"I SHOULD have been contented amid so much beauty, and with even
more than my share of earthly blessings." Thus Mr. Markland communed
with himself, walking about alone, near the close of the day
preceding that on which his appointed journey was to begin. "Am I
not acting over again that old folly of the substance and shadow?
Verily, I believe it is so. Ah! will we ever be satisfied with any
achievement in this life? To-morrow I leave all by which I am here
surrounded, and more, a thousand-fold more--my heart's beloved ones;
and for what? To seek the fortune I was mad enough to cast from me
into a great whirlpool, believing that it would be thrown up at my
feet again, with every disk of gold changed into a sparkling
diamond. I have waited eagerly on the shore for the returning tide,
but yet there is no reflux, and now my last hope rests on the
diver's strength and doubtful fortune. I must make the fearful
plunge."
A cold shudder ran through the frame of Mr. Markland, as he
realized, too distinctly, the image he had conjured up. A feeling of
weakness and irresolution succeeded.
"Ah!" he murmured to himself, "if all had not been so blindly cast
upon this venture, I might be willing to wait the issue, providing
for the worst by a new disposition of affairs, and by new efforts
here. But I was too eager, too hopeful, too insanely confident.
Every thing is now beyond my reach."
This was the state of his mind when Mr. Allison, whom he had not met
in a familiar manner for several weeks, joined him, saying, as he
came up with extended hand, and fine face, bright with the generous
interest in others that always burned in his heart--
"What is this I hear, Mr. Markland? Is it true that you are going
away, to be absent for some months? Mr. Willet was telling me about
it this morning."
"It is too true," replied Mr. Markland, assuming a cheerful air, yet
betraying much of the troubled feeling that oppressed him. "The
calls of business cannot always be disregarded."
"No--but, if I understand aright, you contemplate going a long
distance South--somewhere into Central America."
"Such is my destination. Having been induced to invest money in a
promising enterprise in that far-off region, it is no more than
right to look after my interests there."
"With so much to hold your thoughts and interests here," said Mr.
Allison, "I can hardly understand why you should let them wander off
so far from home."
"And I can hardly understand it myself," returned Mr. Markland, in a
lower tone of voice, as if the admission were made reluctantly. "But
so it is. I am but a man, and man is always dissatisfied with his
actual, and always looking forward to some good time coming. Ah,
sir, this faculty of imagination that we possess is one of the
curses entailed by the fall. It is forever leading us off from a
true enjoyment of what we have. It has no faith in to-day--no love
for the good and beautiful that really exists."
"I can show you a person whose imagination plays no truant pranks
like this," replied Mr. Allison. "And this shall be at least one
exception to your rule."
"Name that person," was the half-incredulous response.
"Your excellent wife," said Mr. Allison.
For some moments Mr. Markland stood with his eyes cast down; then,
lifting them to the face of the old man, he said:
"The reference is true. But, if she be not the only exception, the
number who, like her, can find the best reward in the present, are,
alas! but few."
"If not found in the present, Mr. Markland, will it ever be found?
Think!"
"Never!" There was an utterance of grief in the deep tone that thus
responded-for conviction had come like a quick flash upon his heart.
"But who finds it, Mr. Allison?" he said, shortly after, speaking
with stern energy. "Who comprehends the present and the actual? who
loves it sufficiently? Ah, sir! is the present ever what a fond,
cheating imagination prefigured it?"
"And knowing this so well," returned the old man, "was it wise for
you to build so largely on the future as you seem to have done?"
"No, it was not wise." The answer came with a bitter emphasis.
"We seek to escape the restlessness of unsatisfied desire," said Mr.
Allison, "by giving it more stimulating food, instead of firmly
repressing its morbid activities. Think you not that there is
something false in the life we are leading here, when we consider
how few and brief are the days in which we experience a feeling of
rest and satisfaction? And if our life be false--or, in other words,
our life-purposes--what hope for us is there in any change of
pursuit or any change of scene?"
"None--none," replied Mr. Markland.
"We may look for the good time coming, but look in vain. Its morning
will never break over the distant mountain-tops to which our eyes
are turned."
"Life is a mockery, a cheating dream!" said Mr. Markland, bitterly.
"Not so, my friend," was the calmly spoken answer.
"Not so. Our life here is the beginning of an immortal life. But, to
be a happy life, it must be a true one. All its activities must have
an orderly pulsation."
Mr. Markland slowly raised a hand, and, pressing it strongly against
his forehead, stood motionless for some moments, his mind deeply
abstracted.
"My thoughts flow back, Mr. Allison," he said, at length, speaking
in a subdued tone, "to a period many months gone by, and revives a
conversation held with you, almost in this very place. What you then
said made a strong impression on my mind. I saw, in clear light, how
vain were all efforts to secure happiness in this world, if made
selfishly, and thus in a direction contrary to true order. The great
social man I recognised as no mere idealism, but as a verity. I saw
myself a member of this body, and felt deeply the truth then uttered
by you, that just in proportion as each member thinks of and works
for himself alone will that individual be working in selfish
disorder, and, like the member of the human body that takes more
than its share of blood, must certainly suffer the pain of
inflammation. The truth then presented to my mind was like a flood
of light; but I did not love the truth, and shut my eyes to the
light that revealed more than I wished to know. Ah, sir! if I could
have accepted all you then advanced--if I could have overcome the
false principle of self-seeking then so clearly shown to be the
curse of life--I would not have involved myself in business that
must now separate me for months from my home and family."
"And should you achieve all that was anticipated in the beginning,"
said Mr. Allison, "I doubt if you will find pleasure enough in the
realization to compensate for this hour of pain, to say nothing of
what you are destined to suffer during the months of separation that
are before you."
"Your doubts are my own," replied Markland, musingly. "But,"--and he
spoke in a quicker and lighter tone,--"this is all folly! I must go
forward, now, to the end. Why, then, yield to unmanly weakness?"
"True, sir," returned the old man. "No matter how difficult the way
in which our feet must walk, the path must be trodden bravely."
"I shall learn some lessons of wisdom by this experience," said Mr.
Markland, "that will go with me through life. But, I fear, they will
be all too dearly purchased."
"Wisdom," was the answer, "is a thing of priceless value."
"It is sometimes too dearly bought, for all that."
"Never," replied the old man,--"never. Wisdom is the soul's true
riches; and there is no worldly possession that compares with it in
value. If you acquire wisdom by any experience, no matter how severe
it may prove, you are largely the gainer. And here is the
compensation in every affliction, in every disappointment, and in
every misfortune. We may gather pearls of wisdom from amid the ashes
and cinders of our lost hopes, after the fires have consumed them."
Mr. Markland sighed deeply, but did not answer. There was a dark sky
above and around him; yet gleams of light skirted a cloud here and
there, telling him that the great sun was shining serenely beyond.
He felt weak, sad, and almost hopeless, as he parted from Mr.
Allison, who promised often to visit his family during his absence;
and in his weakness, he lifted his heart involuntarily upward, and
asked direction and strength from Him whom he had forgotten in the
days when all was light around him, and, in the pride and strength
of conscious manhood, he had felt that he possessed all power to
effect the purposes of his own will.