she said, whin she'd only get as much out av it as Mrs. Donnelly, across
the field, that had only two. Thin, whin they explained to the widow
that she'd get twice as much, ould mother Donnelly was clane mad; for
she'd thought she was goin' to get the betther av the widow.
Thin there was tarrible bother over barrin' out wee Mrs. Morley, because
she had only a goat. Some was for lettin' her in; but the gineral
opinion was that it would be makin' too little av the Society.
Howiver, all was goin' brave an' paceable till ould Michael Murray, the
ould dunderhead, puts in his oar.
Michael was a divil of a man for pace-makin', an' riz more rows than all
the county, for all that; for whin two dacent men had a word or two av a
fair-day, maybe whin the drink was in them, an' had forgot all about it,
the next day ould Michael would come round to make it up, an' wi' him
mindin' them av what had passed, the row would begin worse than iver.
So, whin all was set well agoin', an' the committee met to call a
gineral meetin' av the Society, ould Michael he gets up an' says what a
pity it would be if the Society would be broke up wi' politics or
religion; an' he proposed that they should show there was no ill-feelin'
on either side by holdin' this giniral meetin' in the Orange Hall, an'
the nixt in the United Irish League rooms. He named the Orange Hall
first, he said, because he was a Nationalist himself, an' a Home Ruler,
an' always would be.
There was one or two Orangemen beginnin' to look mighty fiery at the
tail-end av Michael's speech, an' there's no tellin' what would a'
happened if the chairman hadn't whipped in an' said that Michael's was a
very good idea, an' he thought they couldn't do betther than folly it
up.
So, right enough, the first gineral meetin' was held in the Ballygullion
Orange Hall.
Iverything was very quiet an' agreeable, except that some av the red-hot
Nationalists kept talkin' quare skellys at a flag in the corner wi'
King William on it, stickin' a man in a green coat wi' his sword.
But, as fortune would have it, little Billy av the Bog, the sthrongest
wee Orangeman in Ulsther, comes in at half-time as dhrunk as a fiddler,
sits down on a form an' falls fast asleep. An' there he snored for the
most av half an hour, till near the end av the meetin', whin the
chairman was makin' a speech, there was a bit av applause, an' ap starts
Billy all dazed. First he looked up an' seen King William on the flag.
Thin hearin' the chairman's voice, he gives a stamp wi' his fut on the
flure, an' a "hear, hear," wi' a mortial bad hiccup between the "hears."
The wee man thought he was at a lodge-meetin'.
All av a sudden he sees ould Michael Murray, an', beside him, Tammas
McGorrian.
Wi' that he lepps to his feet like a shot, dhrunk as he was, an' hits
the table a terrible lick wi' his fist.
"Stap, brethren," sez he, glarin' round the room.
"Stap! There's Papishes present."
Ye niver seen a meetin' quicker broke up than that wan. Half the men was
on their feet in a minit, an' the other half pullin' thim down be the
coat-tails. Iverybody was talkin' at the wan time, some av thim swearin'
they'd been insulted, an' others thryin' to make pace.
Thin the wimmin begin to scrame an' hould back men from fightin' that
had no notion av it at the start, an' only begin to think av it whin
they were sure they wouldn't be let.
Altogether there was the makin's of as fine a fight as iver ye seen in
your life.
However, there was a lot of dacent elderly men on both sides, and wi'
arguin' an' perswadin', and houldin' back wan, an' pushin' out the
other, the hall was redd without blows, an', bit by bit, they all went
home quiet enough.
But the Cramery Society was clane split. It wasn't wee Billy so much;
for whin people begin to think about it the next mornin', there was more
laughed at him than was angry; but the party feelin' was up as bitther
as could be.
The Nationalists was mad at themselves for givin' in to go to a meetin'
in the Orange Hall, for fear it might be taken that they were weakenin'
about Home Rule; an' the Orange party were just as afeard at the papers
makin' out that they were weakenin' about the Union. Besides, the ould
King William in the corner av the Hall had done no good.
I'm no party man, myself; but whin I see William Robinson, that has been
me neighbour this twinty years, goin' down the road on the Twelfth av
July wi' a couple av Orange sashes on, me heart doesn't warm to him as
it does av another day. The plain truth is, we were bate at the Boyne
right enough; but some av us had more than a notion we didn't get fair
play at the fightin'; an' between that and hearin' about the batin' iver
since, the look of ould Billy on his white horse isn't very soothin'.
Anyway, the two parties couldn't be got to join again. The red-hot wans
av both av thim had meetin's, wee Billy leadin' wan side, and Tammas
McGorrian the other, an' the nixt thing was that there was to be two
Crameries.
The moderate men seen that both parties were makin' fools av themselves,
for the place wasn't big enough for two; but moderate men are scarce in
our parts, an' they could do nothin' to soothe matthers down. Whin the
party work is on, it's little either side thinks av the good av
thimselves or the counthry either.
It's "niver mind a dig yourself if ye get a slap at the other fellow."
So notices was sent out for a meetin' to wind up the Society, an' there
was a powerful musther av both sides, for fear either of them might get
an advantage over the other wan.
To keep clear av trouble it was to be held in the Market house.
The night av the meetin' come; an' when I got into the room who should I
see on the platform but Major Donaldson an' Father Connolly. An' thin I
begin to wondher what was on.
For the Major was too aisy-goin' and kindly to mix himself up wi'
party-work, an' Father Connolly was well known to be terrible down on
it, too.
So a sort av a mutther begin to run through the meetin' that there was
goin' to be an attempt to patch up the split.
Some was glad and not afraid to say it; but the most looked sour an'
said nothin'; an' wee Billy and Tammas McGorrian kept movin' in an' out
among their friends an' swearin' them to stand firm.
When the room was well filled, an' iverybody settled down, the Major
gets on his feet.
"Ladies an' gentlemen," sez he--the Major was always polite if it was
only a travellin' tinker he was spakin' to--"Ladies an' gentlemen, you
know why we've met here to-night--to wind up the Ballygullion Cramery
Society. I wish windin' up meant that it would go on all the better;
but, unfortunately, windin' up a Society isn't like windin' up a clock."
"Now, I'm not going to detain you; but before we proceed, I'd like you
to listen to Father Connolly here for a minute or two. I may tell you
he's goin' to express my opinion as well as his own. I needn't ask you
to give him an' attentive hearin'; ye all know, as well as I do, that
what he says is worth listenin' to." An' down the Major sits.
Thin Father Connolly comes forward an' looks roun' a minit or so before
spakin'. Most av his own people that catched his eye looked down mighty
quick, for they all had an idea he wouldn't think much av what had been
goin' on.
But wee Billy braces himself up an' looks very fierce, as much as to say
"there'll no praste ordher me about," and Tammas looks down at his feet
wi' his teeth set, much as if he meant the same.
"Men an' wimmin av Ballygullion," sez Father Connolly--he was aye a
plain-spoken wee man--"we're met here to end up the United Cramery
Society, and after that we're goin' to start two societies, I hear.
"The sinsible men av Ballygullion sees that it would be altogether
absurd an' ridiculous for Catholics an' Protestants, Home Rulers an'
Unionists, to work together in anything at all. As they say, the two
parties is altogether opposed in everything that's important.
"The wan keep St. Patrick's Day for a holiday, and the other the Twelfth
av July; the colours of the one is green, an' the colours of the other
orange; the wan wants to send their Mimbers av Parliament to College
Green, and the other to Westminster; an' there are a lot more
differences just as important as these.
"It's thrue," goes on the Father, "that some ignorant persons says that,
after all, the two parties live in the same counthry, undher the same
sky, wi' the same sun shinin' on them an' the same rain wettin' thim;
an' that what's good for that counthry is good for both parties, an'
what's bad for it is bad for both; that they live side by side as
neighbours, an' buy and sell among wan another, an' that nobody has iver
seen that there was twinty-one shillin's in a Catholic pound, an'
nineteen in a Protestant pound, or the other way about; an' that,
although they go about it in different ways, they worship the same God,
the God that made both av thim; but I needn't tell ye that these are
only a few silly bodies, an' don't riprisint the opinion av the
counthry."
A good many people in the hall was lookin' foolish enough be this time,
an' iverybody was waitin' to hear the Father tell them to make it up,
an' most av them willin' enough to do it. The major was leanin' back,
looking well satisfied.
"Now," sez Father Connolly, "after what I've said, I needn't tell ye
that I'm av the opinion av the sinsible men, and I think that by all
manes we should have a Catholic cramery and a Protestant wan."
The Major sits up wi' a start, an' wan looks at the other all over the
room.
"The only thing that bothers me," sez the Father, goin' on an' takin' no
notice, "is the difficulty av doin' it. It's aisy enough to sort out the
Catholic farmers from the Protestant; but what about the cattle?" sez
he.
"If a man rears up a calf till it becomes a cow, there's no doubt that
cow must be Nationalist or Orange. She couldn't help it, livin' in this
country. Now, what are you going to do when a Nationalist buys an Orange
cow? Tammas McGorrian bought a cow from wee Billy there last month that
Billy bred an' reared himself. Do ye mane to tell me that's a
Nationalist cow? I tell ye what it is, boys," sez the Father, wi' his
eyes twinklin', "wan can av that cow's milk in a Nationalist cramery
would turn the butther as yellow as the shutters av the Orange Hall."
By this time there was a smudge av a laugh on iverybody's face, an' even
Tammas an' wee Billy couldn't help crackin' a smile.
"Now," sez Father Connolly, "afther all, it's aisy enough in the case of
Tammas's cow. There's no denyin' she's an Orange cow, an' either Tammas
may go to the Orange cramery or give the cow back to Billy."
Tammas sits up a bit at that.
"But, thin, there's a lot of mighty curious cases. There's my own wee
Kerry. Iverybody knows I bred her myself; but, thin, there's no denyin'
that her father--if that's the right way to spake av a bull--belonged to
Major Donaldson here, an' was called 'Prince of Orange.' Now, be the
law, a child follows its father in these matters, an' I'm bound be it to
send the wee Kerry's milk to the Orange cramery, although I'll maintain
she's as good a Nationalist as ever stepped; didn't she thramp down
ivery Orange lily in Billy Black's garden only last Monday?
"So, boys, whin you think the matter out, ye'll see it's no aisy matther
this separatin' av Orange an' Green in the cramery. For, if ye do it
right--and I'm for no half-measures--ye'll have to get the pedigree av
ivery bull, cow, and calf in the counthry, an' then ye'll be little
further on, for there's a lot av bastes come in every year from Americay
that's little better than haythin'.
"But, if ye take my advice, those av ye that isn't sure av your cows'll
just go on quietly together in the manetime, an' let thim that has got a
rale thrue-blue baste av either persuasion just keep her milk to
themselves, and skim it in the ould-fashioned way wi' a spoon."
There was a good dale av sniggerin' whin the Father was spakin'; but ye
should have heard the roar of a laugh there was whin he sat down. An'
just as it was dyin' away, the Major rises, wipin' his eyes--
"Boys," sez he, "if it's the will av the prisint company that the
Ballygullion Cramery Society go on, will ye rise an' give three cheers
for Father Pether Connolly?"
Ivery man, woman, an' child--Protestant and Catholic--was on their feet
in a minit; an' if the Ballygullion Market-house roof didn't rise that
night, it's safe till etarnity.
From that night on there was niver another word av windin' up or
splittin' either. An' if ever ye come across a print av butther wi' a
wreath of shamrocks an' orange-lilies on it, ye'll know it come from the
Ballygullion Cramery Society, Limited.