Every goose thinks his wife a duck.
No news in a newspaper isn't good news.
Manners make the gentleman, and the want of them drives him elsewhere
for his shooting.
A miss is as good as a mile of old women.
Too many cooks spoil the broth of a boy.
It's foolish to spoil one's dinner for a ha'porth of tarts.
There are as fine bulls in Ireland as ever came out of it.
Necessity has no law, but an uncommon number of lawyers.
Better to look like a great fool, than to be the great fool you look.
A soft answer may turn away wrath, but in a Chancery suit, a soft
answer is only likely to turn the scales against you.
One fortune is remarkably good until you have had another one told you.
Don't halloa until you have got your head safe out of the wood,
particularly at Donnybrook Fair.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Lady (looking at new cob)._ "How does he go, Patrick?"
_Irish Groom._ "The very best, m'lady! Sure it's only now and then he
touches the ground in odd spots."]
* * * * *
Men of straw don't make the best bricks.
It's a narrow bed that has no turning.
When money is sent flying out of the window it's poverty that comes in
at the door.
The pig that pleases to live must live to please.
One man may steal a hedge, whereas another daren't even as much as look
at a horse.
Short rents make long friends--and it holds good equally with your
landlord and your clothes.
The mug of a fool is known by there being nothing in it.
You may put the carte before the horse, but you can't make him eat.
Money makes the gentleman, the want of it the blackguard.
When wise men fall out, then rogues come by what is not their own.
* * * * *
A BITTER BAD FRUIT.--A patriotic Irishman, expatiating eloquently upon
the Lodge disturbances that were so repeatedly taking place in his
country, exclaimed wildly: "By Jove, sir, you may call the Orange the
Apple of Discord of Ireland."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Irate Station-master._ "What the divil are ye waitin'
for?"
_Engine-driver._ "Can't ye see the signals is against me?"
_Station-master._ "Is it the signals? Sure now, ye're gettin' mighty
particular!"]
[Illustration: _Paddy._ "Where will I catch the express for Dublin?"
_Station-master._ "Ye'll catch it all over ye if ye don't get off the
line mighty quick!"]
[Illustration: A REGULAR TURK.--_Adjutant._ "Well, sergeant, how's your
prisoner getting on?" _Sergeant of the Guard._ "Bedad, sor, he's the
vi'lentest blaggyard I iver had to do wid! We're all in tirror iv our
loives! Shure we're obliged to feed him wid fixed bay'nits!"]