[The Metropolitan Water Board announces an advance in the Water Rate.]
I cannot fill the bounteous cup
Munificently as of yore
Because the water's going up
(It didn't at Lodore);
No longer now can I regale
The canine stranger with a pail
Drawn from my cistern's store.
Let Samuel the sunflower die,
Let Gerald the geranium fade,
And all the other plants that I
Have hitherto displayed;
The virgin grass within my plot
May call for water--I will not
Preserve a single blade.
Henceforth let Claude the cactus dress
My garden beds, who bravely grows
Without a frequent S.O.S.
To water-can and hose.
I've cast these weapons to the void
And permanently unemployed
Is Hildebrand the hose.
Within the house by words and deeds
I've run an Anti-Waste Campaign;
On every tap the legend reads:
"Teetotalers, abstain!"
While on each bath and tub of mine
I've drawn freehand a PLIMSOLL line,
Impressionist but plain.
When upward mount my chops and cheese
I fain must bend beneath the blow;
I have to pay the price for these
Whether I will or no.
But here at least, by dint of thought,
I feel that I can bring to naught
The rise in H_2O.
You'll find that I shall keep in check
The gross expense of water when
Domestic _nettoyage á sec_
Rules my ancestral den.
I, unlike Nature, don't abhor
A "vacuum"--to clean the floor:
In fact I've ordered ten.
* * * * *
"At Bremen ... the crowd seized the stalls in the market, and sold
the goods at prices between 100 and 200 per cent. lower than the
prices demanded."--_Provincial Paper._
The correspondent who sends us the above cutting demands similar
reductions in English markets in order that he may live within his
income of _minus_ two pounds a week.
* * * * *
[Illustration: =INCORRIGIBLES.=
"EXCUSE ME, SIR--I'M DOWN HERE FOR A REST CURE, AND NOT ALLOWED TO
LOOK AT A NEWSPAPER. PERHAPS YOU WOULDN'T MIND TELLING ME WHAT KAFFIRS
STOOD AT YESTERDAY?"
"SORRY I CAN'T OBLIGE YOU. I'VE SWORN OFF NEWSPAPERS MYSELF. THIS IS
_THE SHRIMPTON COURIER_ FOR FEBRUARY 12 THAT MY LANDLADY WRAPPED MY
SANDWICHES IN."]
* * * * *