My father died in April, 1743, and Lawrence was married to Miss Fairfax
in June of that year. It was fortunate for me that my brother’s wife,
Anne Fairfax, soon shared the constant affection felt for me by her
husband Lawrence.
Austin, as we usually called Augustine, also embarked into the
matrimonial state as the husband of Anne Aylett of Westmoreland, who
brought him a large property.
The next three years of my young life were important. I learned very
soon from my mother that, when of age, I would have a moderate estate
and insufficient. It is a happy thing that children have no power to
realize what money means to their elders, else I might have been set
against Lawrence and thought my father unjust. As I did not understand
my mother’s complaints of poverty, they had no effect upon me. After
my father’s death, and in the absence of my elder brothers, the house
and farm soon showed the want of a man’s care, and we lads enjoyed at
this time almost unlimited freedom. My older brothers saw it, and felt
that I, at least, might suffer, being of an age and nature to need
discipline and to be guided. In fact, I delighted to skip away from my
man Peter, and find indulgence in roasting ears of Indian corn in the
forbidden cabins of the field-slaves, or in coon-hunts at night, when
all the house was asleep. When my pranks were discovered my mother was
sometimes too severe in her punishments, or else only laughed.
Nothing was assured or certain in the house, now that the hand of wise
and strong government was gone.
We were taught the catechism as a preparation for Sundays, and
my mother read the Bishop of Exeter’s sermons or Matthew Hale’s
“Commentaries, Moral and Divine.” I still have this book. It belonged
originally to my father’s first wife, Jane Butler, and below her name
my mother wrote her own, “Mary Ball.” At this time she was much given
to Puritanical views, which were beginning to be felt in Virginia,
owing largely to the want of better clergymen in the Established
Church. She would have the servants up late on Saturday to cook, that
there might be no labour on Sunday. In consequence, the blacks fell
asleep in church. My mother would then get up in mid-service, and go
where they sat, and poke them awake with her fan.
At this period my great personal strength and endurance were constant
temptations to forbidden enterprises on land or water, and it was at
this time of my life that I discovered a certain pleasure in danger.
I find it difficult, not having the philosophical turn of mind, to
describe what I mean; but of this I became aware as time went on,
that, in battle or other risks, I was suddenly the master of larger
competence of mind and body than I possessed at other times.
When, on one occasion, the learned Dr. Franklin desired to be excused
if he asked whether in battle I had ever felt fear, I had to confess
that in contemplating danger I was like most men, but that immediate
peril had upon me the influence which liquor has upon some, making
them feel able for anything. He said yes, but as to the influence of
drink, that was a mere delusion; whereas he understood, and here he
begged to apologize, that, in great danger in battle and when the ranks
were breaking, I had seemed to possess powers of decision and swift
judgment beyond those I could ordinarily command. I said it was true,
that danger seemed to lift me in mind and body above my common level,
and that it was the satisfaction this gave which made danger agreeable;
not, be it said, the peril, but the results.
I apprehend him to have been correct, for in battle I have often felt
this, as at Monmouth, at Princeton, and elsewhere. In general, my
mind acts slowly, and I have been often painfully aware of it when in
council with General Hamilton, Mr. Jefferson, or General Knox. General
Wayne was fortunate in this quickening of the mind in danger. He once
said to Colonel Humphreys of my staff that he disliked danger, but
liked its effects upon himself when it came.
Certainly I had my share of risks at the time I now speak of. No one
controlled my actions, and old Peter, in whom my father had greatly
trusted, now allowed me, in general, to do as pleased me. The river
and the forests afforded game, but the riding of half-broken horses
was what most I liked. My joy in the horse and his ways was the mere
satisfaction in conquest and in the training of a strong brute; but
it made me a good horseman, and helped, though I knew it not then, to
prepare me for the years when I was to be so much in the saddle.
We had at this time a slave named Sampson, who possessed great control
over animals. He was old in our service, and very black. He was said to
be a Mandingo negro, and to do very well if kindly treated. The blacks
of this tribe incline to take their own lives if what they feel to be
disgrace falls upon them, and this man, for whom my father had a great
liking, never had been whipped. He had charge, under the overseer, of
the stables, the brood-mares, and the training of horses for saddle or
harness.
I was at this time more about the stables than was allowed under my
father’s rule, and did, in fact, much as I liked out of school hours.
It so happened that once, on a Saturday, there being no school, I was
very early at the stables, and, as there was no one to hinder, made
the groom saddle a hunter we had. On this I made my appearance at a
meet for fox-hunting, four miles from home, to the great amusement of
the gentry. They asked me if I could stay on, and if the horse knew he
had any one on his back. However, the big sorrel carried me well, and
knew his business better than I did. I saw two foxes killed, and this
was my first hunt; but as I rode home my horse went lame, and, to save
him, I dismounted and led him. Towards noon, when we were come to the
farm stable, I found the overseer, with a whip in his hand, swearing
at Sampson, and making as if about to beat him. I ran up behind them
and snatched away the whip. The overseer turned and, seeing me, said
he meant to punish Sampson for letting me take a horse which was sold
to go to Williamsburg. When he knew the horse was lame, he was still
more angry; but I declared I was to blame, and no one else, and said he
should first whip me. He said no more, except that my mother would say
what was to be done. I think he made no report of me, and certainly my
mother said nothing. When the overseer had walked away, the old servant
thanked me, and said no one had ever struck him, and that it would
be his death. This seemed strange to me, a boy, for the slaves were
whipped like children, and thought as little of it. Sampson said to me
that I was like my father, that when I was angry I became red and then
pale, and that I must never get angry with a horse.
After this interference Sampson took great pains with me and taught me
many useful things about horses. Although I became a good horseman, I
never had his strange gift of managing dogs or other creatures. Indeed,
he was the only black man I ever saw who could handle bees, for these
industrious little insects have a great enmity to negroes.
All this happened in October, 1743, and was the means of making a
useful change in my life and ways. At about this time my two brothers
came together to visit us, in order to satisfy my mother’s complaints
that she was never so poor and, since my father died, was not ever
considered. It seems that at this time she was, as she remained
until death, a dissatisfied woman, although never without sufficient
income. She was, I fear, born discontented, and could not help it; for
happiness depends more on the internal frame of a person’s mind than on
the externals in this world.