VERY MUCH ABROAD. SCENE--_A Foreign Land._ Accused _in Dock_. Judge
_on Bench_. _Usual accessories._
_Judge._ We say you are guilty, and there is no use in denying it.
_Accused._ But I declare on my honour that I am innocent.
_Judge._ Your honour! Who ever heard of a villain's honour!
_Accused._ I am no villain. I swear it--yes, by my mother's grave.
_Judge._ So wicked a criminal deserves no mother!
[_Sensation._
_Accused._ Oh, this is monstrous! You may insult me; but you have no
right to asperse the memory of my mother.
_Judge._ Your mother would weep were she to see you now. She would be
bowed down to the ground with shame.
_Accused._ Why with shame? For I am innocent.
_Judge._ You are guilty, I repeat. And the jury shall share with me my
opinion. I am your judge, and I assert it.
_Accused._ Then this trial is a farce!
_Judge._ No, Sir; take my word for it, you will find it a tragedy!
[_Trial concludes in the customary fashion._
QUITE AT HOME. SCENE--_An English Court._ Accused _in Dock_. Judge _on
Bench_. _Usual accessories._
_Judge._ I really must request you to be silent, in your own interest.
_Accused._ But I plead guilty.
_Judge._ I do not think you know what you are doing. By saying that
you committed the crime of which you are accused, you deprive yourself
of the chance of acquittal.
_Accused._ I cannot help that. I did commit the crime--I avow it.
_Judge._ You are going out of your way to assume unnecessary
responsibility. It is for the gentlemen of the jury to decide.
_Accused._ Surely I can judge for myself. I have only followed the
family tradition. We are all villains.
_Judge._ You have no right to say so. We have to deal with you, not
with your relations. Now, please, plead "Not guilty."
_Accused._ Anything for a quiet life! "Not Guilty."
_Judge._ I am infinitely obliged to you. Thank you much. Now, what
might have commenced as a tragedy may end as a farce.
[_Trial concludes in the customary fashion._
* * * * *