Like other men, I have had my times of being irritable, but open anger
is with me like to a tornado, and if I give way I am as is a ship in a
storm when no anchors hold. General Hamilton, on one occasion, observed
to me that there were some talents which it was good that men should
know you to be possessed of, because once they were aware of this, you
were not so apt to be called upon to use them, and this may be true of
that rage of anger I now speak of. But I cannot think it a thing of
value, nor of any real use; for if it follow another’s actions, it can
do no good, and there are better ways of showing disapprobation.
The other matter to which his lordship alludes is that I was, at this
time, the victim of one of those attachments to a lady older than
myself from which lads are apt to suffer. It was not the last, for in
the composition of the human frame there is a good deal of inflammable
matter. My fancy lasted for some months, but was cured at last by hard
work and life in the saddle. It was full time that I got away from the
easy hospitality of Belvoir and Mount Vernon. A masterful nature amid
slaves is not so well situated as among scenes where he has to contend
with those who can resist. Since I became a man I never approved of
human slavery, and surely the worst thing ever done to the colonies
was the act of England in forcing upon us an endurance of the trade in
slaves. The evil results of this tyranny I do not propose to discuss
fully, but sure I am that the continuance of this form of servitude
will some day give rise to troubles. I find myself, however, inclined
to believe that the habit of mastery, also the aristocratic turn which
society acquired in Virginia, had a certain value in our war with the
mother country. In Virginia the minor officers, such as captains,
were of a higher class than their privates, and for this reason, and
on account of being from youth upward accustomed to command obedience
and exact discipline, were in this respect well fitted for warfare.
In New England, especially, under more democratic circumstances, and
also because there were few slaves, the officers, such as captains
and lieutenants, were unused to control men who, being of their own
class, acknowledged of late years no such differences of position as in
Virginia, and were very insubordinate. I found in this state of things
a serious obstacle to discipline when I first took command at Cambridge.
On the other hand, it is worthy of remark that no general officers
of great distinction were of Southern birth. All of those on whom I
learned to depend most largely were born in the North, or had lived
long in the colonies north of Maryland. Of these were the generals
Knox, Morgan, Wayne, Hamilton, Montgomery, Schuyler, Greene, and, alas!
Arnold; and generally these were men who were not of the upper classes.
This is a matter which I once had occasion to mention to Mr. Edmund
Pendleton, who was of opinion that, as the first open warfare was at
the North, and the first army there collected, it was natural that the
early opportunities and high commissions should have fallen to men
of the North. I was unable to deny this, but upon reflection it does
not present to me a satisfactory explanation, since the actual war
lasted seven years and afforded many chances to men of all sections.
I find myself naturally drawn into these reflections by the events of
my early life, but such interruptions are of no moment, because I am
endeavouring, for my own satisfaction and with no thought of others, to
consider rather how certain steps in life prepared me for larger tasks,
than with a view to any connected narration.
There lived near Mount Vernon at this time a man named Van Braam, a
Dutchman, who, having served under my brother Lawrence at Cartagena,
was used at times as a clerk. He was a slight, wiry little man, and
dependent in those days on my brother’s aid. He spoke French, but
whether well or ill I was too ignorant to know; yet, because of his
supposed knowledge, he came later to be the innocent means of getting
himself and me into unpleasant difficulties. Like Lawrence, he was an
accomplished swordsman; and I received from him lessons in the small
sword, and became myself expert in this, as I have usually been in all
exercise involving strength and accuracy, being more quick of body than
of mind.
This talent of the sword was an accomplishment which I never had to use
personally, nor have I ever been so unfortunate as to have needed it in
the duel. Experience has proved that chance is often as much concerned
in these encounters as bravery, and always more than the justice of the
cause. I felt regret that my friend, General Cadwalader, should have
exposed a valuable life to the pistol of a man like General Conway,
especially since the real cause of the quarrel was, I am assured,
language used by the latter which my friend knew I could not resent.
Indeed, in an affair like that of these two generals, it would have
been reasonable to have decided by lot which was wrong; for a farthing
was tossed as to who should be first to fire, and both were good shots.
Happily, my friend was fortunate, and the other, who had considered his
honour wounded, was now in addition wounded in his tongue――the organ
which made all the mischief.
This lamentable manner of settling disputes was the occasion, while we
lay at the Valley Forge, of our losing valuable officers. I have always
discouraged it. Many of the duels in the war might have been avoided
by the help of judicious friends. When Captain Paul Jones desired
to call out Mr. Arthur Lee, I dissuaded him from asking my friends,
the two C――――s, to be his advisers, on account of the too pugnacious
tendencies of these gentlemen of Welsh blood.