THE JUDGE SITS IN THE LAMPLIGHT
In the silence of the room the Judge stood for a moment with his hand
at his lips, as though he tasted blood. The summer night outside was
very still. The curtain before one of the windows swayed gently in the
air and from the acacia trees on the lawn he could hear the sleepy
twitter of an oriole. He turned off the light and went into the hall.
There at one side stood the white, panelled door of his wife's room.
It was shut. It came to him that it stood for a perfect symbol of that
cold immaculateness of hers which had so long denied him the living
bread of sympathy. She could forgive anything in her son, but nothing
in her husband. For twenty long years they two might have dwelt at
opposite ends of the Milky Way, and it seemed to him suddenly
monstrous, whatever the cause, whosesoever the fault, that they, being
man and wife, should yet be so far apart.
He went slowly down the stair again, his hand, shaking a little,
slipping along the polished banister. The dim night-light made the
lower hall a place of ghostly shadows. He re-entered the library,
moved to the table and turned on the reading-lamp. Then, lifting it to
the limit of its silken cord, he threw the electric glow upon the
canvas that hung above the mantel, studying it intently.
"Mine!" he muttered, with a sort of fierce satisfaction. "Mine, every
inch--mine, not Charlotte's! My blood gave you that curve of brow and
those full lips and that deep, dark blue of eye--they are of my side,
not of hers! You, at least belong to me!"
He returned the lamp to its place, and turning, cast his glance at the
little Italian desk in the corner. His lips trembled. At that desk
she had sat--the woman knowledge of whom had sharpened the sword of his
wife's never-dying disdain. The woman who had come into his life too
late! He thought of their meetings, few enough, indeed. How often he
had wondered how life would have turned for him, if at the end she had
listened to his desperate pleading, and gone with him along that
alluring way that had drawn him like an opal path among Italian
asphodels, flinging to the winds social standing, reputation, career,
friends, honour, all! If she had said "yes" to that wild letter he had
sent her--the one to which she had vouchsafed no reply--which might
have been written in his very heart's blood!
He looked again at the painted portrait of Echo, in her splendid youth
and clean heritage: the answer was there.
He sat down before the little desk, stretched his arms upon it and
bowed his head upon them. "You were right, Eleanor," he sighed. "You
were right. But somehow it's been so long!"
He felt a fluttering touch upon his hair and started up. There before
him on the desk lay a faded leaf of paper--a page closely written over
in twirly, dim writing. He lifted it up and held it to the light, his
nostrils catching a scent wraith-frail and delicate, like a dead
pansy's ghost--
No--no--no! Why did you write it? Why did you put it into words? For
now I must keep it always. I cannot destroy it. You _knew_ I would
not--_could_ not---let you do what you beg me to! Never, never! I am
not so mad. Nor are you, really. It is not your best self speaking in
this letter. Sometime--
His gaze became fixed. He gave a hoarse cry--a mist was before his
eyes. He snatched at the top of the yellowed sheet--it was dated
twenty years before, and the hand-writing, how familiar! He laid the
leaf flat in the lamp-light and read it through, with every nerve
throbbing to a memory that had started afresh, as instinct as though
days, not years, had sifted their dust upon it:
Sometime you will thank me--will think of this only as a ghastly
indiscretion from which you were caught away in time. We do not make
the world we live in, and it is a thousand times stronger than we are.
No, if we play the game we must stick to the rules. To think of
overstepping that boundary, in such a desperate fashion, gives my
fastidious sense a strange recoil--something like that curious shame
and confusion that associates itself with a dream in which one finds
one's-self scantily clad in the midst of wondering strangers! No--no!
I do not think I shall send this letter--but perhaps I may at the end.
For I am going away. I sail to-morrow. Shall I see you
again--ever--ever? What will you think--
That was all. It broke off abruptly as though the writer had laid it
aside, never to be finished.
In the silent library the Judge looked at that mute witness as at one
risen from the dead. Twenty years of absence and silence--twenty years
out of his ken, save to the thriving memory! For how long the hand
that had penned those lines had been dust, yet the poor symbols of ink
and paper persisted to confront him now! How had the sheet come to be
on that desk that she had bequeathed him? It had not lain there a
moment before.
He brought the lamp and examined the desk attentively, pulling out
every tiny drawer, sounding each carved partition, twisting and tugging
at every projecting portion of the ornamentation. With a thin, metal
paper-knife he explored each warp and crevice. But his search was
fruitless. If the leaf had slipped from some crack--loosened, perhaps,
by the fall of the brass bowl upon it that day--the old desk kept its
secret.
A strange feeling stole over him, the feeling of mystery that comes to
one with some sudden apposition of incident that thrills with a sense
of an overpowering meaning in a circumstance in itself banal and
trivial. Something of her proud and passionate spirit she had etched
into those lines. Might it be that spirit, somewhere in the great
void, reached out to him through this silent witness--to say that love
does not wholly die?
He gently spoke her name. "Eleanor! You forgave me for writing--that.
If you hadn't you wouldn't have left me this desk when you--died, away
over there in Florence! So I've got your letter at last."
He sighed again and groping for his big chair, sat down, with the sheet
of paper spread out upon his knee.
On the upper floor Mrs. Allen tapped lightly on Chilly's door and when
there was no answer, opened it softly and entered. At the whisper of
his name he started up in bed.
"Duchess!" he exclaimed.
The pet name, as always, touched her. It was a perennial tribute to
that stateliness and dignity which she had made her own. She came and
sat down on the edge of the bed and he caught her hand and held it to
his lips. "You shouldn't have come," he chided. "You'll take cold."
"I heard your father talking to you," she whispered. "You--you know
what he dislikes so. Why can you not be--discreet?"
Chilly moved uneasily: "Oh, I know," he said. "But I can't always be
giving an imitation of a quaker meeting! I'm not a child."
"You must not anger him," she said. "I--for my sake, I wish you would
be more careful."
He patted her hand. "All right, Duchess! I'll mind my p's and q's.
But you must go back to bed now. Don't you worry about me."
She bent down and kissed him on the forehead before she glided from the
room.