"A gentleman to see you, Sir," said my admirable and excellent clerk
PORTINGTON, a few days since, as I was looking through the circulars
that had accumulated on my table in Chambers during the earlier portion
of the long vacation.
"A client?" I queried.
"No, Sir, I think not," was the reply, supplemented with a card placed
on my desk. "At least, I do not remember the name in your fee-book."
"You do not believe he has called on any errand of an unpleasant
character?"
"Oh no, Sir!--the rates have been in for a fortnight. If I might hazard
a suggestion, I should say he was a literary gentleman."
I smiled, but was a little uncertain as to the better course of action.
No doubt the man of letters was seeking an interview with a view to its
subsequent reproduction. I am not altogether in favour of these public
betrayals of private affairs, but considered that there could be no harm
in this instance if I consented to see the journalistic intruder. To
tell the truth, of late--much to my annoyance--reports have been in
circulation rather prejudicial to my pecuniary credit. I am not a rich
man. In these hard times who is? But for all that I am able to keep the
wolf from the door, and maintain a position not derogatory to the status
of barrister-at-law. It occurred to me, as I requested PORTINGTON to
admit the visitor, that perhaps the meeting might lead to satisfactory
results. If the caller happened to be an interviewer, I might "inspire"
him.
[Illustration]
"Mr. A. BRIEFLESS, Jun., I think," said the new comer, as he seated
himself in a chair and referred to a pocket-book. I bowed. "This is not
your private address--these are your chambers?"
"Certainly," I returned; "but perhaps, before we go further, you will be
so good as to tell me what you want?"
"Well, briefly, a statement of your affairs for the last three years. I
will not trouble you for anything of an earlier date."
I again inclined my head. I was not altogether pleased with my visitor's
manner. He was certainly abrupt, and he adopted a tone of authority that
jarred upon my nerves. Possibly he wished to give the account of our
interview to our cousins across the Atlantic. If this were so, I need
not be over-scrupulous in my statements. Americans are accustomed to the
rouge of exaggeration on the cheek of fact. So I would convey a false
impression if I omitted, so to speak, the magnifying cosmetic.
"You do not propose to make public anything in this country?"
"Assuredly not," he replied. "All you say will be treated
confidentially, save with the necessary exceptions."
I was satisfied. Of course the exceptions would be the people in the
Republic of the West. I told him that my practice was a large one.
"Indeed?" As it struck me that the exclamation savoured of surprise, I
thought it advisable to repeat the statement with emphasis.
"Yes," I continued, "there are many of my brethren at the Bar, better
known to the world than I am, who would be pleased to change places with
me. Because my name does not appear very frequently in the newspapers
you must not imagine that I am idle. On the contrary, my chamber
practice is immense--distinctly immense."
"Really," he murmured, and then mentioned the names of two or three of
my learned friends whose incomes were decidedly considerable, and asked
me if I deemed my practice equal to theirs.
"You put me in rather a delicate position," I returned with a smile. "Of
course, I do not know the exact amount of the takings of the gentlemen
to whom you have referred, but personally, I should consider my own
practice more lucrative than theirs."
"Well, I _do_ know their receipts," said my interviewer, "so I can
estimate yours. Thank you very much. And now is there any other source
of income omitted? Have you houses or shops, or anything of that sort?"
"As a barrister, I am prevented from trading," I replied, again with
hauteur. And then I continued: "I am afraid you take too deep an
interest in the commercial side of my career. What you should wish to
learn, as my introducer to the American public, is my opinion on matters
of the day. Now, for instance, I believe----"
"Pardon me," interrupted my visitor, rather brusquely. "But you have
told me all I desire to know."
I bowed, and then I asked in what publication I might expect to see the
interview.
"See the interview!" exclaimed the caller. "What interview?"
"Why," I explained, rather angrily, "the interview between you and me.
You are a journalist, are you not?"
"A journalist! Certainly not! What made you think that?"
"Then, Sir," I cried, indignantly, "what right had you to force yourself
into my presence, and waste my time in asking a number of useless, and,
I may add, impertinent questions?"
"I had the right, and the questions were neither useless nor
impertinent."
"Explain yourself, Sir."
"With pleasure;" and then he added, with a smile that did not provoke
its fellow on my own countenance, "you must know that I am an assessor
of income tax!"
Comment would be superfluous!
(_Signed_) A. BRIEFLESS, JUN.
_Pump-handle Court, October 10, 1895._
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