How Apuleius supped with Byrrhena, and what a strange tale Bellephoron
told at the table.
It fortuned on a day, that Byrrhena desired me earnestly to suppe with
her; and shee would in no wise take any excusation. Whereupon I went to
Fotis, to aske counsell of her as of some Divine, who although she was
unwilling that I should depart one foot from her company, yet at length
shee gave me license to bee absent for a while, saying, Beware that you
tarry not long at supper there, for there is a rabblement of common
Barrettors and disturbers of the publique peace, that rove about in the
streets and murther all such as they may take, neither can law nor
justice redress them in any case. And they will the sooner set upon
you, by reason of your comelinesse and audacity, in that you are not
afeared at any time to walke in the streets.
Then I answered and sayd, Have no care of me Fotis, for I esteeme the
pleasure which I have with thee, above the dainty meats that I eat
abroad, and therefore I will returne againe quickly. Neverthelesse I
minde not to come without company, for I have here my sword, wherby I
hope to defend my selfe.
And so in this sort I went to supper, and behold I found in Byrrhena’s
house a great company of strangers, and the chiefe and principall of
the city: the beds made of Citron and Ivory, were richly adorned and
spread with cloath of gold, the Cups were garnished pretiously, and
there were divers other things of sundry fashion, but of like
estimation and price: here stood a glasse gorgeously wrought, there
stood another of Christall finely painted. There stood a cup of
glittering silver, and there stood another of shining gold, and here
was another of amber artificially carved and made with pretious stones.
Finally, there was all things that might be desired: the Servitors
waited orderly at the table in rich apparell, the pages arrayed in
silke robes, did fill great gemmes and pearles made in the forme of
cups, with excellent wine. Then one brought in Candles and Torches, and
when we were set down and placed in order, we began to talke, to laugh,
and to be merry. And Byrrhena spake unto mee and sayd, I pray you
Cousine how like you our countrey? Verily I think there is no other
City which hath the like Temples, Baynes, and other commodities which
we have here. Further we have abundance of household stuffe, we have
pleasure, we have ease, and when the Roman merchants arrive in this
City they are gently and quietly entertained, and all that dwell within
this province (when they purpose to solace and repose themselves) do
come to this city. Whereunto I answered, Verily (quoth I) you tell
truth, for I can finde no place in all the world which I like better
than this, but I greatly feare the blind inevitable trenches of
witches, for they say that the dead bodies are digged out of their
graves, and the bones of them that are burnt be stollen away, and the
toes and fingers of such as are slaine are cut off, and afflict and
torment such as live. And the old Witches as soone as they heare of the
death of any person, do forthwith goe and uncover the hearse and spoyle
the corpse, to work their inchantments. Then another sitting at the
table spake and sayd, In faith you say true, neither yet do they spare
or favor the living. For I know one not farre hence that was cruelly
handled by them, who being not contented with cutting off his nose, did
likewise cut off his eares, whereat all the people laughed heartily,
and looked at one that sate at the boords end, who being amased at
their gazing, and somewhat angry withall, would have risen from the
table, had not Byrrhena spake unto him and sayd, I pray thee friend
Bellerophon sit still and according to thy accustomed curtesie declare
unto us the losse of thy nose and eares, to the end that my cousin
Lucius may be delighted with the pleasantnes of the tale. To whom he
answered, Madam in the office of your bounty shall prevaile herein, but
the insolencie of some is not to be supported. This hee spake very
angerly: But Byrrhena was earnest upon him, and assured him hee should
have no wrong at any mans hand. Whereby he was inforced to declare the
same, and so lapping up the end of the Table cloath and carpet
together, hee leaned with his elbow thereon, and held out three
forefingers of his right hand in manner of an orator, and sayd, When I
was a young man I went unto a certaine city called Milet, to see the
games and triumphs there named Olympia, and being desirous to come into
this famous province, after that I had travelled over all Thessaly, I
fortuned in an evil hour to come to the City Larissa, where while I
went up and down to view the streets to seeke some reliefe for my poore
estate (for I had spent all my money) I espied an old man standing on a
stone in the middest of the market place, crying with a loud voice and
saying, that if any man would watch a dead corps that night hee should
be reasonably rewarded for this paines. Which when I heard, I sayd to
one who passed by, What is here to doe? Do dead men use to run away in
this Countrey? Then answered he, Hold your peace, for you are but a
Babe and a stranger here, and not without cause you are ignorant how
you are in Thessaly, where the women Witches bite off by morsels the
flesh and faces of dead men, and thereby work their sorceries and
inchantments. Then quoth I, In good fellowship tell me the order of
this custody and how it is. Marry (quoth he) first you must watch all
the night, with your eyes bent continually upon the Corps, never
looking off, nor moving aside. For these Witches do turn themselves
into sundry kindes of beasts, whereby they deceive the eyes of all men,
sometimes they are transformed into birds, sometimes into Dogs and
Mice, and sometimes into flies. Moreover they will charme the keepers
of the corps asleepe, neither can it be declared what meanes and shifts
these wicked women do use, to bring their purpose to passe: and the
reward for such dangerous watching is no more than foure or sixe
shillings. But hearken further (for I had well nigh forgotten) if the
keeper of the dead body doe not render on the morning following, the
corps whole and sound as he received the same, he shall be punished in
this sort: That is, if the corps be diminished or spoyled in any part
of his face, hands or toes, the same shall be diminished and spoyled in
the keeper. Which when I heard him I tooke a good heart, and went unto
the Crier and bid him cease, for I would take the matter in hand, and
so I demanded what I should have. Marry (quoth he) a thousand pence,
but beware I say you young man, that you do wel defend the dead corps
from the wicked witches, for hee was the son of one of the chiefest of
the city. Tush (sayd I) you speak you cannot tell what, behold I am a
man made all of iron, and have never desire to sleepe, and am more
quicke of sight than Lynx or Argus. I had scarse spoken these words,
when he tooke me by the hand and brought mee to a certaine house, the
gate whereof was closed fast, so that I went through the wicket, then
he brought me into a chamber somewhat darke, and shewed me a Matron
cloathed in mourning vesture, and weeping in lamentable wise. And he
spake unto her and said, Behold here is one that will enterprise to
watch the corpes of your husband this night. Which when she heard she
turned her blubbered face covered with haire unto me saying, I pray you
good man take good heed, and see well to your office. Have no care
(quoth I) so you will give mee any thing above that which is due to be
given. Wherewith shee was contented, and then she arose and brought me
into a chamber whereas the corps lay covered with white sheets, and
shee called seven witnesses, before whom she shewed the dead body, and
every part and parcell thereof, and with weeping eyes desired them all
to testifie the matter. Which done, she sayd these words of course as
follow: Behold, his nose is whole, his eyes safe, his eares without
scarre, his lips untouched, and his chin sound: all which was written
and noted in tables, and subscribed with the hands of witnesses to
confirme the same. Which done I sayd unto the matron, Madam I pray you
that I may have all things here necessary. What is that? (quoth she).
Marry (quoth I) a great lampe with oyle, pots of wine, and water to
delay the same, and some other drinke and dainty dish that was left at
supper. Then she shaked her head and sayd, Away fool as thou art,
thinkest thou to play the glutton here and to looke for dainty meats
where so long time hath not been seene any smoke at all? Commest thou
hither to eat, where we should weepe and lament? And therewithall she
turned backe, and commanded her maiden Myrrhena to deliver me a lampe
with oyle, which when shee had done they closed the chamber doore and
departed. Now when I was alone, I rubbed myne eyes, and armed my selfe
to keep the corpes, and to the intent I would not sleepe, I began to
sing, and so I passed the time until it was midnight, when as behold
there crept in a Wesel into the chamber, and she came against me and
put me in very great feare, insomuch that I marvelled greatly at the
audacity of so little a beast. To whom I said, get thou hence thou
whore and hie thee to thy fellowes, lest thou feele my fingers. Why
wilt thou not goe? Then incontinently she ranne away, and when she was
gon, I fell on the ground so fast asleepe, that Apollo himself could
not discern which of us two was the dead corps, for I lay prostrat as
one without life, and needed a keeper likewise. At length the cockes
began to crow, declaring that it was day: wherewithall I awaked, and
being greatly afeard ran to the dead body with the lamp in my hand, and
I viewed him round about: and immediately came in the matron weeping
with her Witnesses, and ran to the corps, and eftsoons kissing him, she
turned his body and found no part diminished. Then she willed
Philodespotus her steward to pay me my wages forthwith. Which when he
had done he sayd, We thanke you gentle young man for your paines and
verily for your diligence herein we will account you as one of the
family. Whereunto I (being joyous of by unhoped gaine, and ratling my
money in my hand) did answer, I pray you madam esteeme me as one of
your servants, and if you want my service at any time, I am at your
commandement. I had not fully declared these words, when as behold all
the servants of the house were assembled with weapons to drive me away,
one buffeted me about the face, another about the shoulders, some
strook me in the sides, some kicked me, and some tare my garments, and
so I was handled amongst them and driven from the house, as the proud
young man Adonis who was torn by a Bore. And when I was come into the
next street, I mused with my selfe, and remembred myne unwise and
unadvised words which I had spoken, whereby I considered that I had
deserved much more punishment, and that I was worthily beaten for my
folly. And by and by the corps came forth, which because it was the
body of one of the chiefe of the city, was carried in funeral pompe
round about the market place, according to the right of the countrey
there. And forthwith stepped out an old man weeping and lamenting, and
ranne unto the Biere and embraced it, and with deepe sighes and sobs
cried out in this sort, O masters, I pray you by the faith which you
professe, and by the duty which you owe unto the weale publique, take
pitty and mercy upon this dead corps, who is miserably murdered, and
doe vengeance on this wicked and cursed woman his wife which hath
committed this fact: for it is shee and no other which hath poysoned
her husband my sisters sonne, to the intent to maintaine her whoredome,
and to get his heritage. In this sort the old man complained before the
face of all people. Then they (astonied at these sayings, and because
the thing seemed to be true) cried out, Burne her, burne her, and they
sought for stones to throw at her, and willed the boys in the street to
doe the same. But shee weeping in lamentable wise, did swear by all the
gods, that shee was not culpable of this crime. No quoth the old man,
here is one sent by the providence of God to try out the matter, even
Zachlas an Egypptian, who is the most principall Prophecier in all this
countrey, and who was hired of me for money to reduce the soule of this
man from hell, and to revive his body for the triall hereof. And
therewithall he brought forth a certaine young man cloathed in linnen
rayment, having on his feet a paire of pantofiles, and his crowne
shaven, who kissed his hands and knees, saying, O priest have mercy,
have mercy I pray thee by the Celestiall Planets, by the Powers
infernall, by the vertue of the naturall elements, by the silences of
the night, by the building of Swallows nigh unto the towne Copton, by
the increase of the floud Nilus, by the secret mysteries of Memphis,
and by the instruments and trumpets of the Isle Pharos, have mercy I
say, and call to life this dead body, and make that his eyes which he
closed and shut, may be open and see. Howbeit we meane not to strive
against the law of death, neither intend we to deprive the earth of his
right, but to the end this fact may be knowne, we crave but a small
time and space of life. Whereat this Prophet was mooved, and took a
certaine herb and layd it three times against the mouth of the dead,
and he took another and laid upon his breast in like sort. Thus when
hee had done hee turned himself into the East, and made certaine
orisons unto the Sunne, which caused all the people to marvell greatly,
and to looke for this strange miracle that should happen. Then I
pressed in amongst them nigh unto the biere, and got upon a stone to
see this mysterie, and behold incontinently the dead body began to
receive spirit, his principall veines did moove, his life came again
and he held up his head and spake in this sort: Why doe you call mee
backe againe to this transitorie life, that have already tasted of the
water of Lethe, and likewise been in the deadly den of Styx? Leave off,
I pray, leave off, and let me lie in quiet rest. When these words were
uttered by the dead corps, the Prophet drew nigh unto the Biere and
sayd, I charge thee to tell before the face of all the people here the
occasion of thy death: What, dost thou thinke that I cannot by my
conjurations call up the dead, and by my puissance torment thy body?
Then the corps moved his head again, and made reverence to the people
and sayd, Verily I was poisoned by the meanes of my wicked wife, and so
thereby yeelded my bed unto an adulterer. Whereat his wife taking
present audacity, and reproving his sayings, with a cursed minde did
deny it. The people were bent against her sundry wayes, some thought
best that shee should be buried alive with her husband: but some said
that there ought no credit to be given to the dead body. Which opinion
was cleane taken away, by the words which the corps spoke againe and
sayd, Behold I will give you some evident token, which never yet any
other man knew, whereby you shall perceive that I declare the truth:
and by and by he pointed towards me that stood on the stone, and sayd,
When this the good Gard of my body watched me diligently in the night,
and that the wicked Witches and enchantresses came into the chamber to
spoyle mee of my limbes, and to bring such their purpose did transforme
themselves into the shape of beasts: and when as they could in no wise
deceive or beguile his vigilant eyes, they cast him into so dead and
sound a sleepe, that by their witchcraft he seemed without spirit or
life. After this they did call me by my name, and never did cease til
as the cold members of my body began by little and little and little to
revive. Then he being of more lively soule, howbeit buried in sleep, in
that he and I were named by one name, and because he knew not that they
called me, rose up first, and as one without sence or perseverance
passed by the dore fast closed, unto a certain hole, whereas the
Witches cut off first his nose, and then his ears, and so that was done
to him which was appointed to be done to me. And that such their
subtility might not be perceived, they made him a like paire of eares
and nose of wax: wherfore you may see that the poore miser for lucre of
a little mony sustained losse of his members. Which when he had said I
was greatly astonied, and minding to prove whether his words were true
or no, put my hand to my nose, and my nose fell off, and put my hand to
my ears and my ears fell off. Wherat all the people wondred greatly,
and laughed me to scorne: but I beeing strucken in a cold sweat, crept
between their legs for shame and escaped away. So I disfigured returned
home againe, and covered the losse of myne ears with my long hair, and
glewed this clout to my face to hide my shame. As soon as Bellephoron
had told his tale, they which sate at the table replenished with wine,
laughed heartily. And while they drank one to another, Byrrhena spake
to me and said, from the first foundation of this city we have a
custome to celebrate the festivall day of the god Risus, and to-morrow
is the feast when as I pray you to bee present, to set out the same
more honourably, and I would with all my heart that you could find or
devise somewhat of your selfe, that might be in honour of so great a
god. To whom I answered, verily cousin I will do as you command me, and
right glad would I be, if I might invent any laughing or merry matter
to please or satisfy Risus withall. Then I rose from the table and took
leave of Byrrhena and departed. And when I came into the first street
my torch went out, that with great pain I could scarce get home, by
reason it was so dark, for fear of stumbling: and when I was well nigh
come unto the dore, behold I saw three men of great stature, heaving
and lifting at Milos gates to get in: and when they saw me they were
nothing afeard, but assaied with more force to break down the dores
whereby they gave mee occasion, and not without cause, to thinke that
they were strong theeves. Whereupon I by and by drew out my sword which
I carried for that purpose under my cloak, and ran in amongst them, and
wounded them in such sort that they fell downe dead before my face.
Thus when I had slaine them all, I knocked sweating and breathing at
the doore til Fotis let me in. And then full weary with the slaughter
of those Theeves, like Hercules when he fought against the king Gerion,
I went to my chamber and layd me down to sleep.