UNDER THE GREAT DOME.
Fantasio--'Je n'en suis pas, je n'en suis pas.'
--A. de Musset.
The wedding was fixed for the middle of September. In October they were
to sail.
Dolly was to be married at the Kensington parish church. Only yesterday
the brown church was standing--to-day a white phoenix is rising from
its ashes. The old people and the old prayers seem to be passing away
with the brown walls. One wonders as one looks at the rising arches what
new tides of feeling will sweep beneath them, what new teachings and
petitions, what more instant charity, what more practical faith and
hope. One would be well content to see the old gates fall if one might
deem that these new ones were no longer to be confined by bolts of human
adaptation, against which, day by day, the divine decrees of mutation
and progress strike with blows that are vibrating through the aisles,
drowning the voice of the teachers, jarring with the prayers of the
faithful.
As the doors open wide, the congregations of this practical age in the
eternity of ages, see on the altars of to-day new visions of the time.
Unlike those of the fervent and mystical past, when kneeling anchorites
beheld, in answer to their longing prayers, pitiful saints crowned with
roses and radiant with light, and vanishing away, visions of hearts on
fire and the sacred stigmata, the rewards of their life-long penance;
to-day, the Brother whom we have seen appears to us in the place of
symbols of that which it hath not entered into the heart of man to
conceive. The teaching of the Teacher, as we understand it now, is
translated into a new language of daily toil and human sympathy; our
saints are the sinners helped out of the mire; our visions do not
vanish; our heavenly music comes to us in the voices of the
school-children; surely it is as sweet as any that ever reached the
enraptured ears of penitents in their cells.
If people are no longer on their knees as they once were, and if some
are afraid and cry out that the divine images of our faith are waxing
dimmer in their niches; if in the Calvaries of these modern times we
still see truth blasphemed, thieves waiting on their crosses of
ignorance and crime, sick people crying for help, and children weeping
bitterly, why should we be afraid if people, rising from their knees,
are setting to their day's work with honest and loving hearts, and
going, instead of saying, 'I go,' and remaining and crying, 'Lord,
Lord.'
Once Dolly stopped to look at the gates as she was walking by, thinking,
not of Church reform, in those old selfish days of hers, but of the new
life that was so soon to begin for her behind those baize doors, among
the worm-eaten pews and the marble cherubs, under the window, with all
the leaden-patched panes diverging. She looked, flushed up, gathered her
grey skirts out of the mud, and went on with her companion.
The old days were still going on, and she was the old Dolly that she was
used to. But there was this difference now. At any time, at any hour,
coming into a room suddenly she never knew but that she might find a
letter, a summons, some sign of the new existence, and interests that
were crowding upon her. She scarcely believed in it all at times; but
she was satisfied. She was walking with her hand on Robert's strong arm.
She could trust to Robert--she could trust herself. She sometimes
wondered to find herself so calm. Robert assured her that, when people
_really_ loved each other, it was always so; they were always calm, and,
no doubt, he was right.
The two were walking along the Sunday street on their way to St. Paul's.
Family groups and prayer-books were about: market-carts, packed with
smiles and ribbons, were driving out in a long train towards the river.
Bells far and near were ringing fitfully. There is no mistaking the day
as it comes round, bringing with it a little ease into the strain of
life, a thought of peace and home-meeting and rest, and the echo of a
psalm outside in the City streets, as well as within its churches.
Robert called a hansom, and they drove rapidly along the road towards
town. The drifting clouds and lights across the parks and streets made
them look changed from their usual aspect. As they left the suburbs and
drove on towards the City, Henley laughed at Dorothea's enthusiasm for
the wet streets, of which the muddy stones were reflecting the lights of
a torn and stormy sky. St. Clement's spire rose sharp against a cloud,
the river rolled, fresh blown by soft winds, towards the east, while the
lights fell upon the crowding house-tops and spires. Dolly thought of
her moonlight drive with her mother. Now, everything was alight and
awake again; she alone was dreaming, perhaps. As they went up a steep
crowded hill the horse's feet slipped at every step. 'Don't be afraid,
Dora,' said Robert, protectingly. Then they were driving up a straiter
and wider street, flooded with this same strange light, and they
suddenly saw a solemn sight; of domes and spires uprearing; of mist, of
stormy sky. There rose the mighty curve, majestically flung against the
dome of domes! The mists drifting among these mountains and pinnacles of
stone only seemed to make them more stately.
'Robert, I never knew how beautiful it was,' said Dolly. 'How glad I am
we came! Look at that great dome and the shining sky. It is like--"see
how high the heavens are in comparison with the earth!"'
'I forget the exact height,' said Robert. 'It is between three and four
hundred feet. You see the ball up at the top--they say that twenty-four
people----'
'I know all that, Robert,' said Dolly, impatiently. 'What does it
matter?'
'I thought it might interest you,' said Robert, slightly huffed, 'since
you appear to be so little acquainted with St. Paul's. It is very fine,
of course; but I myself have the bad taste to prefer Gothic
architecture; it is far more suitable to our church. There is something
painfully--how shall I express it?--paganish about these capitals and
pilasters.'
'But that is just what I mean,' said Dolly, looking him full in the
face. 'Think of the beautiful old thoughts of the Pagans helping to pile
up a Cathedral here now. Don't you think,' she said, hesitating, and
blushing at her own boldness, 'that it is like a voice from a long way
off coming and harmonising now with ours? Robert, imagine building a
curve that will make some one happy thousands of years afterwards....'
'I am glad it makes _you_ happy, my dear Dorothea. I tell you I have the
bad taste not to admire St. Paul's,' Robert repeated; 'but here is the
rain, we had better make haste.'
They had come to an opening in the iron railings by this time, and
Robert led the way--a stately figure--climbing the long flight of
weather-worn steps that go circling to the peristyle. Dolly followed
slowly: as she ascended, the lights seemed to uprise, the columns to
stand out more boldly.
'Come in,' Robert said, lifting up the heavy leather curtain.
Dolly gave one look at the city at her feet, flashing with the many
lights and shadows of the impending storm, and then she followed him
into the great Cathedral.
They were late. The evening service was already begun, and a voice was
chanting and ringing from column to column. 'Rejoice in the Lord alway,'
it sang, 'and again I say, again I say unto you, rejoice! rejoice!' A
number of people were standing round a grating, listening to the voice,
but an old verger, pleased with the looks of the two young people,
beckoned to them and showed them up a narrow stair into a little oaken
gallery, whence they could look down upon the echoing voice and the
great crowd of people listening to it; many lights were burning, for it
was already dark within the building. Here a light fell, there the
shadow threw some curve into sudden relief; the rolling mist that hung
beyond the distant aisles and over the heads seemed like a veil, and
added to the mystery. The music, the fire, the arches overhead, made
Dolly's heart throb. The Cathedral itself seemed like a great holy heart
beating in the midst of the city. Once, when Dolly was a child in the
green ditch, her heart had overflowed with happiness and gratitude; here
she was a woman, and the future had not failed her--here were love and
faith to make her life complete--all the vibration of fire and music,
and the flow of harmonious lines, to express what was beyond words.
'Oh! Robert, what have we done to be so happy?' she whispered, when the
service was over and they were coming away in the crowd. 'It almost
frightens me,' the girl said.
Robert did not hear her at first; he was looking over the people's
heads, for the clouds had come down, and the rain was falling heavily.
'Frighten you,' said Robert presently, opening his umbrella; 'take my
arm, Dolly; what is there to frighten you? I don't suppose we are any
happier than other people under the same circumstances. Come this way;
let us get out of the crowd.'
Robert led the girl down a narrow lane closed by an iron gate. It looked
dark and indistinct, although the west still shone with changing lights.
Dolly stood up under a doorway, while the young man walked away down the
wet flags to look for a cab to take them home. The rain fell upon the
pavement, upon the stone steps where Dolly was standing, and with fresh
cheeks blooming in the mist, and eyes still alight with the radiance and
beauty of the psalm she had been singing in her heart. 'I don't suppose
we are any happier than other people.' She wished Robert had not said
that, it seemed cold, ungrateful almost. The psalm in her ears began to
die away to the dull patter of the rain as it fell. What was it that
came to Dolly as she stood in the twilight of the doorway--a sudden
chill coming she knew not from whence--some one light put out on the
altar?
Dolly, strung to some high quivering pitch, felt a sudden terror. It was
nothing; a doubt of a doubt--a fear of a terror--fearing what--doubting
whom?
'The service was very well performed,' said Robert, coming up. 'I have
got you a cab.' He helped her in, and then, as he seated himself beside
her, began again: 'We shall not have many more opportunities of
attending the Cathedral service before we start.'
Dolly was very silent; Robert talked on. He wondered at her seeming want
of interest, and yet he had only talked to her about her plans and
things that she must have cared to hear. 'I shall know definitely about
our start to-morrow, or the day after,' he said, as the cab drew up at
the door of Church House. Poor Dolly! She let him go into the
drawing-room alone, and ran up to her own little nest upstairs. The
thought of the possible nearness of her departure had suddenly
overwhelmed her. When it was still far off she had never thought about
it. Now she sat down on the low window-sill, leant her head against the
shutter, and watched the last light die out above the ivy wall. The
garden shadows thickened; the night gathered slowly; Dolly's heart beat
sadly, oh! how sadly. What hopeless feeling was this that kept coming
over her again and again? coming she knew not from what recesses of the
empty room, from behind the fleeting clouds, from the secret chambers of
her traitorous heart? The voice did not cease persecuting. 'So much of
you that lives now,' it said, 'will die when you merge your life into
Robert's. So much love will be more than he will want. He takes but a
part of what you have to give.' The voice was so distinct that she
wondered whether Marker, who came in to put away her things, would hear
it. Did she love Robert? Of course she loved him. There was his ring
upon her finger. She could hear his voice sounding from the hall
below.... Were they not going off alone together to a lonely life,
across a tempestuous sea? For a moment she stood lost, and forgetting
that her feet were still upon the home-hearth and that the far-off sea
was still beating upon distant shores. Then she started up impatiently,
she would not listen any more. With a push to the door she shut her
doubts up in the cupboard where she was used to hang her cloak, and then
she came slowly down the wooden stairs to the oak-room below.
Dolly found a candle alight, a good deal of darkness, some conversation,
a sofa drawn out with her mamma reposing upon it, Robert writing at a
table to Mrs. Palmer's dictation.
'My child,' said Mrs. Palmer, 'come here. You have been to St. Paul's. I
have been alone the whole afternoon. Your Aunt Sarah never comes near
me. I am now getting this dear fellow to write and order a room for us
at Kingston. I told you of my little plan. He is making all the
arrangements. It is to be a little _festa_ on my husband's birthday;
shall we say Tuesday, if fine, Robert? The Admiral will hear of it, and
understand that we do not forget him. People say I have no resentment in
my nature. It is as well, perhaps, that I should leave untasted a few of
the bitter dregs of my hard lot,' continued Mrs. Palmer, cheerfully.
'Have you written to Raban, Robert? My George would wish him
remembered.'
'Oh, don't let us have Raban, Aunt Philippa,' said Robert. 'There will
be Morgan, and George, and your little friend Rhoda will like to
come,--and any one else?'
'I am thankful to say that Mrs. Morgan and those dreadful two girls are
going into the country for two days; that is one reason for fixing upon
Tuesday,' says Mrs. Palmer. 'I don't want them, Dolly, dearest. Really
the society your poor aunt lives in is something too ludicrous. She will
be furious; I have not dared tell her, poor creature. I have accepted an
invitation for you on Wednesday. Colonel Witherington's sister, in Hyde
Park Gardens, has a large dinner-party. She has asked us all three in
the kindest manner. Colonel Witherington called himself with the note
this afternoon. I wanted him to stay to dinner. I'm afraid your aunt was
vexed. Robert, while you are about it, just write a line for us all to
Mrs. Middleton.'
Robert wrote Mrs. Palmer's notes, sealed, and stamped them, and,
betweenwhiles, gave a cheerful little description of their expedition.
'Dolly was delighted with the service,' said he; 'but I am afraid she is
a little tired.' Then he got up and pulled an arm-chair for her up to
the fire, and then he went back and finished putting up Mrs. Palmer's
correspondence. He was so specially kind that evening, cheerful, and
nice to Mrs. Palmer, doing her behests so cleverly and naturally, that
Dolly forgot her terrors and wondered what evil spirit had possessed
her. She began to feel warm and happy once more, and hopeful, and she
was unaffectedly sorry when Henley got up and said he must go.
He was no sooner gone and the door shut than Mrs. Palmer said,
languidly, 'I think I should like Frank Raban to be asked, poor fellow.
It will please Rhoda, at all events.'
Dolly blushed up crimson. She had not seen Frank since that curious
little talk she had had with George.
'But Robert doesn't wish it, mamma,' said Dolly.
'Nonsense, child. I wish it. Robert is not your husband yet,' said Mrs.
Palmer; 'and if he were----'
'Shall I bring you a pen and ink?' Dolly asked, shyly.
'Just do as I tell you, dearest,' said her mother, crossly. 'Write,
"Dear Mr. Raban,--My mother desires me to write and tell you with what
pleasure she would welcome you on Tuesday next, if you would join a
small expedition we are meditating, a water-party, in honour of Admiral
Palmer's 57th birthday."'
'That is not a bit like one of my letters,' said Dolly, finishing
quickly. 'Where can Aunt Sarah be?'
'I am sure I don't know, my dear. She left in the rudest manner when
Witherington called. I have seen nothing of her.'
Lady Sarah was sitting upstairs alone--oh, how alone!--in the cheerless
bed-room overhead, where she used to take her griefs and her sad
mistrusts. They seemed to hang from the brown faded curtains by the
window; they seemed to haunt all round the bed, among its washed-out
draperies; they were ranged along the tall chimney-piece in bottles.
Here is morphia and chlorodyne, or its equivalent of those days; here is
the 'linament'--linament for a strained heart! chloroform for anxious
love! Are not each one of those the relics of one or another wound,
reopening again and again with the strains of the present. Sarah's hands
are clasped and her head is bent forward as she sits in this
half-darkness--leaden grey without, chill within--by the empty hearth.
Did Robert love Dolly? Had he love in him? Had she been right to see him
through Dolly's eyes?
Just then the door opens, and Dolly, flushed, brightening the dull
twilight, comes into the room.
'Come down directly, you wicked woman,' she says. 'You will be catching
cold here all by yourself.'