[265] This was done by Joannes des Peyrareda, a gentleman of Aquitaine.
[266] Mapheus Vegius, of Lodi (1407-1458), added a thirteenth book to
the "Æneid," with an account of the marriage of Æneas and Lavinia.
[267] The remainder of this article from Will's is by Addison.
[268] "King Richard the Third," Act v. sc. 3.
[269] William III.
No. 91. [STEELE.
From _Saturday, Nov. 5_, to _Tuesday, Nov. 8, 1709_.
_From my own Apartment, Nov. 7._
I was very much surprised this evening with a visit from one of the
top toasts of the town, who came privately in a chair, and bolted
into my room, while I was reading a chapter of Agrippa upon the
occult sciences; but as she entered with all the air and bloom that
nature ever bestowed on woman, I threw down the conjurer, and met the
charmer. I had no sooner placed her at my right hand by the fire, but
she opened to me the reason of her visit. "Mr. Bickerstaff," said the
fine creature, "I have been your correspondent some time, though I
never saw you before; I have writ by the name of Maria.[270] You have
told me you were too far gone in life to think of love; therefore I am
answered as to the passion I spoke of, and," continued she, smiling, "I
will not stay till you grow young again (as you men never fail to do
in your dotage), but am come to consult you about disposing of myself
to another. My person you see; my fortune is very considerable; but I
am at present under much perplexity how to act in a great conjuncture.
I have two lovers, Crassus and Lorio. Crassus is prodigiously rich,
but has no one distinguishing quality; though at the same time he
is not remarkable on the defective side. Lorio has travelled, is
well bred, pleasant in discourse, discreet in his conduct, agreeable
in his person; and with all this, he has a competency of fortune
without superfluity. When I consider Lorio, my mind is filled with an
idea of the great satisfactions of a pleasant conversation. When I
think of Crassus, my equipage, numerous servants, gay liveries, and
various dresses are opposed to the charms of his rival. In a word,
when I cast my eyes upon Lorio, I forget and despise fortune; when I
behold Crassus, I think only of pleasing my vanity, and enjoying an
uncontrolled expense in all the pleasures of life, except love." She
paused here. "Madam," said I, "I am confident you have not stated your
case with sincerity, and that there is some secret pang which you have
concealed from me: for I see by your aspect the generosity of your
mind; and that open ingenuous air lets me know, that you have too great
a sense of the generous passion of love, to prefer the ostentation of
life in the arms of Crassus, to the entertainments and conveniences
of it in the company of your beloved Lorio; for so he is indeed,
madam. You speak his name with a different accent from the rest of your
discourse: the idea his image raises in you, gives new life to your
features, and new grace to your speech. Nay, blush not, madam, there
is no dishonour in loving a man of merit: I assure you, I am grieved
at this dallying with yourself, when you put another in competition
with him, for no other reason but superior wealth." "To tell you then,"
said she, "the bottom of my heart, there's Clotilda lies by, and plants
herself in the way of Crassus, and I am confident will snap him, if I
refuse him. I cannot bear to think that she will shine above me. When
our coaches meet, to see her chariot hung behind with four footmen,
and mine with but two: hers, powdered, gay, and saucy, kept only for
show; mine, a couple of careful rogues that are good for something:
I own, I cannot bear that Clotilda should be in all the pride and
wantonness of wealth, and I only in the ease and affluence of it."
Here I interrupted: "Well, madam, now I see your whole affliction:
you could be happy, but that you fear another would be happier; or
rather, you could be solidly happy, but that another is to be happy
in appearance. This is an evil which you must get over, or never know
happiness. We will put the case, madam, that you married Crassus, and
she Lorio." She answered, "Speak not of it--I could tear her eyes out
at the mention of it." "Well, then, I pronounce Lorio to be the man:
but I must tell you, that what we call settling in the world, is in a
kind leaving it; and you must at once resolve to keep your thoughts
of happiness within the reach of your fortune, and not measure it by
comparison with others. But indeed, madam, when I behold that beauteous
form of yours, and consider the generality of your sex, as to their
disposal of themselves in marriage, or their parents doing it for them
without their own approbation, I cannot but look upon all such matches
as the most impudent prostitutions. Do but observe when you are at
a play, the familiar wenches that sit laughing among the men. These
appear detestable to you in the boxes: each of them would give up her
person for a guinea; and some of you would take the worst there for
life for twenty thousand. If so, how do you differ but in price? As to
the circumstance of marriage, I take that to be hardly an alteration
of the case; for wedlock is but a more solemn prostitution where there
is not a union of minds. You would hardly believe it, but there have
been designs even upon me. A neighbour in this very lane, who knows I
have, by leading a very wary life, laid up a little money, had a great
mind to marry me to his daughter. I was frequently invited to their
table. The girl was always very pleasant and agreeable. After dinner,
Miss Molly would be sure to fill my pipe for me, and put more sugar
than ordinary into my coffee; for she was sure I was good-natured. If
I chanced to hem, the mother would applaud my vigour; and has often
said on that occasion, 'I wonder, Mr. Bickerstaff, you don't marry; I
am sure you would have children.' Things went so far that my mistress
presented me with a wrought nightcap and a laced band of her own
working. I began to think of it in earnest; but one day, having an
occasion to ride to Islington, as two or three people were lifting
me upon my pad, I spied her at a convenient distance laughing at her
lover, with a parcel of romps of her acquaintance: one of them, who I
suppose had the same design upon me, told me she said, 'Do you see how
briskly my old gentleman mounts?' This made me cut off my amour, and
to reflect with myself, that no married life could be so unhappy, as
where the wife proposes no other advantage from her husband, than that
of making herself fine, and keeping her out of the dirt."
My fair client burst out a-laughing at the account I gave her of my
escape, and went away seemingly convinced of the reasonableness of my
discourse to her.
As soon as she was gone, my maid brought up the following epistle,
which by the style and the description she gave of the person, I
suppose was left by Nick Doubt. "Harkee," said he, "girl, tell old
Basket-hilt, I would have him answer it by the first opportunity." What
he says is this:
"ISAAC,
"You seem a very honest fellow; therefore pray tell me, did not
you write that letter in praise of the squire and his lucubrations
yourself?" &c.[271]
The greatest plague of coxcombs is, that they often break upon you with
an impertinent piece of good sense, as this jackanapes has hit me in
a right place enough. I must confess, I am as likely to play such a
trick as another; but that letter he speaks of was really genuine. When
I first set up, I thought it fair enough to let myself know from all
parts that my works were wonderfully inquired for, and were become the
diversion, as well as instruction, of all the choice spirits in every
county of Great Britain. I do not doubt but the more intelligent of my
readers found it, before this jackanapes (I can call him no better)
took upon him to observe upon my style and my basket-hilt. A very
pleasant gentleman of my acquaintance told me one day a story of this
kind of falsehood and vanity in an author. Mævius showed him a paper of
verses, which he said he had received that morning by the penny post
from an unknown hand. My friend admired them extremely. "Sir," said
he, "this must come from a man that is eminent: you see fire, life,
and spirit run through the whole, and at the same time a correctness,
which shows he is used to writing. Pray, Sir, read them over again."
He begins again, title and all: "To Mævius on his incomparable poems."
The second reading was performed with much more vehemence and action
than the former; after which my friend fell into downright raptures.
"Why, they are truly sublime! There is energy in this line! description
in that! Why, it is the thing itself! This is perfect picture!" Mævius
could bear no more; "but, faith," says he, "Ned, to tell you the plain
truth, I writ them myself."
There goes just such another story of the same paternal tenderness in
Bavius, an ingenious contemporary of mine, who had written several
comedies, which were rejected by the players. This my friend Bavius
took for envy, and therefore prevailed upon a gentleman to go with him
to the play-house, and gave him a new play of his, desiring he would
personate the author, and read it, to baffle the spite of the actors.
The friend consented, and to reading they went. They had not gone over
three similes before Roscius the player made the acting author stop,
and desired to know, what he meant by such a rapture? and how it
came to pass, that in this condition of the lover, instead of acting
according to his circumstances, he spent his time in considering what
his present state was like? "That is very true," says the mock-author,
"I believe we had as good strike these lines out." "By your leave,"
says Mævius, "you shall not spoil your play, you are too modest; those
very lines, for aught I know, are as good as any in your play, and
they shall stand." Well, they go on, and the particle "and" stood
unfortunately at the end of a verse, and was made to rhyme to the
word "stand." This Roscius excepted against. The new poet gave up
that too, and said, he would not dispute for a monosyllable--"For a
monosyllable!" says the real author; "I can assure you, a monosyllable
may be of as great force as a word of ten syllables. I tell you, sir,
'and' is the connection of the matter in that place; without that
word, you may put all that follows into any other play as well as
this. Besides, if you leave it out, it will look as if you had put it
in only for the sake of the rhyme." Roscius persisted, assuring the
gentleman, that it was impossible to speak it but the "and" must be
lost; so it might as well be blotted out. Bavius snatched his play out
of their hands, said they were both blockheads, and went off; repeating
a couplet, because he would not make his exit irregularly. A witty man
of these days compared this true and feigned poet to the contending
mothers before Solomon: the true one was easily discovered from the
pretender, by refusing to see his offspring dissected.