Suddenly the door opened and Gabrielle rushed into his arms.
"Forgive me!" she cried, strangling him almost in her passion; "forgive
me! I know it now; I love only you; and I love you better now than if
you had not done what you blame yourself for. If you like, I will steal;
I have stolen before now.... Yes, I have stolen; I took a gold watch....
What worse could one do?"
Roger shook his head incredulously, but his face seemed to brighten.
"No, my poor child," he said, gently repulsing her. "I must kill myself;
there is no other course for me. I suffer so greatly that I cannot bear
my grief."
"Very well, then, if you intend to die, Roger, I shall die with you.
What is life to me without you? I have plenty of courage; I have fired
pistols; I shall kill myself like anyone else. Besides, I have played at
tragedy and am used to it." At first there were tears in her eyes, but
this last idea amused her, and even Roger could not help smiling with
her. "You are laughing, my soldier-boy," she cried, clapping her hands
and hugging him; "you will not kill yourself."
All the time she embraced him she was first crying, then laughing, then
swearing like a sailor; for she was not, like many women, afraid of a
coarse word.
In the meantime I possessed myself of Roger's pistols and poniard; then
I turned to him and said--
"My dear Roger, you have a mistress and a friend who love you. Believe
me, there can still be happiness for you in this life." I embraced him
and went out, leaving him alone with Gabrielle.
I do not believe we should have succeeded in doing more than delaying
his fatal design if he had not received an order from the Admiralty to
set out as first lieutenant on board a frigate bound for a cruise in the
Indian seas--if it could first cross the lines of the English fleet,
which blockaded the port. It was a dangerous venture. I put it to him
that it would be much better to die nobly by an English bullet than to
put an inglorious end to his life himself, without rendering any service
to his country. So he promised to live. He distributed half the forty
thousand francs to maimed sailors or the widows and orphans of seamen;
the rest he gave to Gabrielle, who at first vowed to him only to use the
money for charitable purposes. She fully meant to keep her word, poor
girl! but enthusiasm with her was short-lived. I have heard since that
she gave some thousands of francs to the poor, but she spent the
remainder on finery.
Roger and I boarded the fine frigate _La Galatée_; our men were brave,
experienced, and well-drilled, but our commander was an idiot, who
thought himself a Jean Bart because he could swear better than an army
captain, because he murdered French, and because he had never studied
the theory of his profession, the practice of which he understood only
very indifferently. However, fate favoured us at the outset. We got well
out of the roadstead--thanks to a gust of wind which compelled the
blockading fleet to give us a wide berth--and we began our cruise by
burning an English sloop and an East Indiaman off the coast of Portugal.
We were slowly sailing towards the Indian seas, hampered by contrary
winds and our captain's bad handling of the ship, whose stupidity
increased the danger of our cruise. Sometimes we were chased by superior
forces, sometimes pursued by merchant vessels; we did not pass a single
day without some fresh adventure. But neither the risky life he led nor
the labours caused him by the irksome ship-duties devolving upon him
could distract Roger from the sad thoughts which unceasingly haunted
him. He who was once considered the most brilliant and active officer in
our port now found it almost a burden to fulfil simply his duty. As soon
as he was off duty he would shut himself in his cabin without either
books or papers, and the unhappy man passed whole hours lying in his
cot, for he could not sleep.