But I do not like to speak;
This class in declamation
Is a thing that makes me weak.
To speak a piece is not much fun,
At least not to my eye;
'Tis better far, as you'll agree,
To eat a piece--of pie.
GASTON V. DRAKE.
A GOOD REPLY.
A number of prominent literary men were at one time gathered together in
a well-known chop-house in New York. The conversation was, of course,
brilliant, and the repartee sparkled with mirth and wit. During a lull
in the talk the door was slowly opened, and an old Southern darky,
grizzled with age, poked his head in, and then slowly drew his body
after him. A waiter immediately started to eject him, when one of the
gentlemen cried out, "Wait a moment! let's see what he wants!" The old
darky hobbled up to the table where this gentleman sat, and held out his
hat. Throwing a wink to his neighbors, the gentleman took the hat, and
making a show of placing something into it, bravely passed it on to the
next gentleman, who did likewise. The hat made a tour of the entire
room, to the puzzled wonder of the darky. The last man to receive it
solemnly handed it back, with a very polite bow, saying, "There, sir,
don't you think you have something to be thankful for?" The old darky
looked slowly round the company, and mechanically taking the hat said,
"Gen'men, I's indeed tankful dat I's eben got de hat back." The reply
was so thoroughly enjoyed by the company that the old darky left the
place a much richer man than he had entered it.
* * * * *
"I don't see why it is," said Ethel, "that they begin the new year in
January, when everything is all dead and cold and horrid. I should think
they'd begin it in April, when the little buds begin to burst out on the
trees, and the grass and crocuses and things begin to come up. Then
everything looks new, and it would seem more 'propriate."
* * * * *
WRONG AS TO SEX.
HEBER. "Papa, we call a war between people of the same nation an
internecine war, don't we?"
FATHER. "Yes, my boy."
HEBER. "Wouldn't it be better to call it an internephew war? The nieces
never have anything to do with war."
* * * * *
BOBBY. "Did you turn over a new leaf?"
JACK. "Yes, I did, December 31st."
BOBBY. "Why didn't you wait until New-Year's day?"
JACK. "Because, you see, if the leaf flies back again, I can say it was
last year's leaf."
* * * * *
TWO BOOKS.
"I got a lovely book with movable pictures in it," said Tommy.
"Did you indeed?" said the visitor. "And what did the baby get!"
"He got a book with removable pictures," snickered Tommy.
A FAIRY JINGLE.
"Where are you going so fast, little maid?"
"To the beautiful story-book land," she said.
"And what do you think you'll see, little maid?"
"Just listen to me, and I'll tell you," she said.
"I'll see Mother Goose with her cap and her broom;
I'll kiss Cinderella in ashes at home;
I'll climb up Jack's ladder, if only to beg
A peep at the hen that can lay a gold egg;
"Or the harp that plays sweetly
Whenever you move it--
Nurse tells me that often,
But never can prove it.
"I'll learn without doubt,
If 'tis true all I feared
Of the six headless wives
Of cruel Bluebeard.
"I'll talk with Aladdin
Of his magic lamp;
In the seven-league boots
I'll go for a tramp;
"Drink milk from the cow
That jumped over the moon;
And eat from the dish
That ran off with the spoon.
"I'll dance to the fiddles
Of merry King Cole;
Hear the knell of Cock-Robin
Most solemnly toll;
"Drop leaves on the graves
Of the Babes in the Wood;
And talk to the wolf
That met Red Riding-Hood.
"I'll shake by the hand
Each old and dear friend,
My doubts all about them
Forever at end."
K. L. G.D.
[Illustration: A KID IN AMATEUR THEATRICALS.
MR. WILLIAM GOAT, JUN., IN THE CHARACTER OF CAPTAIN KIDD, MAKES QUITE A
SUCCESS IN BARN THEATRICALS.]
End of Project Gutenberg's Harper's Round Table, January 7, 1896, by Various