than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that when the father had gone forth and was making
for the market-town, his son happened to meet him, and the two wives
went up to the terrace wishing to see if their husband be gone or not.
Now by the decree of the Decreer the man had in some carelessness
forgotten his papooshes, so he turned to the youth who was following him
and said, “O my son, go back and bring me my shoes.” The women still
stood looking, and the youth returned in mighty haste and hurry till he
stood under the terrace, when he looked up and said, “My father hath
just now charged me with a charge saying:—Do thou go sleep with my
wives, the twain of them, and have each of them once.” They replied,
“What, O dog, O accursed, thy father bespake thee on this wise? By
Allah, indeed thou liest, O hog, O ill-omened wight.” “Walláhi,” he
rejoined, “I lie not!” So he walked back till he was near his father
when he shouted his loudest so as to be heard by both parties, “O my
papa, O my papa, one of them or the two of them? One of them or the two
of them?” The father shouted in reply, “The two, the two! Allah
disappoint thee: did I say one of them or the two of them?” So the youth
returned to his father’s wives and cried, “Ye have heard what my papa
said. I asked him within your hearing:—One of them or the two of them?
and ye heard him say:—Both, both.” Now the man was speaking of his
slippers, to wit, the pair; but the women understood that his saying,
“the two of them” referred to his wives. So one turned to her sister
spouse and said, “So it is,[592] our ears heard it and the youth hath on
no wise lied: let him lie with me once and once with thee even as his
father bade him.” Both were satisfied herewith; but meanwhile the son
stole quietly into the house and found his father’s papooshes: then he
caught him up on the road and gave them to him and the man went his
ways. Presently the youth returned to the house and taking one of his
father’s wives lay with her and enjoyed her and she also had her joy of
him; and when he had done all he wanted with her he fared forth from her
to the second wife in her chamber and stretched himself beside her and
toyed with her and futtered her. She saw in the son a something she had
not seen in the sire, so she joyed in him and he joyed in her. Now when
he had won his will of the twain and had left the house the women
forgathered and began talking and saying, “By Allah, this youth hath
given us both much amorous pleasure, far more than his father ever did;
but when our husband shall return let us keep our secret even though he
spake the words we heard: haply he may not brook too much of this
thing.” So as soon as the man came back with the wheat he asked the
women saying, “What befel you?” and they answered, “O Man, art thou not
ashamed to say to thy son:—Go sleep with both thy father’s wives? ’Tis
lucky that thou hast escaped.” Quoth he, “Never said I aught of this”;
and quoth they, “But we heard thee cry:—The two of them.” He rejoined,
“Allah disappoint you: I forgot my papooshes and said to him, Go fetch
them. He cried out, One of them or the two of them? and I replied, The
two of them, meaning my shoes, not you.” “And we,” said they, “when he
spake to us such words slippered him and turned him out and now he never
cometh near us.” “Right well have ye done,” he rejoined, “’tis a fulsome
fellow.” This was their case; but as regards the youth, he fell to
watching and dogging his father’s path, and whenever the man left the
house and went afar from it he would go in to the women who rejoiced in
his coming. Then he would lie with one, and when he had won his will of
her he would go to the sister-wife and tumble her. This lasted for some
time, until the women said each to other, “What need when he cometh to
us for each to receive him separately in her room? Let us both be in one
chamber and when he visiteth us let us all three, we two and he, have
mutual joyance and let him pass from one to other.” And they agreed to
this condition, unknowing the decree of Allah which was preparing to
punish the twain for their abandoned wantonness.——And Shahrazad was
surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her
permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story,
O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where
is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an
the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and
that was
The Eight Hundred and Thirty-sixth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be not
sleeping, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of
this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath
reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of
the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy
celebrating, that the two women agreed to partnership in iniquity with
the youth their step-son. Now on the next day the man went forth and
left his house for some pressing occasion and his son followed him till
he saw him far distant: then the youth repaired to the two wives and
found them both in one chamber. So he asked them, “Why doth not each of
you go to her own apartment?” and they answered, “What use is there in
that? Let us all be together and take our joy, we and thou.” So he lay
between them and began to toy with them and tumble them; and roll over
them and mount upon the bubbies of one and thence change seat to the
other’s breasts and while so doing all were plunged in the sea of
enjoyment.[593] But they knew not what lurked for them in the hidden
World of the Future. Presently, lo and behold! the father returned and
entered the house when none of them expected him or was ware of him; and
he heard their play even before he went into the chamber. Here he leant
against a side-wall and privily viewed their proceedings and the lewd
state they were in; and he allowed time to drag on and espied them at
his ease, seeing his son mount the breasts of one woman and then shift
seat to the bubbies of his other wife. After noting all this he fared
quietly forth the house and sought the Wali complaining of the case; so
the Chief of Police took horse and repaired with him to his home where,
when the two went in, they found the three at the foulest play. The Wali
arrested them one and all and carried them with elbows pinioned to his
office. Here he made the youth over to the Linkman who struck his neck,
and as for the two women he bade the executioner delay till nightfall
and then take them and strangle them and hide their corpses underground.
And lastly he commanded the public Crier go about all the city and
cry:—“This be the award of high treason.” And men also relate (continued
Shahrazad) the
STORY OF THE TWO LACK-TACTS OF CAIRO AND DAMASCUS.[594]
Whilome in Cairo-city there was a man famed as a Lack-tact and another
in Damascus was celebrated for the like quality. Each had heard of his
compeer and longed to forgather with him and sundry folk said to the
Syrian, “Verily the Lack-tact of Egypt is sharper than thou and a
cleverer physiognomist and more intelligent, and more penetrating, and
much better company; also he excelleth thee in debate proving the
superiority of his lack of tact.” Whereto the Damascene would reply,
“No, by Allah, I am more tasteful in my lack of tact than yon Cairene;”
but his people ceased not to bespeak him on this wise until his heart
was filled full of their words; so one day of the days he cried, “By
Allah, there is no help for it but I fare for Cairo and forgather with
her Lack-tact.” Hereupon he journeyed from Damascus and ceased not
wayfaring till he reached Cairo. The time was about set of sun and the
first who met him on the road was a woman; so he asked her concerning
certain of the highways of the city and she answered, “What a Lack-tact
thou must be to put such a question at such an hour! Whoso entereth a
strange place in the morning enquireth about its highways, but whoso
entereth at eventide asketh about its caravanserai[595] wherein he may
night.” “Sooth thou sayest,” rejoined he, “but my lack of tact hath
weakened my wits.” He then sought news of the Khans and they showed him
one whereto he repaired and passed the night; and in the morning——And
Shahrazad perceived the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying
her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and
tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!”
Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you
on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was
the next night and that was
The Eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Lack-tact of Damascus passed the night in
the Wakálah and in the morning he went forth and wandered about the
highways of Cairo questing her Lack-tact; and, when they informed him of
his rival’s whereabouts, he forgathered with him and was received with
an honorable reception and was welcomed and kindly entreated and
comfortably seated that the twain might talk over the news of the world.
Presently quoth the Lack-tact of Damascus to the Lack-tact of Cairo, “I
would that we two test each other’s quality by playing a prank in turn;
and whoso shall be preferred by the testimony of the general, he shall
lord it over his rival.” The Cairene asked, “Which of us shall begin?”
and the Damascene answered, “I,” whereto the other rejoined, “Do whatso
thou willest.” So the Syrian went forth and hired him an ass which he
drove out of the city to a neighbouring clump of Ausaj-bushes[596] and
other thorns whereof he cut down a donkey-load, and setting the net-full
upon the beast’s back returned to the city. He then made for the Báb
al-Nasr,[597] but he could not enter for the crowding of the folk
frequenting it and the Cairene was gladdened by his doings: so the man
stinted not standing there with his ass and load of thorns till morn was
near, when he lost his temper and urged his beast close up to the gate.
By so doing all the garments of the wayfarers which were caught by the
Ausaj-thorns were torn to rags and tatters, and some of the people beat
him and others buffetted him and others shoved him about saying, “What a
superior Lack-tact thou art! Allah ruin thy natal realm! Thou hast torn
folk’s dress to rags and tatters with that load of thorns.” Still he
drave his donkey onwards albeit the people cried to him, “O man,
withdraw thee, the passengers are all jammed at the gate;” but he would
not retire and those present dealt him more blows and abuse. Hereat he
only cried, “Let me pass through!” and pushed on whereby he obtained a
severer beating. This lasted till mid-afternoon, for he could on nowise
enter by reason of the crush at the Báb al-Nasr; but about sundown the
crowd thinned and so he drove on his ass and passed the gate. Then quoth
to him the Cairene, “What is this thou hast done? This is mere
horseplay[598] and not lack of tact.” Now on the morning of the next day
the Lack-tact of Cairo was required to play his prank even as the
Damascene had done; so he rose up and girded his loins and tucked up his
sleeves and took up a tray——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of
day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her
sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how
enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with
that I would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me
to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Eight Hundred and Thirty-eighth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be not
sleeping, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching of
this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It hath
reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding, lord of
the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy
celebrating, that the Egyptian rose up and girded his loins and tucked
up his sleeves, and taking him a tray said to the Syrian, “Up and after
me and see what I shall do.” Then he went out tray on head, and
foregoing the Damascene to a flower-garden he gathered a bundle of
blooms and sweet-scented herbs, pinks and roses and basil and
pennyroyal[599] and marjoram and other such, until the tray was filled,
after which he returned to town. About noontide he repaired to one of
the Cathedral-mosques and entered the lavatory,[600] around which were
some fifteen privies:[601] so he stood amiddlemost the floor considering
the folk as they entered the jakes to do their jobs in private lest the
bazar-people come upon them during their easement. And all were sore
pressed wanting to pass urine or to skite; so whenever a man entered the
place in a hurry he would draw the door to. Then the Lack-tact of Cairo
would pull the door open, and go in to him carrying a posy of perfumed
herbs, and would say, “Thy favour![602] O my brother,” and the man would
shout out saying, “Allah ruin thy natal realm, are we at skite or at
feast?” whereat all standing there would laugh at him. Suddenly one
rushed into the lavatory sore pressed and hanging an arse[603] and
crying aloud in his grievous distress, “O Allah, O His Prophet, aid me!”
for that he feared to let fly in his bag-trousers. Then the Lack-tact
would accost him holding in hand his posy of perfumed herbs, and softly
saying, “Bismillah—take it, and give me thy favour;” and the man would
roar at the top of his voice, “Allah disappoint thee! what a Lack-tact
thou art: I am sore pressed; get thee out.” And the further that man
would fare away from him the closer he would follow him saying, “Thy
favour! Take it! Smell it!” Now at that time all the cabinets of
easement were full of people, nor did one remain vacant, and the
distressed man stood there expecting someone to issue that he might
enter; but in his condition the delay was overlong——And Shahrazad
perceived the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her
permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful
is thy tale, O sister mine, and enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she,
“And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the
coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the
next night and that was
The Eight Hundred and Thirty-ninth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Cairene Lack-tact kept bespeaking that
sorely distressed man and following him as he fled, crying out to him
and saying, “Away from me, am I not this moment about to skite or am I
at a feast?” till at last the excess of weight in his arse-gut caused
him to let fly in his bag-trousers and bewray all his behind. And during
this time none came out of the jakes, so the unhappy sat in his unease
and all the folk seeing him conskite himself fell to laughing at him as
he sat there, and the Lack-tact of Cairo continued offering him the
posy, saying, “Thy favour!” and the other continued shouting his
loudest, “Am I at skite or at a feast?” Thereupon the Lack-tact of
Damascus turned to his rival and cried, “The Fátihah[604] is in thy
books, O Chief Joker of Cairo. By Allah (and the Almighty grant thee
length of life!) thou hast excelled me in everything, and they truly say
that none can surpass or overcome the Cairene and men have agreed to
declare that the Syrian winneth his wish and gaineth only blame, while
the Egyptian winneth not his wish and gaineth thanks and praise.” And
amongst other things it happened[605] that a Cairene went to borrow a
donkey from another man, a Damascene, wishing to ride it to a wedding,
and when he met his friend he saluted him and said, “Ho Such-an-one,
lend me thine ass for such a purpose.” Now when the owner of the animal
heard these words he smote hand upon hand and cried, “O worshipper of
Allah,[606] a little while ere thou camest to me, a man urgently asked
it of me and took it on loan: haddest thou been somewhat earlier I would
have lent it to thee. Verily I am put to shame by thee as thou goest
from me without thy need.” The Egyptian said in his mind, “By Allah,
this one speaketh sooth, and had the donkey been in his house assuredly
he would have lent it to me.” But the owner of the animal said to
himself, “Certainly Such-an-one begged it of me, but the rest is a lie,
for the beast is shut up in the stable.” However the Syrian who owned
the beast went to his gossip, the man who had begged a loan of it, and
entering the house salam’d to him and said, “Give me the donkey, O
Such-an-one;”——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell
silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister
Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and
delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would
relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?”
Now when it was the next night and that was
The Eight Hundred and Fortieth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Syrian went to his gossip saying, “Give me
the ass;” and when the other heard this he showed his teeth[607] and
cried, “Allah disappoint the donkey and the owner of the donkey and
whoso rideth the donkey,” and flying into an exceeding fury at last
said, “Go, O my lord, and take it from the stable, and may Allah never
bring back nor thee nor the beast.” So the Syrian went from him saying
in himself, “Allah disappoint this fellow, why did he not give me the
ass at first and then he had not had occasion to abuse and curse himself
and to revile me also.” But they say and say truly, “The Syrian winneth
his wish, but gaineth only blame while the Egyptian winneth not his wish
and gaineth thanks and praise!”
TALE OF HIMSELF TOLD BY THE KING.[608]
I have a tale, O my lord the Kazi, which bewildereth the wits and it is
on this wise. By birth and origin I was the son of a Khwájah, but my
father owned much worldly wealth in money and effects and vaiselle and
rarities and so forth, besides of landed estates and of fiefs and
mortmains a store galore. And every year when the ships of Al-Hind would
arrive bringing Indian goods and coffee from Al-Yaman the folk bought
thereof one-fourth of the whole and he three-fourths paying in ready
cash and hard money.[609] So his word was heard and his works were
preferred amongst the Traders and the Grandees and the Rulers. Also he
had controul[610] in counselling the Kings and he was held in awe and
obeyed by the merchants, one and all, who consulted him in each and
every of their affairs. This endured until one year of the years when
suddenly he fell sick and his sickness grew upon him and gained mastery
over his frame, so he sent for me, saying, “Bring me my son.”
Accordingly I went and entered to him and found him changed of condition
and nearing his last gasp. But he turned to me and said, “O my son, I
charge thee with a charge which do thou not transgress nor contrary me
in whatso I shall declare to thee.” “What may that be?” asked I, and he
answered, “O my son, do thou never make oath in Allah’s name, or falsely
or truly, even although they fill the world for thee with wealth; but
safeguard thy soul in this matter and gainsay it not, nor give ear to
aught other.” But when it was midnight the Divine Mystery[611] left him
and he died to the mercy of Allah Almighty; so I buried him, expending
much money upon his funeral and graved him in a handsome tomb. He had
left to me wealth in abundance such as the pens could not compute, but
when a month or so had sped after his decease suddenly came to me a
party of folk, each and every claiming by way of debt from me and my
sire the sum of some five thousand dinars. “Where be your written bond
given by my father?” asked I; but they answered, “There be no instrument
and if thou believe us not make oath by Allah.” Replied I saying, “Never
will I swear at all,” and paid them whatso they demanded; after which
all who feared not the Lord would come to me and say, “We have
such-and-such owing to us by thy parent;” and I would pay them off until
there remained to me of ready moneys a matter neither great nor small.
Hereupon I fell to selling off my landed estates——And Shahrazad was
surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her
permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story,
O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where
is this compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an
the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and
that was
The Nine Hundred and Twelfth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the King thus continued his relation to the
Kazi:—I began selling off my landed estates and fiefs and letting out my
settlements of bequeathal[612] until naught of all that remained by me;
so I fell to vending the house-gear and goods and carpets and pots and
pans until I owned nothing whatever, and my case waxed straitened and
the affair was grievous to me. Then quoth I to myself, “Allah’s earth
for Allah’s folk!” and, albeit I had a wife and two male children, I
left them and went forth under cover of the night a wanderer about the
world and unknowing where I should bring myself to anchor. But suddenly
O my lord the Kazi, I was confronted by a man whose aspect bred awe,
showing signs of saintliness and garbed wholly in spotless white; so I
accosted him and kissed his hand, and he on seeing me said, “O my son,
there is no harm to thee!” presently adding,
“Do thou be heedless of thy cark and care ✿ And unto Fate commit thy
whole affair;
The Lord shall widen what to thee is strait; ✿ The Lord shall all for
breadth of space prepare:
The Lord shall gladly end thy grievous toils; ✿ The Lord shall work His
will, so jar forbear.”
After these words he took my hand and walked with me athwart those wilds
and wolds till such time as we made a city and entered its gates. Here,
however, we found no signs of creature-kind nor any mark of Son of Adam,
and when I sighted this my condition changed and fear and affright
entered my heart. But presently the man turned to me and said, “Dread
not nor be startled, for that this city shall (Inshallah!) be thy
portion, and herein thou shalt become Sovran and Sultan.” Quoth I to
myself, “Walláhi, verily this man be Jinn-mad lacking wit and
understanding! How shall I become King and Kaysar in such place which is
all ruins?” Then he turned to me yet another time, saying, “Trust in
Allah and gainsay Him not; for verily shall come to thee joy out of that
wherein thou wast of straitness and annoy.”——And Shahrazad was surprised
by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O
sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is
this compared with that I would relate an the Sovran suffer me to
survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Nine Hundred and Thirteenth Night,