that I would invalidate the Testimonies of this Author, I should be bold to
say, that no Part of the _Brute_ Creation have the Benefit of _Second
Sight_: and that they have neither Organs, nor Reason, to discern, or
distinguish Phantoms, from material Bodies: and therefore the old _Rabins_
very subtly conjectured, that the _Ass_, which carried _Balaam_, was not a
real Ass, but the _Devil in Disguise_, and subject to the _Magical_ Power
of the _Prophet_.
* * * * *
Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where
Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.
Numb. XXV
THE
THEATRE.
By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_.
_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday.
Price Two-pence.
_When the Married shall marry,
Then the Jealous will be sorry;
And tho' Fools will be talking,
To keep their Tongues walking,
No Man runs well, I find,
But with's Elbows behind._
Nostrad. _in_ Quev.
Tuesday, _May 10. 1720._
Upon the Perusal of my Motto, I believe my Readers will be puzzled to
comprehend what it is I aim at: It seems to be a perfect Riddle, and if you
read it backward like a _Witches_ Prayer, it will be as easily understood.
Yet let no Man condemn it for that trifling Objection, that he does not
understand it: for, I can assure the World, that it is an old _Prophecy_,
which comprehends many Secrets of Destiny, Stars, and Fate. Tho' the
Vulgar, whose Eyes are shut against these Mysteries, may endeavour to
explode all _Divination_; yet when the Prophecy comes to be fulfilled, they
will confess their own Ignorance, and give an implicit Belief to such
_Revelations_, as are delivered to the Publick by those wise Men, who by
their Art pry into the Cabinet of Futurity, and make to themselves
_Spectacles_ of the _Planets_, by which they are enabled to read the
darkest Page in the Book of _Doomesday_.
Having, in my last, given some Account of my intended Summer Library, it
cannot appear strange, if I should already have anticipated a Part of my
Pleasure, and dipped into some of the promising Authors I mentioned. The
witty _Quevedo_, in one of his visionary Prospects of Hell, fancies, he
sees an _Astrologer_ creeping upon all Four; with a pair of Compasses
betwixt his Teeth; his Spheres, and Globes about him; his _Jacob's_ Staff
before him; and his Eyes fixed upon the Stars, as if he were taking a
Height, or making an Observation. The Student, after gazing awhile, started
up of a sudden, and wringing his Hands, _Good Lord_! says he, _what an
unlucky Dog was I! If I had come into the World but one_ Half Quarter _of
an_ Hour _sooner, I had beene saved: for just then_ Saturn _shifted, and_
Mars _was lodged in the_ House of Life. Another Proficient in the same
Art, who was very loth to go to Hell before his Time, had his Tormentors be
sure he was dead: _for_, says he, _I am a little doubtful of it my self; in
Regard that I had_ Jupiter _for my_ Ascendant, _and_ Venus _in the_ House
of Life, _and no_ malevolent Aspect _to cross me. So that by the Rules of_
Astrology, _I was to live, precisely_, a Hundred and one Years, two Months,
six Days, four Hours, and three Minutes.
It is plain from such Instances, and many more of equal Demonstration, had
I Leisure to collect them, that the Stars dispose of us as they please, and
have an Influence on every Action of our Lives. They are particularly busy
in the Affairs of Women, and She that, by a too great Love of Society, has
been kind to others besides her own Husband, might have been an Example of
Discretion and Modesty, had she been born a Minute sooner, or later, and
had a more _continent_ Planet for her _Ascendent_. I hope, this will be
sufficient to vindicate the Science from all Suspicions of Imposture. I can
assure my Readers, that I my self saw a _Prophecy_ about _two_ Months
_after_ the Battle of _Hockstadt_, which exactly described that great Event
in all its Circumstances. The same Prophecy foretold, that in seven Years
_Lewis_ the _Fourteenth_ should not have Ground enough to make him a Grave;
and tho' this did not exactly come to pass, it cannot be imputed to the
_Ignorance_ of the Astrologer, but to those _Counsels_ and _Events_ which
would not suffer the Prophecy to take Place.
I am my self a considerable Proficient in this Study, and have told several
Things that have greatly surprized the Hearers. I am consulted chiefly by
the Ladies, who come to my Lodgings by _Two's_ and by _Three's_; and it is
pleasant to hear them titter, and laugh among themselves, before they
venture to knock at my Door. The young Things come in blushing, and express
all the Fears and Confusions natural to Youth and Innocence: Immediately I
examine them: One tells me, she desires to know _when she shall be
married_; another is as importunate to learn _when she shall be a Widow_: I
interrupt them, by telling one, I know that _she_ is a _married Woman_; and
the other, that _she_ shall soon be _married_. I proceed to ask them
several Questions, which they are very ingenious in answering: And then I
tell them a hundred Things, every one of which they knew to a Tittle
before-hand. The Result is, that they go away frighted and amazed at my
profound Skill; and I often over-hear them saying, that _He certainly must
deal with the Devil, or he could not have told us such and such
Circumstances_.
But the Excellency of my Skill consists in giving an Account of things
lost: I would not have the Reader suppose that I descend to the trifling
Study of consulting Fate, about _who_ stole a _Spoon_, or _what_ became of
a straggling _Thimble_, Things of which the Stars take no Cognizance. These
Toys I leave to the Six-penny _Philomaths_ of _Moorfields_, and the
_Astrologers_ of _Grub-street_: My Enquiries are a little more sublime. I
account for Things which some lose, and no other finds; of this Nature are
the _Maidenheads_ of _Women_, and the _Honour_ of _Great Men_. They, who
are short-sighted in the Sciences, cannot see they fly up to the _Moon_,
from whence they never return, as the learned _Ariosta_ discovered before
me: And therefore it is an Absurdity in our Language, and ought to be
corrected, when we say of Things which we cannot account for, _I know no
more than the_ Man _in the_ Moon.
Astrology consists of many Branches, which the Learned, who have travelled
thro' the Spheres, very well know; and every Proficient takes the Road
which he likes best. A Student, now living, has made great Discoveries
concerning the Duration of this _Earthly Globe_; and tho' by his Art he
found out, it could not last above _Ten_ Years, yet being a good
Protestant, and to shew his great Trust in Government Securities, he
purchased an Annuity for _Ninety and Nine_ Years, and, 'tis thought, means
to leave the _Reversion_ of it to the Poor till _Doomesday_.
* * * * *
Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where
Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.
Numb. XXVI.
THE
THEATRE.
By Sir _JOHN FALSTAFFE_.
_To be Continued every_ Tuesday _and_ Saturday.
Price Two-pence.
_--Jam nunc debentia dici
Pleraq; differat, & præsens in tempus omittat._
Hor.
Saturday, _May 14. 1720._
My first Entertainment in a Morning is to throw my Eyes over the Papers of
the Day, by which I am informed, with very little Trouble, how Things are
carried in the great World. I look upon the printed News to be the
Histories of the Times, in which the candid and ingenious Authors, out of a
strict Regard to Truth, deliver Facts in such ambiguous Terms, that when
you read of a Battle betwixt Count _Mercy_, and the Marquis _De Lede_, you
may give the Victory to that Side, which your private Inclination most
favours. I have seen in one Paragraph the precise number of the _kill'd_
and _wounded_ adjusted; and in the next, the Author seems doubtful in his
Opinion, whether there has been any Battle fought. In Domestick Affairs,
our Writers are somewhat more bold in their Intelligence; and relate Things
with a greater Air of Certainty, when they lie most under the Suspition of
delivering false History. Thus it happens, that I have seen a great Fortune
_married_ in the _Evening Post_ two Years after her _Death_; and a Man of
Quality has had an _Heir laid to him_, before he himself, or the Town, ever
knew that he was married. Thus they _kill_ and _marry_ whom they please,
knowing well, that every Circumstance, whether true, or false, serves to
fill up a _Paragraph_.
As nothing can effect the Safety, and Welfare of the People, so much as the
_Resolutions_ of our _House_ of _Commons_, I read over the _Votes_ with a
diligent Concern. 'Tis there that every Man aggrieved is to find Redress;
from their Proceedings is it, that Peace abroad, or Unity at home, must be
expected: and should they be byass'd, or deceived, their Error must involve
Millions in Misfortunes. _Horace's_ Observation has ever prevailed, and
will continue to do so, while this is a World. _Delirant Reges, plectuntur
Achivi._
I read a Resolution of that Honourable House lately, which gave me no
little satisfaction, and which I had long expected from their Wisdom: viz.
that all Methods of raising Money by _Voluntary Subscriptions_ are
prejudicial to _Trade_. This is a Truth which every Man in Trade has
already felt; and yet, tis amazing to observe how little Effect it has had
upon the Publick. Whereas by this Resolution it should have been expected,
that such prejudicial Subscriptions were worth nothing, the Price of these
_Bubbles_ immediately rose, and their Reputation and Number of Subscribers
encreased in a greater Proportion, than before they were under any Censure
from the State: It is hard to account for this Paradox: either the
Authority of Parliament has become a Jest, or we are under the strongest
Infatuation that these Kingdoms ever felt.
I am unwilling to publish the Reasons, which an intelligent Person gave me,
for such Consequences: Because it would not do Honour to certain Persons,
by whose Interest it is expected, that _Charters_ are to be obtain'd. As to
the Great _Bubble_, which as open'd a Subscription, where every Man is to
pay _five_ Times the Value of what he purchases, a Gentleman, who is very
conversant in Trade, informs me, that the Foreigners, who have Original
Stocks to a very great Value, have already sent Commissions to have it all
sold, when it comes to this extravagant Price. By this Means, they will
have Opportunities of draining the Nation of its current Coin. I suppose,
it will be answer'd, that the _Exportation_ of _Coin_ is provided against
by _Statutes_; it is granted; and so is the Exportation of _Wooll_: Yet we
are all sensible, the Law is transgress'd every Day in this Point: And it
must be allowed, that Money may be as easily _smuggled_ as any Commodity
whatsoever. The Consequence of this will be, that a Circulation of _Paper_
must be set on Foot to supply the Want of _ready Money_: And then, as I
have read in a very witty Author, _a_ Crown-Piece _will be shewn about as
an_ Elephant, _and_ Guineas _will be stiled of_ Blessed Memory.
Without being deeply learned in Trade, this appears to me a natural
Consequence: Yet, notwithstanding all that can be said, I find the giddy
Multitude resolute to forsake the profitable Paths of Industry, to grasp
only at _Bubbles_ and _Shadows_. This calls to my Mind the Fable of
_Jupiter_ and the _Old Woman_. The indulgent God gave the Woman a _Hen_,
which laid a _Golden Egg_ every Day: She, not content with this slow Way of
growing rich, and being curs'd with a foolish Avarice, thought a Mine of
Golden Eggs must be lodged in the Hen's Belly: But, killing the Bird, she
found only common Entrails, and lost at once the _expected Treasure_, and
the Advantage which she reaped before, by its laying every Day.
But it is Time to have done with these Discourses; the World is obstinate
in the Pursuit of Follies, and not to be reclaimed either by the Authority
of Parliaments, or good Sense: It is not so much the Consideration of this,
as the Season being so far advanced, which now induces me to lay down my
Pen. My Thoughts and Desires, I must own, are turn'd to Solitude and rural
Pleasures. The Man, who desires to have his Body in Health, should rise
from Table with some Remains of Appetite, and not be covetous of gorging to
Satiety: So a Writer, who would not wish to surfeit the Town, should submit
to give over Writing, before they begin to think he has harass'd them too
long.
The gay Part of the World are every Day retreating from the Field of
Business; and going with their Families into Summer Quarters. I look upon
my self in the State of a _Roman_ General, who has made a vigorous and
successful Campaign, and is now returning Home to take his _Triumph_. I am
retiring to the Village, in which my Family for some Ages have made no
inconsiderable Figure, and know I shall be received not with the single
Respect due to my Name and Quality, but as the Person who ingaged the late
memorable Sir _John Edgar_. If Health and Fortune permit, next Season, I
shall again propagate my Character in the Town; in the mean Time, to make
my self the more conspicuous, I have ordered my _Lucubrations_ to be
printed in a _small_ Volumn, and to have one of the Books sent down after
me, which shall be chained in my Library, and go along with the
_Mansion-House_ from Generation to Generation, as a lasting Monument in
Honour of the Name and Erudition of Sir _John Falstaffe_.
* * * * *
Printed for W. BOREHAM, at the _Angel_ in _Pater-Noster-Row_, where
Advertisements and Letters from Correspondents are taken in.
THE AUGUSTAN REPRINT SOCIETY
ANNOUNCES ITS
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At least two items will be printed from each of the three following
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Series IV: Men, Manners, and Critics
Sir John Falstaff (pseud.), _The Theatre_ (1720).
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Ned Ward, Selected Tracts.
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Edward Moore, _The Gamester_ (1753).
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Mrs. Centlivre, _The Busie Body_ (1709).
Charles Macklin, _Man of the World_ (1781).
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John Oldmixon, _Reflections on Dr. Swift's Letter to
Harley_ (1712); and Arthur Mainwaring, _The British
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