The hearers waited with eagerness for the next Friday evening, as they
enjoyed so much hearing those interesting letters.
The next Mr Jacobs read was this:
"Hulda is only fifteen years of age, and has already been married six
months. If she were dressed as girls are dressed in England, she would
really look beautiful; but her beauty is, I think, marred by the silk
handkerchief she wears on her head, which covers half her forehead and
her ears, so that none of her hair can be seen, I mean that part of it
that was shaved off. Over the silk handkerchief she wears a black velvet
band, to which gold coins are attached and these are put on so
coquettishly that it makes the head-gear look quite artistic. Sometimes
she wears ornaments with pearls in them. These special trinkets are, of
course, worn only on Sabbaths and Festivals or some other special
occasions.
"The shaving of part of the young wife's head the day after her marriage
is a custom to prevent young married women from being tempted by vanity
to show off their hair, which is generally in Palestine very beautiful.
The poor things cover up the part so well that there is no fear of any
of it being seen.
"Hulda is tall and well-developed for her age, and lively as a cricket,
always ready to play and laugh and joke with us. She started by telling
me: 'I was invited to visit my betrothed's family during the holidays,
and my future mother-in-law let me help her with the baking and cooking,
and was specially pleased with the way I stretched out the dough for the
lockshen--I made it look so thin, like a paper wrapper. She told me that
I would make a good housewife. Then I showed all the family some of the
linen garments I had made and had with me, and the crochet I had trimmed
them with.'
"Here Hulda turned to me and said: 'our mothers encourage us at eight
years of age to begin to make garments for our trousseaux, and at the
age of ten we start to crochet lace and embroider, so by the time we get
married we have all our things ready, for they cannot be bought
ready-made in Palestine. When we become betrothed we work our future
initials on our things and make our dresses.'
"'While I was staying at my betrothed's home, we never spoke to each
other, except to say Good-morning and Good-night. Sometimes when no one
saw us we looked at one another, for already I liked my young man,
though he was not handsome. A wise girl does not want good looks in a
husband so much as that he should be a good Talmudist and be a good
character; this he is, and I could listen to him for ever,' she said,
blushing like a rose; 'when he sings Zmires, his voice is like a
nightingale, and even in the mornings, when he thinks I am asleep, it is
just lovely to hear his sing-song as he studies--it is to me the
sweetest of all music,' she said.
"'So it should be, my child,' said our old lady, 'and it is a privilege
for us women to help them to study.'
"'So my mother says,' said Hulda, naturally.
"At the same time I thought to myself: 'A nice thing it would be if only
our men were to study and our women to work, as they mostly do here and
in Russian ghetto towns. No,' I thought, 'I would rather that the men
did some manual labour as well as study, and the women have some time
for study as well as for household work.'
"But I kept these thoughts to myself, while Hulda continued to tell me
what a longing she had to see more of her betrothed; but she did not see
him again till after the marriage ceremony.
"I will try to describe the ceremonies to you in detail, as I have now
been to several weddings here, and I think you would like to know.
"A week before the wedding, all the relations and friends come to help
bake and prepare the wedding-feast; for, as these proceedings last about
eight days, it is no easy matter to celebrate them.
"The bride's trousseau is shown to the guests who come, and everything
is examined and counted by all, especially the relations of the
bridegrooms. When there happens to be less than expected, woe betide the
bride, for she is always reproached about it by her mother-in-law or his
other relatives.
"On the Sabbath before the marriage the bridegroom is called up to read
the Law, and friends pay him visits.--First they send him nicely baked
cakes or puddings and a bottle of wine. (It is a good thing that this is
the custom, or else a poor man would be ruined by the cost of all the
feasting that he is expected to provide).
"During the week the bride's friends come every evening and dance and
sing in her home, coffee and cakes and baked nuts being handed round.
"The morning of the wedding, both bride and bridegroom fast, and each
goes with his or her parents to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, to pray
for a blessing on their married life, and then they go to be blessed by
the Rav.
"When the bride returns home, she is dressed in her bridal dress. Then
she is led up to a chair that has been raised off the floor; her hair is
unloosed and allowed to hang over her shoulders; and this is the last
time, for the next day most of it is shaved off.
"Her young friends stand near her and each sings a song, bidding
good-bye to her maiden days; and the bride weeps, fearing what the
future may hold in store for her. Then the bridegroom comes in, led by
his friends, who carry candles. He is given a veil, which he throws over
his bride's head, and then leaves with his friends for the Synagogue.
"Though some parts of the ceremony look ridiculous, yet all is carried
out so solemnly that one feels very much impressed.
"The bride is then led by two of her relatives or friends, who carry
candles, and all the other friends follow them through the streets, some
also carrying candles. As there are no carriages to be had in Jerusalem,
they have sometimes to walk some distance to the Synagogue.
"The usual bridal canopy is in the Synagogue, and they walk round it
seven times; then prayers are said, and the glass is broken; Mazzeltov
is said, and with songs and clapping of hands the bridal pair is led
home again. Near the home a large Bagel is held by a friend, and as the
couple cross the threshold it is broken over their heads, and the pieces
are distributed among the guests. The bride and bridegroom are then led
into a room, and the door is closed for five minutes--I suppose to be
sure that they are the right persons, anyhow the bridegroom lifts the
bride's veil and gives her the first kiss he has ever given her. (I do
not know if she kisses him, for she may be too shy: they will not tell
when I ask).
"After the five minutes have passed, the bride is led out of the room to
a room where the women-guests are assembled, while the bridegroom goes
to a room where the men-guests are. The feasting lasts for a few hours
in each room. Then the bride is led by some of her women friends to the
room where the men are, and the bridegroom takes her by the hand and
starts dancing; the other guests follow suit. It is amusing to see the
old grey-bearded scholars, who, one would think, could not move their
legs, dance and rejoice while the lookers-on clap and sing. It is far
more exciting than a wedding in London, for it is considered a 'Mitzvah'
to rejoice with a young bridal couple.
"The dancing goes on for some time, the only miserable pair, I expect,
are the bride and bridegroom, who generally become very weary of it
all, for they started their wedding pilgrimage very early in the morning
and had fasted till the feasting began late in the afternoon--I often
wonder that they have any energy left in them, poor things, for they
cannot retire till late at night.
"The next day comes the ceremony of cutting off the bride's hair. The
bridegroom's mother hands her a few silk handkerchiefs to be worn on her
head on special occasions. Sometimes the poor little bride is so young
that she cries while her beautiful plaits are being cut off.
"At times a quarrel begins between the two mothers: the bride's mother
sometimes insisting that her child's hair shall only be cut short and
not shaved, and she generally gets her way.
"Some brides do not mind being shaved, for they like the idea of wearing
the pretty coloured silk handkerchiefs.
"At nearly every wedding a table is spread for the poor, and I was
present at a wedding when more than a hundred poor men came regularly
for eight days, and the table was spread as bountifully for them as for
the other guests. Here in Palestine the poor share in the joys of their
richer brethren.
"When the eight days of Festival are over, the young couple usually
settle down close by or in one of their parents' homes, who give them a
room. A great deal of the happiness of young couples depends on the
character of the mother-in-law, for they have the power of making or
marring their happiness more than anyone else.
"Huldah told me that she would have been quite happy in her
mother-in-law (for she really was a good kind woman) if only she would
more often allow her to talk to her husband, 'and I do so like a talk
with him,' she said to me with a sigh, 'for he is so wise. When my
mother-in-law sleeps after the Sabbath dinner, we go into the next room
and we sit talking, and he tells me tales from the Talmud, and sometimes
reads aloud from it. I do so enjoy those Sabbath hours,' she continued,
'for I have only my bedroom which I can call my own, but I am not
allowed to be much in it,--the little time I have with my husband each
day makes me very happy, for I know he loves me dearly (although he does
not say so), for when he comes home his first word is for me,'
"'Sometimes, when my mother-in-law is in a good temper, she lets us eat
out of the same dish, and then he jokingly puts the daintiest bits on my
side; often when I wake in the mornings I find pinned to my pillow a few
words he has copied from the _Song of Songs_, put there before leaving
for the Synagogue.' Then Huldah added 'After returning himself from the
Synagogue on Sabbath Eve, my dear husband always looks at me with a
loving smile when he reads that part where it says: ''The price of a
virtuous woman is far above rubies, the heart of her husband trusteth in
her.' 'Yes indeed,' she said, 'thanks be to God--I am a very happy wife,
and when God blesses us with children, my cup of joy will be very full.'
"And this child-wife of fifteen did indeed look very happy as she
spoke--and I, deep down in my heart, thought, 'What would they say to
such match-making in England and Western Europe,' and yet in Palestine
such marriages arranged by the parents are nearly always happy.
"I must close now, Your loving Millie."
When Mr Jacob had finished reading, some of his young listeners said
they thought it was a very foolish way to arrange marriages. One of them
remarked: "How could there be any love, if a couple rarely met each
other before marriage."
Another said: "For my part, I would never marry unless I felt sure that
I was in love with my husband to-be and that he also was in love with
me. Love is everything in life, _I_ think."
Then said a middle-aged lady, much loved and respected by all the
listeners: "How often has many a marriage not turned out well, even when
as young people a husband and wife had a passionate love for each
other. The seed of love may be sown before or after marriage; but,
unless carefully cultivated during married life by both husband and
wife, through deeds of kindness and thoughtfulness and forbearance and
mutual sympathy and understanding, the tender plant may soon wither and
die. The old customs of our race, which this letter shows are still kept
up in Palestine and I believe in other parts where ghetto life still
obtains, if they are not carried to extremes, are, I think, very wise;
but, unfortunately, our people are very tempted to go to extremes, and a
good custom can thus be distorted and brought to ridicule."
"True, true," murmured some of the older people.
"In all things moderation and balance are safe guides to follow," said
Mr. Jacobs.
The next book will be all about Millie's love affairs and marriage and
her life, impressions, and tribulations in Palestine.