_House of Commons, Monday, November 13._--TOMLINSON has for some time
observed with deepening disfavour his position in House as affected
by, and compared with, that of his friend and companion dear, TOMASSO
BOWLES. TOMMY, to drop into the affectionate diminutive, is a mere
child compared with him. He is but the birth of the last General
Election; whilst for thirteen years this very month TOMLINSON has
presented at Westminster Preston's idea of the highest form of culture
and intelligence.
Employers' Liability Bill offered opportunity for coming to front;
not that either as Employer or Employed TOMLINSON has any special
knowledge on subject. But he sees as clearly into its bearings as
he does through the average Lancashire stone wall. Awake at nights
drafting new Clauses that should baffle ASQUITH and make the SQUIRE OF
MALWOOD sit up. Looked most imposing on paper. Thought at one time of
posting copy to every elector of Preston, so that he might see what
a power in Senate is the borough Member. Wouldn't cost so much since,
posted at House of Commons in official wrapper, they might go free.
Still there would be remarks made if TOMLINSON drove into Palace
Yard enthroned on top of waggon containing 15,959 addressed copies of
Amendments to Employers' Liability Bill. Gave up idea. Electors
must buy the papers where, in Parliamentary reports, they would read
voluminous digests of his speeches.
Began soon after House took up Bill this afternoon. First group of
Amendments covered folio page of print. Read admirably; if it had not
been usual for Member in charge of new Clause to explain to House its
object and effect in operation success would have been assured. Here's
where TOMLINSON came to grief; talked for some time; House listened at
first, honestly intent upon considering project, whatever it might he.
Effect of TOMLINSON'S speech not elucidatory. The more he talked the
more hopeless the muddle. When he sat down anguished listeners not
quite sure whether he had (1) moved the Clause, (2) proposed to
withdraw it, or (3) suggested that a more convenient place for
insertion would he found later on. Fortunately new Clause in print
among Amendments. That ASQUITH should decline to have anything to do
with it natural enough. Saddest of all befel when from his own side
of House ROLLIT bluntly denounced Clause, CARSON hoped it wouldn't
be pressed, and HENRY JAMES, from allied camp opposite, demolished it
with final shot.
[Illustration: THE HOME SECRETARY'S SAFETY-VALVE. TRAFALGAR SQUARE OF
THE FUTURE.]
This not encouraging, but there were other Amendments standing in his
name of which something must be said. TOMLINSON rose when called on,
but gratefully sat down when greeted with mirthful cries for division.
Only gleam of comfort in sorrowful night was when TOMMY BOWLES,
rushing in whence he had retreated, called down on himself SPEAKER'S
stern commentary that his remarks were "quite irrelevant."
_Business done._--Report Stage of Employers' Liability Bill.
_Tuesday._--To casual observer there is nothing in personal appearance
of UGHTRED KAY-SHUTTLEWORTH suggestive of the Tartar. Yet to-night
Sir ELLIS ASHMEAD BART(LETT), going a hunting on the Treasury Bench
preserves, bagged Secretary to Admiralty and found he had caught
a Tartar. ASHMEAD, in his self-asserted character of BRITANNIA'S
Confidential Clerk, tried to draw UGHTRED on subject of Naval Scare.
SHUTTLEWORTH, with manner that combined severity of a magistrate with
benignity of a dean, managed to present ASHMEAD in aspect of
fussy person who, having had some official knowledge, in whatever
subordinate position, ought to have been able to restrain the
self-assertiveness that led him to put such a question. House, which
does not do credit to The BART(LETT)'S many sterling qualities, roared
with delight. Stung to quick, ASHMEAD up again; shouted across table,
"I ask the right hon. gentleman whether he can give me any evidence of
his being alive----" House, struck with evidence to that effect just
given, broke in with fresh roar of laughter. ASHMEAD stood glaring
round at merry circle. When noise subsided, continued: "----any
evidence of his being alive to the importance of his duties?" More
laughter. ASHMEAD appealed to SPEAKER to reprimand KAY-SHUTTLEWORTH.
Speaker justified Minister's action. One more attempt; one more
rebuff; and ASHMEAD subsided for the night, not quite sure after all
that silence isn't golden. At least it used to bring in L1000 a year.
_Business done._--A good deal with the Employers' Liability Bill.
_Wednesday._--Another quiet sitting with Employers' Liability Bill.
Cap'en TOMMY BOWLES, respectfully removing his tarpaulin, and shifting
his quid, relieved dullness of afternoon by some capital yarns. One
drew a vivid picture of dangers that lurk behind the casual pilot. On
a dark night in midsummer Cap'en TOMMY, a-sailing down the coast of
Barbaree, came upon what looked like a town. Turned out to be Algiers;
hauled down his main yard; ran out the topgallantsail spanker, and
bore down on the harbour. Just as he was entering was boarded by
pilot.
"Sheer off!" says TOMMY through his polyglot speaking-trumpet. "Don't
want your help; know every rock and shoal on the coast; will take the
ship in myself."
Pilot produced from lining at back of his trousers Code of
Regulations; this set forth that pilot was compulsory. Nothing to do
but submit, unless he would involve Great Britain in war. Pilot
came aboard; took charge; forged ahead; just going to run ship on
breakwater when TOMMY'S keen eye perceived danger.
[Illustration: Tommy Bowles and the Pilot.]
"Sir," said the only Member of House of Commons who, since BIG BEN'S
death, holds a sea captain's certificate, "I took my ship out of the
pilot's hand, and brought her in safely."
House uproariously cheered, and FRANK LOCKWOOD went off and drew a
sketch of the historical scene.
_Business done._--More of Employers' Liability Bill.
_Thursday._--Government in difficulties to-night. _Cherchez la femme._
WALTER M'LAREN had her in charge; a modest little thing, merely asking
that women, whether married or single, should be enabled to vote
at election of Parish Councils. House not very full; no danger
anticipated; but Conservatives joined their forces with Radicals below
gangway, and before Ministers quite knew where they were they found
themselves in minority of twenty-one.
[Illustration: "Winged!"]
"Winged!" cried Admiral BORTHWICK. "The FOWLER went out shooting, and
comes home shot."
Suggestion made that Government should resign; Mr. G. only smiled.
Spiteful little thing RENTOUL said just now. Supporting amendment to
Employers' Liability Bill he remarked "Gentlemen who sit on this side
of the House are in favour of the amendment; gentlemen who sit on the
other side of the House equally approve it; whilst Sir ALBERT ROLLIT,
who sits on every side of the House, does not object to it."
_Business done._--Employers' Liability Bill reported; Government
defeated; got into Committee on Parish Councils Bill.
_Friday._--Rather painful scene to-night between SYDNEY BUXTON and
SAGE OF QUEEN ANNE'S GATE. SAGE, ever thirsting for knowledge, wanted
to know much about Matabeleland. Drafted a long string of questions
addressed to Under Secretary for Colonies.
"Unfounded assumptions," BUXTON, in the pride of office, characterised
these simple interrogatories. The SAGE, insatiable for information,
desires to have the unfounded assumptions particularised. BUXTON
referred Members to the question.
"But why," asked the SAGE, with tremble and pathos in his voice, "did
you call them unfounded assumptions?"
Affected by this spectacle of genuine emotion, BUXTON proposed to
substitute for the obnoxious word milder form "unproved."
"Yes," said the SAGE, sticking to his point; "but you said unfounded."
No use BUXTON attempting to deny this; lapsed into embarrassed
silence; probably will be more careful in future.
_Business done._--Very little of Parish Councils Bill.
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