A lunatic who recently escaped from an asylum was eventually recaptured in
a large dancing-hall in the West-End. The fact that he was waltzing
divinely and keeping perfect time with the music aroused the other dancers'
suspicions and led to his recapture.
* * *
The latest type of Tank, Mr. WINSTON CHURCHILL informed the House of
Commons, weighs thirty tons and can pass over a brick without crushing it.
It is said to be modelled on the Profiteering Act.
* * *
The proposal of the HOME SECRETARY to add fifty per cent. to taxi-cab fares
and abolish the initial charge of sixpence is said to find favour both with
owners and drivers. The men in particular have always chafed at the
necessity of messing about with small silver.
* * *
Much sympathy is felt locally for the man who in the excitement caused by
the declaration of the poll at Paisley lost his corkscrew.
* * *
"The ex-Kaiser was responsible for the War," says the _Kölnische Zeitung_.
Our Hush-hush Department seems to have grown very lax of late.
* * *
A welcome case of judicial sympathy is reported from West London. It
appears that a Society lady charged with shop-lifting pleaded that she was
the sole support of two kennel-ridden poodles, and was immediately
discharged.
* * *
The Press reports the existence of miles and miles of war-material in huge
dumps near Calais and Boulogne. War Office officials, we hear, are greatly
relieved, as they have been trying for several months to remember where
they had left the stuff.
* * *
A lady with small capital would like to meet another similarly situated,
with a view to the joint purchase of a reel of thread.
* * *
At Jerusalem a tree has been uprooted whose fall is locally believed to
presage the destruction of the Turkish Empire. It is only fair to the tree
to point out that if it had known of this it would probably, like the
Government, have changed its mind at the last minute.
* * *
"One of the problems of civilized humanity," says a writer in _The Daily
Mail_, "is the avoidance of pain-producing elements in ordinary diet."
Nowadays it is impossible to eat even so simple a thing as a boiled egg in
a restaurant without the risk of being stung.
* * *
The identity of the gentleman who, under the initials "A.G.," recently
advertised in the Press for the thyroid gland of _Proteus diplomaticus_
remains unrevealed.
* * *
It appears that the Government have undertaken not to engage in any more
war with the Bolshevists, if they, for their part, will endeavour to quell
the peace which is still raging.
* * *
"Englishmen will never forget America," says a Service paper. For ourselves
we had hoped that the American bacon affair was closed.
* * *
A burglar broke into a barrister's chambers in the Temple last week. We
understand that he got away without having any money taken off him.
* * *
A woman who said she had had six husbands asked a London magistrate to
grant her a separation. It is supposed that she is breaking up her
collection.
* * *
Owing to the thick fog experienced in London, last week several daylight
hold-ups were unavoidably postponed.
* * *
With the present fashion in ladies' wear many owners of beautiful brooches
are in the unhappy position of having nothing to attach them to.
* * *
In order to raise funds for the building of a new church-porch in a
Birmingham parish a member of the committee suggested the sale of small
flags in the street. Struck by the originality of this novel idea the
chairman agreed to go into the matter in order to see if it was
practicable.
* * *
A farmer writing from Bridgnorth, Salop, to a daily paper states that he
has a tame fox which guards the house at night and shepherds the sheep by
day. We understand that the Dogs' Trade Union takes a serious view of the
whole matter, but is not without hope of being able to avert a strike.
* * *
The real value of co-operation was illustrated the other day on the
Underground Railway when a lady complained that a straphanger was standing
on her foot. Word was immediately passed down the carriage, with the result
that by a combined swaying movement in one direction the offender was
enabled to remove his foot.
* * *
It is estimated that three hundred and forty thousand persons made fortunes
out of the War. Of these it is only fair to say that the number who
actually encouraged the War to happen are few. The vast majority simply
allowed it to come along and do its worst.
* * *
The Corporation of London made £18 on the sale of waste paper in the year
1919-1920, as compared with over £9000 in the year 1918-1919. It looks as
if in the last-named year the Corporation was in communication with a
Government Department.
* * *
"Why will not Scotsmen eat eels?" asks _The Manchester Guardian_. We cannot
say, but we have always understood that the attitude is reciprocal.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "HAVE YOU ANY--ER--HATS?"]
* * * * *