Human nature is a curious thing, and the older one grows the more
strange and wonderful it seems. There was I watching Tom Mercer from
the window, and the minute before I felt as if I would have given
anything to have him there alone with our jackets off, to put in force
the old sergeant's teaching, knowing that I could in my passion nearly
knock his head off. The next minute, as I saw him walk dejectedly away
with his head down, evidently bitterly hurt and disappointed, I found
myself sorry for him, and wanting to call him back.
And this was from no desire to partake of the good things he had, I was
perfectly sure, in the bag, for in my misery I had no appetite or desire
to eat anything, but from honest liking for the boy who had been my
companion from the first.
But I was too proud to call him back, and in my anger I mentally called
him a contemptible, cowardly thief, and vowed that I would never speak
to him again.
Boys always keep those vows, of course--for an hour or two, and then
break them, and a good thing too. They would be horrible young
misanthropes if they did not.
So Tom Mercer was gone, with his bagful, string, and indiarubber ball,
and I plumped myself down on a chair by the window, rested my crossed
arms on the inner ledge, and, placing my chin upon them, sat staring out
over the beautiful Sussex landscape, thinking about what was to come.
But, mingled with those thoughts, there came plenty of memories of the
past; as my eyes lit on the woods and fields, with a glint of one of the
General's ponds where we boys had fished.
Oh, how lovely it all looked that sunny morning, with the rays flashing
from the dewy grass and leaves, and how impossible it seemed that I
could be so unhappy, shut up there like a prisoner, and looked upon by
every one as a thief!
What should I do? Wait for the truth to come out, or behave like any
high-spirited boy would,--high-spirited and gallant from my point of
view,--set them all at defiance, wait for my opportunity, and escape--go
right away and seek my fortune?
No, I did not want any fortune. My uncle wished me to be a soldier, as
my father had been, and that meant study for years, then training
perhaps at Woolwich, and at last a commission.
"I will not wait for that," I said to myself; "I'll be a soldier at
once. I'll go and enlist, and rise from the ranks, and in years to
come, when I am a captain or a major, I will go back home, and tell them
that I was perfectly innocent, and they'll be sorry they believed that I
was a thief."
These romantic thoughts put me in better spirits, and I began to plan
what I would do, and how I could get away, for I could not see in my
excitement what a young donkey I was to fill my head with such nonsense,
and what a mean, cowardly thing it would be to go off, and make my
supposed guilt a certainty with my uncle, break my mother's heart, and
generally throw all my future to the winds--always supposing it possible
that I could have found any recruiting sergeant who would have taken
such a slip of a boy, as, of course, I could not; for to a certainty I
should have been laughed at, and come away like a frightened cur, with
my tail between my legs.
I was mentally blind then, puffed up with vanity, and as bitter and
angry as it is possible for a boy to be, and all I can say in
extenuation is that I had had good cause to be upset by the trouble I
had gone through.
"I'll go," I said excitedly. "To-night as soon as it is dark, and--"
I stopped short, for I saw a familiar figure going along the road in
front of the great house. It was Lomax, having his morning pipe and
walk before going back to his garden, and the sight of the old sergeant
made me feel sorry for my determination. He had been so friendly, and
under his stiff military ways there had been so much kindliness. He had
been so proud of the way in which I had acquired the things he taught;
and as he went on, tall, upright, and manly-looking, I began to wonder
what he would say, and I exclaimed eagerly,--
"He'll know that I have gone off to join the army, and say I have done
well."
Down came a wet blanket.
"No," I said dolefully; "he will think I have run away because I was a
thief."
"I can't go. It is impossible for me to go," I said passionately, as I
began to pace the room, and sheets torn up and tied together with
counterpane and blankets, to make out the rope down which I was to slide
to liberty, fell away as if they were so much tinder; while the other
plan I had of unscrewing the lock of the door, and taking it off with my
pocket-knife, so as to steal down the stairs, tumbled to nothing, as
soon as I thought that I must steal away.
Just then I started, for there was a tap at the door--a very soft,
gentle tap, and then a hoarse whisper.
"Master Burr! Master Burr!"
"Yes," I said sourly. "Who is it? What do you want?"
"It's me, my dear. Cook. I'm just going down. Are you dressed yet?"
"Yes."
"I heard last night that you were shut up. Whatever is the matter?"