than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting, and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the more that man cried to the lover “Come,”
the faster did he run away; so the Fellah returned and said, “He
misliketh to come and he hath fled.” Hereupon he took seat together with
the scald-head and the neighbours to dine off the scones of handrubbed
grain, and the wife served to them whatso she had made for her lover’s
eating and she would not touch aught thereof but left it for her spouse
and for his servant and for the neighbours. On the following day the
Fellah went forth betimes to plough whilst the boy, delaying purposely
at home, hid himself behind the door when behold, the lover entered to
her, and she said, “’Tis my desire that we forge a story whereby to slay
my husband and Master Scald-head the servant.” Quoth he, “How wilt thou
slay them?” and quoth she, “I will buy for them poison and make it up in
cooked food, so they may devour it together and perish together; after
which we will abide, I and thou, making merry, nor shall the dead
disturb us any more.” He rejoined, “Do what thou willest,” and all this
whilst the boy stood listening to them behind the door. But as soon as
the lover went forth the house, the lad arose and retired; then, donning
Jews’ garb he shouldered a pair of saddle-bags and went about crying,
“Ho! Aloes good for use. Ho! Pepper[474] good for use. Ho! Kohl good for
use. Ho! Tutty good for use!” Now when the woman saw him she came forth
the house and hailed him, “Ho thou the Jew!” and said he to her, “Yes, O
my lady.” Then said she, “Hast thou with thee aught of poison?” and said
he, “How, O my lady? Have I not with me poison of the hour?[475] and
whoever shall eat thereof in a mess of sweet milk[476] and rice and
clarified butter shall die within that time.” “Do thou take this dinar,”
continued she, “and give me somewhat of it;” but he rejoined, “I do not
trade for moneys, and I will sell it only for ornaments of precious
metal.” Hereupon she pulled off one of her anklets and handed it to him
and he, who had provided himself with half a loaf of Egyptian
sugar,[477] gave her the moiety thereof, saying, “Use it with sweet milk
and rice and clarified butter.” She took it in high glee, and arising
milked the she-buffalo, after which she boiled the loaf-sugar in the
milk and then threw it into a sufficiency of the rice and the clarified
butter, fancying the while that she was cooking a mortal meal,[478] and
lastly she ladled out the mess into a large platter. Now when it was
sunset-time her husband returned from the field and was met about
half-way by the boy who told him all that he had overheard and how he
had sold her the sugar for one of her anklets, saying, “This be poison.”
Then he charged him that, as soon as both of them should have swallowed
the mess of milk and rice and clarified butter, they fall down and feign
dead. So master and servant agreed upon this plan. And when the Fellah
entered the hut she served to them the platter which contained their
supper, and they ate the whole thereof, she sitting by intent upon their
action and expecting their death. But they served her with a sleight;
for suddenly the Fellah changed countenance and made as though he waxed
ill and faint, and fell upon the ground like one in the last agony, and
shortly after the boy rolled upon the floor on similar wise. Whenas she
considered them she exclaimed, “May Allah have no mercy upon you; the
wretches are dead!” Hereupon she went out and called aloud to her lover,
and as he was coming cried, “Hie thee hither and enjoy the sight of
these dead ones;” so he hastened up to them, and seeing them stretched
upon the floor said, “They’re dead.” Presently quoth she, “We two, I and
thou, will now make merry;” and so saying she withdrew with him into
another hut, intending at once to sleep together. Hereupon the husband
arose and went in to them and smote the lover with a quarter-staff upon
the neck and broke in his back bone,[479] after which he turned to the
wicked woman his wife and struck her and split open her head, and left
the twain stone dead. And as soon as it was midnight he wrapped them in
a single sheet and carried them forth outside the village, and after
choosing a place,[480] dug a hole and thrust them therein. And ever
after that same Fellah had rest from his wife, and he bound himself by a
strong oath not to interwed with womankind—never no more.[481] And now
(quoth Shahrazad) I will recount to you another tale touching the wiles
of women; and thereupon she fell to relating the adventure of
THE WOMAN WHO HUMOURED HER LOVER AT HER HUSBAND’S EXPENSE.[482]
There was a man in Cairo and he had a wife who ever boasted of her
gentle blood and her obedience and her docility and her fear of the
Lord. Now she happened to have in the house a pair of fatted
ganders[483] and she also had a lover whom she kept in the background.
Presently the man came to visit her and seeing beside her the plump
birds felt his appetite sharpened by them, so he said to her, “O
Such-an-one, needs must thou let cook these two geese with the best of
stuffing so that we may make merry over them, for that my mind is bent
upon eating goose-flesh.” Quoth she, “’Tis right easy; and by thy life,
O So-and-so, I will slaughter them and stuff them and thou shalt take
them and carry them home with thee and eat them, nor shall this pimp my
husband taste of them or even smell them.” “How wilt thou do?” asked he,
and she answered, “I will serve him a sleight shall enter into his
brains and then give them to thee, for none is dear to me as thyself, O
thou light of mine eyes; whereas this pander my mate shall not touch a
bittock thereof.” Upon this agreement the lover went from her and when
her husband returned at sunset-tide she said to him, “Ho Man, how canst
thou ever call thyself a man when thou never invitest anybody to thy
house and no day of the days thou sayest me:—I have a guest coming to
us; even as another would do; and folk surely will talk of thee and
declare thou art a miser and unknowing the ways of generosity.” “O
Woman,” said he, “this were for me an easy business and to-morrow
morning (Inshallah!) I will buy for thee flesh and rice and thou shalt
let cook for us or dinner or supper, whereto I will invite one of my
intimates.” Quoth she to him, “Nay, O Man; rather do thou buy for me a
pound of mince-meat; then slaughter the two geese and I will stuff them
and fry them, for that nothing is more savoury to set before guests.”
Said he, “Upon my head and mine eye be it!” and as soon as it was dawn
he slaughtered the geese and went forth and bought a Rotolo of meat
which he minced and took all was required of rice and hot spices and
what not else. These he carried home to his wife and said to her, “Do
thou finish off thy cooking before midday when I will bring my guests,”
and presently he fared forth from her. Then she arose and cleaned out
the geese and stuffed them with minced meat and a portion of rice and
almonds and raisins;[484] and fried them until they were well cooked;
after which she sent for her lover and as soon as he came she and he
made merry together, and she gave him the geese which he took up and
left her.——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell
silent and ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister
Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and
delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would
relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to survive?” Now
when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-first Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night.” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the woman gave to her lover the geese which she
had fried and he took the twain and fared away with them. Now when it
was noon suddenly her husband came home accompanied by a friend and
knocked at the door; so she arose and opened to him and admitted them.
Then she asked, “And hast thou brought only one man?[485] hie thee forth
and fetch at least two or better still three.” “’Tis well,” said he and
went off to do her bidding. Then the woman accosted the guest who came
first and cried, “Oh the pity of it! By Allah thou art lost and the Lá
Haul of Allah[486] is upon thee and doubtless thou hast no children.”
Now when the man heard these words he exclaimed, “Why, O Woman?” for
indeed fear and affright had sunk deep into his heart. She rejoined,
“Verily my husband hath not brought thee hither save with the intention
of cutting off thy precious stones the honours of thy yard[487] and of
gelding thee to a Castrato; and heigho and alas for thee whether thou
die or whether thou live, and Oh the pity of it for thee!” Now when the
man heard this speech, he arose in haste and hurry and rushed out by the
door when behold, the husband came bringing with him two of his
familiars. So the wife met him at the entrance and said to him, “O Man,
O miserablest of men, O thou disappointed, O thou dissatisfied,[488]
thou hast brought to me a fellow which was a thief, a ne’er-do-well like
unto thyself.” “How so?” asked he, and she answered, “The man stole the
two geese and stole away.” Thereupon the husband went out and catching
sight of the guest running off shouted to him, “Come back! Come back!
even although thou bring only one with thee and take the other.” Cried
the man in reply, “An thou catch me do thou take thee the two.” But the
house-master meant the two geese whilst the man who was running away
thought only of himself, saying in his mind, “This one speaketh of my
ballocks, meaning that he will take only one of my stones[489] and leave
me the other.” So he ceased not running and the other followed after
him, but being unable to catch him he returned to his guests and served
them with somewhat of bread and so forth, whilst the woman kept blaming
him and knagging about the matter of the geese which she said had been
carried off, but which had been given by her to her lover. The husband
enjoined her to silence; however she would not hold her peace[490] and
on this wise he was balked of the meal to feed his wife’s friend. And
now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you somewhat of the wiles of an
honest woman, and thereupon she fell to recounting the adventure of
THE KAZI SCHOOLED BY HIS WIFE.
It is related of a man which was a Kazi that he had a wife of the
virtuous and the righteous and of the charitable and the pitiful to the
orphan and the pauper; and the same was beautiful exceedingly. Her
husband held and was certified anent womankind that all and every were
like unto his spouse; so that when any male masculant came into his
court[491] complaining about his rib he would deliver his decision that
the man was a wrongdoer and that the woman was wronged. On such wise he
did because he saw that his wife was the pink of perfection and he
opined that the whole of her sex resembled her, and he knew naught of
the wickedness and debauchery of the genus and their sorcery and their
contrariety and the cunning contrivance wherewith they work upon men’s
wits. He abode all careless of such matters, in consequence of the
virtues of his spouse, until one chance day of the days when suddenly a
man came to him with a grievance about his better half and showed how he
had been evil entreated by her and how her misconduct was manifest and
public. But when the man laid his case before the Kazi and enlarged upon
his charge, the Judge determined that he was in tort and that his wife
was in the right; so the complainant went forth the court as one deaf
and blind who could neither hear nor see. Moreover he was perplexed as
to his affair, unknowing what he should do in the matter of his helpmate
and wherefore the Kazi had determined contrary to justice that he had
ill-used his spouse. Now as to the Kazi’s wife none could forgather with
her;[492] so the plaintiff was distraught and confounded when he was met
unexpectedly on the way by one who asked him, “What may be thy case, O
certain person, and how hath it befallen thee with the Kazi in the
matter of thy rib?” “He hath given sentence,” quoth the man, “that I am
the wrong-doer and that she is the wronged, and I know not how I shall
act.” Whereupon quoth the other, “Return and take thy station hard by
the entrance to the Judge’s Harem and place thyself under the protection
of its inmates.” The man did as his friend advised him and knocked, when
a handmaiden came out and he said to her, “O Damsel, ’tis my desire that
thou send me hither thy lady, so I may bespeak her with a single word.”
She went in and informed her mistress[493] who rose and humoured him,
and standing veiled behind the door asked, “What is to do with thee, O
man?” “O my lady,” said he, “I place myself under thy ward and thine
honour, so thou enable me to get justice of my wife and overcome her and
prevail over her, for in very deed she hath wronged me and disgraced me.
I came to complain of her ill-conduct before His Honour our lord the
Kazi, yet he hath determined that I am the wrong-doer and have injured
her while she is the wronged. I know not what I shall do with him, and
sundry of the folk have informed me that thou art of the beneficent; so
I require that thou charge for me the Judge to deliver according to Holy
Law his decree between me and my mate.” Quoth she, “Go thou and take thy
rest, nor do thou return to him until he shall have sent after thee, and
fear not aught from him at all.” “Allah increase thy weal, O my lady,”
quoth he, and he left her and went about his business pondering his case
and saying to himself in mind, “Oh would Heaven I wot whether the Kazi’s
wife will protect me and deliver me from this fornicatress, this
adulteress, who hath outraged me and carried away my good and driven me
forth from her.” Now when it was night-tide and the Judge was at leisure
from his commandments, he went into his Harem, and it was his wife’s
custom whenever he returned home to meet him at the middle doorway. But
as on that occasion she failed so to do, he walked into the apartment
wherein she woned and found her at prayers; then he recalled to mind the
contention of the man who had come to him with a grievance against his
spouse——And Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent
and ceased saying her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad,
“How sweet and tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine and how enjoyable and
delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this compared with that I would
relate on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when
it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that when the Kazi went in to his wife whom he found
praying, he recalled to mind the matter of the man who had come to him
with a contention against his spouse and he said in his thought, “Verily
nor hurting nor harming ever cometh from womankind and indeed this liar
complaineth of his wife falsely;” for it was still in his mind that all
of the contrary sex are as virtuous as his lady. But when she had done
with her devotions, she rose up to him and served him and set before
him, she and her handmaidens, the tray of food and she sat down at meat
with him as was her wont. Now amongst the dishes was a charger
containing two chickens, so said she to her husband, “By Allah, O my
lord, do thou buy for us to-morrow a couple of geese that I may let
stuff them, for my heart is set upon eating of their meat.” Said he, “O
my lady, to-morrow (Inshallah! an it be the will of the Almighty) I will
send to the Bazar and let buy for thee two geese of the biggest and the
fattest and the Eunuchs shall slaughter them and thou shalt use them as
thou will.” Accordingly, at dawn-tide the Judge sent to buy two plump
birds and bade the Eunuchs cut their throats and the handmaidens gutted
them and stuffed them and cooked them with rice over and above the usual
food. Thereupon the Kazi’s wife arose and proceeded to work her
contrivance. She had bought two sparrows which the hunter had trapped;
and she bade kill and dress them and place them upon the rice instead of
the geese and awaited the even-tide when her husband would return to
supper. Then they spread the tables whereupon was placed a covered
platter under which he supposed stood the geese; so he took it off and
behold, he found the two sparrows. Hereat he was perplext and said to
his wife, “Allaho Akbar—God is most Great—where be the geese?” and said
she to him, “Whatso thou broughtest here it be[494] before thee upon the
dish.” “These be two sparrows,” quoth he, and quoth she, “I wot not.” So
the Judge arose displeased[495] with his wife and going to her home
fetched her father and as she saw him coming, she stood up and whipping
off the two small birds placed the big ones in their stead; and he
uncovered the plate and found the geese. So he said to his son-in-law,
“Thou declarest that these be sparrows but indeed they are geese;” for
he also was deceived and went forth in displeasure with the Judge, after
which the Kazi followed in his footstep and soothed him and invited him
to meat but he would not return with him. Hereupon the husband padlocked
the door but, before he had entered, the wife had substituted the
birdies for the big birds and when her mate sat down to meat and would
fain have eaten he uncovered the platter and beheld the two sparrows.
Seeing this he was like to go out of his mind and he cried aloud,
“Walláhi! indeed this be a portentous calamity,” and he went forth,
trotting in his haste, until he met his father-in-law upon the way. Then
he cried upon him and said, “Come and look at the two geese which were
in the platter.” “Wherefore?” asked the other and answered he, “Because
I found them changed to two sparrows.” Hereupon the father returned with
him to the house and walked up to the table whence the lady, during her
husband’s absence, had removed the birdies and replaced the birds in
lieu of them. So the father took off the cover and finding before him
the pair of geese said to his son-in-law, “Be these two geese? consider
them well whether they be sparrows or not.” “Two geese,” said the other
and said the sire, “Then why dost thou come to me a second and a several
time and bring me hither and complain of my daughter?” Hereupon he left
him and went forth an-angered and the Judge came up with him at the
doorway and soothed him and conjured him to return. Meanwhile the lady
arose and whipping off the geese set the two birdies in lieu thereof and
covered them up; and as soon as the Kazi returned and sat down to meat
he removed the cover from the platter and found the two sparrows. Hereat
he shrieked aloud and arose and went forth the door and cried, “Ho
Moslems, come ye to my help!”[496] Now when the people of the quarter
heard the outcry, they gathered together about the house, when the lady
seized the occasion to carry off the two birdies and to set in lieu of
them the two geese. Asked they, “What is to do with thee, O our lord the
Kazi, and what hath befallen thee?” and he answered, “I bought two geese
for our supper and now I find them turned into two sparrows;” and so
saying he led the Notables of the quarter into his house and showed them
the dish. They uncovered it and found therein two geese, so they
exclaimed, “These be two geese which thou callest sparrows;” and so
saying they left him and went their ways. He followed them making
excuses and was absent for a while, when his wife took the birds and set
the birdies in place of them and when the Kazi returned and proceeded to
sit down at meat he uncovered the platter and behold, thereon stood the
two sparrows. So he smote hand upon hand crying, “These be two sparrows
without doubt or hesitation;” whereat his wife arose and called out with
a loud voice, “O ye Moslems, help ye a Moslemah.”[497] So the folk ran
to her aidance and asked her saying, “What is to do, O our lady?” and
she answered, “Verily my calamity is grievous and there is no Majesty
and there is no Might save in Allah, the Glorious, the Great. My husband
the Kazi hath gone Jinn-mad and do you of your grace and benevolence lay
hold of him and carry him to the Máristán.”——And Shahrazad was surprised
by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased to say her permitted say.
Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet is thy story, O sister mine,
and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth she, “And where is this
compared with that I would relate to you on the coming night an the King
suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, “Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be other
than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short the watching
of this our latter night!” She replied:——With love and good will! It
hath reached me, O auspicious King, the director, the right-guiding,
lord of the rede which is benefiting and of deeds fair-seeming and
worthy celebrating, that the Judge’s wife cried upon the folk of the
quarter, “Do ye of your grace and benevolence to us seize the Kazi and
carry him to the Maristan that they may confine him therein until he
return to his reason and regain his right mind.” Hereupon they laid
hands upon him and bore him to the Bedlam and imprisoned him therein
amongst the maniacs, and it was certified to all the folk that their
Kazi had been suddenly struck by insanity and that they had confined him
in the madhouse. Now all this was of the cunning contrivance of his
wife, that she might make manifest to him concerning womankind how none
of mankind can prevail over them. But after the lapse of three days
which the Judge passed in the Bedlam, his wife went in to him bringing a
somewhat of food and set meat before him and asked him saying, “What was
it thou foundest on the platter?” Answered he, “Two sparrows,” and
continued she, “Recover thy senses and thy right mind and see here am I
who have made thee out mad for thy confusion between two geese and two
sparrows. Now whenever any man cometh to thee complaining of his wife
(and thou unknowing aught of the couple and of their circumstances),
thou determinest that the male is the evil-doer and withal thou wottest
not that women are often the worst of wrongers and that men are sorely
wronged by them. And in the matter now in hand, the whole of the folk
declare that the Kazi is a wrong-doer to his wife, and no one knoweth
that thou art really the wronged and I the wronger.” Indeed sooth did he
say who said, “Alas for those who be gaoled wrongfully!” So do thou
never decide aught thou knowest not. However, thou hast approved to
thyself that I am true and loyal to thee and thou makest all the folk
like one to other, but this is a sore injury to some. In the present
case do thou send for the man who is wronged and let bring him to thy
presence and bid his wife be also present and do him justice of her.”
After this she removed her husband from the Maristan and went her ways,
and the Kazi did with the man as his lady had charged him do and
whenever a plaintiff came before him with a grievance against his wife
he would decide that the man was the wronged and the woman was the
wronger, and he ceased not doing after this fashion for a while of time.
And now (quoth Shahrazad) I will relate to you another history of
womankind and this is the tale of
THE MERCHANT’S DAUGHTER AND THE PRINCE OF AL-IRAK[498]
Whilome there was, men say, a Khwajah, a merchant man who was lord of
money and means and estates and endowments and appanages, withal he had
no seed, or son or daughter, and therefore he sued Almighty Allah that
he might be blessed with even a girl-child to inherit his good and keep
it together. Suddenly he heard a Voice bespeak him in dreamery saying,
“Ho Such-an-one, Predestination overcometh Prudence and resignation to
the trials sent by Allah is foremost and fairest.” Hearing this he arose
without stay or delay and casually[499] slept with his wife who, by
decree of the Decreer and by allowance of Allah Almighty, conceived that
very night. When she became pregnant and the signs of gestation showed
in her, the merchant rejoiced and distributed and doled and did
alms-deeds; and, as soon as her tale of days was fulfilled, there befel
her what befalleth womankind of labour-pangs, and parturition came with
its madding pains and the dolours of delivery, after which she brought
forth a girl-babe moulded in mould of beauty and loveliness and showing
promise of brilliance and stature and symmetric grace. Now on the night
after the birth and when it was the middle thereof, the Merchant was
sitting at converse beside his wife and suddenly he again heard the
Voice announcing to him that his daughter was fated to become a mother
in illicit guise by the son of a King who reigned in the region Al-Irak.
He turned him towards the sound but could see no man at such time, and
presently he reflected that between his city and the capital of the
King’s son in Al-Irak was a distance of six months and a moiety. Now the
night wherein the Merchant’s wife became a mother was the same when the
King’s wife of Al-Irak bare a boy-heir, and the Merchant, albe he wist
naught thereof, was seized with trembling and terror at the words of the
Voice and said in himself, “How shall my daughter forgather with the
King’s son in question when between us and him is a travel of six months
and a half? What can be such case? But haply this Voice is of a Satan!”
As soon as it was morning-tide the father summoned astrologers and men
who compute horoscopes and scribes who cast lots,[500] and when they
presented themselves he informed them that a daughter had been added to
his household and his aim was to see what the prognostic[501] might be.
Hereupon all and every wrought at his art and mystery, and it was shown
that the Merchant’s daughter would become a mother by the son of a King
and this would be in the way of unright: but so far from informing him
of this or suffering him to learn concerning of her circumstance they
said, “The future none wotteth it save Allah Almighty and our craft at
times proveth soothfast and at times falsifieth us.” However the
Khwajah’s heart was on no wise satisfied and he ceased not to suffer
patiently nor did rest repose him nor were meat and sleep to him sweet
for the space of two years, during which his daughter was suckled and in
due time was weaned. The father never ceased pondering how he should act
towards his child and at sundry times he would say, “Let us slay her and
rest from her,” and at other times he would exclaim, “Let us remove her
to a stead where none shall approach her or of man-kind or of
Jinn-kind.” Withal did none point out a path to pursue nor did any guide
him to any course of the courses he might adopt. Now one day of the days
he fared forth his house unknowing whither he should wend and he stinted
not wending until he found himself without the town,——And Shahrazad was
surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying her
permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, “How sweet and tasteful
is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and delectable!” Quoth
she, “And where is this compared with that I would relate to you on the
coming night an the Sovran suffer me to survive?” Now when it was the
next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Eighty-seventh Night,