(_FOR THE USE OF SAILORS PROPOSING TO JOIN THE ROYAL NAVY._)
[Illustration: Boxing the Compass.]
_Question_. I think you have been to the Royal Naval Exhibition at
Chelsea.
_Answer_. I have. I was induced to make the journey by an advertising
placard posted on two official boards outside the Admiralty.
_Q._ What was your first impression on reaching the grounds usually
open to the public, but now reserved for commercial purposes?
_A._ That the Public were extremely benevolent to permit so long an
infringement of their right of way and other privileges.
_Q._ After you had entered the Exhibition, what was your initial
impression?
_A._ That a great number of the exhibits were not very appropriate
advertisements.
_Q._ Did you see Seamen of the Royal Navy making an exhibition of
themselves in the Arena?
_A._ I did; and could not help contrasting with the feebly-histrionic
display the recent order in Paris forbidding the French soldiers to
take part in theatrical representations.
_Q._ Was the display of these seamen of the Royal Navy particularly
impressive?
_A._ No, and I fancy that some of the audience who had paid an extra
sixpence to see it from the Grand Stand, were slightly disappointed.
_Q._ Besides the cutlass and gun drill, did you see these seamen
(wearing Her Majesty's uniform), take part in any other performance?
_A._ I did, and for this, too, an extra sixpence was charged for the
use of the Grand Stand. They waded about in a sort of tank or large
bath with models of ironclads on their heads.
_Q._ So far as you could see was this last display conducive to the
maintenance of strict discipline?
_A._ I should say not, the more especially as I noticed towards
the close of the display that the men seemed inclined to indulge in
larking.
_Q._ Has this raree show caused you to wish to enlist in the Royal
Navy?
_A._ Certainly not. The gun and cutlass drill before a paying audience
reminded me of _The Battle of Waterloo_ at Astley's.
_Q._ But would you not like to join the Royal Navy, so that you might
be qualified to perform in a tank?
_A._ No; for on consideration I think if I wished to do anything in
the "comic water-tournament line," I could make better terms with Mr.
SANGER than the Lords of the Admiralty.
* * * * *
QUEER QUERIES.--POPULAR PRICES.--Would any reader inform me what is
the lowest price at which _wholesome_ aërated waters are sold? I
have been drinking some "Shadwell Seltzer, special _cuvée_," at a
penny-halfpenny the syphon, and I fancy this may have something to do
with my present symptoms, which include partial paralysis of the left
side, violent spasms, an almost irresistible tendency to homicide,
together with excruciating pain in every part of the body. My doctor
says the lead in the syphons has "permeated my system." When I am
better, I intend to prosecute the manufacturer. My doctor discourages
the notion. He says he does not know if an action would "lie," but he
is sure the manufacturer would!--TEETOTALLER.
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HELVETIAN SIXTH-CENTURY MOTTO.--"_'Tell' est La Vie!_"--_en Suisse_.
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[Illustration: WORK FOR THE RECESS.
MISS PARLIAMENTINA PUTS HER HOUSE IN ORDER, WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE
COMMITTEE ON VENTILATION, ETC.]
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