"I don't think I could tell Cook Stories half as well as yourself.
But if, by way of a change, you would like a Lady Story instead,
perhaps I might be able to accomplish that."
"A LADY Story! Oh, but that would be so dull, wouldn't it?" inquired
No. 6. "You can't make anything funny out of them, surely! Surely
they never do half such odd things as cooks, and boys in buttons!"
"The ladies themselves think not, of course," was Aunt Judy's reply.
"Well, but what do you think, Aunt Judy?"
"Oh, I don't think it matters what I think. The question is, what do
cooks and boys in buttons think?"
"But, Aunt Judy, ladies are never tiresome, and idle, and
impertinent, like cooks and boys in buttons. Oh! if you had but
heard the REAL Cook Stories those ladies told! I say, let me tell
you one or two--I do think I can remember them, if I try."
"Then don't try on any account, dear No. 6," exclaimed Aunt Judy. "I
like make-believe Cook Stories much better than real ones."
"So do I!" cried No. 7, "they're so much the more entertaining."
"And not a bit less useful," subjoined Aunt Judy, with a sly smile.
"Well, I didn't see much good in the real ones," pursued No. 7, in a
sort of muse.
"Let us tell you another make-believe one, then," cried No. 6, who
saw that Aunt Judy was moving off, and wanted to detain her.
"Then it's MY turn!" shouted No. 8, jumping up, and stretching out
his arm and hand like a young orator flushed to his work. And
actually, before the rest of the little ones could put him down or
stop him, No. 8 contrived to tumble out the Cook Story idea, which
had probably been brewing in his head all the time of Aunt Judy's
talk.
It was very brief, and this was it, delivered in much haste, and with
all the earnestness of a maiden speech.
"_I_ had a button boy too, and he was a--what d'ye call it--oh, a
RASCAL, that was it;--he was a rascal, and liked the currants in
mince-pies, so he took them all out, and ate them up, and put in
glass beads instead. So when the people began to ear, their teeth
crunched against the beads! Ah! bah! how nasty it was!"
No. 8 accompanied this remark with a corresponding grimace of
disgust, and then observed in conclusion:-
"Perhaps he found it in a book, but I don't know where," after which
he lowered his outstretched arm, smiled, and sat down.
The company clapped applause, and No. 4 especially must have been
very fond of laughing, for the glass-bead anecdote set her off again
as heartily as ever, and the rest followed in her wake, and while so
doing, never noticed that Aunt Judy had slipped away.
They soon discovered it, however, when their mirth began to subside;
but before they had time to wonder much, there appeared from behind
the door of the wardrobe a figure, which in their secret souls they
knew to be Aunt Judy herself, although it looked a great deal
stouter, and had a thick-filled cap on its head, a white linen apron
over its gown, and a pair of spectacles on its nose. At sight of it
they showed signs of clapping again, but stopped short when it spoke
to them as a stranger, and willingly received it as such.
Ah! it is one of the sweet features of childhood that it yields
itself up so readily to any little surprise or delusion that is
prepared for its amusement. No nasty pride, no disinclination to be
carried away, no affected indifference, interfere with young
children's enjoyment of what is offered them. They will even help
themselves into the pleasant visions by an effort of will; and
perhaps, now and then, end by partly believing what they at first
received voluntarily as an agreeable make-believe.
If, therefore, after the cook figure of Aunt Judy had seated itself
by the doll's table, and the little ones had looked and grinned at it
for some time, hazy sensations began to steal over one or two minds,
that this WAS somehow really a cook, it was all in the natural course
of things, and nobody resisted the feeling.
Aunt Judy's altered voice, and odd, assumed manner, contributed, no
doubt, a good deal to the impression.
"Dear, dear! what pretty little darlings you all are!" she began,
looking at them one after another. "As sweet as sugar-plums, when
you have your own way, and are pleased. Eh, dears? But you don't
think you can take old Cooky in, do you? No, no, I know what ladies
and gentlemen, and ladies' and gentlemen's YOUNG ladies and YOUNG
gentlemen are, pretty well, dears, I can tell you! Don't I know all
about the shiny hair and smiling faces of the little pets in the
parlour, and how they leave parlour-manners behind them sometimes,
when they run to the kitchen to Cook, and order her here and there,
and want half-a-dozen things at once, and must and will have what
they want, and are for popping their fingers into every pie!
"Well, well," she proceeded, "the parlour's the parlour, and the
kitchen's the kitchen, and I'm only a cook. But then I conduct
myself AS Cook, even when I'm in the scullery, and I only wish
ladies, and ladies' YOUNG ladies too, would conduct themselves as
ladies, even when they come into the kitchen; that's what I call
being honourable and upright. Well, dears, I'll tell you how I came
to know all about it. You see, I lived once in a family where there
were no less than eight of those precious little pets, and a precious
time I had of it with them. But, to be sure, now it's past and gone-
-I can make plenty of excuses for them, poor things! They were so
coaxed and flattered, and made so much of, what could be expected
from them but tiresome, wilful ways, without any sense?
"'If your mamma would but put YOU into the scullery, young miss, to
learn to wash plates and scour the pans out, she'd make a woman of
you,' used I to think to myself when a silly child, who thought
itself very clever to hinder other people's work, would come hanging
about in the kitchen, doing nothing but teaze and find fault, for
that's what a girl can always do.
"It was very aggravating, you may be sure, dears, (you see I can talk
to you quite reasonably, because you're so nicely behaved;)--it was
very aggravating, of course; but I used to make allowances for them.
Says I to myself, 'Cook, you've had the blessing of being brought up
to hard work ever since you were a babby. You've had to earn your
daily bread. Nobody knows how that brings people to their senses
till they've tried; so don't you go and be cocky, because ladies and
gentlemen, and ladies' and gentlemen's YOUNG ladies and YOUNG
gentlemen, are not quite so sensible as you are. Who knows but what,
if you'd been born to do nothing, you might have been no wiser than
them! It's lucky for you you're only a cook; but don't you go and be
cocky, that's all! Make allowances; it's the secret of life!'
"So you see, dears, I DID make allowances; and after the eight little
pets was safe in bed till next morning, I used to feel quite
composed, and pitiful-like towards them, poor little dears! But
certainly, when morning came, and the oldest young master was home
for the holidays, it was a trying time for me, and I couldn't think
of the allowances any longer. Either he wouldn't get up and come
down till everyone else had had their breakfast, and so he wanted
fresh water boiled, and fresh tea made, and another muffin toasted,
and more bacon fried; or else he was up so outrageous early, that he
was scolding because there was no hot water before the fire was lit--
bless you, he hadn't a bit of sense in his head, poor boy, not a bit!
And how should he? Why, he went to school as soon as he was out of
petticoats, and was set to all that Latin and Greek stuff that never
puts anything useful into folks' heads, but so much more chatter and
talk; so he came back as silly as he went, poor thing! Dear me, on a
wet day, after lesson-time, those boys were like so many crazy
creatures. 'Cook, I must make a pie,' says one. 'There's a pie in
the oven already, Master James,' says I. 'I don't care about the pie
in the oven,' says he, 'I want a pie of my own. Bring me the flour,
and the water, and the butter, and all the things--and, above all,
the rolling-pin--and clear the decks, will you, I say, for my pie.
Here goes!' And here used to go, my dears, for Master James had no
sense, as I told you; and so he'd shove all my pots and dishes away,
one on the top of the other; and let me be as busy as I would, and
dinner ever so near ready, the dresser must be cleared, and
everything must give way to HIS pie! His pie, indeed--I wish I had
had the management of his pie just then! I'd have taught him what it
was to come shaking the rolling-pin at the head of a respectable
cook, who wanted to get her business done properly, as in duty bound!
"But he wasn't the only one. There was little Whipper-snapper, his
younger brother, squeaking out in another corner, 'I shan't make a
pie, James, I shall make toffey; it's far better fun. You'd better
come and help me. Where's the treacle pot, Cook? Cook! I say,
Cook! where's the treacle-pot? And look at this stupid kettle and
pan. What's in the pan, I wonder? Oh, kidney-beans! Who cares for
kidney-beans? How can I make toffey, when all these things are on
the fire? Stay, I'll hand them all off!'
"And, sure enough, if I hadn't rushed from Master James, who was
drinking away at my custard out of the bowl, to seize on Whipper-
snapper, who had got his hand on the vegetable-pan already, he would
have pulled it and the kettle, and the whole concern, off the fire,
and perhaps scalded himself to death.
"Then, of course, there comes a scuffle, and Master Whipper-snapper
begins to roar, and out comes Missus, who, poor thing, had no more
sense in her head than her sons, though she'd never been to school to
lose it over Latin and Greek; and, says she, with all her ribbons
streaming, and her petticoats swelled out like a window-curtain in a
draught--says she:-
"'Cook! I desire that you will not touch my children!'
"'As you please, ma'am,' says I, 'if you'll be so good as to stop the
young gentlemen from touching my pans, and--' I was going to say
'custard,' but Master James shouts out quite quick:-
"'Why, I only wanted to make a pie, mamma.'
"'And I only wanted to make some toffey!' cries Whipper-snapper; and
then mamma answers, like a duchess at court:-
"'There can't possibly be any objection, my dears; and I wish, Cook,
you would he a little more good-natured to the children;--your temper
is sadly against you!'
"And out she sails, ribbons and window-curtains and all; and, says I
to myself, as I cooled down, (for the young gentlemen luckily went
away with their dear mama,)--says I to myself, 'It's a very fine
thing, no doubt, to go about in ribbons, and petticoats, and grand
clothes; but, if one must needs carry such a poor, silly head inside
them, as Missus does, I'd rather stop as I am, and be a cook with
some sense about me.'
"I don't say, my dears," continued the supposed cook, "that I spoke
very politely just then; but who could feel polite, when their dinner
had been put back at least half-an-hour over such nonsense as that?
Missus used to say the 'dear boys' came to the kitchen on a wet day,
because they'd got NOTHING ELSE TO DO! Nothing else to do! and had
learnt Latin and Greek, and all sorts of schooling besides! So much
for education, thought I. Why, it would spoil the best lads that
ever were born into the world. For, of course, you know if these
young gentlemen had been put to decent trades, they'd have found
something else to do with their fingers besides mischief and waste.
And, dear me, I talk about not having been polite to Missus just
then, but now you tell me, dears, what Missus, with all her
education, would have said if she'd been in my place, when one young
gentleman was drinking her custard, and another young gentleman was
pulling her pans on the floor! Do you think she'd have been a bit
more polite than I was? Wouldn't she have called me all the stupid
creatures that ever were born, and told the story over and over to
all her friends and acquaintance to make them stare, and say there
were surely no such simpletons in the world as ladies and gentlemen,
and ladies' and gentlemen's young ladies and young gentlemen?
"However, I did not go as far as that, because, you see, I had some
sense about me, and could make allowances for all the nonsense the
poor things are brought up to."
There was no resisting the twinkle in Aunt Judy's eye when she came
to this point, though it shone through an old pair of Nurse's
spectacles; and the little ones clapped their hands, and declared it
was every bit as good as a Cook story, ONLY A GREAT DEAL BETTER!
That twinkle had quite brought Aunt Judy back to them again, in spite
of her cook's attire, and No. 6 cried out:-
"Oh! don't stop, Aunt Judy! Do go on, Cooky dear! do tell some more!
Did you always live in that place, please?"
"There now!" exclaimed Aunt Judy, throwing herself back in the chair,
"isn't that a regular young lady's question, out and out? Who but a
young lady, with no more sense in her head than a pin, would have
thought of asking such a thing? Why, miss, is there a joint in the
world that can bear basting for ever? No, no! a time comes when it
must be taken down, if any good's to be left in it; and so at the end
of three years my basting-time was over, and the time for taking down
was come.
"'Cook,' says I to myself, 'you must give in. If you go on with
those cherubs (that was their company name, you know) much longer,
there won't be a bit of you left!' And, sure enough, that very
morning, dears, they'd come down upon me with a fresh grievance, and
I couldn't stand it, I really couldn't! The sweeps had been by four
o'clock to the kitchen chimney, and I'd been up and toiling every
minute since, and hadn't had time to eat my breakfast, when in they
burst--the young ladies, not the sweeps, dears, I mean:- and there
they broke out at once--I hadn't fed their sea-gulls before
breakfast--(a couple of dull-looking grey birds, with big mouths,
that had come in a hamper over night as a present to the cherubs;)
and it seems I ought to have been up before daylight almost, to look
for slugs for them in the garden till they'd got used to the place!
"Oh, these ladies and gentlemen! they'd need know something of some
sort to make amends, for there are many things they never know all
their life long!
"'Young ladies,' says I, 'I didn't come here to get meals ready for
sea-gulls, but Christian ladies and gentlemen. If the sea-gulls want
a cook, your mamma must hire them one on purpose. I've plenty to do
for her and the family, without looking after such nonsense as that!'
"'That's what you always say,' whimpers the youngest Miss; 'and you
know they don't want any cooking, but only raw slugs! And you know
you might easily look for them, because you've got almost nothing to
do, because it's such an easy place, mamma always says. But you're
always cross, mamma says that too, and everybody knows you are,
because she tells everybody!'
"When little Miss had got that out, she thought she'd finished me up;
and so she had, for when I heard that Missus was so ungenteel as to
go talking of what I did, to all her acquaintance, and had nothing
better to talk about, I made up my mind that I'd give notice that
very day.
"'Very well, miss,' says I, 'your mamma shall soon have something
fresh to talk about, and I hope she'll find it a pleasant change.'
"There was some of them knew what I meant at once, for after they'd
scampered off I heard shouts up and down the stairs from one to the
other, 'Cook's going!' 'We shall have a new cook soon!' 'What a
lark we'll have with the toffey and the pies! We'll make her do just
as we choose!'
"'There, now,' thought I to myself, 'there'll be somebody else put
down to baste before long. Well, I'm glad my time's over.' And
thereupon I fell to wishing I was back again in father and mother's
ricketty old cottage, that I'd once been so proud to leave, to go and
live with gentlefolks. But, you see, it was no use wishing, for I'd
my bread to earn, and must turn out somewhere, let it be as
disagreeable as it would. Father and mother were dead, and there was
no ricketty cottage for me to go back to, so I wiped my eyes, and
told myself to make the best of what had to be.
"Well, dears," pursued Cooky, after a short pause, during which the
little ones looked far more inclined to cry than laugh, "Missus was
quite taken aback when she heard I wouldn't stay any longer.
"'Cook,' she said, 'I'm perfectly astonished at your want of sense in
not recognizing the value of such a situation as mine! and as to your
complaints about the children, anything more ridiculously
unreasonable I never heard! Such superior, well-taught young people,
you are not very likely to meet with again in a hurry!'
"'Perhaps not, ma'am,' says I, 'in French, and crochet, and the
piano, and Latin, and things I don't understand, being only a cook.
But I know what behaviour is, and that's what I'm sure the young
ladies and gentlemen have never been taught; or if they have, they're
so slow at taking it in, that I think I shall do better with a family
where the behaviour-lessons come first!'
"Missus was very angry, and so was I; but at last she said:-
"'Cook, I shall not argue with you any longer; you know no better,
and I suppose I must make allowances for you.'
"'I'm much obliged to you, ma'am, I'm sure,' was my answer; 'it's
what I've always done by you ever since I came to the house, and I'll
do it still with pleasure, and think no more of what's been said.'
"I spoke from my heart, I can tell you, dears, for I felt very sorry
for Missus, and thought she was but a lady after all, and perhaps I'd
hardly made allowances enough. I'd lost my temper, too, as I knew
after she went away. But, you see, while she was there, it was so
mortifying to be spoken to as if all the sense was on her side, when
I knew it was all on mine, wherever the French and crochet may have
been. Well, but the day before I left, I broke down with another of
them, as it's fair that you should know.
"I'd felt very lonely that day, busy as I was, and in the afternoon I
took myself into the scullery to give the pans a sort of good-bye
cleaning, and be out of everybody's way. But there, in the midst of
it, comes the eldest young gentleman flinging into the kitchen,
shouting, 'Cook! Cook! Where's Cook?' as usual. I thought he was
after some of his old tricks, and I HAD been fretting over those
pans, thinking what a sad job it was to have no home to go to in the
world, so I gave him a very short answer.
"'Master James,' says I, 'I've done with nonsense now, I can't attend
to you. You must wait till the next cook comes.'
"But Master James came straight away to the scullery door, and says
he, 'Cook, I'm not coming to teaze. I've brought you a needle-book.
There, Cook! It's full of needles. I put them all in myself. Keep
it, please.'
"Dear, dear, I can't forget it yet," pursued Cook, "how Master James
stood on the little stone step of the scullery, with his arm
stretched out, and the needle-book that he'd bought for me in his
hand. I don't know how I thanked him, I'm sure; but I had to go back
to the sink and wash the dirt off my hands before I could touch the
pretty little thing, and then I told him I would keep it as long as
ever I lived.
"He laughed, and says he, 'Now shake hands, Cooky,' and so we shook
hands; and then off he ran, and I went back to my pans and fairly
cried.
"'Why, Cook,' says I to myself, 'that lad's got as good a heart as
your own, after all. And as to sense and behaviour, they haven't
been forced upon him yet, as they have upon you. Latin's Latin, and
conduct's conduct, and one doesn't teach the other; and it's too bad
to expect more of people than what they've had opportunity for.'
Well, dears, that was the rule I always went by, and I've been in
many situations since--with single ladies, and single gentlemen, and
large families, and all; and there was something to put up with in
all of them; and they always told me there was a good deal to put up
with in me, and perhaps there was. However, it doesn't matter, so
long as Missus and servant go by one rule--TO MAKE ALLOWANCES, AND
NOT EXPECT MORE FROM PEOPLE THAN WHAT THEY'VE HAD OPPORTUNITY FOR;
and, above all, never to be cocky when all the advantage is on their
own side. It's a good rule, dears, and will stop many a foolish word
and idle tale, if you'll go by it."
Aunt Judy had finished at last, and she took off the old spectacles
and laid them on the doll's table, and paused.
"It IS a good rule," observed No. 4, "and I shall go by it, and not
tell real Cook Stories when I grow up, I hope."
"I love old Cooky," cried No. 6, getting up and hugging her round the
neck; "but is it wrong, Aunt Judy, to tell funny make-believe Cook
Stories, like ours?"
"Not at all, No. 6," replied Aunt Judy. "My private belief is, that
if you tell funny make-believe Cook Stories while you're little, you
will be ashamed of telling stupid real ones when you're grown up."