The male world were dismissed by the goddess of Justice, and
disappeared, when on a sudden the whole plain was covered with women.
So charming a multitude filled my heart with unspeakable pleasure; and
as the celestial light of the mirror shone upon their faces, several
of them seemed rather persons that descended in the train of the
goddess, than such who were brought before her to their trial. The
clack of tongues, and confusion of voices, in this new assembly, was
so very great, that the goddess was forced to command silence several
times, and with some severity before she could make them attentive
to her edicts. They were all sensible that the most important affair
among womankind was then to be settled, which every one knows to be
the point of place. This had raised innumerable disputes among them,
and put the whole sex into a tumult. Every one produced her claim, and
pleaded her pretensions. Birth, beauty, wit, or wealth, were words
that rung in my ears from all parts of the plain. Some boasted of the
merit of their husbands; others of their own power in governing them.
Some pleaded their unspotted virginity; others their numerous issue.
Some valued themselves as they were the mothers, and others as they
were the daughters, of considerable persons. There was not a single
accomplishment unmentioned or unpractised. The whole congregation
was full of singing, dancing, tossing, ogling, squeaking, smiling,
sighing, fanning, frowning, and all those irresistible arts which women
put in practice to captivate the hearts of reasonable creatures. The
goddess, to end this dispute, caused it to be proclaimed, that every
one should take place according as she was more or less beautiful.
This declaration gave great satisfaction to the whole assembly, which
immediately bridled up, and appeared in all its beauties. Such as
believed themselves graceful in their motion, found an occasion of
falling back, advancing forward, or making a false step, that they
might show their persons in the most becoming air. Such as had fine
necks and bosoms, were wonderfully curious to look over the heads of
the multitude, and observe the most distant parts of the assembly.
Several clapped their hands on their foreheads, as helping their sight
to look upon the glories that surrounded the goddess, but in reality
to show fine hands and arms. The ladies were yet better pleased, when
they heard, that in the decision of this great controversy, each of
them should be her own judge, and take her place according to her own
opinion of herself, when she consulted her looking-glass.
The goddess then let down the mirror of truth in a golden chain, which
appeared larger in proportion as it descended and approached nearer
to the eyes of the beholders. It was the particular property of this
looking-glass to banish all false appearances, and show people what
they are. The whole woman was represented, without regard to the usual
external features, which were made entirely conformable to their real
characters. In short, the most accomplished (taking in the whole circle
of female perfections) were the most beautiful; and the most defective,
the most deformed. The goddess so varied the motion of the glass, and
placed it in so many different lights, that each had an opportunity of
seeing herself in it.
It is impossible to describe the rage, the pleasure, or astonishment,
that appeared in each face upon its representation in the mirror:
multitudes started at their own form, and would have broken the glass
if they could have reached it. Many saw their blooming features
wither as they looked upon them, and their self-admiration turned
into a loathing and abhorrence. The lady who was thought so agreeable
in her anger, and was so often celebrated for a woman of fire and
spirit, was frightened at her own image, and fancied she saw a fury
in the glass. The interested mistress beheld a harpy, and the subtle
jilt a sphinx. I was very much troubled in my own heart to see such
a destruction of fine faces; but at the same time had the pleasure
of seeing several improved, which I had before looked upon as the
greatest masterpieces of nature. I observed, that some few were so
humble as to be surprised at their own charms; and that many a one who
had lived in the retirement and severity of a vestal, shone forth in
all the graces and attractions of a siren. I was ravished at the sight
of a particular image in the mirror, which I think the most beautiful
object that my eyes ever beheld. There was something more than human
in her countenance: her eyes were so full of light, that they seemed
to beautify everything they looked upon. Her face was enlivened with
such a florid bloom, as did not so properly seem the mark of health
as of immortality. Her shape, her stature, and her mien were such as
distinguished her even there where the whole fair sex was assembled.
I was impatient to see the lady represented by so divine an image,
whom I found to be the person that stood at my right hand, and in
the same point of view with myself. This was a little old woman, who
in her prime had been about five feet high, though at present shrunk
to about three-quarters of that measure; her natural aspect was
puckered up with wrinkles, and her head covered with grey hairs. I had
observed all along an innocent cheerfulness in her face, which was now
heightened into rapture as she beheld herself in the glass. It was an
odd circumstance in my dream (but I cannot forbear relating it): I
conceived so great an inclination towards her, that I had thoughts of
discoursing her upon the point of marriage, when on a sudden she was
carried from me; for the word was now given, that all who were pleased
with their own images, should separate, and place themselves at the
head of their sex.
This detachment was afterwards divided into three bodies, consisting
of maids, wives, and widows; the wives being placed in the middle,
with the maids on the right, and widows on the left; though it was
with difficulty that these two last bodies were hindered from falling
into the centre. This separation of those who liked their real selves
not having lessened the number of the main body so considerably as it
might have been wished, the goddess, after having drawn up her mirror,
thought fit to make new distinctions among those who did not like the
figure which they saw in it. She made several wholesome edicts, which
have slipped out of my mind; but there were two which dwelt upon me,
as being very extraordinary in their kind, and executed with great
severity. Their design was to make an example of two extremes in the
female world: of those who are very severe on the conduct of others,
and of those who are very regardless of their own. The first sentence,
therefore, the goddess pronounced, was, that all females addicted
to censoriousness and detraction should lose the use of speech; a
punishment which would be the most grievous to the offender, and (what
should be the end of all punishments) effectual for rooting out the
crime. Upon this edict, which was as soon executed as published, the
noise of the assembly very considerably abated. It was a melancholy
spectacle, to see so many who had the reputation of rigid virtue struck
dumb. A lady who stood by me, and saw my concern, told me, she wondered
I could be concerned for such a pack of--I found, by the shaking of
her head, she was going to give me their characters; but by her saying
no more, I perceived she had lost the command of her tongue. This
calamity fell very heavy upon that part of women who are distinguished
by the name of prudes, a courtly word for female hypocrites, who have
a short way to being virtuous, by showing that others are vicious. The
second sentence was then pronounced against the loose part of the sex,
that all should immediately be pregnant who in any part of their lives
had run the hazard of it. This produced a very goodly appearance, and
revealed so many misconducts, that made those who were lately struck
dumb, repine more than ever at their want of utterance; though, at
the same time (as afflictions seldom come single), many of the mutes
were also seized with this new calamity. The ladies were now in such
a condition, that they would have wanted room, had not the plain
been large enough to let them divide their ground, and extend their
lines on all sides. It was a sensible affliction to me to see such a
multitude of fair ones either dumb or big-bellied. But I was something
more at ease when I found that they agreed upon several regulations to
cover such misfortunes: among others, that it should be an established
maxim in all nations, that a woman's first child might come into the
world within six months after her acquaintance with her husband; and
that grief might retard the birth of her last till fourteen months
after his decease.
This vision lasted till my usual hour of waking, which I did with some
surprise, to find myself alone, after having been engaged almost a
whole night in so prodigious a multitude. I could not but reflect with
wonder at the partiality and extravagance of my vision; which according
to my thoughts, has not done justice to the sex. If virtue in men is
more venerable, it is in women more lovely; which Milton has very
finely expressed in his "Paradise Lost," where Adam, speaking of Eve,
after having asserted his own pre-eminence, as being first in creation
and internal faculties, breaks out into the following rapture:
----"_Yet when I approach
Her loveliness, so absolute she seems,
And in herself complete, so well to know
Her own, that what she wills, or do, or say,
Seems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best.
All higher knowledge in her presence falls
Degraded. Wisdom, in discourse with her,
Loses, discountenanced, and like Folly shows.
Authority and Reason on her wait,
As one intended first, not after made
Occasionally: and to consummate all
Greatness of mind and nobleness, their seat
Build in her loveliest, and create an awe
About her, as a guard angelic placed._"[323]