It was a hot October. The rains coming early had stopped early, giving
Lewis Gordon and Rose that charming sunshiny month on the Hills, of
which mention has been made. A whole month of almost idyllic happiness
and content.
And now, after the usual hiatus of a visit or two for Rose _en route_,
and a hasty tour for her father round some outlying canals, they had
settled down for the cold-weather life at Rajpore. Perhaps it was only
the rather unusual heat which made it seem less pleasing than usual to
at least two of the party. And this was more evident to Lewis Gordon
than to the girl, since she had the occupation and distraction of
preparing for Gwen's approaching marriage. Naturally, it was to be
a great function, for, while her admirers were legion, Dan's friends
were many; besides, as everybody admitted, the bride and bridegroom
alone would be worth going to see, worth remembering as a pattern
pair of lovers. So the Tweedies were lending their house for the
breakfast--which was to be a real breakfast, since the marriage was to
take place so as to allow of a start by the cool morning mail; the
regiment was lending its band for the wedding-march, and, on this tepid
October afternoon, every garden in the place was sending white
oleanders and hibiscus to the odd octagon church which had once been a
Mohammedan tomb. Nay more! one devoted though disappointed lover far
down by some distant canal had sent, by special messenger, a great
basket of belated white lotus lilies, with a request that they might be
trodden on by the bride's happy feet.
Gwen, as she bent over this offering, sniffing at the faint almond
scent of the huge, jewelled flowers, was a gracious sight to look upon.
She had quite recovered herself, and in sober truth felt absolutely
content. 'How nice of the dear thing!' she murmured sweetly.
And so it was; very nice. One might give it another epithet and say it
was almost heroic. But of this Gwen Boynton had no conception, and
never would have one. That side of human nature, its passion, its
tears, its temptations, its triumphs, had been left out of her
composition. She roused it in others, she played with it prettily, she
even spoke warily and discreetly about it; yet Rose Tweedie, despite
her girlish disdain, had more real sympathy with it than she had.
Dan, meanwhile, in Lewis Gordon's office, disregardful of the lack of
chairs, was kicking his heels as he sat on the table, declaring loudly
that he would of a certainty break down in replying to the toast which
was to be given at the Club dinner in his honour that night. What the
dickens did the fellows mean by giving him a dinner? What had he ever
done for any of them? What had he ever been but a reckless,
insubordinate, unsteady, loafing brute, who ought to have been kicked
out of the service years ago?
'I expect they know their own minds,' replied Lewis rather wearily. He
had a headache; and he was telling himself it was liver when he knew
quite well it was not; a most unsatisfactory denial since there is no
phase of depression so unendurable as that when even a blue pill fails
to hold out cheering hopes. Yet he spoke kindly and patiently also; for
he must have been of base clay, indeed, who would not have recognised
that Dan, transfigured as it were on the summit of his hopes, was a
worthy sight in this work-a-day world, and that, in a measure, it was
well to be there on the hill-top with him. 'Besides,' he added, 'I
think I overheard Simpson saying something about a sick baby----'
'Oh! bad cess to the baby,' interrupted Dan, seeking refuge in an
excess of Celtic recklessness. 'Sure it's a boy now, and one can't see
a child die for the want of ice when your pony has four legs. More by
token, it had but three for a month after, poor beast. But what's that
to do with it? It isn't so much that I'm too bad. It's the world that's
too good for me, and that's a fact. When I think of all you fellows who
have been so good and so patient with me, my heart's broke about it
entirely--and when I think of George! sure, it's only Gwen's kind face
that comforts me. Oh, Gordon! what have I done that she should be going
to marry me to-morrow?'
So he ran on, as many another man has run on; as most men, good and
true, do run on when they are just about to marry the woman they love.
And Lewis Gordon sat listening to him with a headache and a pain in his
heart; for the most part thinking that if Rose could only see this man,
only hear him, she might not be quite so disdainful of it all; might
acknowledge that, be it bad or good in its essence, this feeling did
step into a man's life for the time and claim him body and soul, to the
detriment of neither.
And by the by,' said Dan suddenly, 'I've been meaning to ask you for a
long time, but I wasn't sure if you'd like it. And now that I'm going
away for good and all, and you can't get out of being my best man, I'll
risk it. When are you going to marry Miss Tweedie?'
'Never,' replied Lewis firmly, roused into instant resistance. 'What
put such a fancy into your head now?'
'Now?' Dan's face was a study in tender humour 'It's been in my head
for the last year, and in yours too. I told Gwen so, I remember, before
we went to Hodinuggur that time, and I could see by her manner she
thought so also.'
Lewis looked at him with an odd expression. 'Then you were both
mistaken, that's all.' And Fitzgerald, if you're quite done talking
about yourself--I've a lot of work to finish, old chap----'
Dan laughed. 'Well! I'll go; but it is true, Gordon, and what is more,
she likes you; any one can see that.'
True! absolutely true. Lewis knew it right well, none better, and the
remembrance of the affection she had given him unasked filled him as
ever with a glow of intense satisfaction. And yet he had to confess
that he was not happy. That idyllic month spent in each other's company
had been charming, but that fortnight of absence had been the reverse.
And what he felt now was something very different from that calm,
contented confidence in their mutual friendship which remained, thank
Heaven, untouched by this new passion. For it was that, and nothing
else. He had felt it before, for other women, this moody, restless,
selfish desire of appropriation, and if Rose would not marry him he
would probably feel it again for some one else. In a half-hearted way
he almost regretted that it should have obtruded itself in this, the
most perfect idyl of his life, and yet, call it what hard names he
would, there it was, a palpable factor in the future. Rose was the best
of friends; but she was also a very charming girl into whose company
he had been thrown, and he had fallen in love with her; naturally
enough--only it complicated matters.
He gave a queer little grimace and began to add up a column of figures,
telling himself that no doubt he would get over it as he had got over
similar attacks before; and that at any rate he would wait and see.
Anything seemed better than the risk of paining Rose by letting her
think that after all he had failed to understand the absolute
unconsciousness of her regard for him. And that she might think so,
seemed more than likely, since with all his experience, all his
knowledge, he was only just beginning to realise that this passionate
love was indeed a thing absolutely apart from his affection for her. So
much so, that it almost seemed to him that it would have been easier to
tell her of the former, if the latter had not hedged her in with
reverence and tenderness. It came to him, with a smile, that indeed and
in truth it would have been easier had he been able to send the barber
round with proposals to her father in native fashion; after all, there
was an immense deal to be said for that side of the question.
And then, in his careful methodical fashion, he began to add up the
column of figures again. This time the total was different; a trifle to
be easily set right, yet he was not used to such aberrations of
intellect, and it annoyed him. He did it again, this time allowing no
thoughts of Rose or anything else to obtrude themselves, and a new set
of figures rewarded his perseverance. He laid the pen aside and faced
himself resolutely. Yes! he had been doing atrocious work of late, he
had been thinking of Rose all day long, he had not been able to settle
steadily to anything, and, unless this could be stopped, the sooner he
took advantage of the many changes in the Department--consequent on
Dan's going and the usual cold-weather returns from furlough--in order
to give up his present position, the better. There was nothing like
breaking loose from one's surroundings at once, and he was due some
promotion. But if he had to do this, Rose ought to know the reason. Why
should she live in a fool's paradise? Why should she not face the facts
of life as well as he? If she had been like other women he had known,
he would have made love to her and proposed as a matter of course; but
she was not like others; or rather what did he know of the matter, save
that never by word, or look, or sign had she shown her knowledge even
of the most elementary facts in life. How could you go to a girl like
that and ask her to marry you straight off? What could you do save
gloze over the question by phrases, by mixing it up with other things,
even with that perfect, angelic, absolutely unselfish affection and
regard which she had given him, and which he, apart from all this, felt
for her. Still, it had to be done; in common fairness to her and to
himself, he must tell her that he was a fool, and that life was quite
unendurable without her; he must tell her, if only because there was no
other earthly reason why he should give up the Secretaryship. And if
this had to be, if he had to tell her, then there was no time like the
present, when the necessity for action seemed clear to him.
So ten minutes after, he walked into the room where Rose sat making
wedding favours as for dear life, surrounded by a perfect _chevaux de
fries_ of white satin ribbons, bows, and blossoms. The windows were set
wide open on to the verandah where great baskets of white flowers lay
awaiting her final visit to the church. On the table stood the lotus
lily offering with a note from Gwen to say it was too good to be
trodden on, and would Rose see the pretty things were put on the altar,
where they would look quite sweet. The girl in her white dress with her
brisk hands flying about scissors, needle, and thimble, and her mind
busy with the coming marriage, seemed, like her surroundings, in
unsympathising connection with his purpose; and the perception made him
say discontentedly as he paused beside her to lean against the table--
'I thought you didn't approve of wedding favours?' It was an opening of
the siege at the very furthermost outworks of the position which she
frustrated by a laugh.
'Oh, it doesn't matter! other people seem to like them, and I've made
you such a beauty. There it is, beside you on the table--take care!
you're almost sitting on it. Smell it, it's real orange-blossom.'
There was apparently not a vacant chair in the room. They were all
occupied with white wreaths and true lovers' knots--but with a cross
here and there he was glad to see--so he continued to lean against the
table, smelling perfunctorily at his own favour, and thinking of the
utter inconsequence of the feminine mind, until a certain irritation
came to his aid.
'I wish you would put that work down for a minute, Rose,' he said
quietly. 'I have something I want to say to you.'
Her hands paused, arrested among the white ribbons, her mind on one
word; for he had never before called her by her Christian name. So she
sat looking at him doubtfully, with the light from the windows behind
her edging the great coils of her hair with bronze.
'I have come to tell you that I'm a fool,' he began almost
argumentatively. 'At least, I suppose it's foolish. I am quite ready to
admit, if you like, that it is so; but the fact remains. I can't go on
as we are--as we have been, I should say--any longer. Don't think it is
because I cannot understand. I do--at least I think I do. You are my
friend, Rose, and will be that always, I hope. I don't say the best
friend I ever had, or ever shall have, because that has nothing to do
with the question, and, besides, there aren't any degrees in
friendship--you have taught me that. So I think you may admit that I
understand you. The question is, if you will understand me.'
He paused, and Rose's kind shadowless eyes noted with a sudden
shrinking back from the sight, that his usual calm was broken by a
palpable effort to steady his voice. He felt, indeed, that he had not
the least clew to the girl's mind; that he was absolutely taking a leap
in the dark. And that what he had to say now was, in reality, so
foreign to every single word they had ever said to each other before,
that even if she consented to marry him he could not be sure if she
meant it--if she really understood the difference which he saw so
clearly.
'Rose,' he went on, 'the fact is, that I've fallen in love with--with
you; and if you don't really want to marry me, I had better go away. I
would take an out-district for a time. I've had enough--perhaps too
much--secretary work.' He seemed to take refuge in details from the
main point.
'Why--why should you go away?' asked Rose in a low voice. 'We were very
happy, weren't we?'
Her eyes, which had sought her hands among the white satin bows, came
back to his face anxiously, almost fearfully.
'Why?' he echoed passionately, and as he went on his words, his voice,
his manner trembled in the fine balance between the humour of the thing
and its gravity. 'Ah, Rose, that is the question! Because I'm a fool,
say you; because I'm a man, say I. Because I love you, Rose; because I
think of you when I ought to be thinking of other things. Because I'm
an idiot, and have gone all to pieces. Because it's torture to think
you may go away and marry some one else. Because I can't even add up a
column of figures without wondering what you will say now--now when I
ask you to marry me? Because--yes! have it so--because I am a
fool!----'
He had held out his hands towards her, and hers were in them in an
instant.
'Oh, Lewis, what a wretch I've been!' she cried; 'but why didn't you
ask me before?'
'Why--didn't--you--ask me--before,' he repeated slowly. The favours
which had fallen from her lap lay round about their feet, and those on
the table were squashed remorselessly as he seated himself upon its
edge with the air of a man who requires some physical support, and
still holding her by the hands, drew her down beside him silently. 'I
shall never understand you, dear--thank God!' he said at last in an
undertone: then went on in a different voice--'It is a little
confusing, Rose, you must admit. All this time, ever since you told me
that you----'
She interrupted him quickly, eagerly--'Ah, but that was a totally
different thing altogether!'
'Totally different,' he echoed meekly. 'Yes, of course!' And then he
paused again with his eyes on hers. 'I suppose you would rather I
didn't kiss you?' he began irrelatively, with a half smile of infinite
tenderness.
'Oh, I don't mind,' she put in hastily; 'it doesn't really matter--if
you wish--only don't talk nonsense, Lewis; please don't. I do hate it
so; it makes me feel inclined to put my head in a bag.'
'Then I won't; I can't afford to lose sight of your dear face just
now.'
'Lewis!'
'But if I don't say that sort of thing, what _are_ we to talk about?'
he asked, only half in jest. 'The weather--the news? Not very
interesting subjects either of them to a man when the girl he loves has
just promised to marry him--for you have promised, haven't you, Rose?'
She took no notice of his question.
'Talk about,' she echoed, her kind eyes growing a little
absent--'surely there are heaps of things to talk about besides you and
me. There is the house we are going to have, Lewis; such a nice house!
The prettiest drawing-room you ever saw; I will have it so. And a study
for you, all to yourself, sir, where you can go when you're tired of
me. And then the dinners, Lewis! That's one blessing of my having kept
house for father. I know all about it. There won't be any cold mutton,
Lewis; but the nicest little dinners.' She paused to nod her head
wisely.
'Well,' said Lewis, 'please go on; this is really most interesting.'
'And the garden. 'I'll make you gardener, Lewis. I don't believe you
know the difference between a carnation and a chrysanthemum now; but
I'll teach you, and you shall tie them up for me--I hate tying up
flowers. And I'll copy your reports for you, and keep the house quiet.
And then, and then, everybody will be so hungry, Lewis, and there will
be so many bills to pay; but it won't matter, for every one will be
happy, and the children will brag about their home to all the other
girls and boys----'
'Go on, dear, go on!' There was a little tremble in his voice now, and
as they sat ruining the wedding favours, his right arm drew her closer
to him; but she seemed not to notice it. A half smile was on her lips,
a certain sadness in her eyes.
'And then, dear? Who knows--who can tell? There are so many things, and
death comes--even to the little ones.' She paused, then went on more
lightly--'And I'll grow stout; yes, I'm afraid so, Lewis. I'm the sort
of girl, you know, who is apt to get stout. And you are sure to grow
bald. Then I'll be cross, and you'll be cross; only it won't so much
matter, for we will both be cross together--and no wonder, with the
boys wanting cricket-bats, and the girls clamouring for music-lessons!
So there will be more bills than ever. Then you and I will begin to get
old, Lewis; and the girls will want me to sit up till three in the
morning at balls, and I shall be so sleepy; but you shall stay at home
and smoke, dear. And then the boys will get into scrapes--boys always
do, don't they, Lewis--for they're not like girls, you know. And when
they come to me to get them out of their trouble, I shall say: "No,
dears, go to your father, he will understand; for he--for he is the
best man I ever knew."'
Her voice ended in a little sob; he could feel it, hear it, as if it
were his own, for her face was hidden on his breast.
'Rose! Rose! my dear, my dear!'
It was almost a cry. He would have liked to kneel before his love, as
he had done before the other, but with her there so close to his heart,
he could only hold her fast and tell himself passionately that, in
those long years to come, it should be even as she had said, and that
never, in word, thought, or deed, would he sully her pure ideal.
So they sat silent--for, to tell truth, other words seemed to him
sacrilege, and she had said her say--until with a half apologetic smile
she drew herself away.
'I'm sure you are sitting on your favour, Lewis, and I've such a lot
more to make; besides, I promised to go down to the church at half-past
five. It must be that now, and I've wasted all this time.'
'I've been here exactly seven minutes and a half,' he replied, gloomily
taking out his watch; 'for I looked just before I came in.'
She laughed. 'Well, that was very methodical of you; and I think, on
the whole, dear, that you managed very nicely. And now, as I hear the
carriage coming round, you might just help me to put in the flowers.
Aren't the lotus lovely?'
There was no help for it. She was hopelessly back in realities, and
Lewis had to accept the position. After all, as he watched her drive
off, like a bride herself in the midst of her white flowers, he told
himself that she had managed to compress a great deal into those seven
and a half minutes; a whole dream of life which must, which should come
true. It would be more difficult for him than for her, of course;
perhaps that was one reason why he was still thinking over it long
after she had forgotten everything else in the fervour of a free fight
with the parson, who objected on principle to lotus-blossoms in the
chancel. They were a heathen flower, sacred to unmentionable beliefs
and rites, and could not be admitted beyond the body of the church. It
was but an offshoot of an old quarrel between these two, which renewed
itself every Christmas and Easter-tide; but Rose, who by instinct
understood the story which these particular flowers had to tell, opened
up the whole question of symbolism hotly, finally marching off with her
lilies in a huff to the lectern, whence, she told herself, their
message of love and sacrifice might fittingly go forth. And while she
worked away under the echoing dome of the old tomb, the band in the bit
of public garden close by was clashing and bashing away at 'Rule
Britannia, and 'Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay,' much to the delight of ayahs
leading sallow dark-eyed children by the hand, and a motley crowd of
servants and shopkeepers from the neighbouring bazaar.
Sometimes a palki gharry, like a green box on wheels, with four or five
specimens of Tommy Atkins and a black bottle inside, would come
rattling past, drawn by an anatomy of a horse, and leave a shower of
gibes and greetings behind it for those other green boxes on wheels
which were drawn up beside the road, while their gaily-dressed
occupants chewed betel or strolled about with clanking feet among the
long shadows thrown by the flowering shrubs. Light, and laughter, and
noise; a whole eternity of time and space between this life and the
girl under the dome, decorating the Bible with lotus-blossoms.
'There's going to be a big shadi (wedding) in the girja ghur (church)
to-morrow morning,' said one of the occupants, dressed in tight mauve
silk trousers and a yellow veil, as she clambered back into the green
box where a figure in white lay listening lazily. 'They are doing all
sorts of pooja there to-day. It is that big, long sahib in the canals
and Boynton sahib's widow. Ai, the sorry tale! Making a fuss of shadi
about a woman who has had the misfortune to kill one man.'
Chandni sat up suddenly. 'Tobah! a sorry tale, indeed! So she is to
marry him! Lo, there is a man, indeed! but I wonder what he would say
if he knew what I know now?'
'Dost know aught? Dost know him?' began the other enviously.
'I have seen him. He was down at Hodinuggur a week ago putting up a
white marble stone to the young sahib who died there of the sickness
last rains. They were friends, see you, great friends. Lo, tell thy
driver to go on, Lalu; this wearies me, the folk have no manners.'
They had not far to go; only to the Bedami bazaar, with its current of
life below and its latticed balconies above. The full moon rose through
the golden-dust haze to hang like a balloon above the feathery crowns
of the palm-trees; the clatter of horses, hoofs bearing their owners
home to dinner died from the Mall hard by; and Rose stood at the door
of the tomb looking back into the shadowy dome, where the huge lilies
showed like the ghosts of flowers. It would look very nice, she
thought, in the cool light of early morning; and she would have it
decorated in the same way when she and Lewis were married.
But Chandni, as she paused to think of the future, thought of the past
also.
'He fought me fairly,' she said to herself; 'and for his beauty's sake,
I could bear more than he gave. That is our way. But she! Lo, she is
even as I, and he shall know it. I will put that in the platter as the
wedding tribute, and it will help him to pay her back for me. 'Tis
almost as well I had not learnt the tale from Dalel in those days. It
comes better now.'
So, as the night fell, she wrapped herself in the white domino of
respectability, sent for another green box on wheels, and drove in the
direction of the house where Dan was living. That was not difficult to
discover; all that was necessary being a word of inquiry from the
general merchant who sold everything heart could desire in the shop
below the balcony. And the night was warm. She would as lief sit in the
moonshine behind the hedge of white oleanders and talk to the
gardeners, as stay in the stuffy bazaar with its evening odours of
fried meats and pungent smoke.