution.
'That is right,' said he; 'things remain as arranged.'
'I cannot go away,' said Zita in a low voice. 'Here I am, and here I
must remain. If I have done wrong to stay here, the wrong is done.
If I have been foolish to accept your hospitality, the folly is past
recall.' She looked over her shoulder to see that Sarah had withdrawn.
'Yes; I promised you I would remain here, and here I will remain, on a
condition.'
He held up the will.
'Yes, on condition that you leave everything you have as I shall
direct.'
'I leave it all to you.'
'The will must be written afresh,' said Zita; 'a change must be made
in it. You have bequeathed everything to me, and because of that, evil
thoughts will rise up in folks' minds, and evil words will pass over
their lips. Even Mark thinks ill of me. I did not think Mark could have
done that.' She heaved a sigh, and drew her hand across her eyes.
'Master,' said she, after a pause, 'you had no right to make that will
and leave me all. I am not your niece. I shall never stand nearer to
you than I do now. I have no claim on your house or lands. But Kainie
has. She is your own sister's child. You must alter your will and leave
everything to her.'
'I said I would give her nought.'
'And that made Mark believe me to be bad. I will not have anything
of yours. I will have you make the writing out anew, and bequeath
everything to Kainie—on the same condition, if you will, that I remain
here all your days. I do not say, Give Kainie everything now. I have no
right to say that. I do not say, Give me nothing at any time. I shall
have a right to some payment, or some acknowledgment of my services.
But what I do say is that I will not be your heir hereafter. Kainie
has a claim on you that I have not. If I were to be enriched with
house and lands by you, then the evil that is thought of me would be
confirmed. But folks may say what they will, when, some day, after you
are gone, the property changes hands and falls to Kainie; they cannot
think I have been so wicked as was supposed. And I shall have repaid
you for your kindness to me, in that I have saved you from committing a
great injustice. Mark said I would do anything—sell body and soul—for
profit. He will come to see that he was wrong there.'
Drownlands gazed on the girl with incredulity. She had hit on an
arrangement that had not suggested itself to his mind. He could not
believe that she was serious in her purpose.
'I will remain with you,' continued Zita, 'on the clear understanding
that Kainie is to be your heir, and I would wish this understanding to
be generally made known. Some day, when I am old and ugly, and you are
dead and gone, then, when the new folks come into Prickwillow, I'll
harness the horse and start as a Cheap Jack once more. Then I can take
a man to mind the horse, when I do the business of a Cheap Jack. No one
can say wrong of me then. When Mark Runham comes into this place'—
'Mark Runham will never be here.'
'He must be here, if this falls some day to Kainie.'
'That does not follow.'
'Of course it follows, if he marries Kainie.'
'Mark—marry Kainie? What do you mean?'
'I told you that Mark would have nothing more to say to me, because he
was bound to another. I would not say to whom, for that was his secret.
But now he has let it out himself. He is going to take Kainie home to
Crumbland this evening.'
Drownlands started and threw over a chair.
'You are mistaken. You do not know.' He paced the room in agitation.
'I do know,' answered Zita. 'It is because he was bound to Kainie that
he gave me up. Now he is going to take her to him for better for worse.
Lawk! how dull men are in these matters—where girls see clear.'
'You are greatly mistaken.'
'No, I am not mistaken. How can you fail to understand when he speaks
so plain?'
Drownlands folded his arms and walked hurriedly up and down the room.
Presently he turned to Zita and said, 'You are serious when you say you
will not have me make you my heir?'
'I am truly resolved,' answered the girl. 'Then he can no more say that
I have sold myself body and soul for profits.'
'Let no will be made.'
'That will not do. You must rewrite it, and it must make Kainie your
heir. Only on that condition will I remain in this house with you.'
'And you believe her to be your rival, who has snatched Mark from your
arms?'
'I know it is so. He could not help himself. He was tied to her.'
'Mark is a Runham. A Runham may betray a woman, but never marry one who
has no fortune.'
'More is the reason why you should give one to Kainie.'
'Were I to make you my heir,—there is no saying,—he might take you
for the sake of this place and my savings; and, by Heaven, I will have
no Runham own acres of mine, if I can prevent it!'
'He would not do that—he could not take me. He is too just and true to
throw over Kainie. He may think ill of me, but I do not think so badly
of him. I tried to buy of her the rights she had in him, but she would
not sell them. Then I saw it was all up between Mark and me.'
'This is strange—this is very strange!' said Drownlands, turning a
perplexed face on the girl as he paced the room. 'I know what is in
a Runham better than you. The Runhams marry for money, not for love.
Come here, Zita. What would you say were you to discover that you were
mistaken about Mark and Kainie?'
'I am not mistaken.'
'Suppose, some day, that you found that he was free?'
She was silent.
'And yet he would never marry you without money. He would not be a
Runham to do that. If, however, he thought you were to be my heir, he
might do so, or wait till I am gone and then take you; but he will
never think of you if you are poor. Be it as you propose. I will
rewrite my will. I will leave to you nothing, bequeath to Kainie all.'
'Then I will remain with you.'
'As long as I live?'
She nodded her head.
'You will swear to this?'
Her eyes were full, her bosom heaving; she held out both hands, and he
clasped them.
'I must go downstairs,' she said, after a struggle to gain composure.
'The justices will want their toasting-forks.'
'Keep them amused for a while. They shall witness my new will.'
Zita proceeded to her room, found the articles that she had promised,
and descended to the sitting-room, where she found three of the
magistrates, all laymen; the clerical members of the Bench thinking
it unecclesiastical to come after toasting-forks. The red-faced
chairman, Mr. Christian, was there; Admiral Abbott; and another, named
Wilkins. They were all merry; they had been drinking, and they felt
sensible relief that they were not cumbered by the presence of the
ecclesiastical magistrates. They were also conscious of great buoyancy
of spirits, due to the fact that they were beyond the shadow of the
towers of Ely, and no longer within the numbing circle of cathedral
decorum. Zita's arrival was hailed uproariously, with laughter and
loud words. The gentlemen jumped from their chairs, and with effusion
insisted on shaking hands.
'We've rode over,' said Mr. Christian, 'but couldn't persuade Sir
Bates to mount a horse again. The very looks of one makes his colour
fade. Nothing would induce him—not the prospect of a toasting-fork. I
say, Abbott, if we could have promised the canon a kiss of those ruby
lips, eh? Would that have drawn him? How now, you comical Jill?—you
who upset the dignity of the Court! And to venture on bribery and
corruption—you pretty little rogue! We might have had you up. What say
you, Abbott? Shall we indict her for the attempt to poison the springs
of justice? It is a case under common law. Fine or imprisonment? Which
shall it be, Wilkins?'
'Now, come,' said the magistrate addressed, 'no law here; we have
had enough of that today. Here are weapons. Arm thee, arm thee, Sir
Christian, knight of the blazing countenance and the purple nose. Queen
of Cheap Jacks, let your gay red-flowered kerchief be the prize.
I defy thee to the death, Christian. Up with you on to the table,
Queen of Cheap Jacks, or upon the mantelshelf—anywhere away from the
clash of blades and the soil of battle. Come on, Christian! And after
thee, Old Salt the Admiral; but, Lord! he will swash about with his
toasting-fork as if 'twere a cutlass. Come on, Christian, and he who
wins rides home wearing her favour.'
Justice Wilkins brandished one of the toasting-forks, and, putting
himself in a posture of attack, shouted again for his opponent.
Mr. Christian at once snatched and flourished his weapon, and the two
half-tipsy men began to make passes at each other.
'Bright eyes looking on! A fair maid's favour as the prize! Ah,
Christian, you're off your guard; you are using your foil wildly.
The man is drunk! Heigh! To the heart! I have run you through! Down
with your blade, sir!' Wilkins shouted as he charged home, and drove
the toasting-fork up into the handle against the breast of his
adversary. 'Abbott! gallop off for Sir Bates! Make him come to shrive
Christian. Rest his soul! he was a jolly dog, but too fond of lasses
and the bottle. Admiral, help me; we will compose his epitaph. No,
no, Christian, that is a breach of rules. You're dead, man; dead
as a stone, with a stroke through your heart. Didn't you feel the
toasting-fork tickle your ribs? Stand aside, or lie dead on the
hearthrug. You are out of the game now. Come on, Admiral Abbott. It
lies between you and me; Christian, you dog, you are dead, and must
not interfere. That stroke will let some of the port wine out of your
gizzard. Keep in the rear—you are a dead man. If you walk, it is your
ghost. It is Abbott's turn with me now.'
'Wilkins, your tongue runs away with you. I'll cut it off and wear it
in my hat. I'm your man.'
Thereupon Admiral Abbott, armed with his toasting-fork, strutted into
the place lately occupied by Christian.
'No,' said he; 'Wilkins, you cheat; you took a scurvy advantage over my
dear deceased brother Christian. You shall not play me the same trick.
You have the window behind you.'
'I did not consider it. Change sides.'
'No, I will not have the advantage over you either. We will fight with
the daylight athwart our blades.'
'Then the Queen of Cheap Jacks must shift quarters, to see that all is
fair.'
'Let her shift,' said Abbott. 'I am not going to be killed or to kill
you at a disadvantage. Ready!'
The passage of arms between Wilkins and Abbott was as brief as that
between him and Christian. A stroke from the admiral, who used his
tool as a cutlass, bent the soft metal of the toasting-fork of his
opponent.
'Weapon broken. Surrender!' shouted Abbott. 'Now, Wilkins, stand aside.
I am conqueror, and claim the red rag.'
'That's a way to ask! Like the bear you are, Abbott. Down on one
knee—I won't say gracefully, for you can't do that—and ask in
courteous tone. Red rag indeed!—a crimson favour.'
'He can't kneel,' said Christian. 'He'd never get up if he were once
down.'
'Admiral! I could swear the Cheap Jack Queen has been crying. There are
tears on her cheek and a drench of rain in her brown eyes. It is for
you, Christian, you lucky dog; you caused them to fall, because I ran
you through, and Her Royal Highness weeps for her knight bleeding his
life-tide away.'
At this moment Drownlands entered the room, and was saluted by the
three magistrates.
'We have been fighting,' said the admiral, 'and I am the conqueror. If
you are disposed to part with the pretty housekeeper, I will carry her
off _en croupe_ on my horse.'
Drownlands disdained an answer.
'Gentlemen,' said he, 'now that you are here, let me ask a favour of
you. Pray put your hands to this paper and witness my signature to
this my last will and testament.'
'I hope you have put the Queen of Cheap Jacks down for something
handsome. If you have done that, we will sign cheerfully.'
'Not for a penny,' answered Drownlands. 'Everything I have goes to my
niece. Here is ink and here a pen. Gentlemen, this is my true act and
deed.'
'My hand shakes,' said Christian; 'I have been laughing, and cannot
hold a pen.'
'And mine is jarred,' said Wilkins, 'with the thundering blows of that
swashbuckler, Abbott.'
Jesting, laughing, the three men complied with the request of
Drownlands, hardly regarding what they were about.
'I say, Abbott,' said Wilkins, 'what was that promise that fell from
ruby lips relative to an epergne?'
'We were to raffle for one,' said the admiral.
'Can't do it,' said Christian. 'We have not got the others here. We'll
hoist Bates on to a horse and make him come another day, when this
confounded business of the riots is over.'
'You have got the favour, Abbott,' said Wilkins, 'but not by fair
swordsmanship. Whether you carry it to Ely is another matter.
Christian, shall he hoist it at the end of his toasting-fork and ride?
We'll give him a hundred yards, and then pursue, and he who overtakes,
captures the favour and carries it into the city.'
'Done—we'll race the admiral for it.' Then, turning to Zita, 'We'll
come another day and raffle for the epergne at a guinea a-piece. The
pool goes to you. Now then, brother justices, away we go!'