How Socrates and Aristomenus slept together in one Chamber, and how
they were handled by Witches.
In speaking these words, and devising with my selfe of our departing
the next morrow, lest Meroe the witch should play by us as she had done
by divers other persons, it fortuned that Socrates did fall asleepe,
and slept very soundly, by reason of his travell and plenty of meat and
wine wherewithall hee had filled him selfe. Wherefore I closed and
barred fast the doores of the chamber, and put my bed behinde the
doore, and so layed mee downe to rest. But I could in no wise sleepe,
for the great feare which was in my heart, untill it was about
midnight, and then I began to slumber. But alas, behold suddenly the
chamber doores brake open, and locks, bolts, and posts fell downe, that
you would verily have thought that some Theeves had been presently come
to have spoyled and robbed us. And my bed whereon I lay being a truckle
bed, fashioned in forme of a Cradle, and one of the feet broken and
rotten, by violence was turned upside downe, and I likewise was
overwhelmed and covered lying in the same. Then perceived I in my
selfe, that certaine affects of the minde by nature doth chance
contrary. For as teares oftentimes trickle downe the cheekes of him
that seeth or heareth some joyfull newes, so I being in this fearfull
perplexity, could not forbeare laughing, to see how of Aristomenus I
was made like unto a snail [in] his shell. And while I lay on the
ground covered in this sort, I peeped under the bed to see what would
happen. And behold there entred in two old women, the one bearing a
burning torch, and the other a sponge and a naked sword; and so in this
habit they stood about Socrates being fast asleep. Then shee which bare
the sword sayd unto the other, Behold sister Panthia, this is my deare
and sweet heart, which both day and night hath abused my wanton
youthfulnesse. This is he, who little regarding my love, doth not only
defame me with reproachfull words, but also intendeth to run away. And
I shall be forsaken by like craft as Vlysses did use, and shall
continually bewaile my solitarinesse as Calipso. Which said, shee
pointed towards mee that lay under the bed, and shewed me to Panthia.
This is hee, quoth she, which is his Counsellor, and perswadeth him to
forsake me, and now being at the point of death he lieth prostrate on
the ground covered with his bed, and hath seene all our doings, and
hopeth to escape scot-free from my hands, but I will cause that hee
will repente himselfe too late, nay rather forthwith, of his former
intemperate language, and his present curiosity. Which words when I
heard I fell into a cold sweat, and my heart trembled with feare,
insomuch that the bed over me did likewise rattle and shake. Then spake
Panthia unto Meroe and said, Sister let us by and by teare him in
pieces or tye him by the members, and so cut them off. Then Meroe
(being so named because she was a Taverner, and loved wel good wines)
answered, Nay rather let him live, and bury the corpse of this poore
wretch in some hole of the earth; and therewithall shee turned the head
of Socrates on the other side and thrust her sword up to the hilts into
the left part of his necke, and received the bloud that gushed out,
into a pot, that no drop thereof fell beside: which things I saw with
mine own eyes, and as I thinke to the intent that she might alter
nothing that pertained to sacrifice, which she accustomed to make, she
thrust her hand down into the intrals of his body, and searching about,
at length brought forth the heart of my miserable companion Socrates,
who having his throat cut in such sort, yeelded out a dolefull cry, and
gave up the ghost. Then Panthia stopped up the wide wound of his throat
with the Sponge and said, O sponge sprung and made of the sea, beware
that thou not passe by running river. This being said, one of them
moved and turned up my bed, and then they strid over mee, and clapped
their buttocks upon my face, and all bepissed mee until I was wringing
wet. When this was over they went their wayes, and the doores closed
fast, the posts stood in their old places, and the lockes and bolts
were shut againe. But I that lay upon the ground like one without
soule, naked and cold, and wringing wet with pisse, like to one that
were more than half dead, yet reviving my selfe, and appointed as I
thought for the Gallowes, began to say Alasse what shall become of me
to morrow, when my companion shall be found murthered here in the
chamber? To whom shall I seeme to tell any similitude of truth, when as
I shall tell the trueth in deed? They will say, If thou wert unable to
resist the violence of the women, yet shouldest thou have cried for
help; Wouldst thou suffer the man to be slaine before thy face and say
nothing? Or why did they not slay thee likewise? Why did they spare
thee that stood by and saw them commit that horrible fact? Wherefore
although thou hast escaped their hands, yet thou shalt not escape ours.
While I pondered these things with my selfe the night passed on, and so
I resolved to take my horse before day, and goe forward on my journey.
Howbeit the wayes were unknown to me, and thereupon I tooke up my
packet, unlocked and unbarred the doors, but those good and faithfull
doores which in the night did open of their owne accord, could then
scantly be opened with their keyes. And when I was out I cried, O
sirrah Hostler where art thou? Open the stable doore for I will ride
away by and by. The Hostler lying behinde the stable doore upon a
pallet, and half asleepe, What (quoth hee) doe you not know that the
wayes be very dangerous? What meane you to rise at this time of night?
If you perhaps guilty of some heynous crime, be weary of your life, yet
thinke you not that we are such Sots that we will die for you. Then
said I, It is well nigh day, and moreover, what can theeves take from
him that hath nothing? Doest thou not know (Foole as thou art) if thou
be naked, if ten Gyants should assaile thee, they could not spoyle or
rob thee? Whereunto the drowsie Hostler half asleepe, and turning on
the other side, answered, What know I whether you have murthered your
Companion whom you brought in yesternight, or no, and now seeke the
means to escape away? O Lord, at that time I remember the earth seemed
ready to open, and me thought I saw at hell gate the Dog Cerberus ready
to devour mee, and then I verily beleeved, that Meroe did not spare my
throat, mooved with pitty, but rather cruelly pardoned mee to bring mee
to the Gallowes. Wherefore I returned to my chamber, and there devised
with my selfe in what sort I should finish my life. But when I saw that
fortune should minister unto mee no other instrument than that which my
bed profered me, I said, O bed, O bed, most dear to me at this present,
which hast abode and suffered with me so many miseries, judge and
arbiter of such things as were done here this night, whome onely I may
call to witnesse for my innocency, render (I say) unto me some
wholesome weapon to end my life, that am most willing to dye. And
therewithal I pulled out a piece of the rope wherewith the bed was
corded, and tyed one end thereof about a rafter by the window, and with
the other end I made a sliding knot, and stood upon my bed, and so put
my neck into it, and leaped from the bed, thinking to strangle my selfe
and so dye, behold the rope beeing old and rotten burst in the middle,
and I fell down tumbling upon Socrates that lay under: And even at that
same very time the Hostler came in crying with a loud voyce, and sayd,
Where are you that made such hast at midnight, and now lies wallowing
abed? Whereupon (I know not whether it was by my fall, or by the great
cry of the Hostler) Socrates as waking out of sleepe, did rise up first
and sayd, It is not without cause that strangers do speake evill of all
such Hostlers, for this Catife in his comming in, and with his crying
out, I thinke under a colour to steale away something, hath waked me
out of a sound sleepe. Then I rose up joyfull with a merry countenance,
saying, Behold good Hostler, my friend, my companion and my brother,
whom thou didst falsly affirme to be slaine by mee this might. And
therewithall I embraced my friend Socrates and kissed him: but hee
smelling the stinke of the pisse wherewith those Hagges had embrued me,
thrust me away and sayd, Clense thy selfe from this filthy odour, and
then he began gently to enquire, how that noysome sent hapned unto mee.
But I finely feigning and colouring the matter for the time, did breake
off his talk, and tooke him by the hand and sayd, Why tarry we? Why
lose wee the pleasure of this faire morning? Let us goe, and so I tooke
up my packet, and payed the charges of the house and departed: and we
had not gone a mile out of the Towne but it was broad day, and then I
diligently looked upon Socrates throat, to see if I could espy the
place where Meroe thrust in her sword: but when I could not perceive
any such thing, I thought with my selfe, What a mad man am I, that
being overcome with wine yester night, have dreamed such terrible
things? Behold I see Socrates is sound, safe and in health. Where is
his wound? Where is the Sponge? Where is his great and new cut? And
then I spake to him and said, Verily it is not without occasion, that
Physitians of experience do affirme, That such as fill their gorges
abundantly with meat and drinke, shall dreame of dire and horrible
sights: for I my selfe, not tempering my appetite yester night from the
pots of wine, did seeme to see this night strange and cruel visions,
that even yet I think my self sprinkled and wet with human blood:
whereunto Socrates laughing made answer and said, Nay, thou art not wet
with the blood of men, but art embrued with stinking pisse; and verily
I dreamed that my throat was cut, and that I felt the paine of the
wound, and that my heart was pulled out of my belly, and the
remembrance thereof makes me now to feare, for my knees do so tremble
that I can scarce goe any further, and therefore I would faine eat
somewhat to strengthen and revive my spirits. Then said I, behold here
thy breakefast, and therewithall I opened my script that hanged upon my
shoulder, and gave him bread and cheese, and we sate downe under a
greate Plane tree, and I eat part with him; and while I beheld him
eating greedily, I perceived that he waxed meigre and pale, and that
his lively colour faded away, insomuch that beeing in great fear, and
remembring those terrible furies of whom I lately dreamed, the first
morsell of bread that I put in my mouth (that was but very small) did
so stick in my jawes, that I could neither swallow it downe, nor yet
yeeld it up, and moreover the small time of our being together
increased my feare, and what is hee that seeing his companion die in
the high-way before his face, would not greatly lament and bee sorry?
But when that Socrates had eaten sufficiently hee waxed very thirsty,
for indeed he had well nigh devoured a whole Cheese: and behold evill
fortune! There was behind the Plane tree a pleasant running water as
cleere as Crystal, and I sayd unto him, Come hither Socrates to this
water and drinke thy fill. And then he rose and came to the River, and
kneeled downe on the side of the banke to drinke, but he had scarce
touched the water with lips, when as behold the wound in his throat
opened wide, and the Sponge suddenly fell out into the water, and after
issued out a little remnant of bloud, and his body being then without
life, had fallen into the river, had not I caught him by the leg and so
pulled him up. And after that I had lamented a good space the death of
my wretched companion, I buried him in the Sands there by the river.
Which done, in great feare I rode through many Outwayes and desart
places, and as culpable of the death of Socrates, I forsooke my
countrey, my wife, and my children, and came to Etolia where I married
another Wife.
This tale told Aristomenus, and his fellow which before obstinatly
would give no credit unto him, began to say, Verily there was never so
foolish a tale, nor a more absurd lie told than this. And then he spake
unto me saying, Ho sir, what you are I know not, but your habit and
countenance declareth that you should be some honest Gentleman,
(speaking to Apuleius) doe you beleeve this tale? Yea verily (quoth I),
why not? For whatsoever the fates have appointed to men, that I beleeve
shall happen. For may things chance unto me and unto you, and to divers
others, which beeing declared unto the ignorant be accounted as lies.
But verily I give credit unto his tale, and render entire thankes unto
him, in that by the pleasant relation thereof we have quickly passed
and shortned our journey, and I thinke that my horse was also delighted
with the same, and hath brought me to the gate of this city without any
paine at all. Thus ended both our talk and our journey, for they two
turned on the left hand to the next villages, and I rode into the city.