From _Tuesday, Nov. 29_, to _Thursday, Dec. 1, 1709_.
----Postquam fregit subsellia versu,
Esurit, intactam Paridi nisi vendit Agaven.
JUV., Sat. vii. 86.
_From my own Apartment, Nov. 30._
The progress of my intended account of what happened when Justice
visited mortals, is at present interrupted by the observation and sense
of an injustice against which there is no remedy, even in a kingdom
more happy in the care taken of the liberty and property of the subject
than any other nation upon earth. This iniquity is committed by a most
impregnable set of mortals, men who are rogues within the law; and in
the very commission of what they are guilty of, professedly own, that
they forbear no injury but from the terror of being punished for it.
These miscreants are a set of wretches we authors call pirates, who
print any book, poem, or sermon, as soon as it appears in the world,
in a smaller volume, and sell it (as all other thieves do stolen
goods) at a cheaper rate.[315] I was in my rage calling them rascals,
plunderers, robbers, highwaymen. But they acknowledge all that, and
are pleased with those, as well as any other titles; nay, will print
them themselves to turn the penny. I am extremely at a loss how to act
against such open enemies, who have not shame enough to be touched with
our reproaches, and are as well defended against what we can say as
what we can do. Railing therefore we must turn into complaint, which
I cannot forbear making, when I consider that all the labours of my
long life may be disappointed by the first man that pleases to rob me.
I had flattered myself, that my stock of learning was worth £150 per
annum, which would very handsomely maintain me and my little family,
who are so happy or so wise as to want only necessaries. Before men
had come up to this bare-faced impudence, it was an estate to have a
competency of understanding. An ingenious droll, who is since dead (and
indeed it is well for him he is so, for he must have starved had he
lived to this day), used to give me an account of his good husbandry
in the management of his learning. He was a general dealer, and had
his "Amusements" as well comical as serious. The merry rogue said,
when he wanted a dinner he wrote a paragraph of table-talk, and his
bookseller upon sight paid the reckoning. He was a very good judge of
what would please the people, and could aptly hit both the genius of
his readers and the season of the year in his writings. His brain,
which was his estate, had as regular and different produce as other
men's land. From the beginning of November till the opening of the
campaign, he wrote pamphlets and letters to members of Parliament, or
friends in the country; but sometimes he would relieve his ordinary
readers with a murder, and lived comfortably a week or two upon strange
and lamentable accidents. A little before the armies took the field,
his way was to open your attention with a prodigy; and a monster well
written, was two guineas the lowest price. This prepared his readers
for his great and bloody news from Flanders in June and July. Poor
Tom![316] he is gone. But I observed, he always looked well after a
battle, and was apparently fatter in a fighting year. Had this honest
careless fellow lived till now, famine had stared him in the face,
and interrupted his merriment, as it must be a solid affliction to
all those whose pen is their portion. As for my part, I do not speak
wholly for my own sake on this point; for palmistry and astrology will
bring me in greater gains than these my papers; so that I am only in
the condition of a lawyer who leaves the bar for chamber practice.
However, I may be allowed to speak in the cause of learning itself,
and lament, that a liberal education is the only one which a polite
nation makes unprofitable.[317] All mechanic artisans are allowed to
reap the fruit of their invention and ingenuity without invasion; but
he that has separated himself from the rest of mankind, and studied
the wonders of the creation, the government of his passions, and the
revolutions of the world, and has an ambition to communicate the effect
of half his life spent in such noble inquiries, has no property in
what he is willing to produce, but is exposed to robbery and want,
with this melancholy and just reflection, that he is the only man
who is not protected by his country, at the same time that he best
deserves it. According to the ordinary rules of computation, the
greater the adventure is, the greater ought to be the profit of those
who succeed in it; and by this measure, none have pretence of turning
their labours to greater advantage than persons brought up to letters.
A learned education, passing through great schools and universities,
is very expensive, and consumes a moderate fortune, before it is gone
through in its proper forms. The purchase of an handsome commission or
employment, which would give a man a good figure in another kind of
life, is to be made at a much cheaper rate. Now, if we consider this
expensive voyage which is undertaken in the search of knowledge, and
how few there are who take in any considerable merchandise, how less
frequent it is to be able to turn what men have gained into profit?
How hard is it, that the very small number who are distinguished with
abilities to know how to vend their wares, and have the good fortune
to bring them into port, should suffer being plundered by privateers
under the very cannon that should protect them? The most eminent and
useful author of the age we live in, after having laid out a princely
revenue in works of charity and beneficence, as became the greatness of
his mind, and the sanctity of his character, would have left the person
in the world who was the dearest to him in a narrow condition, had not
the sale of his immortal writings brought her in a very considerable
dowry; though it was impossible for it to be equal to their value.
Every one will know that I here mean the works of the late Archbishop
of Canterbury,[318] the copy of which was sold for £2500.
I do not speak with relation to any party; but it has happened, and may
often so happen, that men of great learning and virtue cannot qualify
themselves for being employed in business, or receiving preferments.
In this case, you cut them off from all support if you take from them
the benefit that may arise from their writings. For my own part, I have
brought myself to consider things in so unprejudiced a manner, that I
esteem more a man who can live by the products of his understanding,
than one who does it by the favour of great men.
The zeal of an author has transported me thus far, though I think
myself as much concerned in the capacity of a reader. If this practice
goes on, we must never expect to see again a beautiful edition of a
book in Great Britain.
We have already seen the Memoirs of Sir William Temple[319] published
in the same character and volume with the history of Tom Thumb, and
the works of our greatest poets shrunk into penny books and garlands.
For my own part, I expect to see my lucubrations printed on browner
paper[320] than they are at present; and, if the humour continues, must
be forced to retrench my expensive way of living, and not smoke above
two pipes a day.
* * * * *
Mr. Charles Lillie, perfumer at the corner of Beauford Buildings, has
informed me, that I am obliged to several of my customers for coming
to his shop upon my recommendation; and has also given me further
assurances of his upright dealing with all who shall be so kind as
to make use of my name to him. I acknowledge this favour, and have,
for the service of my friends who frequent his shop, used the force of
magical powers to add value to his wares. By my knowledge in the secret
operations of nature, I have made his powders, perfumed and plain, have
the same effect as love-powder to all who are too much enamoured to do
more than dress at their mistresses. His amber orange-flower, musk,
and civet-violet, put only into a handkerchief, shall have the same
effect towards an honourable lover's wishes as if he had been wrapped
in his mother's smock. Wash-balls perfumed, camphored, and plain, shall
restore complexions to that degree, that a country fox-hunter who uses
them shall in a week's time look with a courtly and affable paleness,
without using the bagnio or cupping. _N. B._--Mr. Lillie has snuffs,
Barcelona, Seville, musty, plain, and Spanish, which may be taken by a
young beginner without danger of sneezing.
_Sheer Lane, Nov. 30._
Whereas several walking-dead persons arrived within the bills of
mortality, before and since the 15th instant, having been informed of
my warrant[321] given to the Company of Upholders, and being terrified
thereat (it not having been advertised that privilege or protection
would be allowed), have resolved forthwith to retire to their several
and respective abodes in the country, hoping thereby to elude any
commission of interment that may issue out against them; and being
informed of such their fallacious designs, I do hereby give notice, as
well for the good of the public as for the great veneration I have for
the before-mentioned useful society, that a process is gone out against
them, and that, in case of contempt, they may be found or heard of at
most coffee-houses in and about Westminster.
I must desire my readers to help me out from time to time in the
correction of these my essays; for as a shaking hand does not always
write legibly, the press sometimes prints one word for another; and
when my paper is to be revised, I am perhaps so busy in observing the
spots of the moon, that I have not time to find out the _errata_ that
are crept into my lucubrations.