(SCENE--_Westland Row Station, Dublin_)
_British Swell to Native Inhabitant_ (_loq._). "Haw, haw, pray will you
direct me the shortest way to Baggot Street, haw?"
_Native Inhabitant._ "Baggit Street, yer honor, yis, yer honor, d' see
that sthreet just forninst ye? Well, goo oop that, toorn nayther to
yer right nor to yer lift, till ye khoom to the foorst toorn, and when
ye khoom to the foorst toorn, don't toorn down that ayther, but walk
sthrait on and that'll lade ye to the place _Igs-actly_."
_Supercilious Saxon._ "Haw, thank yaw, haw!" (_And walks off more
mystified than ever._)
* * * * *
IRISH VACCINATION.--Professor Gamgee says that, owing to the vagrant
cur nuisance, "Hydrophobia in man is increasing in Ireland." This fact
is one which hom[oe]opathy may suggest some reason for not altogether
deploring. The canine _virus_ and the vaccine may be somewhat
analogous; and, if like cures like, many a happy cure may be effected
by a mad dog biting a rabid Irishman.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Irishman (whose mate has just fallen overboard with
the bucket while swabbing decks)._ "Plaze, captin, do ye rimimber that
Scotchie ye tuk aboard the same toime as ye did me? I mane him wot had
the lot o' good character papers, an' me that niver had a blissid wan?"
_Captain._ "Well?"
_Irishman._ "Well--_he's off wid yer pail!_"]
[Illustration: "Just make it a couple of shillings, captain
dear!"--"No!"
"Eighteenpence then, major!"--"No!"
"Och thin, colonel darling, just threppence for a glass o'
whiskey!"--"_No_, I tell you!"
"Git out wid ye thin, ye boa conshthructor, sure an' I know'd ye all
the toime!"
[_N.B._--_The fare is the head of an eminent firm of furriers in
Kilconan Street, and cultivates a martial appearance_
]
[Illustration: CIRCUMLOCUTORY.--_The Parson (who likes to question the
boys, now and then, in a little elementary science)._ "Now, can any of
you tell me--Come, I'll ask you, Donovan,--What is salt?"
_Irish boy._ "Iv y' plaze, sir,--it's--it's"--(_after a desperate
mental effort_)--"it's the stuff that--makes a p'taytor very nasty 'v
ye don't ate 't with 't!"]