FROM HEART OF VERY HEART.
Silent silver lights and darks undreamed of,
Where I hush and bless myself with silence.
--R. Browing.
It was as well perhaps that the cruel news should have come to Dolly as
it did, suddenly, without the torture of apprehension, of sympathy. She
knew the worst now, she had seen it printed for all the world to read;
she knew the worst even while they carried her upstairs half conscious;
some one said 'higher up,' and then came another flight, and she was
laid on a bed and a window was opened, and a flapping handkerchief that
she seemed to remember came dabbing on her face. It was evening when she
awoke, sinking into life. She was lying on a little bed like her own,
but it was not her own room. It was a room with a curious cross corner
and a window with white curtains, through which the evening lights were
still shining. There was a shaded green lamp in a closet opening out of
the room, in the corner of which a figure was sitting at work with a
coiffe like that one she had seen pass the window as she waited in the
room down below.
A low sob brought the watcher to Dolly's side. She came up carrying the
little shaded lamp. Dolly saw in its light the face of a sweet-looking
woman that seemed strangely familiar. She said, 'Lie still, my dear
child. I will get you some food,' and in a few minutes she came back
with a cup of broth, which she held to her lips, for to her surprise
Dolly found that her hands were trembling so that she could not hold the
cup herself.
'You must use my hands,' said the lady, smiling. 'I am Mrs. Fane. You
know my brother David. I am a nurse by trade.'
And nursed by these gentle hands, watched by these kind eyes, the days
went by. Dolly 'had narrowly escaped a nervous fever,' the doctor said.
'She must be kept perfectly quiet; she could not have come to a better
place to be taken care of.'
Mrs. Fane reminded Dolly one day of their first meeting in Mr. Royal's
studio. 'I have been expecting you,' she said, with a smile. 'We seem to
belong to each other.'
Marker came, and was installed in the inner closet. One day Mrs. Palmer
came bursting in with much agitation and many tears; she had one grand
piece of news. 'The Admiral was come,' she said; 'he should come and see
Dolly before long; but Mrs. Palmer's visit did the girl no good, and at
a hint from Mrs. Fane, the Admiral also kept away. He left many parcels
and friendly messages. They were all full of sympathy and kindness, and
came many times a day to the door of the nurses' home. But Mrs. Fane was
firm, and after that one visit from Mrs. Palmer she kept everyone out,
otherwise they would all have wished to sit by Dolly's bed all day long.
The kindness of leaving people alone is one which warm-hearted people
find least easy to practise; and, in truth, the best quiet and
completest rest comes with a sense of kindness waiting, of friends at
hand when the time is come for them.
One evening, when Dolly was lying half asleep, dreaming of a dream of
her waking hours, a heavy step came to the door, some one knocked, and
when Marker opened with a hush! a gruff voice asked how Dolly was, and
grumbled something else, and then the step went stumping down to the
sitting-room below. When Dolly asked who had knocked, Marker said, 'It
was only an old man with a parcel, my dear. I soon sent him off,' she
added, complacently.
Dolly was disappointed when Mrs. Fane, coming in, in the morning, told
her that the Admiral had called the night before. He had left a message.
He would not disturb the invalid. He had come to say that he was ordered
off to Ireland on a special mission. He had brought some more guava
jelly and tins of turtle soup, also a parcel of tracts, called 'The
Sinners' Cabinet.' He told Mrs. Fane that he was taking Mrs. Palmer into
Yorkshire, for he did not like leaving her alone. He also brought a note
for Dolly. It was a hurried scrawl from Philippa:--
_Church House, October 30._
DARLING,--My heart is torn. I am off to-morrow morning by
cock-crow, _of course_, travelling in the same train, but in a
_different carriage_, with my husband. This is his arrangement,
not mine, for he knows that I cannot and will not submit to
those odious fumes of tobacco. Dearest, how gladly would I have
watched by your pillow for hours had Mrs. Fane permitted the
mother that one sad privilege; but she is trained in a sterner
school than I. And, since I must not be with you, come to me
without delay. They expect you--your room is prepared. My
brother will come for you at a moment's notice. You will find
Thomas a far pleasanter travelling companion than Joanna (with
whom you are threatened). _Do not hesitate between them._ As
for the Admiral, he, as usual, wishes to arrange everything for
everybody. Opposition is useless until he is gone. And heaven
knows I have little strength wherewith to resist just now.
There was a P.S.
You may as well get that memorandum back from Tapeall if you
can.
Dolly was not used to expect very much from her mother. Mrs. Fane was
relieved to find that she was not hurt by Mrs. Palmer's departure; but
this seemed to her, perhaps, saddest of all, and telling the saddest
story. Her mother had sent Dolly baskets of flowers, Mrs. Morgan called
constantly with prescriptions of the greatest value. Mrs. Fane had more
faith in her own beef-tea than in other people's prescriptions. She used
to come in to see her patient several times a day. Sometimes she was on
her way to the hospital in her long cloak and veiled bonnet. She would
tell Dolly many stories of the poor people in their own homes. At
certain hours of the day there would be voices and a trampling of feet
on the stairs outside.
'It is some more of them nurses,' said Marker, peeping out cautiously.
'White caps and aprons--that's what this institootion seems to be kep'
for.'
Marker had an objection to institootions. 'Let people keep themselves to
theirselves,' she used to say. She could not bear to have Dolly ill in
this strange house, with its silence and stiff orderly ways. She would
gladly have carried her home if she could, but it was better for Dolly
to be away from all the sad scenes of the last few months. Here she was
resting with her grief--it seemed to lie still for a while. So the hours
passed. She would listen with a vague curiosity to the murmur of voices,
to the tramp of the feet outside; bells struck from the steeples round
about, high in the air and melodiously ringing; Big Ben would come
swelling over the house-tops: the river brought the sound to Dolly's
open window.
* * * * *
Clouds are in the sky, a great heavy bank is rising westward. Yellow
lights fall fitfully upon the water, upon the barges floating past, the
steamers, the boats; the great spanning bridge and the distant towers
are confused and softened by a silver autumnal haze; a few yellow leaves
drop from the creeper round the window; the water flows cool and dim;
the far distant sound of the wheels drones on continually. Dolly looks
at it all. It does not seem to concern her, as she sits there sadly and
wearily. Who does not know these hours, tranquil but sad beyond words,
when the pain not only of one's own grief, but of the sorrow of life
itself, seems to enter into the soul. It was a pain new to Dolly, and it
frightened her. Some one coming in saw Dolly's terrified look, and came
and sat down beside her. It was Mrs. Fane, with her kind face, who took
her hand, and seemed to know it all as she talked to her of her own
life, talked to her of those whom she had loved and who were gone. Each
word she spoke had a meaning, for she had lived her words and wept them
out one by one.
She had seen it all go by. Love and friendship had passed her along the
way; some had hurried on before, some had lagged behind, or strayed away
from her grasp, and then late in life had come happiness, and to her
warm heart tenderest dreams of motherhood, and then the final cry of
parting love and of utter anguish and desolation, and that too had
passed away. 'But the love is mine still,' she said, 'and love is life.'
To each one of us comes the thought of those who live most again, when
we hear of a generous deed, of a truthful word spoken; of those who
hated evil and loved the truth, for the truth was in them and common to
all; of those whose eyes were wise to see the angels in the field at
work among the devils.... The blessing is ours of their love for great
and noble things. We may not all be gifted with the divinest fires of
their nobler insight and wider imagination, but we may learn to live as
they did, and to seek a deeper grasp of life, a more generous sympathy.
Overwhelmed we may be with self-tortures, and wants, and remorses,
swayed by many winds, sometimes utterly indifferent from very weariness,
but we may still return thanks for the steadfast power of the noble
dead. It reigns unmoved through the raving of the storm; it speaks of a
bond beyond death and beyond life. Something of all this Mrs. Fane
taught Dolly by words in this miserable hour of loneliness, but still
more by her simple daily actions.... The girl, hearing her friend speak,
seemed no longer alone. She took Mrs. Fane's hand and looked at her, and
asked whether she might not come and live there some day, and try to
help her with her sick people.
'Did I ever tell you that, long ago, Colonel Fane told me I was to
come?' said Dolly, smiling.
'You shall come whenever you like,' said Mrs. Fane, smiling, 'but you
will have other things to do, my dear, and you must ask your cousin's
leave.'
'Robert! I don't think he would approve,' said Dolly, looking at a
letter which had come from him only that morning. 'There are many
things, I fear...' She stopped short and blushed painfully as one of the
nurses came to the door. Only that day Dolly had done something of which
she feared he might disapprove. She had written to Mr. Tapeall, in reply
to a letter from him, and asked him to lose no time in acting upon
George's will. She had a feverish longing that what he had wished should
be done without delay.
There is a big van at the door of the house in Old Street: great
packing-cases have been hoisted in; a few disconsolate chairs and tables
are standing on the pavement; the one looking-glass of the establishment
comes out sideways, and stuffed with straw; the creepers hang for sole
curtains to the windows; George's plants are growing already into tangle
in the garden; John's study is no longer crammed with reports,--the very
flavour of his tobacco-smoke in it is gone, and the wind comes blowing
freshly through the open window. Cassie and Zoe are away in the country
on a visit; the boys are away; Rhoda and Mrs. Morgan are going back to
join John in the City. The expense of the double household is more than
the family purse can conveniently meet. The gifts the rector has to
bestow are not those of gold or of silver.
They have been working hard all the morning, packing, directing: Rhoda
showing great cleverness and aptitude, for she was always good at an
emergency; and now, tired out, with dusty hands and soiled apron, she is
resting on the one chair which remained in the drawing-room, while Mrs.
Morgan, downstairs, is giving some last directions. Rhoda is glad to go;
to leave the old tiresome house; and yet, as she told Dolly, it is but
the old grind over again, which is to recommence, and she hates it more
and more. Vague schemes cross her mind--vague and indirect regrets. Is
she sorry for George? Yes, Rhoda is as sorry as it is in her nature to
be. She put on a black dress when she heard he was dead; but again and
again the thought came to her how different things might have been. If
she had only known all, thought Rhoda, naively, how differently she
would have acted. As they sat in the empty room, where they used to make
music once, she thought it all over. How dull they had all been! She
felt ill and aggrieved. There was Raban, who never came near her now. It
was all a mistake from the beginning.... Then she began to think about
her future. She had heard of a situation in Yorkshire--Mrs. Boswarrick
wanted a governess for her children. Should she offer herself? Was it
near Ravensrick she wondered? This was not the moment for such
reflections. One of the men came for the chair on which she was sitting.
Rhoda then went into the garden, and looked about for the last time,
walking once more round the old gravel-walk. George's strawberry-plants
had spread all over the bed; the verbena was green and sprouting; the
vine-wall was draped with falling sprays and tendrils. She pulled a
great bunch down and came away, tearing the leaves one by one from the
stem. Yes, she would write to Mrs. Boswarrick, she thought.
Old Betty was standing at the garden door. 'T' missus was putten her
bonnet an', she said; 't' cab was at door; and t' poastman wanted to
knaw whar' to send t' letters: he had brought one,'--and Betty held out
a thick envelope, addressed to Miss Parnell.
It was a long letter, and written in a stiff round hand, on very thick
paper. Rhoda understood not one word of it at first; then she looked
again more closely.
'As she stood there reading it, absorbed, with flushed cheeks, with a
beating heart, Mrs. Morgan called her hastily. 'Come, child,' she said,
'we shall have to give the cabman another sixpence for waiting!' but
Rhoda read on, and Mrs. Morgan came up, vexed and impatient, and tapped
her on the shoulder.
'Don't,' said Rhoda, impatiently, reading still, and she moved away a
step.
'Are you going to keep me all day, Rhoda?' said Mrs. Morgan, indignant
and surprised.
'Aunt Morgan,' said Rhoda, looking up at last, 'something has happened.'
Her eyes were glittering, her lips were set tight, her cheeks were
burning bright. 'It is all mine, they say.'
'What do you mean?' said the old lady. 'Were the keys in the box,
Betty?' Rhoda laid her hand upon her aunt's arm.
'George Vanborough has left me all his money!' she said in a low voice.
For a moment her aunt looked at her in amazement.
'But you mustn't take it, my dear!' said Mrs Morgan, quite breathless.
'Poor George! it was his last wish,' said Rhoda, gazing fixedly before
her.
Mr. Tapeall was a very stupid old man, weaving his red tape into
ungracious loops and meshes, acting with due deliberation. If an address
was to be found in the Red Book, he would send a clerk to certify it
before despatching a letter by post. When Dolly some time before had
sent him George's will, he put it carefully away in his strong box; now
when she wrote him a note begging him to do at once what was necessary,
he deliberated greatly, and determined to write letters to the whole
family on the subject.
Mrs. Palmer replied by return of post. She was not a little indignant
when the old lawyer had announced to her that he could not answer for
the turn which circumstances might take, nor for the result of an appeal
to the law. He was bound to observe that George's will was perfectly
valid. It consisted of a simple gift, in formal language, of all his
property, real and personal, to Rhoda. By the late 'Wills Act' of 1837,
this gift would pass all the property as it stood at his death; or, as
Mr. Tapeall clearly expressed it, 'would speak as from his death as to
the property comprised therein.' Mr. Tapeall recommended that his
clients should do nothing for the present. The onus of proof lay with
the opposite side. Mr. Raban had promised to ascertain all particulars,
as far as might be: on his return from the Crimea they would be in a
better position to judge.
Mrs. Palmer wrote back furious. Mr. Tapeall had reasons of his own. He
knew perfectly well that it was a robbery, that every one would agree in
this. It was a plot, she would not say by whom concocted. She was so
immoderate in her abuse that Mr. Tapeall was seriously offended. Mrs.
Palmer must do him the justice to withdraw her most uncalled-for
assertions. Miss Vanborough herself had requested him to prove her
brother's will and carry out his intentions as trustee to her property.
He considered it his duty to acquaint Miss Parnell with the present
state of affairs. Mr. Tapeall happened to catch cold and to be confined
to his room for some days. He had a younger partner, Mr. Parch, a man of
a more energetic and fiery temperament, and when, in Mr. Tapeall's
absence, a letter arrived signed Philippa Palmer, presenting her
compliments, desiring them _at once_ to destroy that will of her son's,
to which, for their own purposes, no doubt, they were pretending to
attach importance, Mr. Parch, irritated and indignant, sat down then and
there and wrote off to Mrs. Palmer and to Miss Rhoda Parnell by that
same post.
The letter to Mrs. Palmer was short and to the purpose. She was at
liberty to consult any other member of the profession in whom she placed
more confidence. To Miss Parnell, Mr. Parch related the contents of his
late client's will.