[Even the more obscure of the American papers often contain
important news of the doings of the British army many days
before the Censor allows the information to be published in
England.]
I am told that few exploits are finer
Than a battle our Blankshires have won,
So bring me _The Michigan Miner_,
For I'm anxious to read how 'twas done;
If _The Miner_'s not easy to hit on,
Get _The Maryland Trumpet_; it treats
Of a story that's kept, to the Briton,
As dark as the Westminster streets!
As our soldiers from north of the Border
Some vital positions have stormed,
Put _The Oregon Message_ on order
To keep me completely informed!
One moment! I've just heard a rumour
That the Germans' whole front has been cleft--
Quick! Rush for _The Tennessee Boomer_;
Heaven grant that a copy is left!
Each day in this keep-it-dark city,
Officials, to us, seem unkind
To censor such news without pity,
But, of course, they've an object in mind;
For a man, when his spirits touch zero
Through a natural yearning for facts,
Will enlist, and _himself_ be a hero
Where no one can censor his ACTS!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _First Patriot._ "AH! I SEE YOU HAVEN'T YET CHANGED THE
NAME OF YOUR EAU-DE-COLOGNE."
_Second Patriot._ "PARDON ME, MADAM. I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF
LABELLING MY NEW SUPPLY 'COLOGNE WATER.'"]
* * * * *