The Vice President of the Creation Searchin' Society of Jonesville
wuz here yesterday mornin', and as soon as he'd gone through the
usual neighborly talk about the weather, the hens, his wife, and the
neighbors, etc., he tipped back in his chair and pushed back his hat
a little furder on his head. He never took off his hat in my sight;
Samantha asked me once "if I spozed he took it off nights, or slep in
it."
But I explained it to her as a kind man is always willin' to do if a
female asks him properly for information.
Sez I, "I hearn him say once, Samantha, that the way he got in the
habit of not takin' off his hat before wimmen wuz to impress 'em with
the fact of male superiority, and to let 'em know that he wuzn't goin'
to bow down before 'em and act meachin'. He wuz always a big feelin'
feller and after he got to be such a high official in the C.S.S. he
naterally is hautier actin'."
Well, almost to once he begun to Samantha about wimmen's votin',
runnin' the idee down to the very lowest notch it could go on the
masculine stillyards. You see my forthcomin' great work agin Wimmen
Rights has excited the male Jonesvillians dretfully, and emboldened
'em, till they act as fierce and bold as lions when they're talkin' to
females.
They realize that when that immortal work is lanched onto the waitin'
world the cause of Woman's Suffrage will collapse like the bladders
we used to blow up in childhood, jest as sharp and sudden and jest as
windy. They know that them that uphold such uroneous beliefs won't be
nothin' nor nobody then, and so they begin beforehand to act more hauty
and uppish towards Suffragists, and browbeat 'em. And he poked fun at
the cause and slurred at it, and sneered at it till I didn't know but
Samantha would take lumbago from his remarks, but she didn't seem to.
She had got her mornin's work all did up slick, her gingham apron hung
up behind the kitchen door, and she'd resoomed her white one trimmed
with tattin'. And she sot knittin' on a pair of blue woosted socks for
me, her linement as smooth and onrumpled as her hair, which wuz combed
smooth round her forward. And she kep' on with her knittin', only once
in a while she would look up at him over her specs in the queer way she
has at times, but still kep' lookin' cam, and sayin' nothin'.
And her camness and her silence seemed to spur him on and make him
bolder and more aggressiver. He thought she wuz afraid on him, but I
knowed she wuzn't.
At last he flung out the remark to her that if wimmen could vote it
would be the bad wimmen who would flock to the poles; Samantha wuz
jest turnin' the heel in my sock and after she made the turn she said
that that wuzn't so, and she brought up statisticks and throwed at
him (still a knittin' and seamin' two and two) provin' that it is the
educated conscientious wimmen who want to help the good men of the
country to make the laws to try to make the world a safer place for
their children, a better, cleaner place for every one, and she threw
some statements at him from States that had Woman's Suffrage for years
and years to prove her insertion, but the statisticks, the figgers and
the proofs piled about him onheeded, for he had got hot and excited by
this time and it seemed as if Samantha's very camness madded him, and
her knittin', and her seamin' two and two, and her countin' "one--two,"
to herself once in a while.
And sez he agin in a overbearin' skairful voice, intended to intimidate
females, "I tell you it is the bad wimmen who will rush to the poles,
and I can prove what I say." Sez he, "The meaner anybody is the more
and the oftener they want to vote; my father is one of the best of men
and you can't hardly git him to stir his stumps 'lection day. And my
wife's father is the meanest man in the country and he will vote from
mornin' till night for either party and sell his vote where he can git
the highest figger--(he don't live happy with his wife, and he went
on) and so will her Uncle Josh sell his vote to anybody for a glass of
whiskey, and most all the men on her side will sell their vote and make
money by it. And I know more'n a dozen men right round here who do the
same thing. I don't spoze you wimmen read much of any, but if you did
you'd see how common graft and fraud is in politics, all the way from
Jonesville to Washington. So you see," sez he, "I can prove right out
what I said that it is the bad wimmen who would vote."
Samantha counted "two and two" to herself, and then said in a mild
axent, "Why would a bad woman's vote be worse than a bad man's?" The
Vice President see in a minute into what a deep hole his excitement and
voylent desire to prove his argument had led him, and he acted sheepish
as a sheep.
But anon he revived and ketched holt of the first argument he could lay
his hand on, to prop up his side of the question. It wuz a argument he
had read about, he didn't believe it himself, but ketched at it in his
hurry.
Sez he, "We expect more from wimmen than we do from men; they're
naterally better than men and we want to keep 'em so, keep 'em out of
the dirt of public affairs."
Sez Samantha still a knittin' and still a lookin' cam, "You must use
clean water to cleanse dirty things. I don't believe as you do. I think
the good qualities of men and wimmen would heft jest about equal, and
need equal treatment. But accordin' to your tell if men are so much
worse than wimmen they need her help to clean up things."
Agin the Vice President see where his hasty talk and anxiety to prove
his pint had led him. He wiggled round in his chair till I trembled for
the legs on it, for he wuz still leanin' back in it too fur for safety.
He kinder run his hand up under his hat and scratched his head, but
didn't seem to root any new idees out of his hair, and he finally give
up, settled his hat back more firmly on his head agin, let his chair
down sudden and got up and sez:
"I come over this mornin' to borry Josiah's sheep shears."
And after he went out with 'em I asked Samantha, "What do you spoze the
Vice President wanted of sheep shears this time of year?" And she sez:
"He looked sheepish enough to use 'em on himself."
Well, it wuz gittin' along towards noon, as I reminded Samantha, and
she riz up and put her knittin' work on the mantelry piece, resoomed
her gingham apron and went out into the kitchen and soon I hearn the
welcome sounds so sweet to a man's ear whether literary or profane,
that preperations wuz goin' on for a good square meal.
And as I sot there peaceful and happy in my mind who should come in but
my dear and congenial friend, Uncle Sime Bentley. He had been on a
visit to Illenoy. And after his first words of greetin' and his anxious
inquiries as to how my great work wuz progressin' and gittin' along, he
went on and gin me the petickulars about his journey.
He'd been on a visit to the city to see his nephew, Bill Bentley. Bill
is well off and smart, and his father-in-law is rich and sent his only
child, Bill's wife, to college; "jest like a fool," Uncle Sime said.
"For what duz a female want with such a eddication." Sez he, "The three
R's, Readin', Ritin' and Rithmetic are enough for her and would be for
any woman if they worked and tended to things as my ma, Bill's grandma
did.
"Up at four every mornin' summer and winter, milkin' five or six cows
and then gittin' breakfast for her big fambly, hired men and all, and
doin' every mite of the housework, and spinnin', weavin', makin' and
mendin', and takin' sole care of her eight children, in sickness and
health, and takin' care of her mother who had been as big a worker and
stay-at-home as she wuz, and who wuz now melancholy crazy in a little
room done off the woodshed.
"How ma did work," sez Uncle Sime in a reminescin' axent, "stiddy at it
from mornin' till night, never stirrin' out of the house from year to
year. Oh! if she could only have lived to set a sample for Bill's wife,
and instruct her in a wife's duty.
"I told Bill so," sez Uncle Sime. "And if you please," sez he, "Bill
resented it, and said, ketch him a killin' his wife with work hard
enough for four wimmen, and not stirrin' out of the house from year to
year, he thought too much of her; sez he, 'if I wanted a slave I'd buy
one and pay cash for her.'
"He didn't seem to appreciate ma's doin's no more than nothin', though
as I told him, _There_ wuz a woman whose price wuz above rubies, so
different from the slack forward wimmen of to-day. So retirin', so
modest and womanly, willin' to work her fingers to the bone and not
complain. Never puttin' forward her opinion about anything, always
lookin' up to pa and knowin' he wuz always right. And if she ever did
seem curious about anything outside her housework and fambly, pa would
shet her up and bring her back to her duty pretty quick. Yes indeed! pa
wuz the head of the house, and laid out to be. But Bill didn't seem to
have no gumption and self respect at all, and wuz perfectly willin' to
be on equal terms with his wife. And Bill told him she had a household
allowance and a private bank account. Private bank account! I told Bill
it wuz enough to make his grandma rise from her grave to see such bold
onwomanly doin's.
"And Bill said 'it would be a good thing for her to rise, if she could
stay up, for mebby she would take a little comfort and rest her mind
and her bones a little, at this epock of time.'"
I sez, "I spoze, Simon, you didn't have nothin' fit to eat there and
everything goin' to rack and ruin about the house."
"No," Uncle Sime said, "I must own up that things run pretty smooth,
and Bill's wife sot a good table. They had a stout woman who helped
about the work and takin' care of the children, leavin' Bill's wife
free to go round with Bill to meetin's and clubs and a fishin' and
motor ridin', and picknickin' with him and the kids."
"I spoze she wuz high headed and disagreable," sez I.
"No," sez Uncle Sime, "she wuz always good natered and dressed pretty,
and why shouldn't she?" sez he bitterly, "havin' her own way and
runnin' things to suit herself. And why shouldn't she dress pretty?
Lanchin' out and buyin' everything she wanted. Not curbed down by Bill,
nor askin' a man's advice at all about her clothes or housen stuff so
fur as I could see."
Sez I, "Mebby Bill didn't like it so well as you thought, Simon; mebby
he wuz chafin' inside on him."
"No, he wuzn't, he liked it, there's one of the pints I'm comin'
at, how these modern wimmen will pull the wool over men's eyes, no
matter how smart he is naterally. They did seem to have good times
together, laughin' and talkin' together, settin' to the table a hour
or so, a visitin' away as if they hadn't seen each other for a month.
But merciful heavens! the subjects they talked on and discussed over!
It seemed that she knew every crook and turn on subjects that Bill's
grandma never had heard on by name. Hygeen, books, Street Cleanin',
Hospital work, Charities, Political affairs from pole to pole and
Scientific subjects--Radium, Electricity, Spiritualism, Woman's
Suffrage, which they both believed in. There seemed to be no end to the
subjects they talked about. So different from pa and ma's talk. They
eat their meals in perfect and solemn silence most all the time, ma
always waitin' on him. And if she did venter any remarks to him they
usually didn't fly no higher than hen's eggs or neighborhood doin's.
Do you spoze that pa would stood it havin' a wife that acted as if she
knew as much as he did? Not much.
"But Bill's wife wuz right up to snuff as well informed as Bill wuz,
and Bill didn't seem to know enough to be jealous and mad about a wife
actin' as if she wuz on a equality with him. It made me ashamed to
think a male relation on my own side should act so meachin'. And in one
thing she even went ahead of Bill, owin' to the money men had spent
on her. She sung like a bird, and evenin's Bill would lay back in his
chair before the open fireplace and listen to her singin' and playin'
them old songs and look at her as if he worshipped her. He didn't seem
to want to stir out of the house evenin's unless she went too, lost all
his ambition to go out and have a good man time, seemed perfectly happy
where he wuz. And he used to be a great case to be out nights and act
like a man amongst men.
"But," sez Uncle Sime, "I believe that one of the things that galded me
most amongst all the galdin' things I see and hearn there, wuz Bill's
wife's independence in money matters. Economic Independence! That wuz
one of her fool idees. Oh, how often I thought of you, Josiah, and
wished you wuz there to put down what I see and hearn in the beautiful
language you know so well how to use."
My feelin's wuz touched and I sez solemnly, "Simon, I would loved to
been there, and if I couldn't help you I could have sot and sympathized
with you."
Sez Simon, "Never once durin' them six weeks I wuz there did I see her
ask Bill for a cent, and how well I remember," sez Simon, "when if ma
wanted the money for a pair of shues, or a gingham dress for herself,
how she would have to coax pa and git him extra vittles and pompey him
and beg for the money in such a womanly and becomin' way. And sometimes
pa wuz real short with her and would deny her. Not but what he meant to
git 'em in the end, for he wuz a noble man. But he held off, wantin'
her to realize he wuz the head of the fambly, and to be looked up to."
Sez Simon, "Ma would have to manage every way for days and days to git
them shues and that dress and when he did git any clothes for her pa
picked 'em out himself, for ma had been brought up to think his taste
wuz better'n hern."
Sez I, "Probable it wuz better, probable he got things that wore like
iron."
"Yes, he did," sez Simon, "he did. He never cared so much for looks
as he did the solid wear of anything." And for a few minutes Uncle
Sime seemed lost in a silent contemplation of his pa's oncommon good
qualities, and then he resoomed agin. "The news come right whilst I wuz
there, about the leven hundred saloons closed durin' the few months
since wimmen voted in that state. And Bill never resented it and even
jined in with the idee that it wuz owin' to wimmen's votes largely that
that and the other big temperance victories of late wuz accomplished.
He didn't seem to have no more self respect than a snipe. And if you'll
believe it, Josiah, Bill's wife made a public speech right whilst I
wuz there, sunthin' about school matters she thought wuz wrong and ort
to be set right."
"How did Bill like that, Simon?" sez I. "I guess that kinder opened his
eyes."
"Like it!" sez Uncle Sime in a indignant axent. "Why, instead of actin'
ashamed and resentin' it as a man of sperit would, he went with her
and made a speech too, and they carried the day and beat the side they
said wuz usin' the school to make money. And I hearn 'em with my own
ears comin' in at ten P.M. laughin' and jokin' together like two kids.
Makin' a speech before men! Oh, what would Bill's great-grandma thought
on't? She'd say she had reason for her melancholy madness, and his
grandma would say she wuz glad she wuz dead."
"Most probable that is so, Simon," sez I, sympathizin' with him.
"As I've intimidated to you before, Simon, time and agin, this is a
turrible epock of time us male men are a passin' through, jest like a
see-saw gone crazy, wimmen up and stayin' up, and men down and held
down. But wait till my great work agin Female Suffrage is lanched onto
the world and then see what will happen, and jest as soon as I git a
little ahead with my outdoor work I'm a goin' to lanch it. Then will
come the upheaval and the crash, follered by peace and happiness. Men
will resoom their heaven-born station as rulers and protectors of the
weaker sect, and females will sink down agin into hern, lookin' up to
man as their nateral gardeens and masters."
"Ma knowed it in her day and practiced it," sez Simon. "And pa knowed
it and acted his part nobly. Ma wuz so retirin' and so womanly. Why, if
once in a great while she took it in her head to ask about such things
as Bill's wife boldly lectured about, do you spoze she'd go before
any strange man to talk out about it? No, she would always ask pa to
explain it to her. And I remember well how kinder wishful and wonderin'
her eyes looked and yet timid and becomin'. And pa actin' his part in
life as a man of sperit should, would most always tell her to tend
to her housework and let men run them things. But if he did feel good
natered and explain 'em to her she took his word for law and gospel and
acted meek and grateful to him.
"Yes, pa wuz to the head of his house and kep' females down where they
belonged, and her actions wuz a pattern for wimmen to foller. And it
wuz such a pity and a wonder that she had to die so early, only thirty
years old when the Lord took her before her virtues wuz known to the
world at large.
"I remember well the night she passed away," sez Simon, in a softer
reminescener axent.
"She wanted her bed drawed up to the open winder. And she lay lookin'
up to the full moon and stars a shinin' in the great clear sky. She
looked up and up and kinder smiled and sez in a sort of a wishful,
wonderin' axents:
"'Oh, how big! And how free!'
"And I always spozed she meant sunthin' about how big pa wuz, and how
free to understand things she didn't, and hadn't ort to."
Sez I, "I hain't a doubt, Simon, but that wuz what she meant, not a
doubt on't!"