_Mrs. Toovey_ (_fixing_ CHARLES _with her eye_). What is this I hear
of your proceedings last Saturday night, CHARLES? Come, you can't
deceive _me_, you know!
_Charles._ I never made any secret about my proceedings. I told Uncle
we might probably drop into the Eldorado or somewhere after dinner.
_Mrs. Toov._ (_to herself, in consternation_). The Eldorado? they
_did_ go there then! If only they didn't see me! (_Aloud._) Yes,
CHARLES, go on. And while you were there, did you see anyone you--you
thought you recognised?
_Charles_ (_to himself_). She's heard! (_Aloud._) I should rather
think I _did_, Aunt. Never was more surprised in my life.
_Mrs. Toov._ (_with a groan_). And--and was your _Uncle_ surprised,
too, CHARLES?
_Charles._ Uncle? I haven't told _him_ yet.
_Mrs. Toov._ But he was _there_, CHARLES, with you; he must have
seen--whatever you did! Or didn't he?
_Charles._ At the Valhalla? my _dear_ Aunt!
_Mrs. Toov._ Who's talking about a Valhalla? I mean the _Eldorado_, of
course; that was where you _said_ you went!
_Charles._ No--no, we couldn't get in at the El.; all the stalls gone,
so we went to the Val. instead. Just the same sort of thing.
_Mrs. Toov._ (_to herself, relieved_). To the Val.! What a fright I've
had for nothing! (_Aloud._) I quite understand, CHARLES. You took
your Uncle to a place called the Val., _not_ the--er--El. What did you
_see_ there? that's the point!
_Charles._ I didn't take Uncle there; I was with a man from our office
when I saw him. I must have seen him there often enough, but somehow
I never spotted him before. It was the make-up, the _disguise_, you
know, wig and moustache, and all that.
_Mrs. Toov._ Do you mean to say your Uncle attends music-halls
disguised in a wig and moustache? CHARLES, who was he _with_? I _will_
know!
_Charles_ (_in fits of laughter_). Uncle? At the Val. in disguise?
now, is it _likely_? I thought you knew all about it, or I shouldn't
have said a word!
_Mrs. Toov._ You have said too much to stop _now_, CHARLES. It
is useless to try to turn it off like that. If it was not Pa you
recognised at this Val. place, who _was_ it?
_Charles_ (_to himself_). If I don't tell her she'll only go on
suspecting poor old Uncle THEO. (_Aloud._) Well, you're bound to find
it out sooner or later; and I admire him all the more for it myself.
I'd no idea he had it _in_ him. Shows how mistaken you may be in
fellows.
_Mrs. Toov._ I've yet to learn who and what you are talking about,
CHARLES!
_Charles._ Why, that quiet, modest friend of yours, Mr. CLARENCE
CURPHEW, if you _must_ know!
_Mrs. Toov._ I don't believe it. Mr. CURPHEW is not at all the sort of
young man to spend his money in such resorts.
_Charles._ He don't _spend_ it there--he _makes_ it. My dear Aunt, you
ought to feel honoured by having such a distinguished acquaintance.
Don't you remember my mentioning the great music-hall star, WALTER
WILDFIRE? You must. Well, CLARENCE CURPHEW and WALTER WILDFIRE are one
and the same person--honour bright, they are!
_Mrs. Toov._ (_sinking back with a gasp_). A--a music-hall star! And
I have been urging ALTHEA to---- Oh, how fortunate it is I have been
warned in time! He shall not see her--I will write and put him off--at
once!
[Mr. TOOVEY _enters blandly_.
_Mr. Toov._ Ah, CHARLES, my boy, so here you are? that's right, that's
right. You, too, CORNELIA? (_To her, in an undertone._) It's all
right, my love--our dear young friend, Mr. CURPHEW, you know--we met
on the doorstep just now, and I've left him and THEA together in the
drawing-room. I thought it was best, eh?
[_He looks to her for approval._
_Mrs. Toov._ You've left---- But there, I might have known! No, don't
speak to me, Pa--there's no time to lose! Come with me, CHARLES, I may
want you.
[_She rustles out of the room, followed by_ CHARLES.
_Mr. Toov._ (_looking after her in mild perplexity_). Dear, dear me!
I wonder what can be the matter _now_. CORNELIA seems so very---- I
hardly like to go and see--and yet, perhaps, I ought--perhaps I ought.
There's one comfort, whatever it is, it can't have anything to do with
that dreadful Eldorado. Yes, I'd better go and look into it!
[_He goes out._--_End of Scene XVI._
* * * * *
[Illustration: "USING LANGUAGE."
_The Squire._ "WELL, SMITH, I WANT YOUR ADVICE. HADN'T WE BETTER LET
THEM HAVE THEIR WAY THIS TIME?"
_Smith._ "NO, NO, SIR. STICK TO YOUR RIGHTS! WHAT _I_ SAY IS--'GIVE
SUCH PEOPLE A HINCH AND THEY'LL TAKE A HELL'--IF YOU'LL PARDON MY
USIN' SUCH STRONG LANGUAGE!"]
* * * * *