MENTAL RESERVATIONS
I sat down rather uncomfortably. We had all of us been made to look
foolish, and I was here to bear the brunt of it alone. What had become
of Reid, I did not know; but I was much mistaken in him if he had not
gone off upon some highly efficient search of his own, after alarming
Lady and her father. So the whole family had been upset because a rather
thoughtless little woman had gone out without thinking to give notice of
her intended absence, and because an officious young son-in-law had
jumped at the chance to exploit his executive ability. If Sheila and I
had been disturbed, we had at least only acted under his direction; and
the whole foolish flurry, with its risk of attracting public attention,
had emanated from the jerky mind of Reid.
"I must plead guilty," I said, "of giving the first alarm. Sheila seemed
worried, and I called up Doctor Reid on the telephone."
Mrs. Tabor's face clouded, and it seemed to me that something like anger
gathered in her eyes. "It was very like him," she said, "he is the most
selfish man in the world." She paused. "If you don't mind, Mr. Crosby,
we will not talk about him. I am tired."
I got to my feet, feeling as if I had heard something to which I had no
right.
"Mrs. Tabor," said I, "you must forgive me for having troubled you with
the matter at all. I am stupid sometimes, and forgot that we had been
officious and that you might be tired."
She flashed forth an appealing little hand. "No, you are not to go; I
didn't mean that. I'm not so truly tired that I want to be alone. In
fact, I shall rest much better if you stay and keep me company."
"I shall be very glad to," I answered. "I've regretted all along that I
haven't been able to see you more often. Besides, I'm the only man in
the house for the moment, and I suppose I oughtn't to leave my post
until the others come home."
She raised her brows. "Why, what do you mean? That sounds as if we were
in a state of siege. You're a guest, Mr. Crosby, not a sentry on duty."
I had said too much, evidently, and I felt angrily that if Mrs. Tabor
knew nothing of affairs I should have been warned of the fact. "I didn't
mean that," I said, as easily as I could manage. "Only that the others
are still looking for you, and I ought to let them know as soon as may
be that I've been more fortunate. I'd telephone if I knew where they
were."
"But it's all so ridiculous. I'm not a child, you know." Her petulance
was rising again. "Because a tramp came into the house the other day is
no reason for hedging me about as if we were all back in the dark ages.
It's never likely to happen again; and besides, there was no danger at
the time of anything worse than losing some of the silver. I can't see
the least excuse for all this mysterious caution. And it's been going on
so for months--long before there was even that shadow of a reason."
I tried to play up to the situation. "It's just the exaggeration of
their care for you, I suppose. You haven't been quite well, and they
worry needlessly because it matters so much. Didn't you used to feel the
same way about Lady when she was little and getting over the measles?"
The next instant I realized that I should hardly have used the nickname;
but Mrs. Tabor did not seem to have noticed my slip. She was looking
fixedly out through the parted curtains as though there were some one in
the hall, and I instinctively glanced in the same direction. When I
looked back again, she was still distrait, and I went on; "And anyway,
it's splendid to see you so well at last."
She smiled. "I haven't really been much laid up at all. I've only been a
little overtired. People worry about me too much, Mr. Crosby. I have a
poor heart, but I'm always pretty careful of myself; yet neither Mr.
Tabor nor Lady can seem to let me out of their sight. I don't like it."
She brushed the hair from her forehead with a weary little gesture of
impatience. She looked very much as a pretty spoiled child might have.
Yet I felt rather disloyal to the rest of them in listening. Of course,
Mrs. Tabor meant nothing; she was merely tired and fretful; but still, I
did not like being made the confident of these family petulances. Lady,
I knew, loved her mother devotedly, and so did Mr. Tabor--at least, he
had given every evidence of affection.
"How would you like it, Mr. Crosby," she added, "if you could never go
out for even a walk all alone? And Mr. Tabor has been acting so
strangely all this while--as if he and Lady shared some secret that
they were anxious to keep from me of all people."
I was by now frankly embarrassed, and I must have shown it. "I don't
quite see why--" I began.
"Are you in the secret too?" she asked suddenly.
My hair prickled. "No, of course not," I stammered. "And I don't really
think that there can be any secret, Mrs. Tabor, or anything they would
keep from you." Yet I began to wonder whether she were acting cleverly
in ignorance of how much I really did know, or were actually guarded
from all knowledge of the admitted mystery. While I scrambled after a
safe word, I heard the crunch of wheels upon the gravel.
"There they are now," I said.
Lady and her father came hurrying into the room with all the air of
having come home merely to touch base, as the children say; as if they
but wished to inform themselves of developments before starting out upon
another quest. Lady saw her mother first.
"Why, mother dear!" she cried. "We--" she stopped.
Mr. Tabor coughed. "Where is Walter?" he asked.
"Indeed, I don't know," Mrs. Tabor answered rather sharply. "What on
earth do you want of him?"
Mr. Tabor smiled slowly and expansively. "I don't want him at all, my
dear; but I do very much want my dinner. Do you think it is nearly
ready? Lady, suppose you poke things up in the kitchen a little, if you
can. I am nearly famished."
"Well," said I, "I had nearly forgotten about supper, and I believe we
are to have waffles at the inn to-night," and I got to my feet.
"Mr. Crosby, waffles or no waffles, you are not to go," said Mrs. Tabor.
"Here we are just started upon a nice little visit, and these ravenous
people of mine come bursting in from goodness knows where or what, and
begin clamoring for food. Since we must eat, you are to eat with us."
I said something conventional, with an apologetic glance at Mr. Tabor.
He was frowning at the ceiling as if he had not heard.
It was hardly a comfortable meal. I felt that I should not be there, and
that the others, though for no personal fault of mine, were wishing me
out of the way; while Mrs. Tabor confined her conversation almost
entirely to me in a way that made me obviously a bulwark against them.
She was bright and chatty enough, but I could plainly feel the
uneasiness under it; and as the meal progressed she became more uneasy
still, now and then turning suddenly in her chair or laying down her
fork with little abrupt decisions that came to nothing, as if she were
hesitating on the brink of a plunge. Twice she stretched out a hand for
silence, listening over her shoulder a moment, and then hurrying back
into the meaningless and disrupted conversation.
As we were eating dessert, Doctor Reid came in for a moment. That is, he
came as far as the door, and I thought Mr. Tabor made some sort of
gesture to him below the table-top. At any rate, he turned on his heel
and left, after a nervous word or two. I looked around to see Mrs.
Tabor's face set and stern, every little prettiness of expression fled.
I must have stared, for she smiled after a moment, and nodded at me
mysteriously as if I alone shared the secret of the dislike she had
voiced in the afternoon.
"Come, mother dear," Lady said softly. "Here are the rest of us nearly
through, and you've hardly touched your ice."
Mrs. Tabor looked up, vaguely apologetic. "Why, Miriam, I'm sure I beg
your pardon," she said. And very meekly she took up her spoon.
Of course it was the most natural slip in the world, and meant
absolutely nothing; but I could not put out of my mind the feeling that
some unrecognized bomb had been exploded in our midst. I could not be
merely imagining Lady's deepening color, nor the nervous hurry with
which she forced the conversation; Mr. Tabor and I helping as best we
might, and at best ungracefully. I could not shake off that sense of a
common consciousness whose existence none of us admitted, of something
vividly present in all our minds but not to be noticed in words, which
makes it so difficult for a whole company to keep their countenance in
the face of an untactful situation; the strain which people feel when
one unconscious bore afflicts the rest, when a stranger rushes in upon
the heels of an unfinished intimacy, or when somebody makes an
unmentionable slip of the tongue. I knew that Lady and her father were
embarrassed by the same trifle which embarrassed me; and through the
laborious unconsciousness of the next few minutes, the name of Miriam
rang in all our ears until the very air seemed as it were to grow heavy
with the weight of her invisible presence. The tension grew minute by
minute as we talked, until I felt as if I could hardly keep on. And Mrs.
Tabor, looking up in a comfortless pause and finding us all at gaze,
broke down entirely. Her eyes filled, and she pushed back her chair.
"George, dear," she asked piteously, "what is the matter? What has come
to you all?" Then as Mr. Tabor hesitated for an answer, she turned with
a despairing little gesture to her daughter. "You tell me what it is,
Miriam," she cried.
Mr. Tabor rose from the table. "With your permission, my dear, Crosby
and I will go out and smoke," he said. "There isn't anything the matter.
You only imagine it, and you need Lady to tell you so."
Mrs. Tabor turned to me quickly. "You can smoke here just as well," she
said hurriedly, "I like it. And besides, you are the only one who seems
to have anything to say this evening. These other dear stupid people are
both acting as if we were sitting at baked meats instead of a pleasant
ice. I can't imagine what has got into them, unless they have some dark
secret of their own." She was cheering visibly as she spoke, but with
the last words her face clouded again. I did my best to keep the talk
moving after that, though Heaven knows what I found to say. And at last
the meal was over.
As soon as we left the table, Mr. Tabor suggested that his wife was very
tired, and that she should be off to bed. She agreed reluctantly enough
only when Lady joined her father in his importunity and said that she
would go up with her. At last she rose and bade us all good night; but
when she and Lady were at the very door, she turned and looked back at
us. Then, of a sudden she ran lightly across the room and stooped to my
ear. "I have a little secret of my own," she laughed across at her
husband. Then very swiftly, and with a catch in her voice, she
whispered, "They are trying to take Miriam away from me!"