The shyness of man--meaning the “other sex” referred to in the woman's
journals--has often been noticed in novels, and sometimes in real life.
This shyness is, however, so exceptional as to be suspicious. The shy
young man may provoke curiosity, but he does not always inspire respect.
Roughly estimated, shyness is not considered a manly quality, while it is
one of the most pleasing and attractive of the feminine traits, and there
is something pathetic in the expression “He is as shy as a girl;” it may
appeal for sympathy and the exercise of the protective instinct in women.
Unfortunately it is a little discredited, so many of the old plays
turning upon its assumption by young blades who are no better than they
should be.
What would be the effect upon the masculine character and comfort if this
shyness should become general, as it may in a contingency that is already
on the horizon? We refer, of course, to the suggestion, coming from
various quarters, that women should propose. The reasonableness of this
suggestion may not lie on the surface; it may not be deduced from the
uniform practice, beginning with the primitive men and women; it may not
be inferred from the open nature of the two sexes (for the sake of
argument two sexes must still be insisted on); but it is found in the
advanced civilization with which we are struggling. Why should not women
propose? Why should they be at a disadvantage in an affair which concerns
the happiness of the whole life? They have as much right to a choice as
men, and to an opportunity to exercise it. Why should they occupy a
negative position, and be restricted, in making the most important part
of their career, wholly to the choice implied in refusals? In fact,
marriage really concerns them more than it does men; they have to bear
the chief of its burdens. A wide and free choice for them would, then,
seem to be only fair. Undeniably a great many men are inattentive,
unobserving, immersed in some absorbing pursuit, undecided, and at times
bashful, and liable to fall into union with women who happen to be near
them, rather than with those who are conscious that they would make them
the better wives. Men, unaided by the finer feminine instincts of choice,
are so apt to be deceived. In fact, man's inability to “match” anything
is notorious. If he cannot be trusted in the matter of worsted-work, why
should he have such distinctive liberty in the most important matter of
his life? Besides, there are many men--and some of the best who get into
a habit of not marrying at all, simply because the right woman has not
presented herself at the right time. Perhaps, if women had the open
privilege of selection, many a good fellow would be rescued from
miserable isolation, and perhaps also many a noble woman whom chance, or
a stationary position, or the inertia of the other sex, has left to bloom
alone, and waste her sweetness on relations, would be the centre of a
charming home, furnishing the finest spectacle seen in this uphill world
--a woman exercising gracious hospitality, and radiating to a circle far
beyond her home the influence of her civilizing personality. For,
notwithstanding all the centrifugal forces of this age, it is probable
that the home will continue to be the fulcrum on which women will move
the world.
It may be objected that it would be unfair to add this opportunity to the
already, overpowering attractions of woman, and that man would be put at
an immense disadvantage, since he might have too much gallantry, or not
enough presence of mind, to refuse a proposal squarely and fascinatingly
made, although his judgment scarcely consented, and his ability to
support a wife were more than doubtful. Women would need to exercise a
great deal of prudence and discretion, or there would be something like a
panic, and a cry along the male line of 'Sauve qui peut'; for it is
matter of record that the bravest men will sometimes run away from danger
on a sudden impulse.
This prospective social revolution suggests many inquiries. What would be
the effect upon the female character and disposition of a possible,
though not probable, refusal, or of several refusals? Would she become
embittered and desperate, and act as foolishly as men often do? Would her
own sex be considerate, and give her a fair field if they saw she was
paying attention to a young man, or an old one? And what effect would
this change in relations have upon men? Would it not render that sporadic
shyness of which we have spoken epidemic? Would it frighten men,
rendering their position less stable in their own eyes, or would it
feminize them--that is, make them retiring, blushing, self-conscious
beings? And would this change be of any injury to them in their necessary
fight for existence in this pushing world? What would be the effect upon
courtship if both the men and the women approached each other as wooers?
In ordinary transactions one is a buyer and one is a seller--to put it
coarsely. If seller met seller and buyer met buyer, trade would languish.
But this figure cannot be continued, for there is no romance in a bargain
of any sort; and what we should most fear in a scientific age is the loss
of romance.
This is, however, mere speculation. The serious aspect of the proposed
change is the effect it will have upon the character of men, who are not
enough considered in any of these discussions. The revolution will be a
radical one in one respect. We may admit that in the future woman can
take care of herself, but how will it be with man, who has had little
disciplinary experience of adversity, simply because he has been
permitted to have his own way? Heretofore his life has had a stimulus.
When he proposes to a woman, he in fact says: “I am able to support you;
I am able to protect you from the rough usage of the world; I am strong
and ambitious, and eager to take upon myself the lovely bondage of this
responsibility. I offer you this love because I feel the courage and
responsibility of my position.” That is the manly part of it. What effect
will it have upon his character to be waiting round, unselected and
undecided, until some woman comes to him, and fixes her fascinating eyes
upon him, and says, in effect: “I can support you; I can defend you. Have
no fear of the future; I will be at once your shield and your backbone. I
take the responsibility of my choice.” There are a great many men now,
who have sneaked into their positions by a show of courage, who are
supported one way and another by women. It might be humiliating to know
just how many men live by the labors of their wives. And what would be
the effect upon the character of man if the choice, and the
responsibility of it, and the support implied by it in marriage, were
generally transferred to woman?