How Apuleius was accused by two women, and how the slaine bodies were
found blowne bladders.
When this was done, out came a woman in the middle of the Theatre
arrayed in mourning vesture, and bearing a childe in her armes. And
after her came an old woman in ragged robes, crying and howling
likewise: and they brought with them the Olive boughs wherewith the
three slaine bodies were covered on the Beere, and cried out in this
manner: O right Judges, we pray by the justice and humanity which is in
you, to have mercy upon these slaine persons, and succour our Widowhood
and losse of our deare husbands, and especially this poore infant, who
is now an Orphan, and deprived of all good fortune: and execute your
justice by order and law, upon the bloud of this Theefe, who is the
occasion of all our sorrowes. When they had spoken these words, one of
the most antient Judges did rise and say, Touching this murther, which
deserveth great punishment, this malefactor himselfe cannot deny, but
our duty is to enquire and try out, whether he had Coadjutors to help
him. For it is not likely that one man alone could kill three such
great and valiant persons, wherefore the truth must be tried out by the
racke, and so wee shall learne what other companions he hath, and root
out the nest of these mischievous murtherers. And there was no long
delay, but according to the custome of Grecia, the fire, the wheele,
and many other torments were brought in. Then my sorrow encreased or
rather doubled, in that I could not end my life with whole and
unperished members. And by and by the old woman, who troubled all the
Court with her howling, desired the Judges, that before I should be
tormented on the racke, I might uncover the bodies which I had slaine,
that every man might see their comely shape and youthfull beauty, and
that I might receive condign and worthy punishment, according to the
quality of my offence: and therewithall shee made a sign of joy. Then
the Judge commanded me forthwith to discover the bodies of the slain,
lying upon the beere, with myne own handes, but when I refused a good
space, by reason I would not make my fact apparent to the eies of all
men, the Sergeant charged me by commandement of the Judges, and thrust
me forward to do the same. I being then forced by necessity, though it
were against my wil, uncovered the bodies: but O good Lord what a
strange sight did I see, what a monster? What sudden change of all my
sorrows? I seemed as though I were one of the house of Proserpina and
of the family of death, insomuch that I could not sufficiently expresse
the forme of this new sight, so far was I amased and astonied thereat:
for why, the bodies of the three slaine men were no bodies, but three
blown bladders mangled in divers places, and they seemed to be wounded
in those parts where I remembred I wounded the theeves the night
before. Whereat the people laughed exceedingly: some rejoyced
marvellously at the remembrance thereof, some held their stomackes that
aked with joy, but every man delighted at this passing sport, so passed
out of the theatre. But I from the time that I uncovered the bodies
stood stil as cold as ice, no otherwise than as the other statues and
images there, neither came I into my right senses, until such time as
Milo my Host came and tooke mee by the hand, and with civil violence
lead me away weeping and sobbing, whether I would or no. And because
that I might be seene, he brought me through many blind wayes and lanes
to his house, where he went about to comfort me, beeing sad and yet
fearfull, with gentle entreaty of talke. But he could in no wise
mitigate my impatiency of the injury which I conceived within my minde.
And behold, by and by the Magistrates and Judges with their ensignes
entred into the house, and endeavoured to pacify mee in this sort,
saying, O Lucius, we are advertised of your dignity, and know the
genealogie of your antient lineage, for the nobility of your Kinne doe
possesse the greatest part of all this Province: and thinke not that
you have suffered the thing wherfore you weepe, to any reproach and
ignominy, but put away all care and sorrow out of your minde. For this
day, which we celebrate once a yeare in honour of the god Risus, is
alwaies renowned with some solemne novel, and the god doth continually
accompany with the inventor therof, and wil not suffer that he should
be sorrowfull, but pleasantly beare a joyfull face. And verily all the
City for the grace that is in you, intend to reward you with great
honours, and to make you a Patron. And further that your statue or
image may be set up for a perpetuall remembrance.
To whome I answered, As for such benefits as I have received of the
famous City of Thessaly, I yeeld and render the most entire thanks, but
as touching the setting up of any statues or images, I would wish that
they should bee reserved for myne Auntients, and such as are more
worthy than I.
And when I had spoken these words somewhat gravely, and shewed my selfe
more merry than I was before, the Judges and magistrates departed, and
I reverently tooke my leave of them, and bid them farewell. And behold,
by and by there came one running unto me in haste, and sayd, Sir, your
cousin Byrrhena desireth you to take the paines according to your
promise yester night, to come to supper, for it is ready. But I greatly
fearing to goe any more to her house in the night, said to the
messenger, My friend I pray you tell to my cousine your mistresse, that
I would willingly be at her commandement, but for breaking my troth and
credit. For myne host Milo enforced me to assure him, and compelled me
by the feast of this present day, that I should not depart from his
company, wherefore I pray you to excuse, and to defer my promise to
another time.
And while I was speaking these words, Milo tooke me by the hand, and
led me towards the next Baine: but by the way I went couching under
him, to hide my selfe from the sight of men, because I had ministred
such an occasion of laughter. And when I had washed and wiped my selfe,
and returned home againe, I never remembred any such thing, so greatly
was I abashed at the nodding and pointing of every person. Then went I
to supper with Milo, where God wot we fared but meanly. Wherefore
feigning that my head did ake by reason of my sobbing and weeping all
day, I desired license to depart to my Chamber, and so I went to bed.