A CONVIVIAL MEETING.
On the whole Mr. Dockwrath was satisfied with the results of his trip
to Groby Park, and was in a contented frame of mind as he was driven
back to Leeds. No doubt it would have been better could he have
persuaded Mr. Mason to throw over Messrs. Round and Crook, and put
himself altogether into the hands of his new adviser; but this had
been too much to expect. He had not expected it, and had made the
suggestion as the surest means of getting the best terms in his
power, rather than with a hope of securing the actual advantage
named. He had done much towards impressing Mr. Mason with an idea of
his own sharpness, and perhaps something also towards breaking the
prestige which surrounded the names of the great London firm. He
would now go to that firm and make his terms with them. They would
probably be quite as ready to acquiesce in the importance of his
information as had been Mr. Mason.
Before leaving the inn after breakfast he had agreed to join the
dinner in the commercial room at five o'clock, and Mr. Mason's hot
lunch had by no means induced him to alter his purpose. "I shall dine
here," he had said when Mr. Moulder was discussing with the waiter
the all-important subject of dinner. "At the commercial table sir?"
the waiter had asked, doubtingly. Mr. Dockwrath had answered boldly
in the affirmative, whereat Mr. Moulder had growled; but Mr. Kantwise
had expressed satisfaction. "We shall be extremely happy to enjoy
your company," Mr. Kantwise had said, with a graceful bow, making up
by his excessive courtesy for the want of any courtesy on the part of
his brother-traveller. With reference to all this Mr. Moulder said
nothing; the stranger had been admitted into the room, to a certain
extent even with his own consent, and he could not now be turned out;
but he resolved within his own mind that for the future he would
be more firm in maintaining the ordinances and institutes of his
profession.
On his road home, Mr. Dockwrath had encountered Mr. Kantwise going to
Groby Park, intent on his sale of a drawing-room set of the metallic
furniture; and when he again met him in the commercial room he asked
after his success. "A wonderful woman that, Mr. Dockwrath," said Mr.
Kantwise, "a really wonderful woman; no particular friend of yours I
think you say?"
"None in the least, Mr. Kantwise,"
"Then I may make bold to assert that for persevering sharpness she
beats all that I ever met, even in Yorkshire;" and Mr. Kantwise
looked at his new friend over his shoulder, and shook his head as
though lost in wonder and admiration. "What do you think she's done
now?"
"She didn't give you much to eat, I take it."
"Much to eat! I'll tell you what it is, Mr. Dockwrath; my belief is
that woman would have an absolute pleasure in starving a Christian; I
do indeed. I'll tell you what she has done; she has made me put her
up a set of them things at twelve, seventeen, six! I needn't tell you
that they were never made for the money."
"Why, then, did you part with them at a loss?"
"Well; that's the question. I was soft, I suppose. She got round me,
badgering me, till I didn't know where I was. She wanted them as a
present for the curate's wife, she said. Whatever should induce her
to make a present!"
"She got them for twelve, seventeen, six; did she?" said Dockwrath,
thinking that it might be as well to remember this, if he should feel
inclined to make a purchase himself.
"But they was strained, Mr. Dockwrath; I must admit they was
strained,--particularly the loo."
"You had gone through your gymnastics on it a little too often?"
asked the attorney. But this Mr. Kantwise would not acknowledge. The
strength of that table was such that he could stand on it for ever
without injury to it; but nevertheless, in some other way it had
become strained, and therefore he had sold the set to Mrs. Mason for
£12 17_s._ 6_d._, that lady being minded to make a costly present to
the wife of the curate of Groby.
When dinner-time came Mr. Dockwrath found that the party was swelled
to the number of eight, five other undoubted commercials having
brought themselves to anchor at the Bull Inn during the day. To all
of these, Mr. Kantwise introduced him. "Mr. Gape, Mr. Dockwrath,"
said he, gracefully moving towards them the palm of his hand, and
eyeing them over his shoulder. "Mr. Gape is in the stationery line,"
he added, in a whisper to the attorney, "and does for Cumming and
Jibber of St. Paul's Churchyard. Mr. Johnson, Mr. Dockwrath. Mr.
J. is from Sheffield. Mr. Snengkeld, Mr. Dockwrath;" and then he
imparted in another whisper the necessary information as to Mr.
Snengkeld. "Soft goods, for Brown Brothers, of Snow Hill," and so
on through the whole fraternity. Each member bowed as his name was
mentioned; but they did not do so very graciously, as Mr. Kantwise
was not a great man among them. Had the stranger been introduced to
them by Moulder,--Moulder the patriarch,--his reception among them
would have been much warmer. And then they sat down to dinner, Mr.
Moulder taking the chair as president, and Mr. Kantwise sitting
opposite to him, as being the longest sojourner at the inn. Mr.
Dockwrath sat at the right hand of Kantwise, discreetly avoiding the
neighbourhood of Moulder, and the others ranged themselves according
to fancy at the table. "Come up along side of me, old fellow,"
Moulder said to Snengkeld. "It ain't the first time that you and
I have smacked our lips together over the same bit of roast beef."
"Nor won't, I hope, be the last by a long chalk, Mr. Moulder,"
said Snengkeld, speaking with a deep, hoarse voice which seemed to
ascend from some region of his body far below his chest. Moulder and
Snengkeld were congenial spirits; but the latter, though the older
man, was not endowed with so large a volume of body or so highly
dominant a spirit. Brown Brothers, of Snow Hill, were substantial
people, and Mr. Snengkeld travelled in strict accordance with the
good old rules of trade which Moulder loved so well.
The politeness and general good manners of the company were something
very pretty to witness. Mr. Dockwrath, as a stranger, was helped
first, and every courtesy was shown to him. Even Mr. Moulder carved
the beef for him with a loving hand, and Mr. Kantwise was almost
subservient in his attention. Mr. Dockwrath thought that he had
certainly done right in coming to the commercial table, and resolved
on doing so on all occasions of future journeys. So far all was good.
The commercial dinner, as he had ascertained, would cost him only
two shillings, and a much inferior repast eaten by himself elsewhere
would have stood in his bill for three. So far all was good; but the
test by which he was to be tried was now approaching him.
When the dinner was just half over,--Mr. Moulder well knew how to
mark the time,--that gentleman called for the waiter, and whispered
an important order into that functionary's ears. The functionary
bowed, retired from the room, and reappeared again in two minutes,
bearing a bottle of sherry in each hand; one of these he deposited at
the right hand of Mr. Moulder; and the other at the right hand of Mr.
Kantwise.
"Sir," said Mr. Moulder, addressing himself with great ceremony to
Mr. Dockwrath, "the honour of a glass of wine with you, sir," and
the president, to give more importance to the occasion, put down his
knife and fork, leaned back in his chair, and put both his hands upon
his waistcoat, looking intently at the attorney out of his little
eyes.
Mr. Dockwrath was immediately aware that a crisis had come upon
him which demanded an instant decision. If he complied with the
president's invitation he would have to pay his proportion of all the
wine bill that might be incurred that evening by the seven commercial
gentlemen at the table, and he knew well that commercial gentlemen do
sometimes call for bottle after bottle with a reckless disregard of
expense. But to him, with his sixteen children, wine at an hotel was
terrible. A pint of beer and a glass of brandy and water were the
luxuries which he had promised himself, and with manly fortitude
he resolved that he would not be coerced into extravagance by any
president or any Moulder.
"Sir," said he, "I'm obliged by the honour, but I don't drink wine
to my dinner." Whereupon Mr. Moulder bowed his head very solemnly,
winked at Snengkeld, and then drank wine with that gentleman.
"It's the rule of the room," whispered Mr. Kantwise into Mr.
Dockwrath's ear; but Mr. Dockwrath pretended not to hear him, and the
matter was allowed to pass by for the time.
But Mr. Snengkeld asked him for the honour, as also did Mr. Gape,
who sat at Moulder's left hand; and then Mr. Dockwrath began to wax
angry. "I think I remarked before that I don't drink wine to my
dinner," he said; and then the three at the president's end of the
table all looked at each other very solemnly, and they all winked;
and after that there was very little conversation during the
remainder of the meal, for men knew that the goddess of discord was
in the air.
The cheese came, and with that a bottle of port wine, which was
handed round, Mr. Dockwrath of course refusing to join in the
conviviality; and then the cloth was drawn, and the decanters
were put before the president. "James, bring me a little
brandy-and-water," said the attorney, striving to put a bold face on
the matter, but yet speaking with diminished voice.
"Half a moment, if you please, sir," said Moulder; and then he
exclaimed with stentorian voice, "James, the dinner bill." "Yes,
sir," said the waiter, and disappeared without any thought towards
the requisition for brandy-and-water from Mr. Dockwrath.
For the next five minutes they all remained silent, except that Mr.
Moulder gave the Queen's health as he filled his glass and pushed
the bottles from him. "Gentlemen, the Queen," and then he lifted his
glass of port up to the light, shut one eye as he looked at it, and
immediately swallowed the contents as though he were taking a dose
of physic. "I'm afraid they'll charge you for the wine," said Mr.
Kantwise, again whispering to his neighbour. But Mr. Dockwrath paid
no apparent attention to what was said to him. He was concentrating
his energies with a view to the battle.
James, the waiter, soon returned. He also knew well what was
about to happen, and he trembled as he handed in the document to
the president. "Let's have it, James," said Moulder, with much
pleasantry, as he took the paper in his hand. "The old ticket I
suppose; five bob a head." And then he read out the bill, the total
of which, wine and beer included, came to forty shillings. "Five
shillings a head, gentlemen, as I said. You and I can make a pretty
good guess as to the figure; eh, Snengkeld?" And then he put down his
two half-crowns on the waiter, as also did Mr. Snengkeld, and then
Mr. Gape, and so on till it came to Mr. Kantwise.
"I think you and I will leave it, and settle at the bar," said
Kantwise, appealing to Dockwrath, and intending peace if peace were
still possible.
"No," shouted Moulder, from the other end of the table; "let the man
have his money now, and then his troubles will be over. If there's
to be any fuss about it, let's have it out. I like to see the dinner
bill settled as soon as the dinner is eaten. Then one gets an
appetite for one's supper."
"I don't think I have the change," said Kantwise, still putting off
the evil day.
"I'll lend, it you," said Moulder, putting his hand into his
trousers-pockets. But the money was forthcoming out of Mr. Kantwise's
own proper repositories, and with slow motion he put down the five
shillings one after the other.
And then the waiter came to Mr. Dockwrath. "What's this?" said the
attorney, taking up the bill and looking at it. The whole matter had
been sufficiently explained to him, but nevertheless Mr. Moulder
explained it again. "In commercial rooms, sir, as no doubt you must
be well aware, seeing that you have done us the honour of joining us
here, the dinner bill is divided equally among all the gentlemen as
sit down. It's the rule of the room, sir. You has what you like, and
you calls for what you like, and conwiviality is thereby encouraged.
The figure generally comes to five shillings, and you afterwards
gives what you like to the waiter. That's about it, ain't it, James?"
"That's the rule, sir, in all commercial rooms as I ever see," said
the waiter.
The matter had been so extremely well put by Mr. Moulder, and that
gentleman's words had carried with them so much conviction, that
Dockwrath felt himself almost tempted to put down the money; as far
as his sixteen children and general ideas of economy were concerned
he would have done so; but his legal mind could not bear to be
beaten. The spirit of litigation within him told him that the point
was to be carried. Moulder, Gape, and Snengkeld together could not
make him pay for wine he had neither ordered nor swallowed. His
pocket was guarded by the law of the land, and not by the laws of any
special room in which he might chance to find himself. "I shall pay
two shillings for my dinner," said he, "and sixpence for my beer;"
and then he deposited the half-crown.
"Do you mean us to understand," said Moulder, "that after forcing
your way into this room, and sitting down along with gentlemen at
this table, you refuse to abide by the rules of the room?" And Mr.
Moulder spoke and looked as though he thought that such treachery
must certainly lead to most disastrous results. The disastrous result
which a stranger might have expected at the moment would be a fit of
apoplexy on the part of the worthy president.
"I neither ordered that wine nor did I drink it," said Mr. Dockwrath,
compressing his lips, leaning back in his chair, and looking up into
one corner of the ceiling.
"The gentleman certainly did not drink the wine," said Kantwise, "I
must acknowledge that; and as for ordering it, why that was done by
the president, in course."
"Gammon!" said Mr. Moulder, and he fixed his eyes steadfastly upon
his Vice. "Kantwise, that's gammon. The most of what you says is
gammon."
"Mr. Moulder, I don't exactly know what you mean by that word gammon,
but it's objectionable. To my feelings it's very objectionable. I
say that the gentleman did not drink the wine, and I appeal to the
gentleman who sits at the gentleman's right, whether what I say
is not correct. If what I say is correct, it can't be--gammon. Mr.
Busby, did that gentleman drink the wine, or did he not?"
"Not as I see," said Mr. Busby, somewhat nervous at being thus
brought into the controversy. He was a young man just commencing his
travels, and stood in awe of the great Moulder.
"Gammon!" shouted Moulder, with a very red face. "Everybody at the
table knows he didn't drink the wine. Everybody saw that he declined
the honour when proposed, which I don't know that I ever saw a
gentleman do at a commercial table till this day, barring that he
was a teetotaller, which is gammon too. But its P.P. here, as every
commercial gentleman knows, Kantwise as well as the best of us."
"P.P., that's the rule," growled Snengkeld, almost from under the
table.
"In commercial rooms, as the gentleman must be aware, the rule is as
stated by my friend on my right," said Mr. Gape. "The wine is ordered
by the president or chairman, and is paid for in equal proportions by
the company or guests," and in his oratory Mr. Gape laid great stress
on the word "or." "The gentleman will easily perceive that such a
rule as this is necessary in such a society; and unless--"
But Mr. Gape was apt to make long speeches, and therefore Mr. Moulder
interrupted him. "You had better pay your five shillings, sir, and
have no jaw about it. The man is standing idle there."
"It's not the value of the money," said Dockwrath, "but I must
decline to acknowledge that I am amenable to the jurisdiction."
"There has clearly been a mistake," said Johnson from Sheffield, "and
we had better settle it among us; anything is better than a row."
Johnson from Sheffield was a man somewhat inclined to dispute the
supremacy of Moulder from Houndsditch.
"No, Johnson," said the president. "Anything is not better than a
row. A premeditated infraction of our rules is not better than a
row."
"Did you say premeditated?" said Kantwise. "I think not
premeditated."
"I did say premeditated, and I say it again."
"It looks uncommon like it," said Snengkeld.
"When a gentleman," said Gape, "who does not belong to a society--"
"It's no good having more talk," said Moulder, "and we'll soon
bring this to an end. Mr.--; I haven't the honour of knowing the
gentleman's name."
"My name is Dockwrath, and I am a solicitor."
"Oh, a solicitor; are you? and you said last night you was
commercial! Will you be good enough to tell us, Mr. Solicitor--for I
didn't just catch your name, except that it begins with a dock--and
that's where most of your clients are to be found, I suppose--"
"Order, order, order!" said Kantwise, holding up both his hands.
"It's the chair as is speaking," said Mr. Gape, who had a true
Englishman's notion that the chair itself could not be called to
order.
"You shouldn't insult the gentleman because he has his own ideas,"
said Johnson.
"I don't want to insult no one," continued Moulder; "and those who
know me best, among whom I can't as yet count Mr. Johnson, though
hopes I shall some day, won't say it of me." "Hear--hear--hear!"
from both Snengkeld and Gape; to which Kantwise added a little
"hear--hear!" of his own, of which Mr. Moulder did not quite approve.
"Mr. Snengkeld and Mr. Gape, they're my old friends, and they knows
me. And they knows the way of a commercial room--which some gentlemen
don't seem as though they do. I don't want to insult no one; but
as chairman here at this conwivial meeting, I asks that gentleman
who says he is a solicitor whether he means to pay his dinner bill
according to the rules of the room, or whether he don't?"
"I've paid for what I've had already," said Dockwrath, "and I don't
mean to pay for what I've not had."
"James," exclaimed Moulder,--and all the chairman was in his voice
as he spoke,--"my compliments to Mr. Crump, and I will request his
attendance for five minutes;" and then James left the room, and there
was silence for a while, during which the bottles made their round of
the table.
"Hadn't we better send back the pint of wine which Mr. Dockwrath
hasn't used?" suggested Kantwise.
"I'm d---- if we do!" replied Moulder, with much energy; and the
general silence was not again broken till Mr. Crump made his
appearance; but the chairman whispered a private word or two to his
friend Snengkeld. "I never sent back ordered liquor to the bar yet,
unless it was bad; and I'm not going to begin now."
And then Mr. Crump came in. Mr. Crump was a very clean-looking
person, without any beard; and dressed from head to foot in black. He
was about fifty, with grizzly gray hair, which stood upright on his
head, and his face at the present moment wore on it an innkeeper's
smile. But it could also assume an innkeeper's frown, and on
occasions did so--when bills were disputed, or unreasonable strangers
thought that they knew the distance in posting miles round the
neighbourhood of Leeds better than did he, Mr. Crump, who had lived
at the Bull Inn all his life. But Mr. Crump rarely frowned on
commercial gentlemen, from whom was derived the main stay of his
business and the main prop of his house.
"Mr. Crump," began Moulder, "here has occurred a very unpleasant
transaction."
"I know all about it, gentlemen," said Mr. Crump. "The waiter has
acquainted me, and I can assure you, gentlemen, that I am extremely
sorry that anything should have arisen to disturb the harmony of your
dinner-table."
"We must now call upon you, Mr. Crump," began Mr. Moulder, who was
about to demand that Dockwrath should be turned bodily out of the
room.
"If you'll allow me one moment, Mr. Moulder," continued Mr. Crump,
"and I'll tell you what is my suggestion. The gentleman here, who I
understand is a lawyer, does not wish to comply with the rules of the
commercial room."
"I certainly don't wish or intend to pay for drink that I didn't
order and haven't had," said Dockwrath.
"Exactly," said Mr. Crump. "And therefore, gentlemen, to get out of
the difficulty, we'll presume, if you please, that the bill is paid."
"The lawyer, as you call him, will have to leave the room," said
Moulder.
"Perhaps he will not object to step over to the coffee-room on the
other side," suggested the landlord.
"I can't think of leaving my seat here under such circumstances,"
said Dockwrath.
"You can't," said Moulder. "Then you must be made, as I take it."
"Let me see the man that will make me," said Dockwrath.
Mr. Crump looked very apologetic and not very comfortable. "There
is a difficulty, gentlemen; there is a difficulty, indeed," he said.
"The fact is, the gentleman should not have been showed into the room
at all;" and he looked very angrily at his own servant, James.
"He said he was 'mercial," said James. "So he did. Now he says as how
he's a lawyer. What's a poor man to do?"
"I'm a commercial lawyer," said Dockwrath.
"He must leave the room, or I shall leave the house," said Moulder.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" said Crump. "This kind of thing does not
happen often, and on this occasion I must try your kind patience. If
Mr. Moulder would allow me to suggest that the commercial gentlemen
should take their wine in the large drawing-room up stairs this
evening, Mrs. C. will do her best to make it comfortable for them in
five minutes. There of course they can be private."
There was something in the idea of leaving Mr. Dockwrath alone in his
glory which appeased the spirit of the great Moulder. He had known
Crump, moreover, for many years, and was aware that it would be a
dangerous, and probably an expensive proceeding to thrust out the
attorney by violence. "If the other gentlemen are agreeable, I am,"
said he. The other gentlemen were agreeable, and, with the exception
of Kantwise, they all rose from their chairs.
"I must say I think you ought to leave the room as you don't
choose to abide by the rules," said Johnson, addressing himself to
Dockwrath.
"That's your opinion," said Dockwrath.
"Yes, it is," said Johnson. "That's my opinion."
"My own happens to be different," said Dockwrath; and so he kept his
chair.
"There, Mr. Crump," said Moulder, taking half a crown from his pocket
and throwing it on the table. "I sha'n't see you at a loss."
"Thank you, sir," said Mr. Crump; and he very humbly took up the
money.
"I keep a little account for charity at home," said Moulder.
"It don't run very high, do it?" asked Snengkeld, jocosely.
"Not out of the way, it don't. But now I shall have the pleasure of
writing down in it that I paid half a crown for a lawyer who couldn't
afford to settle his own dinner bill. Sir, we have the pleasure of
wishing you a good night."
"I hope you'll find the large drawing-room up stairs quite
comfortable," said Dockwrath.
And then they all marched out of the room, each with his own glass,
Mr. Moulder leading the way with stately step. It was pleasant to see
them as they all followed their leader across the open passage of the
gateway, in by the bar, and so up the chief staircase. Mr. Moulder
walked slowly, bearing the bottle of port and his own glass, and
Mr. Snengkeld and Mr. Gape followed in line, bearing also their
own glasses, and maintaining the dignity of their profession under
circumstances of some difficulty.
[Illustration: And then they all marched out of the room,
each with his own glass.]
"Gentlemen, I really am sorry for this little accident," said Mr.
Crump, as they were passing the bar; "but a lawyer, you know--"
"And such a lawyer, eh, Crump?" said Moulder.
"It might be five-and-twenty pound to me to lay a hand on him!" said
the landlord.
When the time came for Mr. Kantwise to move, he considered the matter
well. The chances, however, as he calculated them, were against any
profitable business being done with the attorney, so he also left the
room. "Good night, sir," he said as he went. "I wish you a very good
night."
"Take care of yourself," said Dockwrath; and then the attorney spent
the rest of the evening alone.