The justice of the peace and Mademoiselle Marguerite were at last alone
in M. de Chalusse’s study. This room, which the count had preferred
above all others, was a spacious, magnificent, but rather gloomy
apartment, with lofty walls and dark, richly carved furniture. Its
present aspect was more than ever solemn and lugubrious, for it gave
one a chill to see the bands of white tape affixed to the locks of the
cabinets and bookcases. When the magistrate had installed himself in the
count’s arm-chair, and the girl had taken a seat near him, they remained
looking at each other in silence for a few moments. The magistrate
was asking himself how he should begin. Having fathomed Mademoiselle
Marguerite’s extreme sensitiveness and reserve, he said to himself that
if he offended or alarmed her, she would refuse him her confidence, in
which case he would be powerless to serve her as he wished to do. He
had, in fact, an almost passionate desire to be of service to her,
feeling himself drawn toward her by an inexplicable feeling of sympathy,
in which esteem, respect, and admiration alike were blended, though he
had only known her for a few hours. Still, he must make a beginning.
“Mademoiselle,” he said, at last, “I abstained from questioning you
before the servants--and if I take the liberty of doing so now, it
is not, believe me, out of any idle curiosity; moreover, you are not
compelled to answer me. But you are young--and I am an old man; and it
is my duty--even if my heart did not urge me to do so--to offer you the
aid of my experience----”
“Speak, monsieur,” interrupted Marguerite. “I will answer your questions
frankly, or else not answer them at all.”
“To resume, then,” said he, “I am told that M. de Chalusse has no
relatives, near or remote. Is this the truth?”
“So far as I know--yes, monsieur. Still, I have heard it said that a
sister of his, Mademoiselle Hermine de Chalusse, abandoned her home
twenty-five or thirty years ago, when she was about my age, and that
she has never received her share of the enormous fortune left by her
parents.”
“And has this sister never given any sign of life?”
“Never! Still, monsieur, I have promised you to be perfectly frank. That
letter which the Count de Chalusse received yesterday, that letter which
I regard as the cause of his death--well, I have a presentiment that it
came from his sister. It could only have been written by her or--by that
other person whose letters--and souvenirs--you found in the escritoire.”
“And--this other person--who can she be?” As the young girl made no
reply, the magistrate did not insist, but continued: “And you, my child,
who are you?”
She made a gesture of sorrowful resignation, and then, in a voice
faltering with emotion, she answered: “I do not know, monsieur. Perhaps
I am the count’s daughter. I should be telling an untruth if I said that
was not my belief. Yes, I believe it, but I have never been certain of
it. Sometimes I have believed, sometimes I have doubted it. On certain
days I have said to myself, ‘Yes, it must be so!’ and I have longed to
throw my arms around his neck. But at other times I have exclaimed: ‘No,
it isn’t possible!’ and I have almost hated him. Besides, he never said
a word on the subject--never a decisive word, at least. When I saw him
for the first time, six years ago, I judged by the manner in which he
forbade me to call him ‘father,’ that he would never answer any question
I might ask on the subject.”
If there was a man in the world inaccessible to idle curiosity, it was
certainly this magistrate, whose profession condemned him to listen
every day to family grievances, neighborly quarrels, complaints,
accusations, and slander. And yet as he listened to Mademoiselle
Marguerite, he experienced that strange disquietude which seizes hold of
a person when a puzzling problem is presented. “Allow me to believe that
many decisive proofs may have escaped your notice on account of your
inexperience,” he said.
But interrupting him with a gesture, she sadly remarked: “You are
mistaken; I am not inexperienced.”
He could not help smiling at what he considered her self-conceit. “Poor
child!” said he; “how old are you? Eighteen?”
She shook her head. “Yes, by my certificate of birth I am only eighteen;
but by the sufferings I have endured I am, perhaps, older than you are,
monsieur, despite your white hair. Those who have lived such a life as
I have, are never young; they are old in suffering, even in their
childhood. And if by experience you mean lack of confidence, a knowledge
of good and evil, distrust of everything and everybody, mine, young girl
though I be, will no doubt equal yours.” She paused, hesitated for a
moment, and then continued: “But why should I wait for you to question
me? It is neither sincere nor dignified on my part to do so. The person
who claims counsel owes absolute frankness to his adviser. I will speak
to you as if I were communing with my own soul. I will tell you what no
person has ever known--no one, not even Pascal. And believe me, my
past life was full of bitter misery, although you find me here in this
splendid house. But I have nothing to conceal; and if I have cause to
blush, it is for others, not for myself.”
Perhaps she was impelled by an irresistible desire to relieve her
overburdened heart, after long years of self-restraint; perhaps she
no longer felt sure of herself, and desired some other advice than
the dictates of her conscience, in presence of the calamity which had
befallen her. At all events, too much engrossed in her own thoughts to
heed the magistrate’s surprise, or hear the words he faltered, she rose
from her seat, and, with her hands pressed tightly on her throbbing
brow, she began to tell the story of her life.
“My first recollections,” she said, “are of a narrow, cheerless
courtyard, surrounded by grim and massive walls, so high that I could
scarcely see the top of them. At noontime in summer the sun visited one
little corner, where there was a stone bench; but in winter it never
showed itself at all. There were five or six small, scrubby trees, with
moss-grown trunks and feeble branches, which put forth a few yellow
leaves at springtime. We were some thirty children who assembled in
this courtyard--children from five to eight years old, all clad alike in
brown dresses, with a little blue handkerchief tied about our shoulders.
We all wore blue caps on week-days, and white ones on Sundays, with
woollen stockings, thick shoes, and a black ribbon, with a large metal
cross dangling from our necks. Among us moved the good sisters, silent
and sad, with their hands crossed in their large sleeves, their faces as
white as their snowy caps, and their long strings of beads, set off
with numerous copper medals, clanking when they walked like prisoners’
chains. As a rule, each face wore the same expression of resignation,
unvarying gentleness, and inexhaustible patience. But there were some
who wore it only as one wears a mask--some whose eyes gleamed at
times with passion, and who vented their cold, bitter anger upon us
defenceless children. However, there was one sister, still young and
very fair, whose manner was so gentle and so sad that even I, with
my mere infantile intelligence, felt that she must have some terrible
sorrow. During play-time she often took me on her knee and embraced me
with convulsive tenderness, murmuring: ‘Dear little one! darling little
one!’ Sometimes her endearments were irksome to me, but I never allowed
her to see it, for fear of making her still more sad; and in my heart I
was content and proud to suffer for and with her. Poor sister! I owe her
the only happy hours of my infancy. She was called Sister Calliste. I
do not know what has become of her, but often, when my heart fails me, I
think of her, and even now I cannot mention her name without tears.”
Mademoiselle Marguerite was indeed weeping--big tears which she made no
attempt to conceal were coursing down her cheeks. It cost her a great
effort to continue: “You have already understood, monsieur, what I
myself did not know for several years. I was in a foundling asylum, and
I was a foundling myself. I cannot say that we lacked anything; and I
should be ungrateful if I did not say and feel that these good sisters
were charity personified. But, alas! their hearts had only a certain
amount of tenderness to distribute between thirty poor little girls, and
so each child’s portion was small; the caresses were the same for all,
and I longed to be loved differently, to have kind words and caresses
for myself alone. We slept in little white beds with snowy curtains,
in a clean, well-ventilated dormitory, in the centre of which stood a
statue of the Virgin, who seemed to smile on us all alike. In winter we
had a fire. Our clothes were warm and neat; our food was excellent.
We were taught to read and write, to sew and embroider. There was a
recreation hour between all the exercises. Those who were studious and
good were rewarded; and twice a week we were taken into the country for
a long walk. It was during one of these excursions that I learned from
the talk of the passers-by, what we were, and what we were called.
Sometimes, in the afternoon, we were visited by elegantly-attired
ladies, who were accompanied by their own children, radiant with health
and happiness. The good sisters told us that these were ‘pious ladies,’
or ‘charitable ladies,’ whom we must love and respect, and whom we must
never forget to mention in our prayers. They always brought us toys and
cakes. Sometimes the establishment was visited by priests and grave old
gentlemen, whose sternness of manner alarmed us. They peered into every
nook and corner, asked questions about everything, assured themselves
that everything was in its place, and some of them even tasted our soup.
They were always satisfied; and the lady superior led them through the
building, and bowed to them, exclaiming: ‘We love them so much, the poor
little dears! ‘And the gentlemen replied: ‘Yes, yes, my dear sister,
they are very fortunate.’ And the gentlemen were right. Poor laborers’
children are often obliged to endure privations which we knew nothing
of; they are often obliged to make their supper off a piece of dry
bread--but, then, the crust is given them by their mother, with a kiss.”
The magistrate, who was extremely ill at ease, had not yet succeeded in
finding a syllable to offer in reply. Indeed, Mademoiselle Marguerite
had not given him an opportunity to speak, so rapidly had this
long-repressed flood of recollections poured from her lips. When she
spoke the word “mother,” the magistrate fancied she would show some sign
of emotion.
But he was mistaken. On the contrary, her voice became harsher, and a
flash of anger, as it were, darted from her eyes.
“I suffered exceedingly in that asylum,” she resumed. “Sister Calliste
left the establishment, and all the surroundings chilled and repelled
me. My only few hours of happiness were on Sundays, when we attended
church. As the great organ pealed, and as I watched the priests
officiating at the altar in their gorgeous vestments, I forgot my own
sorrows. It seemed to me that I was ascending on the clouds of incense
to the celestial sphere which the sisters so often talked to us about,
and where they said each little girl would find her mother.”
Mademoiselle Marguerite hesitated for an instant, as if she were
somewhat unwilling to give utterance to her thoughts; but at last,
forcing herself to continue, she said: “Yes, I suffered exceedingly in
that foundling asylum. Almost all my little companions were spiteful,
unattractive in person, sallow, thin, and afflicted with all kinds of
diseases, as if they were not unfortunate enough in being abandoned
by their parents. And--to my shame, monsieur, I must confess it--these
unfortunate little beings inspired me with unconquerable repugnance,
with disgust bordering on aversion. I would rather have pressed my lips
to a red-hot iron than to the forehead of one of these children. I did
not reason on the subject, alas! I was only eight or nine years old;
but I felt this antipathy in every fibre of my being. The others knew it
too; and, in revenge, they ironically styled me ‘the lady,’ and left me
severely alone. But sometimes, during playtime, when the good sisters’
backs were turned, the children attacked me, beat me, and scratched my
face and tore my clothes. I endured these onslaughts uncomplainingly,
for I was conscious that I deserved them. But how many reprimands my
torn clothes cost me! How many times I received only a dry crust for my
supper, after being soundly scolded and called ‘little careless.’ But
as I was quiet, studious, and industrious, a quicker learner than the
majority of my companions, the sisters were fond of me. They said that I
was a promising girl, and that they would have no difficulty in finding
me a nice home with some of the rich and pious ladies who have a share
in managing institutions of this kind. The only fault the sisters found
with me was that I was sullen. But such was not really the case; I was
only sad and resigned. Everything around me so depressed and saddened me
that I withdrew into myself, and buried all my thoughts and aspirations
deep in my heart. If I had naturally been a bad child, I scarcely know
what would have been the result of this. I have often asked myself the
question in all sincerity, but I have been unable to reply, for one
cannot be an impartial judge respecting one’s self. However, this much
is certain, although childhood generally leaves a train of pleasant
recollections in a young girl’s life, mine was only fraught with torture
and misery, desperate struggles, and humiliation. I was unwilling to
be confirmed because I did not wish to wear a certain dress, which a
‘benevolent lady’ had presented for the use of the asylum, and which had
belonged to a little girl of my own age who had died of consumption.
The thought of arraying myself in this dress to approach the holy table
frightened and revolted me as much as if I had been sentenced to
drape myself in a winding-sheet. And yet it was the prettiest dress of
all--white muslin beautifully embroidered. It had been ardently coveted
by the other children, and had been given to me as a sort of reward of
merit. And I dared not explain the cause of my unconquerable repugnance.
Who would have understood me? I should only have been accused of undue
sensitiveness and pride, absurd in one of my humble position. I was then
only twelve years old; but no one knew the struggle in my mind save
the old priest, my confessor. I could confess everything to him; he
understood me, and did not reproach me. Still he answered: ‘You must
wear this dress, my child, for your pride must be broken. Go--I shall
impose no other penance on you.’ I obeyed him, full of superstitious
terror; for it seemed to me that this was a frightful omen which would
bring me misfortune, my whole life through. And I was confirmed in the
dead girl’s embroidered dress.”
During the five-and-twenty years that he had held the position of
justice of the peace, the magistrate had listened to many confessions,
wrung from wretched souls by stern necessity, or sorrow, but never had
his heart been moved as it now was, by this narrative, told with such
uncomplaining anguish, and in a tone of such sincerity. However she
resumed her story. “The confirmation over, our life became as gloomily
monotonous as before; we read the same pious books and did the same work
at the same hours as formerly. It seemed to me that I was stifling in
this atmosphere. I gasped for breath, and thought that anything would
be preferable to this semblance of existence, which was not real life.
I was thinking of applying for the ‘good situation,’ which had so often
been mentioned to me, when one morning I was summoned into the steward’s
office--a mysterious and frightful place to us children. He himself
was a stout, dirty man, wearing large blue spectacles and a black
silk skullcap; and from morning until night, summer and winter, he sat
writing at a desk behind a little grating, hung with green curtains.
Round the room were ranged the registers, in which our names were
recorded and our appearances described, together with the boxes
containing the articles found upon us, which were carefully preserved
to assist in identifying us should occasion arise. I entered this office
with a throbbing heart. In addition to the stout gentleman and the
Lady Superior, I found there a thin, wiry man, with cunning eyes, and a
portly woman, with a coarse but rather good-natured face. The superior
at once informed me that I was in the presence of M. and Madame Greloux,
bookbinders, who had come to the asylum in search of two apprentices,
and she asked me if I should like to be one of them. Ah! monsieur, it
seemed to me that heaven had opened before me and I boldly replied:
‘Yes.’ The gentleman in the black skullcap immediately emerged from his
place behind the grating to explain my obligations and duties to me
at length, especially insisting upon the point, that I ought to be
grateful--I, a miserable foundling, reared by public charity--for the
generosity which this good gentleman and lady showed in offering to
take charge of me and employ me in their workshop. I must confess that
I could not clearly realize in what this great generosity which he so
highly praised consisted, nor did I perceive any reason why I should be
particularly grateful. Still, to all the conditions imposed upon me,
I answered, ‘Yes, yes, yes!’ so heartily that Madame Greloux seemed
greatly pleased. ‘It is evident that the child will be glad to get
away,’ she said to herself. Then the superior began to enumerate the
obligations my employers would incur, repeating again and again that
I was one of the very best girls in the asylum--pious, obedient, and
industrious, reading and writing to perfection, and knowing how to sew
and embroider as only those who are taught in such institutions can. She
made Madame Greloux promise to watch over me as she would have watched
over her own daughter; never to leave me alone; to take me to church,
and allow me an occasional Sunday afternoon, so that I might pay a visit
to the asylum. The gentleman with the spectacles and the skullcap
then reminded the bookbinder of the duties of an employer toward his
apprentices, and turning to a bookcase behind him, he even took down a
large volume from which he read extract after extract, which I listened
to without understanding a word, though I was quite sure that the book
was written in French. At last, when the man and his wife had said
‘Amen’ to everything, the gentleman with the spectacles drew up a
document which we all signed in turn. I belonged to a master.”
She paused. Here her childhood ended. But almost immediately she
resumed: “My recollections of these people are not altogether
unpleasant. They were harassed and wearied by their efforts to support
their son in a style of living far above their position; but, despite
their sacrifices, their son had no affection for them, and on this
account I pitied them. However, not only was the husband gloomy and
quick-tempered, but his wife also was subject to fits of passion, so
that the apprentices often had a hard time of it. Still, between Madame
Greloux’s tempests of wrath there were occasional gleams of sunshine.
After beating us for nothing, she would exclaim, with quite as little
reason, ‘Come and kiss me, and don’t pout any more. Here are four sous;
go and buy yourself some cakes.’”
The justice started in his arm-chair. Was it, indeed, Mademoiselle
Marguerite who was speaking, the proud young girl with a queenlike
bearing, whose voice rang out like crystal? Was it she indeed, who
imitated the harsh, coarse dialect of the lower classes with such
accuracy of intonation? Ah! at that moment, as her past life rose so
vividly before her, it seemed to her as if she were still in the
years gone by, and she fancied she could still hear the voice of the
bookbinder’s wife.
She did not even notice the magistrate’s astonishment. “I had left the
asylum,” she continued, “and that was everything to me. I felt that a
new and different life was beginning, and that was enough. I flattered
myself that I might win a more earnest and sincere affection among these
honest, industrious toilers, than I had found in the asylum; and to win
it and deserve it, I neglected nothing that good-will could suggest, or
strength allow. My patrons no doubt fathomed my desire, and naturally
enough, perhaps unconsciously, they took advantage of my wish to please.
I can scarcely blame them. I had entered their home under certain
conditions in view of learning a profession; they gradually made me
their servant--it was praiseworthy economy on their part. What I had at
first done of my own freewill and from a wish to please, at last became
my daily task, which I was rigidly required to fulfil. Compelled to rise
long before any one else in the house, I was expected to have everything
in order by the time the others made their appearance with their eyes
still heavy with sleep. It is true that my benefactors rewarded me after
their fashion. On Sundays they took me with them on their excursions
into the country, so as to give me a rest, they said, after the week’s
work. And I followed them along the dusty highways in the hot sunshine,
panting, perspiring, and tottering under the weight of a heavy basket
of provisions, which were eaten on the grass or in the woods, and
the remnants of which fell to me. Madame Greloux’s brother generally
accompanied us; and his name would have lingered in my memory, even if
it had not been a peculiar one. He was called Vantrasson. He was a tall,
robust man, with eyes that made me tremble whenever he fixed them upon
me. He was a soldier; intensely proud of his uniform; a great talker,
and enchanted with himself. He evidently thought himself irresistible.
It was from that man’s mouth that I heard the first coarse word at which
my unsophisticated heart took offence. It was not to be the last one.
He finally told me that he had taken a fancy to me, and I was obliged to
complain to Madame Greloux of her brother’s persecutions. But she only
laughed at me, and said: ‘Nonsense! He’s merely talking to hear himself
talk.’ Yes, that was her answer. And yet she was an honest woman, a
devoted wife, and a fond mother. Ah! if she had had a daughter. But with
a poor apprentice, who has neither father nor mother, one need not
be over-fastidious. She had made a great many promises to the lady
superior, but she fancied that the utterance of a few commonplace words
of warning relieved her of all further obligations. ‘And so much the
worse for those who allow themselves to be fooled,’ she always added in
conclusion.
“Fortunately, my pride, which I had so often been reproached with,
shielded me. My condition might be humble, but my spirit was lofty.
It was a blessing from God, this pride of mine, for it saved me from
temptation, while so many fell around me. I slept, with the other
apprentices, in the attic, where we were entirely beyond the control of
those who should have been our guardians. That is to say, when the day’s
toil was over, and the work-shop closed, we were free--abandoned to
our own instincts, and the most pernicious influences. And neither evil
advice nor bad example was wanting. The women employed in the bindery
in nowise restrained themselves in our presence, and we heard them tell
marvellous stories that dazzled many a poor girl. They did not talk as
they did from any evil design, or out of a spirit of calculation, but
from pure thoughtlessness, and because they were quite devoid of moral
sense. And they never tired of telling us of the pleasures of life, of
fine dinners at restaurants, gay excursions to Joinville-le-Pont, and
masked balls at Montparnasse or the Elysee Montmartre. Ah! experience
is quickly gained in these work-shops. Sometimes those who went off at
night with ragged dresses and worn-out shoes, returned the next morning
in superb toilettes to say that they resigned their situations, as they
were not made for work, and intended to live like ladies. They departed
radiant, but often before a month was over they came back, emaciated,
hollow-eyed, and despairing, and humbly begged for a little work.”
She paused, so crushed by the weight of these sad memories as to lose
consciousness of the present. And the judge also remained silent, not
daring to question her. And, besides, what good would it do? What could
she tell him about these poor little apprentices that he did not know
already? If he was surprised at anything, it was that this beautiful
young girl, who had been left alone and defenceless, had possessed
sufficient strength of character to escape the horrible dangers that
threatened her.
However, it was not long before Mademoiselle Marguerite shook off the
torpor which had stolen over her. “I ought not to boast of my strength,
sir,” she resumed. “Besides my pride, I had a hope to sustain me--a hope
which I clung to with the tenacity of despair. I wished to become expert
at my profession, for I had learned that skilled workers were always in
demand, and could always command good wages. So when my household duties
were over, I still found time to learn the business, and made such rapid
progress that I astonished even my employer. I knew that I should soon
be able to make five or six francs a day; and this prospect was pleasant
enough to make me forget the present, well-nigh intolerable as it
sometimes was. During the last winter that I spent with my employers,
their orders were so numerous and pressing that they worked on Sundays
as well as on week days, and it was with difficulty that I obtained an
hour twice a month to pay a visit to the good sisters who had cared for
me in my childhood. I had never failed in this duty, and indeed it had
now become my only pleasure. My employer’s conscience compelled him to
pay me a trifle occasionally for the additional toil he imposed upon me,
and the few francs I thus received I carried to the poor children at the
asylum. After living all my life on public charity, I was able to
give in my turn; and this thought gratified my pride, and increased
my importance in my own eyes. I was nearly fifteen, and my term of
apprenticeship had almost expired, when one bright day in March, I saw
one of the lay sisters of the asylum enter the work-room. She was in a
flutter of excitement; her face was crimson, and she was so breathless
from her hurried ascent of the stairs that she gasped rather than
said to me: ‘Quick! come--follow me! Some one is waiting for you!’
‘Who?--where?’--‘Make haste! Ah! my dear child, if you only knew----’ I
hesitated; but Madame Greloux pushed me toward the door, exclaiming:
‘Be off, you little stupid!’ I followed the sister without thinking
of changing my dress--without even removing the kitchen apron I wore.
Downstairs, at the front door, stood the most magnificent carriage I had
ever seen in my life. Its rich silk cushions were so beautiful that
I scarcely dared to enter it; and I was all the more intimidated by
a footman in gorgeous livery, who respectfully opened the door at our
approach. ‘You must get into the carriage,’ said the sister; ‘it
was sent for you.’ I obeyed her, and before I had recovered from my
astonishment we had reached the asylum, and I was ushered into the
office where the contract which bound me as an apprentice had been
signed. As soon as I entered, the superior took me by the hand and led
me toward a gentleman who was sitting near the window. ‘Marguerite,’
said she, ‘salute Monsieur le Comte de Chalusse.’”