"It is Our Royal pleasure to will and declare one diamond," said the VIRGIN
QUEEN, when the Keeper of the Privy Purse had arranged her hand for her.
Sir WALTER RALEIGH, who sat on her left, was on his feet in a twinkling.
"Like to like, 'twas ever thus," he murmured, bowing low to his Sovereign.
"I crave leave to call two humble clubs, as becometh so mean a subject of
Your Majesty," It is not known whether his allusion to the QUEEN'S call was
intended to refer to the diamond rings upon HER MAJESTY'S fingers or to the
scintillating glint in HER MAJESTY'S eyes, but she inclined her head
graciously in acknowledgment of his remarks before turning to her partner.
"What say you, my Lord of LEICESTER?" she asked. "Wilt support a poor weak
woman?" His Lordship, however, looked down his noble nose and said nothing
for quite a long time. He found himself, to use a vulgar phrase, in the
_consommé_. His hand contained the ace, king and six other spades, nothing
to write home about in hearts or clubs, and one small diamond. To take from
his partner the right to play the hand would be the act of a fool--the mere
thought made him raise a hand to his neck as though to assure himself of
its continuity. Even failure to support her call would be looked on as
ungallant, if nothing worse.
"How now, sirrah? Art sleeping in Our presence?" prompted the QUEEN
sharply.
The EARL swallowed noisily once or twice, just to show that he was awake,
and then plunged.
"An it please you, Madam, two diamonds," he muttered, with but a sorry show
of his habitual arrogance.
"Double!" said Sir FRANCIS DRAKE in crisp seamanlike tones, whereat the
Earl of LEICESTER was seen to fumble for the hilt of his rapier.
"Stay, my Lord," his liege commanded; "'tis true the Knight hath left his
manners in Devonshire, or on the Spanish main mayhap, but keep your brawl
for an hour and place more fitting. We redouble."
A momentary silence followed the QUEEN'S discourse, cut short by the
uncouth ejaculation "'Ods fish!" which escaped from Sir FRANCIS apparently
without his consent. He embarked on an apology at once, based on the fact
that he was but an honest sailor; but, meeting with no encouragement, he
gave it up and fell to sucking his teeth.
Sir WALTER meanwhile made good use of the interval to perfect a flower of
speech signifying, in a manner worthy a courtier of his reputation, that he
was content. His effort drew from the QUEEN a glance as nearly approaching
the "glad eye" as any that august spinster was ever known to dispense. The
Laird of Kenilworth announced that he also was content; but historians
should accept the statement with reserve. Sir FRANCIS either wasn't sure
whether the rules of the game allowed him to double again, or else had just
enough tact not to do so. The game then proceeded.
Sir WALTER led the ace of clubs. The appearance of the noble lord's
solitary little diamond, as he laid down his hand, was greeted by a loud
hiccough from the old salt, and the QUEEN herself was only saved from
swooning by the timely administrations of a page with a flask of sal-
volatile.
When, fourth in hand, she trumped the honest sailor's ace, her partner had
the hardihood to make conventional inquiry as to whether she had any clubs.
HER MAJESTY uttered in reply the one dreadful word, "Treason," thus
avoiding with true statesmanship any direct answer to the question, and
indicating clearly her opinion of his two-diamond call. The Keeper of the
Privy Purse shot out a lean hand and gathered in the trick.
With the help of the ace of spades in dummy, the ace of hearts in her own
hand, and a discriminating use of her Royal prerogative in the matter of
following suit, all went well until the odd trick had been won. After that,
however, Sir FRANCIS, who had not doubled without good reason, proceeded to
deal out six diamonds, led by the ace, king and queen. His partner unwisely
allowed his feelings to get the better of him. "As WILL SHAKSPEARE hath
it," he observed with unction, "'now is the winter of our discontent made
glorious summer--'" but stopped on a sudden, with ears and scalp twitching
horribly.
"Ho without! Summon the guard!" roared the last of the Tudors, and
immediately an N.C.O. and six private beef-eaters appeared on the scene.
"Convey Our compliments to the Governor of the Tower," she continued,
addressing the N.C.O., "and bid him confine the Earl of LEICESTER during
Our pleasure. My Lord," she added, turning to her luckless partner, "'twere
well, methinks, you should have leisure in which to reflect on the folly of
trifling with a woman."
It is greatly to the EARL'S credit that at this point he made strenuous
endeavours to surrender his sword in accordance with the drill-book, but as
it refused to come out of its scabbard he was obliged to unbutton the frog
from his belt and hand over the weapon complete with leather gear. This
formality achieved, he was led away to durance vile.
Sir FRANCIS, poor fellow, fared scarcely better than the Earl. "Begone to
sea, Sir Knight," hissed the QUEEN; "mayhap the Dons will teach you more
becoming manners. Begone, I say, and look to 't your ships return not
empty, else shall you not receive payment of your winnings."
Sir FRANCIS went.
A glance at the pitiable condition of Sir WALTER caused HER MAJESTY'S heart
to soften somewhat. "Come, Sir," she cooed, "an arm, prithee, and We will
seek a place where you may read to Us the mummings of this strange bard,
WILL SHAKSPEARE."
Sir WALTER at once regained control of his nerve-centres and escorted HER
MAJESTY from the painful scene.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE ELUSIVE PEST.