_A Room in_ MISTRESS NEWCUT’S _House_: MARMADUKE _laying
the cloth for dinner_.
_Enter_ MISTRESS NEWCUT.
MIS. N. Why, how now, sirrah? upon twelve of the clock,
and not the cloth laid yet? must we needs keep Exchange
time still?
MAR. I am about it, forsooth.
MIS. N. You’re about it, forsooth? you’re still about
many things, but you ne’er do one well. I am an ass to
keep thee in th’ house, now my husband’s at sea; thou
hast no audacity with thee; a foolish, dreaming lad,
fitter to be in the garret than in any place else; no
grace nor manly behaviour: when didst thou ever come to
me but with thy head hanging down? O decheerful
’prentice, uncomfortable servant! [_Exit_ MARMADUKE.]—
Pray heaven the gull, my cousin, has so much wit left as
to bring master Tailby along with him, my comfort, my
delight! for that was the chiefest cause I did invite
him. I bade him bring what gentleman he pleased to
accompany him; as far as I durst go: why may he not then
make choice of master Tailby? had he my wit or feeling
he would do’t.
_Enter_ BUNGLER, _and_ GOLDSTONE _disguised_.
BUN. Where’s my sweet cousin here? does she lack any
guess?[644]
MIS. N. Ever such guess as you: you’re welcome, cousin.
GOL. I am rude, lady.
MIS. N. You’re most welcome, sir.
BUN. There will be a gallant here anon, coz; he promised
faithfully.
MIS. N. Who is’t? master Tailby?
BUN. Master Tailby? no, master Goldstone.
MIS. N. Master Goldstone? I could think well of that
Goldstone were’t not for one vild[645] trick he has.
GOL. What’s that, lady?
MIS. N. In jest he will pawn his punks for suppers.
GOL. That’s a vild part in him, i’faith, and[646] he
were my brother.
MIS. N. Pray, gentlemen, sit awhile; your dinner shall
come presently. [_Exit._
GOL. Yea, mistress Newcut? at first give me a trip?
A close bite always asks a secret nip. [_Aside._
BUN. My cousin here is a very kind-natured soul,
i’faith, in her humour.
GOL. Pooh, you know her not so well as I, coz; I have
observed her in all her humours; you ne’er saw her a
little waspish, I think.
BUN. I have [not], i’faith.
GOL. Pooh, then ye ne’er saw pretty humour in your life;
I can bring her into’t when I list.
BUN. Would you could, i’faith!
GOL. Would I could? by my troth, and I were sure thou
couldst keep thy countenance, coz, what a pretty jest
have I thought upon already to entertain time before
dinner!
BUN. Prithee, coz, what is’t? I love a jest a’
life,[647] i’faith.
GOL. Ah, but I am jealous[648] you will not keep your
countenance, i’faith! Why, ye shall see a pretty story
of a humour.[649] Faith, I’ll try you for once: you know
my cousin will wonder when she comes in to see the cloth
laid, and ne’er a salt upon the board.
BUN. That’s true, i’faith.
GOL. Now will I stand a while out of sight with it, and
give her humour play a little.
BUN. Coz, dost thou love me? and thou wilt ever do any
thing for me, do’t.
GOL. Marry, I build upon you[r] countenance.
BUN. Why, dost thou think I’m an ass, coz?
GOL. I would be loath to undertake it else; for if you
should burst out presently, coz, the jest would be
spoiled.
BUN. Why, do not I know that? Away, stand close: [_exit_
GOLDSTONE _with the salt-cellar_] so, so; mum, cousin.—A
merry companion, i’faith: here will be good sport anon,—
whist, she comes.
_Re-enter_ MISTRESS NEWCUT.
MIS. N. I make you stay[650] long for a bad dinner
here, cousin; if master Goldstone were come, the meat’s
e’en ready.
BUN. Some great business detains him, cousin; but he’ll
not be long now.
MIS. N. Why, how now? cuds my life!——
BUN. Why——
MIS. N. Was ever mistress so plagued with a
shuttle-headed servant!—Why, Marmaduke!
_Re-enter_ MARMADUKE.
MAR. I come, forsooth.
MIS. N. Able to shame me from generation to generation!
MAR. Did you call, forsooth?
MIS. N. Come hither, forsooth: did you lay this cloth?
MAR. Yes, forsooth.
MIS. N. Do you use to lay a cloth without a salt, a
salt, a salt, a salt, a salt, a salt!
MAR. How many salts would you have? I’m sure I set the
best i’ th’ house upon the board.
BUN. How, cousin? [_sings_] _Cousin, cousin, did call,
coz?_
MIS. N. Did you see a salt upon the board when you came
in?
BUN. Pooh!
MIS. N. Come, come, I thought as much; beshrew your
fingers, where is’t now?
BUN. Your cousin yonder——
MIS. N. Why, the man’s mad!
BUN. Cousin, hist, cousin!
MIS. N. What say you?
BUN. Pooh, I call not you, I call my cousin.—Come forth
with the salt, cousin! Ha! how? nobody? Why, was not he
that came in e’en now your cousin?
MIS. N. My cousin? O my bell-salt, O my great bell-salt!
_Re-enter_ GOLDSTONE _in his own dress_.
BUN. The tenor bell-salt. O, here comes master
Goldstone now, cousin; he may tell us some news on him.—
Did you not meet a fellow about door with a great silver
salt under his arm?
GOL. No, sure; I met none such.
MIS. N. Pardon me, sir, I forgot all this while to bid
you welcome. I shall loathe this room for ever. Take
hence the cloth, you unlucky, maple-faced[651] rascal.—
Come, you shall dine in my chamber, sir.
GOL. No better place, lady. [_Exeunt._