SHE WISHES THAT SHE HADN'T
Miss Broad had a very bad night. That was because of her conscience,
which pricked her. Almost as soon as Mr Holland had left her she
regretted the advice she had given him--advice, she had the candour to
admit, as applied to this case, being but a feeble word. She had
bullied him into committing burglary! It was awful to think of, or, at
least, it became awful by degrees. A sort of panorama of dreadful
imaginings began to unfold itself in front of her. She even pictured
him as being caught in the act, arrested, thrown into gaol, tried,
sentenced to penal servitude, working in the quarries--she had heard
of 'the quarries'--because of her. She did not pause to consider that,
after all, he was responsible for his own actions. He loved her; by
obedience he proved it, even to the extent of committing burglary.
Therefore, the blame of what she did was on her shoulders.
So she upbraided herself, regretting too late, as ladies sometimes do,
the line of action she had taken up with so much vigour.
'I wish I'd bitten my tongue off before I'd been so wicked. The truth
is, I really believe I'd like to kill that woman. Ellen, you needn't
pull my hair right out.'
The first two remarks were addressed to herself, the last, aloud, to
her maid. That young person, who was dressing Miss Broad for dinner,
found her mistress in rather a trying mood.
'If he was detected in the act, he would be at that woman's mercy. She
might compel him to do anything in order to avoid open humiliation and
disgrace and ruin.'
At the thought of what he might be compelled to do, she was divided
between terror, tears and rage. Since the woman had once pretended to
love him, and, no doubt, was still burning with a desire to be his
wife, she might even force him--oh, horrible!
'Ellen, you're pulling my hair again.'
Which was not to be wondered at, considering how unexpectedly the
young lady jerked her head.
She ate no dinner, excused herself from two engagements, made herself
generally so agreeable that she drove her father to remark that her
temper was not improving, and he pitied the man who had anything to do
with her. Which observation added to her misery, for she knew quite
well that her temper was her weakest point. She was a wretch, and she
had ruined him!
Throughout the night she scarcely slept. She was continually getting
off the bed to pace the room, exclaiming,--
'I wonder if he's doing it now?'
She must have wondered if he was doing it 'now' nearly a hundred
times, apparently under the impression that 'it' was an operation
which took time.
The result was that, when the morning came, she did not feel rested,
and looked what she felt, causing her father--an uncomfortably
observant gentleman, who prided himself, with justice, on being able
to say as many disagreeable things as any man--to remark that she
looked 'vinegary,' which soured Miss Broad still more.
She had an appointment with Mr Holland, at the usual place in Regent's
Park, for ten. They were to have a little conversation; then,
together, they were to go to church. She was at the rendezvous at
nine, though how she managed to do it was a mystery even to herself.
At ten minutes past she began to fidget, at the half-hour she was in a
fever, and when ten o'clock struck, and there was no Mr Holland, she
was as nearly beside herself as she could conveniently be.
'He's never been late before--never, never! Oh, what has happened?'
She went a little way along a path by which she thought that he might
come; then, fearful that after all he might come another way,
tremulously retracing her steps, she returned to the seat. But she
could not sit still, nor stand still either. She was up and down,
sitting and standing, fidgeting here and there, glancing in every
direction, like the frightened creature she was rapidly becoming.
Every nerve in her body was on edge. When the quarter struck, and
there were no signs of Mr Holland, she could restrain herself no
longer. Tears blinded her eyes; she had to use her handkerchief before
she could see. It would have needed very little for her to become
hysterical.
She knew her man--his almost uncanny habit of punctuality. She was
certain that, if nothing serious had happened to prevent him, he would
have been in time to a moment. She was sure, therefore, that something
had happened. But what?
As she vainly asked herself this question, a boy came along one of the
paths. He was a small child, about nine years of age, evidently
attired in his Sunday best. He carried something in his hand. Coming
up to her, he said,--
'Are you Miss Broad?' She nodded; she could not speak. 'I was told to
give you this.'
He handed her the envelope. She jumped to the conclusion that it came
from him. Her delight at receiving even a message from him about
scattered her few remaining senses.
'I'll give you sixpence.' She spoke with a stammer, fumbling with her
purse. 'I haven't one; I'll give you half-a-crown instead.'
The boy went off mumbling what might have been meant for thanks,
probably too surprised at the magnitude of the gift to be able to make
his meaning clear. She tore the envelope open. It contained half a
sheet of paper, on which were the words,--
'If you want Mr Guy Holland, inquire of Miss May Bewicke.'