share in it. Then LILY drops on to the settee before the
writing-table, laughing and holding up her hands in protest._
LILY.
No more, boys! [_ROPER, VON RETTENMAYER, and DE CASTRO gather round
her, applauding her and urging her to continue._] No, no; no more!
I've had such a stiff day----
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_With sudden energy, to everybody._] Out you go, all of you; out you
go!
JIMMIE.
[_To the men._] Come on; let's mizzle. [_Shaking hands with
FARNCOMBE._] Cruel of us to tire her so.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Tapping VON RETTENMAYER on the shoulder._] Now, then, Baron!
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Shaking hands with LILY._] I'm goming.
JIMMIE.
[_Taking VON RETTENMAYER to the door._] Well, _gome_!
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Pulling ROPER away from LILY._] Now, Uncle!
ROPER.
[_Adjusting his coat._] Mind the paint, Ma.
JIMMIE.
[_Calling out._] Good-bye, Lil!
LILY.
[_As she shakes hands with DE CASTRO, calling to JIMMIE._] Good-bye!
[_JIMMIE and VON RETTENMAYER disappear._
MRS. UPJOHN.
Now, Mr. de Castro! [_Moving with ROPER towards the door._] 'Owever
d'ye think she's goin' to get through her work to-night!
DE CASTRO.
[_Pausing to comb his moustache._] Quite right, Ma---- [_thoughtlessly_]
and a thupper and a danthe afterwardth.
ROPER.
[_Turning upon him quickly._] Sssh! [_In a low voice._] Dam fool!
DE CASTRO.
[_Clapping his hand to his mouth._] Oh----!
[_They glance at JEYES who, hearing de Castro's remark, has left the
window and come forward a step or two._
ROPER.
[_Uneasily._] Er-- good-bye, Nicko.
DE CASTRO.
[_To JEYES, in the same way._] G-good-bye.
JEYES.
[_To both, dryly._] Good-bye.
BLAND.
[_Talking to LILY, neither of them having heard de Castro's slip._]
That jingle-- an echo of old times, eh?
LILY.
[_Looking up at him._] Yes, but not better times than these times,
Vin?
BLAND.
[_Sadly, holding her hand._] Ah, Lil, there are so many tunes in life
left for _you_, my dear!
ROPER.
[_At the door, with MRS. UPJOHN and DE CASTRO-- to BLAND._] Come along,
Vincent.
[_BLAND joins the group at the door as FARNCOMBE approaches LILY._
FARNCOMBE.
[_Shaking hands with her._] Thank you. [_With fervour._] Glorious!
LILY.
[_Reproachfully._] For shame!
FARNCOMBE.
I mean it.
LILY.
T'sh! [_Lightly._] See you again some day, perhaps?
FARNCOMBE.
Ah, yes--
ROPER.
[_Calling to FARNCOMBE._] Coming our way, Farncombe?
[_ROPER, BLAND, and DE CASTRO depart. FARNCOMBE bows to LILY and makes
for the door._
FARNCOMBE.
[_To JEYES._] Good-bye, Captain Jeyes.
JEYES.
[_Who has wandered to the entrance to the conservatory, where he is
now standing with his back to the room-- half turning._] Good-bye.
FARNCOMBE.
[_Shaking hands with MRS. UPJOHN._] Delightful! Enjoyed myself
amazingly.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Graciously._] Oh, we're always glad when a few folks pop in-- [_he
wrings her hand_] if they don't over-stay their welcome.
FARNCOMBE.
Naturally. [_Hurriedly._] Good-bye. [_He vanishes._
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_Remaining at the door._] Captain----
JEYES.
[_Advancing._] I want just half a dozen words with Lily, Mrs. Upjohn.
LILY.
[_To MRS. UPJOHN._] Tell Maud to put out my old green frock, mother;
I'll be up in a minute or two.
MRS. UPJOHN.
[_To JEYES._] Now, you won't keep 'er longer, will you?
JEYES.
[_Grimly._] No, no; I know she won't be in bed till four o'clock
to-morrow morning at the earliest. [_MRS. UPJOHN goes out, closing the
door, and Jeyes comes to LILY._] So Smythe is giving you a grand feed
to-night at the theatre, Lil?
LILY.
[_Arranging the pillows on the settee._] In the foyer.
JEYES.
And a dance, it appears.
LILY.
[_Yawning._] Oh-h-h-h! [_Lying upon the settee at full length._] Who
told _you_, grumpy?
JEYES.
Roper and your mother told me about the supper. _You_ didn't.
LILY.
Ha, ha! You were in such a vile mood last night, coming home.
JEYES.
Who will there be to dance _with_ to-night?
LILY.
The men of the Company.
JEYES.
That doesn't sound very inspiring.
LILY.
Rather school-treaty, isn't it!
JEYES.
Nobody from outside?
LILY.
No; it's to be only the men in the theatre and the principal ladies.
JEYES.
_Roper's_ going.
LILY.
Uncle Lal? Oh, well, he's hardly from outside.
JEYES.
And de Castro.
LILY.
Sam?
JEYES.
I'm sure of it, from something I heard him say just now.
LILY.
Sam used to finance Carlton. I suppose they reckon _him_ one of us.
JEYES.
[_Sitting in the chair in the middle of the room._] Smythe might have
extended the compliment to _me_, Lil. He knows how I stand towards
you.
LILY.
Awfully sorry; _I_ can't help it.
JEYES.
[_Twining his fingers together._] You see, if Roper and de Castro are
asked, there may be others.
LILY.
[_Changing her position._] Oh, lal, lal, lal, lal, la!
JEYES.
[_With a set jaw._] Some of the more juvenile "boys," perhaps.
[_Examining his nails._] Lil.
LILY.
What?
JEYES.
When did you make the acquaintance of the young sprig o' the nobility
who's been here this afternoon?
LILY.
Lord Farncombe? Bertie brought him and introduced him one day last
week.
JEYES.
Ha! _He's_ at your feet now.
LILY.
Phuh!
JEYES.
Oh, you may "phuh"! He's in front every blessed night. There he sits,
Row B., three stalls from the end, prompt side!
LILY.
There are a few good-looking girls at the Pandora besides your humble
servant.
JEYES.
Rubbish! His glass follows you all over the stage. I watched him
talking to you in this room----
LILY.
[_Raising herself._] Did you indeed!
JEYES.
[_Beating his clenched hands upon the arms of his chair._] God in
heaven! First it's one, then it's another, chasing you!
LILY.
[_Putting her feet to the ground._] Oh, you're maddening, Nicko! You
_are_; you're maddening. Last night it was Stewie Heneage you chose to
be jealous of, simply because you'd heard him sounding my praises at
Catani's! You almost broke the window of the car, you went on so!
JEYES.
I confess I object to Heneage, or any man, raving about you at the top
of his voice in a public place.
LILY.
Sakes alive, why _shouldn't_ Stewie rave about me in a public place,
if he feels like it! I belong to the public. He might rave about a
girl who's a jolly sight less deserving of being raved about, as a
girl _and_ an artist, than I am.
JEYES.
Well, we'll dismiss Heneage.
LILY.
Yes, exit Stewie and enter somebody else for you fuss and fume about.
This afternoon it's Lord Farncombe, and to-morrow it'll be a fresh
person altogether. One 'ud think, to hear you, that I don't know how
to take care of myself, and of any poor boy who loses his head over
me! [_Rising and walking away._] You're growing worse and worse with
your jealousy, Nicko. Stop it! I'm surprised at you, after all these
years! It's beginning to fret me, and that's bad for my spirits and
bad for me in business. [_At the tea-table, grabbing a piece of
bread-and-butter and biting at it._] And now you're making me spoil my
dinner-- [_relenting_] and that's not good for me either, you brute!
JEYES.
[_His hands hanging loosely between his knees, sighing heavily._] Oh,
Lily, Lily----!
LILY.
Yes, oh, Lily, Lily!
JEYES.
Why-- why don't you put me out of my misery?
LILY.
[_Munching._] Poison you?
JEYES.
Marry me.
LILY.
[_Behind his chair._] Marry you? [_Taking his handkerchief from his
breast-pocket and wiping her fingers upon it-- sarcastically._] Have
you come to tell me you've got some work to do at last? Break it
gently, Nicko; the shock might be too great for me.
JEYES.
Oh, _I'd_ find a billet soon enough, Lil, if only I'd an incentive to
hunt for it.
LILY.
Incentive! You _had_ an incentive twelve months ago, when I was
willing to engage myself to you absolutely if you could obtain a good
secretaryship or something of the sort.
JEYES.
I-- I've no fancy for a beggarly secretaryship.
LILY.
No; all _you've_ a fancy for, seemingly, is for living on your
unfortunate people. [_Throwing him his handkerchief and leaving him._]
How a man of your age can rest satisfied with being a burden to others
passes my dull comprehension!
JEYES.
I-- I _have_ been a bit slack, I own-- I _have_ been a bit leisurely;
but----
LILY.
[_Inspecting some of the flowers about the room._] Nicko, that
pendant, or whatever it is, you've given me-- I don't want to hurt
you, but I won't accept it. You take it away with you; do you hear?
JEYES.
[_Not heeding her, weakly._] Lil----
LILY.
I'm in earnest; you remove it from off my premises.
JEYES.
Lil-- [_she returns to him_] my eldest brother-- Robert-- [_looking up
at her_] Bob-- [_She nods inquiringly._] Bob's at me to go out to
Rhodesia, to manage a group of stock farms he's interested in near
Bulawayo.
LILY.
Oh, why don't you go?
JEYES.
[_Forlornly._] Rhodesia! Bulawayo! [_Looking up at her again with a
dismal smile._] Come with me?
LILY.
Don't be absurd.
JEYES.
[_Rising and putting his hands upon her shoulders._] No, you wouldn't
care a straw-- not a brass farthing-- if I _did_ go, would yer!
LILY.
[_Softening again._] Stuff! I should miss you horribly. [_Toying with
a button of his waistcoat._] Who'd bring me home from the theatre at
night then, and from rehearsals; who----?
JEYES.
Ah, _who_! [_His grip tightening on her._] _Who!_
LILY.
[_Wincing._] Ssss! You'll bruise my skin if you're not careful.
JEYES.
[_Taking her hand and crumpling it in his._] Well, it might be that
you'd miss me for a while-- the old dog that you're accustomed to find
lying on your door-mat; [_pressing her hand to his lips_] but you
don't _love_ me, Lil-- not even as much as you did a year ago. You
don't _love_ me!
LILY.
[_With a faint shrug of her shoulders._] Perhaps I don't, in the way
you mean; [_wistfully_] perhaps it's not in me really to love anybody
in a marrying way. [_Meeting his eyes._] Still, as you say----
JEYES.
As I say----?
LILY.
[_Pursing her mouth at him winningly._] I'm _accustomed_ to you,
Nicko. [_He draws her to him; but, with a laugh, she checks him by
offering him her head to kiss._] There-- [_putting the point of her
finger playfully on the crown of her head_] you may _there_. [_As he
kisses her._] Now I must run upstairs, or mother'll whack me.
JEYES.
[_Detaining her._] Won't you allow me to fetch you after the dance?
LILY.
Three or four in the morning! No; I'll give you a rest. Uncle Lal or
Sam'll take on your job. [_Going to the door._] And don't try to see
me to-morrow.
JEYES.
[_Sharply._] Why not?
LILY.
Not till you turn up at night as usual. I shall be a shocking rag all
day.
JEYES.
[_Breaking out._] Yes, I expect you'll manage to enjoy yourself
thoroughly, and dance yourself off your feet, whoever your partners
may be!
LILY.
[_Wilfully._] Expect I shall. [_Tossing her head up._] Ha, ha! I'll do
my best.
[_She departs, leaving him standing near the tea-table. He takes out
his handkerchief and mops his brow. As he does so, his eyes rest upon
the telephone-instrument on the writing-table and he stares at it. He
hesitates, as if struggling to resist an impulse; then he goes quickly
to the instrument and puts the receiver to his ear._
JEYES.
[_After a pause._] Gerrard, three, eight, four, eight. [_Discovering
that LILY has left the door wide open, he lays the receiver upon the
writing-table and goes to the door and shuts it. Then he returns to
the writing-table and again listens at the receiver._] Is that the
office of the Pandora Theatre?... [_Suddenly, imitating the voice of
DE CASTRO._] Ith Mithter Morrith Cooling in?... I'm Mithter de Castro
... Tham de Castro ... Gone, ith he?... Oh, ith that you, Mithter
Hickthon?... Yeth, you'll do ... About the thupper-party to-night that
Mithter Smythe ith giving to Mith Parradell ... Yer there?... I didn't
quite underthtand whether ith to be at the theatre or at a rethtaurong
... At the theatre?... Oh, yeth ... A largth party?... Oh, that _ith_
nithe!... Who are the guesth, d'ye know?... Yeth?... Yeth?... Oh, an'
the boyth!... oh, thome o' the _boyth_ are comin', are they!...
Hey?... Haven't got the litht from Mithter Roper yet?... Oh, _he'th_
been helpin' to get it up!... Oh, we _shall_ have a thplendid time!...
The boyth!... Yeth!... Yeth!... ha, ha, ha, ha!... thankth....
goo'bye!
[_He replaces the receiver and stands looking at the door for a
moment. Then, with his head bent and his hands clasped behind him, he
goes slowly out._
END OF THE FIRST ACT.
THE SECOND ACT
_The scene is an artistically decorated refreshment-saloon-- or
"foyer"-- on the first-circle floor of a theatre. The wall facing the
spectator is panelled partly in glass, and through the glazed panels
the corridor behind the circle, and the doors admitting to the circle,
are seen. The right-hand wall is panelled in a similar way, showing
the landing at the top of the principal staircase and an entrance to
the corridor. Some music-stands and stools are on the landing,
arranged for a small orchestra._
_In the right-hand wall there is a double swing-door giving on to the
landing; and in the wall at the back, opening on to, and from, the
corridor, there is a single swing-door on the left and another on the
right. The left-hand door is fastened back into the saloon by a hook.
Between the two doors in the back wall runs the refreshment-counter._
_In one of the further corners of the saloon there is a plaster statue
representing the Muse of Comedy, in the opposite corner a companion
figure of Dancing. In the wall on the left, the grate hidden by
flowers, is a fireplace with a fender-stool before it, and on either
side of the fireplace there is a capacious and richly upholstered
arm-chair. A settee of like design stands against the wall on the
right between the double-door and the spectator._
_The counter is decked-out as a sideboard, and at equal distances from
each other there are four round tables laid for a supper-party of
twenty-six persons. There are eight chairs at one table and six at
each of the others, the chairs being of the sort usually supplied by
ball-caterers._
_The saloon and the landing without are brilliantly lighted, the
corridor less brightly._
[_LUIGI and four waiters-- one of whom has a curly head and a fair
beard ending in two flamboyant points-- are putting the finishing
touches to the laying of the tables, while MORRIS COOLING, a person of
imposing presence displaying a vast expanse of shirt-front, is engaged
in placing upon each of the serviettes a card bearing the name of a
guest._
COOLING.
[_Referring to a plan of the tables which he has in his hand._] Miss
Connify-- Miss Connify-- Miss Connify-- where's Miss Connify? Ah, here
you are, my dear-- [_moving to MISS CONNIFY'S chair and putting a card
upon her serviette_] next to old Arthur.
[_The four waiters, obeying a direction in dumb-show from LUIGI, go
out at the door on the left._
LUIGI.
[_A little, dark, active man-- viewing the tables with satisfaction._]
Tables look nice, Mr. Cooling?
COOLING.
[_Absorbed._] Not bad-- not bad-- not bad. [_LUIGI follows the
waiters._] Miss Kato? [_Moving to another table and laying a card upon
a serviette._] Gabrielle.
[_ROPER bustles in through the double-door, in high feather._
ROPER.
Hul-lo! [_Cutting a caper._] Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and
how are you to-morrow!
COOLING.
[_Deep in his plan of the tables._] Hullo, Lal!
ROPER.
[_Surveying the tables._] Splendid! [_Going from one table to
another._] Seating 'em, hey?
COOLING.
Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk-- Mr. Palk? [_Placing another card._] Albert.
ROPER.
Which d'ye make your principal table?
COOLING.
There it is; you're at it.
ROPER.
Ah, yes. [_Examining the cards._] "Miss Lily Parradell--"! [_His jaw
falling._] Why, you've gone and put the Baron on her right!
COOLING.
[_Unconsciously._] Well, what's the objection?
ROPER.
Where's Farncombe? Where's Lord Farncombe?
COOLING.
On the other side, with Dolly Stidulph and Enid.
ROPER.
Rats!
COOLING.
What do you mean by Rats? [_Advancing to the principal table--
nettled._] Look heah, Lal----!
ROPER.
My dear fellow, Miss Parradell is the heroine o' the party; the seat
next to her is the seat of honour.
COOLING.
That's why I've put the Baron there. With things as they are between
England and Germany----
ROPER.
If Germany doesn't like it, she must lump it. Lord Farncombe's the
eldest son of an Earl; you can't get over that.
COOLING.
[_Picking up FARNCOMBE'S card._] Oh, have it your own way.
ROPER.
[_Picking up VON RETTENMAYER'S card._] Besides, the Baron's sweet on
Enid just now; I'm sure he'd prefer-- [_They exchange the cards and
rearrange them._] thanks, ol' man. Sorry I was shirty.
COOLING.
[_Laying down his plan and cards and producing a letter from his
breast-pocket._] By-the-bye, the fair Lily-- the heroine of the party,
as you call her-- is in a pretty tantrum over the whole business.
ROPER.
Tantrum?
COOLING.
[_Unfolding the letter._] Had this from her ten minutes ago. Listen to
_this_. [_Reading._] "My Dressing-room. 11-15. 80 degrees, with the
windows open." [_In an injured tone._] Haw, so I should think!
ROPER.
[_Concerned._] What's amiss?
COOLING.
[_Reading._] "Morrie, you pig." [_ROPER whistles._] "Morrie, you pig.
I should feel deeply indebted to you if you would kindly inform me why
the devil you went out of your way to deceive me last night. You led
me to suppose-- and so did that lying worm Lal Roper----" [_looking at
ROPER_] _You._
ROPER.
Oh, lord!
COOLING.
[_Resuming._] "--that lying worm Lal Roper----"
ROPER.
[_Testily._] All right, all right.
COOLING.
"--you both led me to suppose that this rotten banquet was to be a
family gathering of the ladies and gentlemen of the Pandora Theatre,
and no outsiders asked. Now I find that only three or four of the men
of the Company are invited, and I hear from Nita Trevenna, who has got
it from young Kennedy, that several of the Boys are to be laid on for
the occasion. The result is you have made me tell a regular whopper to
a particular friend of mine with regard to this affair----"
ROPER.
[_Passing his hand over his brow._] Nicko Jeyes.
COOLING.
"--which I will never forgive you for, Morris Cooling-- neither you
nor Lal Roper. As true as I am alive, I have a jolly good mind not to
show, but to put on my old rags and go straight home. You are two
cads. So take it out of that and believe me, Always yours
affectionately, Lil."
ROPER.
[_Walking about._] Well, I'm blessed!
COOLING.
[_Returning the letter to his pocket._] Haw! Tasty document!
ROPER.
Lying worm and a cad! And from Miss Lily Margaret Upjohn! [_To
COOLING._] Done anything about it?
COOLING.
No; waited for you. [_Going on with his arrangements at the tables._]
_You're_ responsible. What _I_ did last night was simply to oblige a
pal.
ROPER.
[_Irresolutely._] I'd better run round to her, and try to smooth her
down, hadn't I?
COOLING.
Perhaps you _had_. [_Placing a card._] Mr. Stewart Heneage. [_To
ROPER._] Why you wanted to mislead the girl I can't understand.
ROPER.
Damn it, you agreed that that sulky brute Jeyes 'ud be a wet blanket!
You blow hot and cold, you do!
COOLING.
There you go! More filthy temper!
ROPER.
If ever I assist in getting up another party----! [_As he reaches the
door on the left, he encounters CARLTON SMYTHE, who is entering at
that moment, and puts on his humourous manner._] Hul-lo! Here we are
again! All change for Oxford Circus!
SMYTHE.
[_A bulky, sleepy-looking man with grey hair, a darker moustache and
beard, and a heavy, rolling gait._] Ha, Lal!
ROPER.
I'm just going to have a word with Lil Parradell.
[_He disappears and SMYTHE advances._
COOLING.
[_Approaching SMYTHE._] How are you to-night, Chief?
SMYTHE.
[_A silk hat on the back of his head, an overcoat on his arm--
regarding the preparations with disgust._] Puh! Here's a muck and a
muddle!
COOLING.
Don't worry; we'll clear it away in no time. Shall I tell you who are
coming?
SMYTHE.
No; I shall know soon enough. What was the house to-night?
COOLING.
[_Producing a long slip of paper and handing it to SMYTHE._] Big.
[_SMYTHE scans the paper through half-closed lids and gives a growl of
contentment._] Haw! And the weather dead against us.
SMYTHE.
[_Screwing up the paper, and cramming it into his waistcoat-pocket._]
There's no bad weather for a good play. [_Looking at his hands._] I'll
go and have a wash and brush up. [_LUIGI returns, entering at the door
on the left, and goes behind the counter. The waiters follow him,
carrying some melons lying upon ice in plated dishes. They deposit the
dishes upon the counter and LUIGI proceeds to cut the melon into
slices. COOLING resumes, at a table on the left, the placing of the
cards. As SMYTHE is moving towards the right-hand door at the back,
STEWART HENEAGE and GERALD GRIMWOOD-- two exquisitely dressed youths
with blank faces-- enter from the landing. SMYTHE shakes hands with
them._] Ha, Mr. Heneage! Ha, Mr. Grimwood! [_HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD
murmur some polite expressions._] Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my
hands. [_DE CASTRO enters, also at the double-door, and SMYTHE shakes
hands with him. HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD drift over to COOLING, who hails
them warmly._] How do, Sam! Back in a moment; just going to wash my
hands.
DE CASTRO.
[_Detaining him._] I thay, Carlton.
SMYTHE.
Eh?
DE CASTRO.
[_Lowering his voice._] I've been in front again to-night.
Magnifithent! Marvellouth!
SMYTHE.
[_Resignedly._] It'll do; I shall get a couple o' years out of it.
DE CASTRO.
There'th jutht _one_ little improvement I'd like to thee, if I may
thuggetht it.
SMYTHE.
What's that?
DE CASTRO.
[_Linking his arm in SMYTHE'S._] You're thure you won't conthider me
prethumptuouth?
SMYTHE.
Of course not; very kind of yer.
DE CASTRO.
[_In SMYTHE'S ear._] If you _could_ give Gabth-- Mith Kato-- a tiny
bit more to do in the thecond act----!
SMYTHE.
[_Nodding._] Ah, yes, yes.
DE CASTRO.
She'th a little lump o' talent, that gal, if you only realithed it;
a perfect little lump o' talent.
SMYTHE.
[_Trying to escape._] Er-- I'll think it over.
DE CASTRO.
Will yer! An extra thong! That'th all it need be-- an extra thong! Oh,
it would be _thuch_ an improvement! [_VON RETTENMAYER enters at the
double-door. The waiters now go to the tables and lay a plate with a
slice of melon upon it at each cover._] Here'th the Baron. We've been
thitting together to-night, I and the Baron. [_Wringing SMYTHE'S
hand._] Thankth. [_Joining COOLING and the others on the left as
SMYTHE greets VON RETTENMAYER._] Hullo, Morrith! [_Shaking hands with
HENEAGE and GRIMWOOD._] Well, boyth!
SMYTHE.
[_Shaking hands with VON RETTENMAYER._] Glad to see yer, Baron.
VON RETTENMAYER.
Zo good of you to haf me.
SMYTHE.
Excuse me; I'm just going to wash my hands.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Detaining him._] Bardon me-- one moment----
SMYTHE.
Eh?
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Dropping his voice._] May I dake the liberdy of indulging in a
liddle griticism on your eggcellent blay?
SMYTHE.
Certainly.
VON RETTENMAYER.
[_Drawing SMYTHE away from the tables._] Gome here. [_His mouth close
to SMYTHE'S ear._] The zecond aggd!
SMYTHE.
Second act; what's the matter with it?
VON RETTENMAYER.
The pard where the gharming Miss Barradell is ghanging her gostume----
SMYTHE.
Yes?
VON RETTENMAYER.
That is where the biece reguires lifding-- [_with a gesture_] lifding.
SMYTHE.
Lifting?
VON RETTENMAYER.
Mr. Davish-- Mr. Balk-- eggsdremely glever; [_slipping his arm through
SMYTHE'S_] but if you could zee your way glear to gif Enid-- Miss
Mongreiff-- anoder dance----
SMYTHE.
[_Nodding._] Ah, h'm, h'm.
VON RETTENMAYER.
It would remove the zolitary imberfection.
SMYTHE.
Er-- I'll think it over. [_Releasing himself._] I'm just going to wash
my hands. We'll talk about it later.
VON RETTENMAYER.
Schoensten Dank. [_Going to the men on the left._] Aha, Mr. Gooling!
My dear Steward-- my dear Jerry----!
[_As SMYTHE is again making for the door on the left, MRS. STIDULPH
enters from the landing with COLONEL STIDULPH._
SMYTHE.
[_To MRS. STIDULPH._] Ha, Dolly! [_Kissing her._] How are you, my
dear?
MRS. STIDULPH.
[_A mature but still beautiful woman, gorgeously dressed and wearing
showy jewels-- with a lofty air._] How are you, Carlton?
SMYTHE.
[_To STIDULPH._] How d'ye do, Arthur? Delighted to see yer.
MRS. STIDULPH.
Lucky I'm able to come to you to-night. It's so difficult to catch me
in the season.
SMYTHE.
Been in front?
MRS. STIDULPH.
M'yes; [_in a tone of boredom_] oh, yes.
SMYTHE.
What, don't you like it?
MRS. STIDULPH.