This incident passed as all incidents do, and the blank of common life
returned. How short those moments of action are in existence, and how
long are the dull intervals--those intervals which count for nothing,
and yet are life itself! Bertie Hardwick went away only after sundry
unsuccessful efforts on the part of his family to unite the party from
the Hall with that at the Rectory. Mrs. Hardwick would willingly, very
willingly, have asked them to dinner, even after the disappointment of
discovering that they did not mean to ask Bertie. She was stopped,
however, by a very commonplace hindrance--where was she to find
gentlemen enough on short notice to balance all those three ladies? Mr.
Hardwick, Bertie, and Edith’s betrothed made the tale correct to begin
with--but three more gentlemen in a country parish on two days’ notice!
It was impossible. All that Mrs. Hardwick could do was to ask,
deprecatingly, that the ladies would come to a family dinner, ‘_very_
quiet,’ she said; ‘you must not suppose I mean a party.’ Mrs. Anderson,
with her best and most smiling looks, accepted readily. ‘But Ombra is
not very well,’ she said; ‘I fear I must ask you to excuse her. And dear
Kate has such a bad cold--she caught it walking across the park the
other evening to old Stokes the keeper’s cottage.’
‘To old Stokes!’ cried Mrs. Hardwick. ‘Why, my Bertie was there too.’
And she added, looking grave, after that burst of radiance, ‘The old man
was a great favourite with everybody. We all go to see him.’
‘So I hear,’ said Mrs. Anderson, smiling; and next day she put on her
best gown, poor soul! and went patiently down to the Rectory to dinner,
and made a great many apologies for her girls. She did not enjoy it
much, and she had to explain that the first chill of England after Italy
had been too much for Kate and Ombra. ‘We had lived in the Isle of Wight
for some years before,’ she added, ‘so that this is almost their first
experience of the severity of Winter. But a few days indoors I hope will
make them all right.’
Edith Hardwick could not believe her eyes when, next day, the day before
Bertie left, she saw Miss Anderson walking in the park. ‘Do you think it
possible it was not true?’ she and her sister asked each other in
consternation; but neither they, nor wiser persons than they, could have
determined that question. Ombra was not well, nor was Kate. They were
both disturbed in their youthful being almost beyond the limits of
self-control. Mrs. Anderson had, in some respects, to bear both their
burdens; but she said to herself, with a sigh, that her shoulders were
used to it. She had borne the yoke in her youth, she had been trained to
bear a great deal, and say very little about it. And so the emotion of
the incident gradually died away, growing fainter and larger in the
stillness, and the monotony came back as of old!
But, oh! how pleasant the monotony of old would have been, how
delightful, had there been nothing but the daily walks, the daily talks,
the afternoon drives, the cheerful discussions, and cheerful visits,
which had made their simple life at Shanklin so sweet! All that was
over, another cycle of existence had come in.
I think another fortnight had elapsed since Bertie’s visit, and
everything had been very quiet--and the quiet had been very intolerable.
Sometimes almost a semblance of confidential intercourse would be set up
among them, and Ombra would lean upon Kate, and Kate’s heart melt
towards Ombra. This took place generally in the evening, when they sat
together in the firelight before the lamp was brought, and talked the
kind of shadowy talk which belongs to that hour.
‘Look at my aunt upon the wall!’ Kate cried, one evening, in momentary
amusement. ‘How gigantic she is, and how she nods and beckons at us!’
Mrs. Anderson was chilly, and had placed her chair in front of the fire.
‘She is no more a shadow than we all are,’ said Ombra. ‘When the light
comes, that vast apparition will disappear, and she will be herself.
Kate, don’t you see the parable? We are all stolen out of ourselves,
made into ghosts, till the light comes.’
‘I don’t understand parables,’ said Kate.
‘I wish you did this one,’ said Ombra, with a sigh, ‘for it is true.’
And then there was silence for a time, a silence which Kate broke by
saying,
‘There is the new moon. I must go and look at her.’
Not through the glass, dear--it is unlucky,’ said Mrs. Anderson; but
Kate took no notice. She went into the inner room, and watched the new
moon through the great window. A cold, belated, baby moon, looking as if
it had lost its way somehow in that blue waste of sky. And the earth
looked cold, chilled to the heart, as much as could be seen of it, the
tree-tops cowering together, the park frozen. She stood there in a
reverie, and forgot about the time, and where she was. The bustle behind
her of the lamp being brought in did not disturb Kate, and seeing her at
the window, the servant who came with the lights discreetly forbore to
disturb her, and left the curtains undrawn. But, from what followed, it
was evident that nobody else observed Kate, and she was still deep in
her musings, when she was startled, and brought to instant life, by a
voice which seemed to ring through the room to her like a trumpet-note
of defiance.
‘Mother, this cannot go on!’ Ombra cried out all at once. ‘If it lasts
much longer I shall hate her. I shall want to kill her!’
‘Ombra!’
‘It is true, I shall want to kill her! Oh! not actually with my hands!
One never knows what one could do till one is tempted. Still I think I
would not touch her. But, God help us, mother, God help us! I hate her
now!’
‘God help you, indeed, my unhappy child!’ cried her mother. ‘Oh! Ombra,
do you know you are breaking my heart?’
‘My own was broken first,’ cried Ombra; and there was a ferocious and
wild force in what she said, which thrilled through and through the
listener, now just beginning to feel that she should not be here, but
unable to stir in her great horror and astonishment. ‘My own was broken
first. What does it matter? I thought I could brave everything; but to
have him sent here for her sake--because she would be the most fit match
for him! to have her come again between him and me----’
‘She never came between him and you--poor Kate!--she never thought of
him. Has it not been proved that it was only a fancy? Oh! Ombra, how
ungrateful, how unkind you are to her!’
‘What must I be grateful for?’ cried Ombra. ‘She has always been in my
way, always! She came between you and me. She took half away from me of
what was all mine. Would you hesitate, and doubt, and trouble, as you
do, if it were not for Kate? She has always been in my way! She has been
my enemy, not my friend. If she did not really come between him and me,
then I thought so, and I had all the anguish and sorrow as if it had
been true. And now he is to be sent here to meet her--and I am to put up
with it, he says, as it will give us means of meeting. But I will not
put up with it!’ cried Ombra, her voice rising shrill with passion--‘I
cannot; it is asking too much. I would rather not meet him than meet him
to be watched by Kate’s eyes. He has no right to come here on such a
pretence. I would rather kill her--I would rather never see him again!’
‘Oh! Ombra, how can you tell who may hear you?’ cried her mother,
putting up her hand as if to stop her mouth.
‘I don’t care who hears me!’ said Ombra, pale and sullen.
And then there was a rustle and movement, and both started, looking up
with one impulse. In the twilight right beyond the circle of the
lamplight, white as death, with a piteous gaze that neither could ever
forget, stood Kate. Mrs. Anderson sprang to her feet with a cry; Ombra
said not a word--she sat back in her chair, and kept her startled eyes
upon her cousin--great dilated eyes, awakened all in a minute to what
she had done.
‘Kate, you have heard what she has said?’
‘Yes, I have heard it,’ she said, faintly. ‘I did not mean to; but I was
there, and I thought you knew. I have heard everything. Oh! it does not
matter. It hurts at present, but it will go off after a while.’
She tried to smile, and then she broke down and cried. Mrs. Anderson
went to her and threw her arms around her; but Kate put her aunt gently
away. She looked up through her tears, and shook her head with the best
smile she could muster.
‘No, it is not worth while,’ she said,--‘not any more. I have been wrong
all the time. I suppose God did not mean it so. I had no natural mother
or sister, and you can’t get such things except by nature. Don’t let us
say any more about it,’ she added, hastily brushing the tears from her
eyes. ‘I am very sorry you have suffered so much on my account, Ombra.
If I had only known---- And I never came between you and anyone--never
dreamt of doing it--never will, never--you may be sure of that. I wanted
my aunt to love me--that was natural--but no one else.’
‘Kate, I did not mean it,’ faltered Ombra, her white face suddenly
burning with a blush of passionate shame. She had never realised the
meanness of her jealousies and suspicions till this moment. Her mother’s
remonstrances had never opened her eyes; but in a moment, in this
anguish of being found out, she found out herself, and saw through her
cousin’s eyes, as it were, how contemptible it all was.
‘I think you meant it. I don’t think you could have spoken so had you
not meant it,’ said Kate, with composure. And then she sat down, and
they all looked at each other, Mrs. Anderson standing before the two
girls, wringing her hands. I think they realised what had happened
better than she did. Her alarm and misery were great. This was a quarrel
between her two children--a quarrel which it was very dreadful to
contemplate. They had never quarrelled before; little misunderstandings
might have arisen between them, but these it was always possible to
smooth down; but this was a quarrel. The best thing to do, she felt, was
that they should have it out. Thus for once her perception failed her.
She stood frightened between them, looking from one to another, not
certain on which side the volcano would burst forth. But no volcano
burst forth; things had gone too far for that.
As for Kate, she did not know what had come over her. She had become
calm without knowing how. All her agitation passed away, and a dead
stillness succeeded--a stillness which made her afraid. Two minutes ago
her heart and body had been tingling with darts of pain. She had felt
the blow everywhere--on her head, which ached and rung as if she had
been struck--on her heart, which seemed all over dull pain--even in her
limbs, which did not feel able to support her. But now all had altered;
a mysterious numbness crept from her feet up to her heart and her head.
She did not feel anything; she saw Ombra’s big, startled eyes straining
at her, and Mrs. Anderson, standing by, wringing her hands; but neither
the one nor the other brought any gleam of feeling to her mind.
‘It is a pity we came here,’ she said, slowly--‘a great pity, for people
will discuss everything--I suppose they always do. And I don’t know,
indeed, what is best; I am not prepared to propose anything; all seems
dark to me. I cannot go on standing in Ombra’s way--that is all I know.
I will not do it. And perhaps, if we were all to think it over to-night,
and tell what we think to-morrow morning----’ she said, with a smile,
which was very faint, and a strong indication to burst forth instead
into tears.
‘Oh! my darling!’ said Mrs. Anderson, bewildered by this extraordinary
calm.
Kate made a little strange gesture. It was the same with which she had
put her aunt away. ‘Don’t!’ she said, under her breath. She could bear
what Ombra had said after the first astonishing outburst, but she could
not bear that caressing--those sweet names which belong only to those
who are loved. Don’t! A touch would have made her recoil--a kiss would
have driven her wild and raving, she thought. This was the horror of it
all--not that they had quarrelled, but that they had pretended to love
her, and all the time had been hating her--or, at the best, had been
keeping each other up to the mark by thought of the gratitude and
kindness they owed her. Kindness and gratitude!--and yet they had
pretended to love.
‘Perhaps it is better I should not say anything,’ said Ombra, with
another flush, which this time was that of rising anger. ‘I ought not to
have spoken as I did, but I make no apologies--it would be foolish to do
so. You must form your own opinion, and nothing that I could say would
change it. Of course it is no excuse to say that I would not have spoken
as I did had I known you were there.’
‘I did not mean to listen,’ said Kate, colouring a little. ‘You might
have seen me all the time; but it is best to say nothing at all
now--none of us had better speak. We have to get through dinner, which
is a pity. But after that, let us think it over quietly--quite
quietly--and in the morning we shall see better. There is no reason,’
she said, very softly, ‘why, because you do not feel for me as I thought
you did, we should quarrel; for really there is nothing to quarrel
about. One’s love is not in one’s own gift, to be bestowed as one
pleases. You have been very kind to me--very kind.’
‘Oh! Kate--oh! my dear child, do you think I don’t love you? Oh! Kate,
do not break my heart!’
‘Don’t, aunt, please,’ she said, with a shiver. ‘I don’t feel quite
well, and it hurts me. Don’t--any more--now!’