_Master._ Spell "Patriotism."
_Scholar._ P-a-t, "Pat;" r-i-o-t, "riot;" i-s-m "ism."
_Master._ Now spake it together.
_Scholar._ Pat-riot-ism.
_Master._ Ah, then, it's the good boy you are entirely.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Irishman (who has run up a score at the inn, to
firemen)._ "Play on the slate, bhoys!"]
[Illustration: AN IRISH DIFFICULTY.--_Pat ("the morning after," reading
prescription)._ "'Dissolve wan of the powdhers in half a tumbler of
wather, an' th' other powdher in another half tumbler of wather. Mix,
an' dhrink whoile efferveshin'.' What'll Oi do? Whoy the div'l didn't
he say which Oi was to mix furrst?"]
[Illustration: _The Colonel._ "Mr. Moriarty, I received this morning a
most offensive anonymous letter, and, from certain indications, I am
compelled reluctantly to ask you if you know anything about it."
_Moriarty._ "An anonymous letter? Whoy, _Oi'd scorn to put my name to
such a thing_."]
[Illustration: QUITE ANOTHER THING
_Paddy_ (_the loser_). "Arrah g'long! I said I'd lay you foive to wan,
but I wasn't goin' to bet my ha'f-crown agin your tath'rin little
sixpence!"
[_Exeunt fighting._
]
[Illustration: MAKING THINGS PLEASANT.--_Irishman_ (_to English
Sportsman_). "Is it throuts? Be jabers, the watther's stiff wid 'em!!!"
[_"Regardless of strict truth, in his love of hyperbole and generous
desire to please," as our friend recorded in his diary after a blank
day._
]
[Illustration: A BREATH FROM THE FAR WEST
"Can I go a yard nearer on my side, as I've lost the sight of me one
eye intirely?"
[Illustration: _"Pat" Junior (in answer to question by Saxon Tourist)._
"There's foive of us, yer honour, an' the baby."
_Saxon._ "And are you the eldest?"
_"Pat" Junior._ "I am, yer honour--at prisent!!"]
[Illustration: _Irish Groom._ "Will ye send up two sacks of oats an' a
bundle av hay."
_Voice from Telephone._ "Who for?"
_Irish Groom._ "The harse, av coorse, ye fool!"]
[Illustration: INS AND OUTS
_Irish Innkeeper (to "Boots," &c.)._"H'where's Biddee? Out, is she? Bad
luck to the hussy! She'll go out twinty toimes for wonce she'll come
in!"]
[Illustration: "IRISH"
_Polite Young Man._ "Perhaps you feel a draught, madam?"
_Old Lady._ "No, sir, not this side. I'm always careful to sit with my
back facing the engine!"]
[Illustration: WOKE UP
"'Tis the voice of the sluggard,
I heard him complain."--_Watts._
_Boots._ "Eight o'clock, surr!"
_Voice (from the deeps)._ "Why didn't ye tell me that before, confound
you!"]