independence. It is that which makes labour enjoyable. It is that which
adds Zest to a man's pursuits in life, and produces the highest success.+
He who learns the great lesson of Self-reliance will never lack the
means of livelihood or the opportunity for usefulness. It is the duty of
every boy to learn to depend upon himself. His father may be a rich man
now, but it is far easier to lose wealth than to create it, and the day
may come when his father may have to depend upon him. That every man
should earn his own bread is one of the fundamental duties of life. St.
Paul laid it down as a law for the Christians in Thessaly that "if any
would not work, neither should he eat."
Most people have the stern necessity to labour laid upon them; but there
are some who have inherited, or expect to inherit, wealth, and who see
no need to employ their abilities in active, steady, persistent labour,
and yet it is just these who have the power to confer special benefits
and blessings upon their fellow-men. He who has no cares about the
earning of his daily bread has a great opportunity to devote himself to
some special line of labour which will result in a lasting benefit to
the community in which he lives, and which requires leisure for its
proper development. The rich man is a curse to his country, instead of a
blessing, if he keeps his capital from active employment, and at the
same time neglects to use for the good of his fellows that higher sort
of capital--his personal abilities.
If the schoolboy wish to make real progress, he must learn to depend
upon himself alone. He will never master a subject thoroughly if he go
constantly to the master, or to another boy, for help. He who gets
another to do his lessons for him cheats not only the master, but
himself also. The boy who loves to overcome difficulties, whether they
be in the gymnasium, or the class-room, or the cricket field, is sure to
succeed in the struggles of after life.
Self-reliance comes naturally to some people, especially to those who
have bodies trained by vigorous exercise. To others it becomes a habit
only after long effort, but it is beyond the reach of no one. Two things
are required for its attainment: determination and practice. We need
not expect to attain any good habit without failure at first. But, as
has been wisely said: "Perseverance, self-reliance, energetic effort,
are doubly strengthened when you rise from failure to battle again."
Emerson said: "Self-trust is the first secret of success"; and in
another place: "Self-trust is the essence of heroism."
It would be easy to give a great many examples of the virtue of
Self-reliance. One of the greatest in modern times was that of Lord
Beaconsfield, Prime Minister of England. He tried many times before he
at last got a seat in parliament. The first time he tried to speak in
that great assembly, he was received with shouts of laughter, when he
said: "Gentlemen, I now sit down, but a day will come when you shall
hear me." All will remember the wonderful Self-reliance of the Black
Prince at the battle of Creçy. At the close of his life, Jean Paul said:
"I have made as much out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no
man should require more."
Lord Bacon said: "Men seem neither to understand their riches nor their
strength: of the former they believe greater things than they should, of
the latter much less. Self-reliance and Self-control will teach a man
to drink out of his own cistern, and eat his own sweet bread, and to
learn and labour truly to get his living, and carefully to expend the
good things committed to his trust."
Self-reliance does not mean Self-assertion. The truly self-reliant man
is modest in his language and manners. The boaster has usually very
little backbone to his character. Self-reliance is a deeply-rooted
feeling of reserve power, which makes a man strong under all
circumstances. It carries with it an equally strong feeling of
self-respect. The old French proverb says that a man is rated by others
as he rates himself.
Goethe's advice to young men was: "Make good thy standing place, and
move the world."
No. XIX.
FRIENDSHIP
+Friendship is that feeling between people which leads them to trust each
other entirely, to tell each other of their difficulties, hopes, and
fears; to share with each other pleasures and sorrows; to help each
other when need arises, even though it involves a sacrifice.+
Cicero thought Friendship of so much importance in life that he wrote a
treatise on it. He said: "Of all the things which wisdom provides for
the happiness of a lifetime, by far the greatest is friendship."
Certainly, it is a thing for which human nature seems to cry out. Lord
Bacon quotes an old saying: "Whosoever is delighted in solitude is
either a wild beast or a god." Just as we all desire to be liked rather
than to be hated, so we long to have, at least, one friend to whom we
can tell everything, and who will stand by us. We envy him who has many
friends. We may set it down as a truth, that if we have no friends the
fault lies in ourselves. There is something lacking in us, or there is
some horrid thing in our character that others cannot like. Real
Friendship must be based on admiration, or liking for some quality that
he who is desired as a friend possesses. The boy who lacks friends, but
longs for them, must search his own heart and character to see if he
cannot find out what is the matter with him.
It is better to have one or two friends than to be popular with the
crowd. Some boys will do anything to be popular, even to sacrificing
Friendship. It is quite a common thing for boys to make themselves out
to be much worse than they really are in order to gain admiration. They
will pretend to be guilty of all sorts of things in order to get others
to think them more daring than themselves. The worst of it is that a boy
of that kind often becomes thoroughly bad at heart.
It is in the power of every one to have at least one sincere friend; if
we are willing to be unselfish, to forget ourselves, and to try to help
others, we can have many. There is nothing that makes the daily life so
pleasant as the companionship of a friend present, or the thought of a
friend absent. Cicero said: "A true friend is he who is, as it were, a
second self." But, if we wish to keep our friends, we must be prepared
to make sacrifices sometimes. No man ever kept a friend for a long time
without occasionally doing something to prove the warmth of his feeling
for that friend. Friendships are generally broken because one or the
other partner turns out selfish. Boyish Friendships would be much more
lasting than they are, except for the great difficulty most boys have in
"giving up" to others.
If Friendship is a sacred thing, how necessary it is to use care in
making a friend! It is the sign of wisdom to have many companions, but
few friends. To have many companions is to knock off our own rough
corners, and to teach us the principle of "give and take." In dealing
with a real friend, it should be mostly "give" and very little "take."
He who tries to make a friend should begin by giving his Friendship, and
give it with all his heart. But if he does that to one who is morally
below his own standard, the result will be disastrous. The old Romans
had a saying, taken from their poet Virgil, _Facilis descensus Averno
est_, which means that it is wonderfully easy to lower one's standard of
right and wrong. The poet went on to say: "But to retrace your steps,
and escape to the upper air, this is a work, this is a toil."
There is nothing truer than the saying that a man is known by his
friends. A man's Friendships are the test of his character. A Spanish
proverb says: "Tell me whom you live with, and I will tell you who you
are." When a boy leaves school to go into a bank, or other business
house, his employers watch to see what friends he has. If they are not
what they should be, the young man is looked upon with suspicion; he is
not put into a position of trust; he may, some day, be told that his
services are no longer wanted. In buying an article which we intend to
last a long time, we are careful to choose the very best that can be had
for the money. If a man is going to buy a horse, how careful he is to
see that there is no blemish in him, and how particular he is to secure
a thoroughly reliable man to look after him! And yet the same person is
perhaps quite careless about the choice of his friends, though their
power to yield him the greatest pleasures in life, or to bring to him
the greatest sorrows, cannot be measured. Wise is he who heeds the words
of the wise man:
"Enter not into the path of the wicked,
And go not in the way of evil men.
Avoid it, pass not by it,
Turn from it, and pass away.
"For they sleep not,
Except they have done mischief;
And their sleep is taken away,
Unless they cause some to fall.
"For they eat the bread of wickedness,
And drink the wine of violence.
"But the path of the just
Is as the shining light,
That shineth more and more
Unto the perfect day."
If you possess a friend who satisfies your heart and conscience, cling
to him under all circumstances. If he find fault with you, be patient.
"Faithful are the wounds of a friend." If he give way to wrath, give
back the soft answer that turns it away.
If you cannot have the Friendship of the illustrious living, it is easy
to obtain that of the illustrious dead. The Friendship of good books is
one of the greatest pleasures of life. To win it, it is only necessary
to form the habit of reading regularly, no matter how little at a time.
The best guide for a boy in forming Friendships is to choose none for
his friend whom his father or mother would disapprove of, _if they knew
all about him_.
No. XX.
GENTLEMANLINESS
+The four chief marks of a gentleman are: Honesty, Gentleness,
Generosity, Modesty.+
Thackeray, who is noted among great English writers as a hater of shams,
said: "Perhaps a gentleman is a rarer man than some of us think for.
Which of us can point out many such in his circle--men whose aims are
generous, whose truth is constant, whose want of meanness makes them
simple, who can look the world honestly in the face with an equal manly
sympathy for the great and small? We all know a hundred whose coats are
very well made, and a score who have excellent manners, and one or two
happy beings who are what they call in the inner circles, and have shot
into the very centre of fashion; but of gentlemen, how many?"
These four qualities of the gentleman include more than might appear at
a single glance. Honesty means far more than not stealing. The
"gentleman's psalm" tells us as one of his characteristics that "he
speaketh the truth in his heart." He who does that is honest in his
words, in his deeds, and in his thoughts. He so hates dishonesty that
honesty has become part of his life--it is in his heart. Such a man can
look the world in the face without flinching. He is the most fearless of
men, because he has nothing to hide from the light of day. As one great
man once said of another, "He has the ten commandments stamped upon his
countenance." Here, then, to be honest is to be brave also; we cannot
imagine a true gentleman as a coward.
The second quality is Gentleness. It is hard for a boy to be gentle,
because he spends most of the time during which he controls his own
actions with other boys, and gentleness is not much called for. Some
boys look upon this quality as womanish, the mark of a coward, a thing
to be avoided. But what should we say of a boy who roughly handled a
bird with a broken wing? All boys possess this quality of Gentleness,
because it is founded on sympathy with the sufferings of the weak. If a
small boy falls and breaks his arm, how eagerly the bigger boys come to
his assistance, and how careful they are to touch the broken limb with
all tenderness! The feeling of sympathy makes them gentle. No boy is
without this God-given faculty. It is there to begin with, and if a boy
wish to become a gentleman he must cultivate it, as he does his other
powers. It is a faculty soon lost if we neglect it; it is easy to learn
to be rough and loud-mouthed, and roughness soon leads to cruelty. The
true gentleman practises Gentleness towards the weak at all times,
whether they are suffering or not. The boy should learn it in his own
home; that is the best and easiest place to learn it. It is easy to be
gentle with one's mother; it is a bad-hearted boy who suffers himself to
be rough in his speech, or rude in his manner, to her. The same rule of
Gentleness should be steadily observed towards his sisters and younger
and weaker brothers. He who has thus practised gentleness in his home
will go out into the world a character actually trained to be gentle to
those weaker than himself, and to be sympathetic towards the sorrows and
sufferings of the unfortunate.
The third mark of a gentleman is Generosity. By this I do not mean
open-handedness about money. Lavish liberality may be only another name
for careless imprudence. By Generosity is meant the utter absence of
selfishness. Aristotle called his true gentleman the magnanimous man.
Generosity is large-heartedness. It involves the absence of all thought
of self, and a never-failing consideration for the feelings of others.
Such a man was Sir James Outram. When the English army was marching to
the relief of Lucknow, Sir James, who was the senior officer, allowed
Havelock to take command, and to win the glory of the siege, and himself
went in a subordinate position. Of him it was said that he was "one of
the bravest, and yet gentlest, of men; respectful and reverent to women,
tender to children, helpful to the weak, stern to the corrupt, honest as
day, and pure as virtue." When Edward the Black Prince took the French
king and his son prisoners at the battle of Poictiers, he gave a banquet
for them in the evening, and he insisted on waiting upon and serving
them at the table. At the battle of Dettingen a squadron of French
cavalry charged an English regiment, and the two leaders found
themselves opposed to each other. The young French officer raised his
sword to attack his opponent, when he saw that he had only one arm, with
which he held his bridle. Instead of cutting him down, the Frenchman
saluted him with his sword, and passed on.
The fourth mark of a gentleman is Modesty about his actions and
opinions. Nothing more surely marks his opposite in society than
self-assertiveness and bragging. The true gentleman never boasts of what
he has done. On the other hand, he does not seek to belittle a good
action for which he is praised. If such an action comes to general
notice, he accepts the praise justly offered, and then seeks by
silence, or by changing the topic of conversation, to withdraw
particular notice from himself. He is content to do and let others talk.
Sir Isaac Newton was one of the most modest men. He kept secret for a
long time some of his greatest discoveries for fear of the notoriety
they would bring him. He did not publish his marvellous discoveries of
the Binomial Theorem and the Law of Gravitation for years, and when he
published his solution of the theory of the moon's rotation round the
earth he forbade the publisher to insert his name. The true gentleman is
modest about his opinions. Comparatively few have deeds to boast about;
but all have _opinions_ to advance. We should guard against asserting
them too strongly, or attempting to force them down people's throats. If
an opinion is true or valuable, it is sure to make its own way by reason
of its own force; it is only weakened by the loud assertion of the man
of rude manner and coarse nature. It is a wise saying of the great
apostle: "Not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think."
The old Hebrew poet thought the highest type of gentleman him "that
walketh uprightly, and worketh righteousness, and speaketh the truth in
his heart."
No. XXI.
COURTESY
+Courtesy is kindness of heart, combined with good manners. It is the
special mark of a gentleman, particularly in his treatment of those in a
humbler position than himself.+
One of the most famous schools in England, founded by William of
Wykeham, in the reign of Henry III., has for its motto the words,
"Manners maketh the man." Though this does not express the whole truth,
it is, nevertheless, undoubtedly true that many a man owes his success
in life to his good manners. Two boys leaving school desire to enter a
bank. One is a boy of very pleasing manners; the other, though, perhaps,
possessing greater ability, is unpolished in appearance, and gruff in
manner. If the bank manager has reason to believe them fairly equal in
knowledge and ability, he will take the pleasant-mannered youth in
preference to the other, because he believes in securing a clerk who
will be civil to customers, and obliging to all with whom he comes in
contact. It is worth while, then, to cultivate politeness in speech and
manner. A famous woman once said: "Civility costs nothing, and buys
everything."
We must be careful to distinguish between Politeness and Courtesy. Any
one can learn certain rules of Politeness, even though he be coarse at
heart. Some men put on Politeness with their evening coats, but are the
reverse of polite in their everyday garb. To such men Politeness is like
varnish or veneer; scratch them on the surface, or merely rub them the
wrong way, and their real nature comes out.
Politeness is an excellent thing when it is joined to genuine kindness
of heart. It then becomes Courtesy. Courtesy is Kindness and Politeness
joined together and exhibited at all times to all persons, no matter
what their rank in life. The man who is kind to his servant, and speaks
politely to him at one time, and at another gets into a furious temper
and abuses him, has not learned Courtesy. Courtesy implies a certain
gentleness in dealing with other people. It is a mistake to think that
Manliness and Gentleness do not go together. The strongest and most
manly men are noted for their quietness of disposition. Not only are
they not self-assertive, but they are actually gentle to the weak.
Courtesy comes easily to some people; to others it is difficult. Some
persons are naturally open and unreserved in their nature; others are
reserved and shy, and it is hard to get at them. Boys and young men
often suffer far more than people think on account of shyness, which
keeps them from being openly friendly with people whom they do not know
well. This shyness is sometimes put down to bad temper, or moroseness,
or sometimes even to a desire to be rude. How earnestly should the boy
or young man strive to get rid of a failing which may be the unfortunate
cause of doing him so much harm in the eyes of others!
Bacon says: "If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows
he is a citizen of the world, and that his heart is no island cut off
from other lands, but a continent that joins to them." If you wish to be
known as a courteous man, begin at once to do little acts of kindness to
others. Acts of kindness form the basis of true Courtesy. Lord
Chesterfield said: "The desire to please is, at least, half the art of
doing it." If we wish to learn how to get a reputation for Courtesy, we
must make an effort to do what others like, though we may not care about
it ourselves. Many a man owes his success in life to doing pleasant
things in a pleasant way. The headmaster of one of the greatest public
schools in England said: "Courtesy begets Courtesy; it is a passport to
popularity. The way in which things are done is often more important
than the things themselves." Another writer has said: "A good deed is
never lost. He who sows Courtesy reaps friendship."
To be Courteous, we must not only do kindnesses; we must do them in a
pleasing manner. "Manner will do everything. Give a young fellow on
setting out in life a good manner, and he will want neither meat, drink,
nor clothes. 'I like that lad,' some one says, 'he has such nice
off-hand manners.'" "Sir Walter Raleigh was every inch a man, a brave
soldier, a brilliant courtier, and yet a mirror of Courtesy. Nobody
would accuse Sir Philip Sidney of having been deficient in manliness,
yet his fine manners were proverbial. It is the Courtesy of Bayard, the
knight, _sans peur et sans reproche_, which has immortalized him quite
as much as his valour." Burke said: "Manners are of more importance than
laws. Upon them, in a great measure, the laws depend. Manners are what
vex, soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarize or refine us,
by a constant, steady insensible operation, like that of the air we
breathe in."
Dr. Johnson once said: "Sir, a man has no more right to _say_ an uncivil
thing than to act one--no more right to say a rude thing to another than
to knock him down." We should be especially courteous to servants and
those below us in the world. A great man returned the salute of a negro
who had bowed to him. Some one told him that what he had done was very
unusual. "Perhaps so," said he, "but I would not be outdone in good
manners by a negro."
The truly courteous man is never caught napping. He is courteous not
only in crowds, where every one can see him, or in social life, among
his equals; but also in little things, at odd moments, when no one of
importance is by, and to the poor and ignorant. He is courteous, too, in
his own home. That, perhaps, is the final and hardest test of all. It is
easy to be polite when we are out at a party of friends, though even
there it is sometimes hard to show real Courtesy. In giving advice to
young men, Thackeray said: "Ah, my dear fellow, take this counsel:
Always dance with the old ladies, always dance with the governesses!" He
meant: show your gentlehood by being kind to those who have not many
friends. But it is hard to be Courteous in the home when things do not
please us, and we are out with the world. Yet it is there we must begin
to practise Courtesy. It is there we must learn that kindness, and
cheerfulness, and good manners which will earn for us the epitaph of
Tennyson's friend:
"And thus he bore without abuse
The grand old name of gentleman."
No. XXII.
REPENTANCE
+We are often sorry when we do wrong; this is the first step towards
Repentance; but Repentance itself is more than being sorry; it is
ceasing to do wrong, and beginning to do right.+
Man differs from the most intelligent of the lower animals in having a
moral nature, called a soul; that is, he is responsible for his actions.
One great evidence of this is to be found in the fact that, after he has
done evil, his conscience generally reproaches him sharply, and he feels
remorse, which is the keen pain brought about by the memory of
wrongdoing. But we must not mistake this pain of remorse for Repentance.
It should be the beginning of Repentance; but Repentance itself must go
much further than that.
Two men with evil-looking faces were seen to enter a great church in
Rome one day, where, in little chapels attached to the church, people
were making confession of their sins to the priests, and obtaining
absolution from them. These two men looked as though something very
serious was weighing on their minds, as they searched for a priest to
whom to confess. A short time after they had found one, they were again
seen, coming down the aisle of the church, laughing together, and
looking as jolly as possible. Next day they were arrested for attacking
a traveller on the highway and almost murdering him. Probably those two
men felt the pangs of remorse when they were in the church seeking to
confess their sins. But there was no Repentance, because they went back
at once to their evil courses.
A sick man was said by his doctor to be dying. His clergyman came to see
him, and begged him to be reconciled to a neighbour with whom he had had
a serious quarrel. At last he consented, and when the neighbour was
brought to his bedside they had a short, friendly conversation, and
shook hands. But as the neighbour was leaving the room, the sick man
called out: "_But you must remember this stands for nothing if I get
better again._" There was no real Repentance in the sick man's heart.