Tu habes admissum, olim, Latinas litteras in tuis columnis. Memini unum
TOMMIUM scribentem de Etone (istâ super-ratâ scholâ) et nunc forsitan
accipies hanc contributionem antiqui Westminsterensis? Semper ego
auditor tantum (JUVENALIS) quum nobilis ars Latinorum versorum est
attacta? Non pro JOSEPHO! Volo nunc intrare meam protestationem contra
aliqua verba Baronis BRAMWELL, alterâ die.
[Illustration: _Facilis ascensus Parnassi sed revocare gradum._
"It's very easy to be a Poet, but you must have recourse to your
gradus."]
Baro dixit (Anglicè, quia, imagino, non noscit Latinum) ut "he never got
any good from the Latin verses he was obliged to write when a boy, and
if a boy is to be made a poet, he had better begin in his own language."
Dixit quoque, "it may be knowledge to know the names of those who killed
BECKET (_sic_), and the precise date, but it is not wisdom or useful."
(Quare, viâ, "BECKET," et non "Sanctus TOMMIUS À BECKET, proprium nomen?
Quid cheekum! Vel forte dicerem, quæ bucca! Vocabimusne Baronem BRAMWELL
in futuro "BRAMWELL" simpliciter; vel, ut omittit "à," potius "BRAM'L"?)
Quoto has Philistinas deliverationes de "Tempora," et Editor "Temporum"
propriissime scribit, "We should for our part (pro nostrâ portione)
venture to doubt whether some of Lord BRAMWELL'S (peto veniam, BRAM'L'S)
remarkable keenness of mind is not to be accounted for by the drilling
which his Latin verses gave him--by the habit of twisting and turning
(habitus contorquendi et vertendi) and adjusting thoughts and phrases
which that old-fashioned exercise implies." Bene!
Sum ipse nunc Undergraduatus, et abandonavi Classicas linguas pro
Scientiâ. Sed retineo meum Latinum--ut tu vides--et invenio id facile
esse excellens in chemicis odoribus et in CICERONE simul.
Cogito ut Britannicus Publicus debet noscere _quam multum bonum_ Latini
versus sunt ad pueros.
1. Imprimis, illi ducunt ad usum _Gradûs ad Parnassum_; et, interrogo,
quis liber potest comparare cum eo vel in elegantiâ styli, vel in
copiositate verborum, vel in vero genio auctoris? Sum inclinatus
cogitare ut auctor erat, in realitate, BACONIUS ipse; et si ita, id est
alium exemplum quomodo Latini versus auxiliant homines scandere ad
nobilissimas positiones in Statu.
2. Secundo loco, docent fraternum amorem inter pueros; quia quum unus
socius est stumpatus pro verbo, alius donat illi correctum tippum, sub
rosâ.
3. Tertium quid (non _quid_ tobacconis!--Vide effectum, "habitûs
contorquendi et vertendi"!)--Versus elevant mentem, et associant nos cum
grandibus auctoribus præteriti, ut OVIDIO, TIBULLO, et CAREYO. Quomodo
possum noscere, nisi per "Gradum," ut _Amor_ est "dulcis, blandus,
jucundus, suavis," et eodem tempore "flagrans, acer, fervidus,
indomitus, vigilans," etc.?
4. Quarto, discimus synonymos, sic utiles ad publicos homines (non
homines _publicanos_, intelligis! "Habitus contorquendi" iterum). Si
Magister GLADSTONE non fecisset Latinos versus ut juvenis, non posset
nunc donare viginti differentia nomina pro unâ re.
Finaliter, si Latini versus sunt missi ad Jerichonem, _ubi erit Ludus
Westminsterensis_ in futuro? Nullum alium argumentum est necessarium.
Maneo tuus, ANTI-BRAMWELLIUS ACADEMICUS.
* * * * *
A Correspondent draws _Mr. Punch's_ attention to an advertisement in a
Cheltenham paper, from which this is an extract:--
"QUINCE JAM.--Prepared from Quinces, supposed by many to be the
'Forbidden Fruit.' This hitherto almost unknown luxury is much
appreciated by those who have tried it."
Hasn't the enterprising and, of course, very old-established firm which
advertises this luxury any recommendation in writing from "The fairest
of her daughters," EVE? If so, let them produce the papyrus.
* * * * *
The last Christmas Cards to arrive, are TAYLOR FOOT'S "Merry Thoughts,"
&c., from Poland Street,--they're behind time; so very slow a-foot in
coming. As practical jokes, the mince-pie cards are uncommonly good, and
indeed the sham may be substituted for the real, by a mince pi-ous fraud
allowable at Christmas time.
* * * * *
[Illustration: STRIVING AFTER THE IDEAL.
_Grandpapa._ "AH, JOHNNY! THERE ARE FEW BETTER THINGS THAN IRISH STEW!"
_Johnny._ "WHAT ARE THE FEW BETTER THINGS, GRANDPA?"]
* * * * *